spencersherman

Why Rumination Feels Like Progress

Wed, 22 Apr 2026 13:06:27 GMT

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There's something seductive about rumination. The mind returns to the same conversation, the same mistake, the same unresolved situation, and it feels, somehow, productive. Like you're taking the problem seriously. Like a solution is just a few more thoughts away. But it rarely leads to a solution.

I didn’t fully grasp the potential impact of rumination until a prospective client, who seemed ideal, told me “no, I’m choosing another firm.”

In the past, a rejection like that would have sent me into a full spiral. What did I do wrong? Maybe I didn’t listen well enough. Was I too friendly? The thoughts would have recycled for hours, each loop feeling like diligence, like I was progressing toward an answer that would prevent it from happening again.

This time, however, I noticed the pull toward that loop and didn't follow it. I recognized that it simply wasn't a fit for him, and obsessing about it wouldn't be productive. So instead of ruminating, I tuned into the physical sensations of disappointment in my body. Without the hindrance of self-judgment, I sent an email thanking him for his candor and asking if he happened to know someone who might be a better fit.

He made an introduction. That person became a client.

The opportunity was right there, inside what felt like a rejection, and I would have missed it entirely if I'd gone where my mind wanted to go. I'm sure I’ve missed opportunities like that, financial and otherwise, many times.

Why the Loop Feels Like Progress

Rumination mimics intentional thinking so convincingly because the mind genuinely believes it's being useful. We return to the loop the same way we return to a real problem that needs solving — with the sense that we're being thorough and responsible.

But there's a meaningful difference between intentional thinking or reflection, and replaying the same unproductive thoughts. The brain responds to challenges like a lost client, a financial worry, or a strained relationship by kicking into overdrive, analyzing and rehearsing, trying to protect us by “figuring things out.” And this is where money becomes particularly fertile ground for rumination: because money is so tied to our sense of security, even a minor financial worry can feel like our survival is on the line.

What we don't realize is that every pass through the loop actually strengthens it. Scientists can measure this in real time using fMRI brain scans. When we're locked in a rumination/recycling pattern, the more creative parts of the brain go quiet. Insight rarely arrives through grinding or obsessing. It comes when we're walking outside, or the mind goes still for a moment, and something surfaces from that quieter, spacious place.

This isn't only a financial pattern, of course. I had a minor disagreement with a neighbor recently, something that in the past would have occupied my mind for days, with lots of replaying, and second-guessing. This time it didn't because I stepped out of the loop and talked with my neighbor about a solution.

The question isn't whether you ruminate. We all do. The question is how quickly you can notice it, and what you do next.

One Thing to Try This Month

Make a short list of things that genuinely lift your heart. Not things you think should bring you joy, but things that actually do , such as walking or dancing outside, playing an instrument, or calling a friend. These are your Rumination Interruptors .

The next time you notice your mind recycling the same financial worry or the same work conversation that didn’t go well, pick one thing from that list and go do it. You're not avoiding the problem. Instead, you're giving your mind a better offer, one that’s likely to bring a new perspective to the situation. You’re also doing a bicep curl for your brain; the more you do this, the less rumination you’ll experience going forward. What would it be like to recapture that time lost to rumination? It’s not easy to add years to your life, but here’s a way to add life to your years.

The clarity you're looking for almost never lives inside the loop. It’s in the space outside it.

Why We're So Hard on Ourselves About Money

Tue, 31 Mar 2026 19:14:29 GMT

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Nobody likes to talk about their financial mistakes. Yet we've all made them, without exception. When we make a bad investment, max out a credit card, overlook a payment, buy a car or sofa we don’t love, or make too large or small a gift to a charity or family member, we tend to judge ourselves. Self-judgment creates the breeding ground for a much more harmful feeling: shame.

A 2021 study found that financial shame triggers paralysis and impulsive financial decisions. For example, when I felt the shame of buying a car I didn’t love, it led me to impulsively replace it with a car I couldn’t afford. It's a vicious cycle: self judgment → shame → paralysis/impulsivity → worse outcomes → more self judgment → more shame.

I see this happen most often with real estate. Someone misses an opportunity to buy a house that later doubles in value. The shame of missing that doubling pushes them to either impulsively buy the next house to make up for it, or swear off buying a home entirely because nothing will ever feel as good as the deal that got away.

Why Money Shame Hits So Strongly

A few reasons stand out:

First, money is tied to our sense of survival . In our society, you simply can't live without it. That primal link means financial losses of any size don't just sting — they feel like threats to our very existence.

Second, and perhaps more insidiously, Western culture has conflated net worth and self-worth . They are not the same thing. Your net worth is one narrow measure of your life — it says nothing about your health, your relationships, your wisdom, your character, or your potential earnings. A financial mistake doesn't diminish who you are, or your value as a person.

A third factor is that money mistakes are measurable . If you weren’t a great friend to someone last year, the impact is hard to fully quantify. But if you lost money, that loss is represented by a number. And our minds fixate on what seems solid.

Last, because nobody talks openly about their mistakes — only their wins — we assume we're the only person with a financial setback . But even people with PhDs in finance make mistakes, often because of overconfidence . Money mistakes are universal but the silence around them is what makes each of us feel alone and that only increases our shame .

A Practice Worth Trying

Write about a financial mistake in the third person — using your name, or simply “he/she/they." Write only the facts of what happened. Creating this intentional distance between yourself and the protagonist reduces your tendency to blame yourself for what happened, and lets you see the situation more objectively.

From there, ask yourself: What belief was I acting from? Often it’s something we inherited, such as a message from a parent about money, a deep-rooted fear. When you can identify that, it becomes easier to have compassion for the person who made that choice. And that compassion is what frees you to move forward.

When Willpower Isn't Enough

Tue, 24 Mar 2026 19:53:30 GMT

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In my twenties, I spent endless hours working around the clock — skipping meals, canceling vacations, and sacrificing my well-being — for money. I was being driven by a belief I'd absorbed from my father before I was old enough to question it. The belief that there is nothing more important than money.

I knew, intellectually, that this belief wasn't true. But knowing that didn't change my behavior. Telling myself to think differently didn't either. Affirmations, self-talk, sheer willpower — nothing touched it. The belief wasn't in my mind. It was in my bones. I was living my father’s life, and I was far from thriving.

Around that time, a fellow meditation teacher shared a perspective on compassion. They described it as a weapon, one that can disarm anything. That's when it occurred to me that maybe the answer wasn't more effort, but more compassion.

So I signed up for a silent meditation retreat focused on cultivating compassion. After the retreat, I spent 10 minutes daily, eyes closed, picturing a photo of myself at five years old and offering that child compassion. For about two months, nothing seemed to shift, but I'd adhered to this money belief for over two decades - I couldn’t reasonably expect it to dissolve in a matter of weeks.

I kept practicing, while also turning up the volume on my sincerity. I wanted that younger version of me to really feel my love, really feel my compassion. Somewhere around the three-month mark I started noticing that I'd hesitate before saying yes to more work; I was more likely to pass on an investment that felt risky even if it had potential to make me a lot of money. Money, for the first time, was no longer the main driver of my life. It felt like taking off a heavy backpack.

What Buddhism teaches about compassion

Compassion is one of the four exalted inner qualities that Buddhism calls boundless — immeasurable in their benefit, inexhaustible in their capacity to transform. The three other inner qualities are (loving) kindness, appreciative joy, and equanimity. Together they're considered the highest emotions a human being can cultivate, guiding us toward a life where we’re no longer driven by anxiety or fear.

Compassion specifically has three dimensions:

1. Acknowledging and directly sensing the truth of our own or another’s suffering.
2. Seeing the person’s wholeness. You sense their suffering, their nobility, and their potential to thrive.

3. Taking action. This is what separates compassion from sympathy. You don’t just bear witness to suffering, you take action to alleviate it.

That's the practice. For a few minutes a day, close your eyes and picture yourself at 5 or 6 years old. Think of a belief that has limited your freedom and/or success with money. Don't try to fix your younger self. Instead, see this child’s wholeness, and offer them understanding and compassion.

Give it two months. The shift, when it comes, will likely bring a lightness and a wider perspective to your challenges with money, with the potential to transform every financial decision you make.

The Best Kind of Financial Advisor

Thu, 26 Feb 2026 07:02:32 GMT

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When I was a rookie financial advisor in my 20’s, I could have written a blog titled, “The Superpower of Arrogance.” Arrogance as in knowing it all – telling clients, with complete conviction, exactly what they should do. Back then, I aspired to be that kind of advisor.

But with experience and a few grey hairs, I’ve discovered that the best financial advisors - the ones I would hire for myself - are the epitome of humility.

Why would I hire the humble advisor over the know-it-all?

Well, while the know-it-all’s confidence might feel reassuring at first, this person tends to see complex situations in only one way, ask fewer questions, and be less open to hearing the client’s own insights. A humble advisor brings something rarer: what Zen teacher Shunryu Suzuki Roshi called a Beginner’s Mind - one that stays receptive, curious, and attuned to the financial life you’re trying to create. As Suzuki Roshi wrote:

“ In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few .”

Choosing to work with an advisor first requires acknowledging that we need help — which is itself an act of humility, and one that pays real dividends. I see three key benefits from hiring an advisor versus doing it yourself:

Objective perspective. It's nearly impossible to be objective about our own financial decisions—we're too close (and sometimes emotional) to see clearly.
Accountability. An advisor helps you turn good intentions into action; and
Experience. You gain access to an advisor's hard-won wisdom from guiding many clients through situations like yours.

It took humility to recognize that these benefits were relevant to me too.

Years ago, I was so certain about a privately held tech investment that I didn't consult anyone — my spouse, my friends, or even my colleagues. Five years later, I'd lost the entire investment. That's why, despite 35 years in this field, I hired my own financial advisor. Sharing my significant spending and investing intentions with my financial advisor takes humility (especially when you’re a financial advisor by profession), but this has protected me more than any amount of overconfidence ever did.

Look for an advisor who asks you better questions than you'd ask yourself. Someone who’s motivated to understand your most important life, family, and work goals — not just your portfolio targets. Someone who makes you feel heard, not managed. That's what humility looks like in practice.

P.S. I co-founded Abacus Wealth Partners and led the firm as CEO for ten years — it’s a team I trust deeply. If you're looking for an advisor who leads with questions, not answers, their free 15-minute discovery call is a good place to start.

There's room for something new

Fri, 13 Feb 2026 20:23:01 GMT

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Staying sharp by staying curious

There’s a moment many of us reach — in our work, our finances, our health, and/or physical activities — when things have become so habitual, that we stop asking questions.

At first, that familiarity feels like confidence. But over time it can harden into something else, the sense that we already know and understand everything — a faint hint of arrogance. And when that happens, we gradually live on autopilot paying less attention, listening less to other perspectives.

This kind of confidence can shift into rigidity when we start to expect certain outcomes as guaranteed — that our knees will last forever, that a client relationship will stay the same, that the way we've always done things will keep working. But life doesn’t hold still. AI is changing how we work, our clients and bosses change, our finances change, we change.

Emptying Your Cup

A core Buddhist teaching is to invite humility — not as a means to put ourselves down, but as a way of keeping the mind malleable, young, and open. It’s the willingness to admit that things are always changing and that we don’t ever see the whole picture.

There’s a Buddhist story about a teacher who pours tea into a student’s cup until it spills over. The student protests, and the teacher replies, “Just like your mind — there’s no room for anything new.”

Emptying your cup doesn’t erase experience — it lets experience keep unfolding.

What Humility Actually Looks Like

When we approach life with humility, we pause more. We ask for feedback. We don’t have to have all the answers — a relaxed and wise place to stand.

This kind of openness shapes how we respond to both success and setbacks. When something we did goes well, we can appreciate it without clinging to the idea that it was entirely our doing. We remember the teachers, friends, and the many causes and conditions that helped make it possible. And when something doesn’t go well, we’re less likely to collapse into blame or shame. Instead, we look with curiosity: What happened? What can I learn?

Something To Try This Week

Recall a time when you didn’t approach something with humility. For example, when I wanted to invest in a privately held tech company, I didn’t want to tell my friends or even my financial advisor because I felt this was a sure thing. I didn’t want them to shake-up my confidence. This was a tell-tale sign of arrogance. Five years later, I lost my entire investment. But I learned something valuable: Sharing is an act of courage and humility, not weakness.
Now, name a decision you want to make in the coming months. Could you commit to sharing this with people who will offer varying perspectives? Could you review the decision with the idea of a beginner’s mind?

Buddhism emphasizes the value of not knowing. That sounds strange, but there’s evidence that when we open to not knowing the answers – to humility – our intelligence and creativity burn brighter.

Practicing Humility With Your Next Financial Decision

Humility doesn’t mean doubting yourself or giving up control. It means recognizing that financial and other decisions are rarely best made alone.

It’s not about stepping back from your gifts. It’s about making space for an unexpected insight to arrive, and shifting from a habitual life to one that’s full of mystery.

How to Get an 'A' in Investing

Fri, 30 Jan 2026 22:41:26 GMT

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This strategy has historically surpassed 90% of professional investors

To get an ‘A’ as a guitar player, a plumber, or a doctor requires years of study, hours of practice, and constant refinement. Serious dedication.

But with investing, the inverse is generally true.

Let me explain.

Most of us have had enough life experience to know that it’s nearly impossible to predict the future of the stock or real estate market. Even Nobel Prize winning economists agree: the best answer to 'What will happen in the future?' is: 'Nobody knows.' To use a weather analogy, in the Canadian Rockies the weather is constantly changing. When I went there for vacation, I took shorts, a winter jacket, and everything in between. We had one day when it was warm and sunny in the morning, and cold with hail by afternoon.

A broad index mutual fund is the equivalent of taking a range of clothes to help protect you in variable weather. This kind of mutual fund offers hundreds or even thousands of companies in one fund (the fancy word is diversification ). Instead of predicting which companies will do best, the index fund assumes nobody really knows so it diversifies your money across every company within a broad category.

An example of an index fund is one that tracks the S&P 500 Index. There’s transparency with an index fund: when the market increases, your money increases, and vice versa. In contrast, a non-index or active fund tries to predict when the market will rise or fall (to signal that they can protect you from downturns). That’s an admirable goal, but as historical evidence shows, very few are able to predict the future, and almost no one can do it consistently. In fact, staying the course and not trying to predict the future has historically provided investment returns in the top 10% of professional investors. A beginner can reach the top 10%–the equivalent of an “A”–without spending any time. Staying invested pays off . (The market recovered from the 2008 crash in six years, and from the COVID-19 crash in just eight months.)

Granted, passive investing can feel dull. Someone who picks “hot stocks” can boast about their latest acquisition at dinner parties: "Wow, did you hear about this new AI company? I just put money in!" A passive investor isn’t going to wow anyone by saying: "I invest in everything."

While it might seem glamorous or exciting to engage in stock picking, it’s not uncommon for active investors to put 10+ hours a week into researching companies. And despite all this work, only about ten percent of professional money managers beat the S&P 500 index over the long term . In fact, according to S&P Global, only 36% of actively managed funds matched or beat the S&P 500 in 2024 alone . Those pros in the top 10% get an A+ for sure. But if you buy index funds and leave them alone, you're getting that A. That’s a fantastic grade for doing almost no work and not having to worry.

What if you decide to make investing the calm part of your life
and make the rest of your life more exciting?

The Cost of Playing It Too Safe

Now, some people avoid both active investing AND index funds. They think the safest move is keeping money in CDs or savings accounts—something that feels secure and predictable. While there are good reasons for keeping some of our money in CDs or savings accounts for shorter term goals, let’s look at what that really costs you for your retirement.

Say you have $100,000 and you put it in CDs at 3% a year. Thirty years later, you've got about $240,000.

The S&P 500 has averaged around 10% over the same 30-year time period. At that rate, your $100,000 becomes $1,740,000. That's about seven times as much money. Just because you followed the evidence instead of your emotions.

Two people might make the same salary and have the same net worth at age 35, but one of them has enough money at age 65 to travel, work because they want to, maybe own a second home. The other is stressed about money and has limited options. One simple investment strategy can make the difference.

What Keeps Us From the Simple Path

I think it comes down to control. We want to be in control of our money. We want to make the decisions, pull the levers. But you have to let go of the idea that you're smarter than everyone else or that you have a better crystal ball.

Look at it this way: if someone offered you a job that was less stressful and paid you more money, you'd take it in a moment, right? That's what you're doing here. You're taking the job of being a boring investor, and in return, you're getting less stress, with the potential to make more money over time.

Building Your Resilience Muscle

First, recognize that markets go up and down like the weather. It's normal. Journalists have to report on market volatility in a sensational way otherwise people won’t read the article. They're playing on our fear that we're either going to lose a lot of money, or miss out on making a lot of money.

But between stimulus and response, there is a space. And in that space, you have the freedom to respond instead of react.

When the markets fall, I take a money breath to help calm my reactivity and take wise action. With an index fund, that wise action is staying the course and not reacting to your fear by selling during a downturn.

Try the Money Breath meditation anytime you feel reactive about money.

Embracing 'Good Enough'

Being in the top 10% is good enough for me. If someone told me there was an easy way to get an A in guitar playing, I'd sign up in a second. But there's no easy path with guitar. Or surgery. Or plumbing. It takes years of work.

With investing, there's an easy path to excellent results. The hard part isn't the strategy—it's letting go of the need to be extraordinary.

The high cost of being "flawless"

Tue, 20 Jan 2026 21:07:03 GMT

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Finding the "Middle Way" in your work, and life

We often treat perfectionism as a "humble-brag" weakness—the kind of thing people say in job interviews to sound impressive. But in my years managing both wealth and people, I’ve seen that perfectionism isn’t a badge of honor. It’s often a liability.

Many years ago, I was managing an employee who spent weeks perfecting quarterly reports—redoing every paragraph and chart until they were flawless. But our clients needed these reports delivered on time, even if they were not picture perfect. This perfectionism meant deadlines were missed and clients grew frustrated. The employee thought they were excelling, but they were failing. Eventually, this obsession with perfection led to the loss of the job.

This is the tunnel vision of perfectionism. It causes you to focus on minor cosmetic details while major objectives (like delivering the report on time) slip away. You might spend weeks figuring out the best investment choice for your retirement savings, but that delay might actually diminish your ability to become financially independent.

Finding the Middle Way

The Buddha used the example of tuning a lute to teach about balance. If you pull the strings too tight, they snap. If you leave them too loose, you get no sound. Perfectionism is like pulling lute strings until they break, and you’re left with no music at all.

I see this same "striving" with investing. Many people get so caught up in finding the perfect day to invest that they end up paralyzed by indecision. In finance, waiting for perfection often leads to earning less money, as the markets have generously rewarded patient long-term investors.

Asking the Right Questions

"Good enough" isn't about lowering standards; it's about asking better questions:

Does this email need to be perfectly crafted, or just clear?
Does this project need to be flawless, or functional and timely?

When you answer honestly, you stop wasting energy on details that nobody but you will notice.

The Practice of Letting Go

Mindfulness helps us catch the perfectionist voice: " This has to be flawless ." " I'm not good enough ." When you notice these thoughts, pause. Ask yourself: “ Am I demanding perfection because it serves a purpose, or because I’m afraid of failure or disappointment? ”

Notice the difference between your flow at work when you feel you are enough versus the days when you feel less than enough. When you stop chasing perfection you free up your energy and time to see new opportunities you would otherwise have missed.

Your Practice This Week

Try practicing "good enough" in one area this week:

Let your boss or client know that you’re sending a first draft, and ask them to give you feedback before you finalize everything. Chances are they’ll tell you the first draft is fine already.
Start saving/investing money on a monthly basis even if you’re not sure of the timing or the best vehicle for doing it.

From a Buddhist perspective, our flaws are grist for the mill. What if we accept that we'll always have flaws? Then, instead of fighting against our imperfections, we can work with them—and I find that realization liberating.

By letting go of the need to be perfect, you free up your most valuable assets: your time, your presence, and your joy.

You Can Be Lost in Plain Sight

Tue, 23 Dec 2025 13:42:52 GMT

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Recognizing when we need help most

The whirring of the helicopter blades broke the silence of the wilderness where I was backpacking. Search crews were looking for a Navy SEAL who had been missing for three days. Other hikers who'd spotted him said he seemed disoriented, unaware that he was hiking aimlessly without supplies, and unwilling to stay put.

I was enjoying the coolness of an alpine lake, a relief for my swollen feet after a hike up to 11,000 feet, when I met him. His shirt and face were clean, he looked rested - not like someone who'd been lost without food or shelter for three days. But I knew this was the missing man. And, that’s the moment when I felt a sense of obligation for his well-being - a sense that I had to keep him at my camp long enough for Search and Rescue to arrive. Though he had refused to stay with other groups, he agreed to join me and my two friends for tea.

I focused on him feeling at ease rather than trying to fix anything or ask him questions about how he got separated from his adult daughter. (I got lost in the wilderness once, and I felt for him.) But I was also scared. The last thing I wanted was for a Navy SEAL, twice my size, to perceive that I was forcing him to stay. I was caring for him, but I was also using a lot of energy to manage my anxiety.

After eating some food, he said "Thanks for everything, but I have to get to a business meeting," and without a pause, I said "Because it’s such a nice day, your business meeting was rescheduled." He stared at me for a long moment and I stayed with his eyes. Something shifted in that moment, and we both seemed to let go.

It’s a lot easier to teach equanimity, as I do in my programs , than it is to embody it when the mind is running in all sorts of directions, but I managed to stay focused on my inhales and exhales rather than my fearful thoughts. When the paramedics finally arrived, the lost hiker could answer questions about his past but wasn’t aware of where he was or where he was headed.

The stronger our self-image as someone who "has it together," the harder it becomes to acknowledge when we're genuinely lost.

This same pattern shows up with money all the time. The more we make assumptions that our finances are just fine, the more difficult it becomes to admit when we need an objective perspective. This is where a financial advisor can help—or even a spouse or business partner who can share their sense of your financial blind spots.

Meditation practices, especially the forms that cultivate awareness and presence, offer another way to notice when we’re drifting off course.

Asking for help isn’t easy. Money represents survival. We become aware of its significance during the fragility of adolescence when we realize we’ll have to make it on our own some day. When we reach adulthood, it takes maturity to say "I might benefit from some guidance."

This week, consider one area where you might benefit from help you've been avoiding. Then reach out to someone whose perspective you trust, even if it feels uncomfortable. Being vulnerable requires courage, but it's often how we find our way.

Meaningful Gift Giving

Tue, 09 Dec 2025 14:02:25 GMT

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The best gifts aren't always wrapped in boxes

Here’s a holiday riddle.

What kind of gift:

☐ keeps growing after it’s given

☐ becomes more meaningful over time

☐ can’t be thrown away or forgotten

☐ requires no maintenance

☐ isn’t size, color, or style dependent?

A wool sweater? ✘
A gift card to your friend’s favorite coffeehouse? ✘
A plant? ✘ (A plant technically keeps growing, but it does require maintenance.)
A puppy? ✘ (Even a perfect puppy doesn’t pass the no maintenance test, and the person would have probably gotten a puppy if they wanted one anyway.)

If you answered “A gift to an investment account!” well, you’d be right! (If you came up with something else, let me know .)

That gift checks off all the boxes above: it keeps growing and becomes more meaningful over the long term, it can’t be forgotten because your recipient gets online reminders about its growth, and there’s no maintenance because if you give to a 529 College Savings Plan or a financial independence/retirement account, there are no taxes to pay.

That’s what I’m doing this month for two of my close friends. I’m setting up college savings plans for their newborn children. If the overall S&P 500 index continues its long-term average return of approximately 10% per year (the average return from 1930 to 2025), my gift will quintuple by the time they begin college. I have to admit: I’ve never been so excited about giving a gift!

So, what if your most important gifts this year didn't come from a store?

What if, instead of buying your niece or nephew another toy that'll be forgotten by January, you put that money into a College Savings Plan? You’d send a message that you believe in their future, planting a seed that keeps growing for decades. (Of course, check with your financial advisor before making any financial or investment decisions.)

If you’re short on funds, instead of a financial gift, you could give the gift of time (e.g. help them with something that’s important or meaningful to them).

The best gifts aren't always wrapped in boxes. They can be wrapped in intention. In love.

Look how much you’ve grown!

Tue, 25 Nov 2025 14:05:40 GMT

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Why we miss our own financial progress

When you were a child, your parents, like mine, may have measured your height with pencil markings on a wall. " Look how much you've grown! " they'd say, beaming with pride as they marked each new height. I remember feeling so happy and relieved in those moments - I didn’t feel like I was growing, but those simple pencil marks put wind in my sails; they gave me tangible proof of progress.

But nobody does this for adults. Especially not with money.

Here’s what happens instead: we move to neighborhoods that match our current income level, surrounding ourselves with people who have roughly what we have. We've most likely forgotten where we were financially 10 or 15 years ago, because we have a “new normal.”

Your brain, meanwhile, was designed to be survival oriented which means it has a bias to spot problems, not progress. When we don’t recognize our growth, when we think we've plateaued, our financial confidence wanes and that often leads to unwise decisions. We may invest or spend impulsively, or fearfully, out of frustration.

But the reality for most of us, despite all the financial mistakes we've made (and we've all made them), is that we have grown significantly over the past decade. We just can't see it because we're looking in the wrong direction; often comparing ourselves to someone else, instead of measuring against where we were 10 or 20 years ago. And, even if your actual numbers have decreased, you have grown in many other ways.

Here's what I recommend: look online at the year 2000 or 2010 statements from your financial accounts, the value of your real estate, and social security. Don't just glance—really look.

This isn’t just a nostalgic exercise; seeing your progress sends a powerful message to your brain. The end result is financial confidence.

Confidence, in any endeavor, breeds success and a growth mindset. And when we are confident about money, we tend to earn, spend, save, and invest wisely.

Your parents were right to celebrate your growth. Is it time to start doing it for yourself?

What my 40-year-old table taught me about gratitude

Fri, 14 Nov 2025 00:06:00 GMT

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How appreciation leads to discernment

A few months ago, I was downsizing to a smaller home and had to decide what to take with me and what to sell, donate, or give away. I stood looking at my round oak dining table—I'd bought it decades ago in Philadelphia when I was only 22. It looked tired, scratched up from decades of use.

My first thought was: "Well, it's probably time to get rid of this table. I have the resources to afford something much nicer now." It seemed like the perfect opportunity to upgrade.

But this table had been with me through so much—different homes, and stages of my career and family. My kids sat in high-chairs and learned to use utensils at it. I reflected on all the gatherings and conversations this table had witnessed. I felt genuinely grateful for its sturdiness, its versatility in being able to expand from seating 4 to seating 8, its role in bringing people together. So, instead of getting rid of it, I decided to have it refinished. It cost me $400, and I knew I made the right decision because I felt genuine happiness.

It wasn't that a new table was somehow out of reach—I simply no longer wanted one. My old table already gave me everything.

Numerous studies have shown that as we amplify our gratitude, something changes with our desires. This applies to everything. When you appreciate your car, the urge to replace it softens. When you are grateful for your home, the desire for it to be bigger often fades. (Of course, if you're still feeling strongly that your kids have outgrown your backyard—then that's probably an important signal.)

When you feel gratitude for something, it becomes much easier to discern what might simply be nice to have from what truly feeds you.

Gratitude doesn't eliminate all desires. It eliminates the superficial ones, so the ones that actually matter become clearer.

Try this: before making a significant purchase this week, sit with genuine appreciation for what you already have. Notice what happens to your wanting. What dissolves? What remains? The desires that remain are worth paying attention to.

May your spending come from gratitude and wisdom.

Allocation - is yours based in fear or evidence?

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 23:24:11 GMT

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I was on the Bayside High School Math Team. We focused on numbers and the logic of all things. When I got to Wharton Business School, my interest in psychology and emotion blossomed as I learned the degree to which our emotions directly impact our financial decisions. One area where this plays out dramatically is with our investment allocation decision.

What’s an investment allocation? Put simply, when you invest in your retirement plan at work, you're making an allocation decision. For example, if 50% of all your retirement savings are in stocks and the other 50% are in bonds/fixed income, you have chosen a 50/50 allocation. (I will cover the allocation decision for shorter-term goals (other than retirement) in a future newsletter.)

Jeremy Siegel was one of my professors at Wharton. In his book, Stocks for the Long Run , he shows historically and consistently, over the past 200 years, the surprising differential between the returns of stocks and bonds. He argues that, based on the evidence and logic, most of us should have the majority of our assets earmarked for retirement in stocks.

While there’s an abundance of historical evidence suggesting that diversified index stock portfolios outperform bonds over time, many of us have a substantial amount of money in bonds. Our emotions may tell us to allocate more money to bonds because they offer less volatility or more peace of mind, especially in the short-run, even though they have, historically, earned less money over time. A higher bond allocation can feel safer, more comfortable. But what’s the opportunity cost in going this route?

There’s no right answer here, and no one perfect allocation for everyone. As a financial advisor, I have recommended a range of allocations to my clients based on their age, resilience in the face of past market downturns, the ratio of their spending to their total assets, and other factors.

I’ve been studying investing for 40 years. I’ve advised clients through every major market downturn since 1987 and I've observed the same pattern repeatedly: investors who can set aside their fear and base their decisions on the historical data have built more wealth. I can’t say if this historical trend will continue, but we have no evidence suggesting a different strategy for money earmarked for a 20+ year retirement.

Here’s a hypothetical example based on historical investment returns. This hypothetical situation is based on long-term average returns for the S&P 500 index (stocks) and Intermediate Treasury Bonds over the period 1930-2024. I wanted to include the Great Depression in the calculation. The average returns were 9.1% for the stocks and 5.9% for the bonds. This data is from NYU Stern's School of Business comprehensive dataset.

Nick and Amanda, both 30 years of age, work for the same company and earn the same compensation. They are both anxious about the markets and the world, but Nick reacts by allocating 20% of his 401k plan to stocks and 80% to bonds. Amanda decides to just follow the historical evidence and allocates 80% to stocks and 20% to bonds. They each contribute $12,000 into their 401k plan per year for 35 years, and they both retire on the same day when they turn 65. They have lunch to celebrate their retirement, and they reveal the amounts in their 401k plans: Nick has $1.3 million and Amanda has $2.6 million. She has twice as much money, not because she worked longer hours, but because she made an allocation decision and learned how to manage her reactivity to the higher short-term volatility of her investments.

If you can learn to manage your emotions, whether through meditation or simply looking at your portfolio on a monthly or quarterly basis instead of daily, you have the potential to earn more money.

Your situation is unique, and there are no guarantees that the future will mimic the past, but the fundamental question is: will you let fear or evidence guide your investment decisions?

At the very least you should know how you’re answering that question.

* * *

P.S. Stock markets have rebounded and produced superior returns to bonds despite: the Civil War, WW1, the Great Depression, the 1937 Crash, WW2, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, the hyper-inflation of the 70s and 80s, the Iraq war, the dot com bubble, 9/11, the 2008 crash, the 2020 pandemic crash, the 2022 crash, and the 2025 crash. Maybe human beings are more resilient than we can imagine. Or maybe this resiliency is disappearing. There are no guarantees, but I’d rather make decisions based more on evidence than my emotion.

The Mindset of Enough

Fri, 17 Oct 2025 20:06:39 GMT

Buddhist Practices to Transform Money, Work, and Life

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Back in 1916, a journalist posed a simple question to John D. Rockefeller, the world's first billionaire: " How much is enough? "

Rockefeller’s answer? " Just a little bit more. "

Any financial expert could have told Rockefeller that he didn’t need to worry about money for the rest of his life. He had the Math of Enough figured out. But he was missing the Mindset of Enough.

Western culture has fully embodied Rockefeller's worldview. We believe more is always better, no matter what we already have. And I'll be candid—this was once the story of my life, and the lives of many students and clients.

Our minds are remarkably creative at inventing new "mores" to chase. More wealth, more status, more party invitations. A nicer home, a more sculpted body. But this constant grasping pulls us through life hunched forward, driven by a sense of inadequacy and scarcity rather than purpose. It keeps us from recognizing what we already are—enough, right now.

Here’s what finally helped me break free from the pursuit of "more":

First, I stopped running from the pain. I allowed myself to fully experience—rather than suppress—how much the pursuit of more was actually hurting me psychologically, physically, and financially

Second, I learned to befriend my own resistance. Through meditation, I learned that it's far more effective to welcome the beliefs you're trying to change than to fight them. I developed a daily practice of creating space for the voices that say: "I'm not enough, I don't have enough, I don't do enough." Getting curious about these thoughts, rather than pushing them away, helped diminish the fear. My self-judgment softened. And gradually, "more" became less seductive.

Third, a client opened my eyes. He once told me: "If you can double my money, I'll retire. I'll feel free." Five years later, when his wealth had indeed doubled to a truly substantial amount—even by Bay Area standards—I invited him to my office to review his new financial situation. I expected to see relief, maybe celebration. Instead, he looked stressed and solemn.

"I've thought about this," he said quietly. "I need one more doubling to be really free."

That moment changed everything for me.

I began retraining my mind, slowly softening decades of conditioning. The Buddha said it, and neuroscience later backed it up: what we frequently think about becomes the inclination of the mind. So I started consciously acknowledging ordinary moments of "enough" at work and at home. My conversation with a colleague was enough. The mediocre weather was enough. My furniture, my car—enough. And through meditation, I learned to fully experience the sublime quality of "enough"—a quality that only exists right now, not in some imagined future.

Isn't "enough" limiting? What if I want to run for political office, train for a marathon, engage in climate activism, become a generous philanthropist, start a company, write my memoir, or learn to surf? I don't want to just retire to a hammock!

Ok I hear you, and this is exactly where the power of "enough" reveals itself! You can still pursue your goals—all of them. The difference is that your basic happiness no longer depends on specific outcomes.

There's also a growing body of research showing that the confidence and ease that come from an "enough" mindset actually enhance our ability to enter flow states, create meaningful results, and truly flourish.

We have a choice: we can stay blind to the magnificence of our current lives, or we can fully savor this cup of coffee, this spreadsheet, this conversation, this moment.

Enough isn't a limitation. It's the gateway to a calmer life, to joy, and to achieving your dreams.

Doing Work That Lights You Up

Fri, 12 Sep 2025 18:22:44 GMT

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A few years ago, I was leading my Dharma of Money program for a large group of anesthesiologists. The group started opening up about their work lives and one person shared something that resulted in a lot of head bobbing from the rest of the group: “ We spend most of our productive hours doing this incredibly important work and, at the same time, we are burning ourselves out .” He went on to explain that in non-residency situations, anesthesiologists can make a lot of money if they really hustle for the most lucrative weekly opportunities.

But this kind of constant grind comes at a great cost. The problem with burnout is that it’s sneaky - you often don’t recognize it until it's already taken a serious toll on your health and well-being. In other words, striving to earn more money for a few years might actually lead to less lifetime income and less job satisfaction if burnout forces you to reduce your hours or just quit (as some of them were considering doing). Ironically, by chasing short-term goals, many people in the group were on a trajectory to minimize the things they wanted to maximize: long-term wealth and joy/fulfillment.

The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership by Jim Detmer and Diana Chapman emphasizes the importance of getting clear on two things:

where you're adding the most value at work, and
what aspects of your work you're enjoying most

The aim here is to populate your work week with those activities where you deliver the most impact for others, and the most joy to yourself.

In The Genius Zone , author Gay Hendricks refers to four quadrants:

Incompetence (you don’t add value and you don’t add joy)
Competence (you add value, but you don’t add joy)
Excellence (you add value, and some joy)
Genius (you add both in a big way!)

Using my own work as an example:

#1 is me prioritizing low-level work emails over an impactful work project.
#2 is me doing work I’m skilled at but don’t enjoy much anymore, like figuring out the details of someone’s financial plan
#3 is me leading a program for a group of people who are there because they have to be, not because they choose to be.
#4 is me strategizing with a client on how to make the best use of their finances, or leading a group of people who are motivated to transform their relationship to money and work.

Very few of us spend 100% of our productive awake hours in category #4. But if you can shift just 10% more of your time toward work that’s both impactful and enjoyable, the financial benefits tend to follow naturally. I've seen this pattern both personally and with countless clients.

Hendricks suggests that you ask yourself these questions:

What work do you do that doesn't seem like work?

In your work, what produces the highest ratio of abundance and satisfaction to the amount of time spent?

What is your unique ability?

I’d go one step further and suggest that you also talk to people to find out where they think you bring the most value. Sometimes we underestimate or overlook our impact. This is especially true for consultants when results aren’t always measurable.

The path to both wealth and fulfillment isn't about working harder—it's about working more intentionally. When you align what you're great at with what energizes you and others, you enter a sweet spot. Your income grows, but more importantly, your work starts to feel like an expression of who you really are.

What’s Your Opportunity Cost?

Thu, 28 Aug 2025 16:15:57 GMT

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In my 1st year of college, I took an Intro to Economics class where I encountered one of the most useful and powerful ideas I’ve ever applied to my work and home life.

My professor asked "if you're watching a movie and you realize that you could leave the theater and do something that offers more value than continuing the movie, what do you do?"

I said I would continue watching because I'd want to get my money's worth.

Then he explained that because the ticket was a sunk cost (you can't get that money back), the economic principle of opportunity cost would encourage leaving the movie theater and pursuing something more valuable.

(I’ve walked out of plenty of movies since...)

Opportunity cost is the opportunity you're giving up by continuing
to follow the default path.

Now while you could apply this to everything in your life, let's not turn this into an obsessive passion. In other words, I don’t recommend that you weigh the opportunity cost in your mind every time you meet with your spouse or your kids, or with a friend or colleague. Use this economic idea selectively and especially with your finances.

1. Think about a spending category - one where you might not be getting as much value as you imagined. Perhaps, like me, it's paying for cable access to basketball games.

2. Consider how you could otherwise utilize that money. I could use that monthly cable amount to attend a basketball game in-person once per year, or eat more regularly at great restaurants. My opportunity cost is the cost of missing the fun of an in-person basketball game.

3. Now, consider your investment accounts or your 401k plan. What's the opportunity cost of having your current investment allocation? Given that many of us are sensitive to the barrage of negative forecasts about the markets, we might be biased to elect a more conservative allocation than actually fits our situation. I encourage you to ask your financial advisor to illustrate the opportunity cost of staying where you are versus shifting your allocation. The difference might be millions of dollars over time.

Opportunity cost represents the value of the best alternative you give up when making a choice.

The key insight is that every financial choice involves trade-offs, and recognizing these trade-offs helps you make decisions with more clarity.

Understanding opportunity cost naturally leads to better habits. When you recognize that every dollar spent is a dollar that can't be saved or invested, you become more selective about your purchases. This doesn't mean becoming overly restrictive—it means being intentional about spending. The same is true with your time.

Opportunity cost isn't just an economic principle—it's a lens for living more joyfully, in alignment with your values.

What's one opportunity cost you've discovered that changed how you spend?

Buddhism has a word for destructive comparison

Tue, 19 Aug 2025 18:37:32 GMT

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Comparison is the thief of joy.

–Theodore Roosevelt

Even when we have "enough" by any reasonable measure, many of us can still feel unsettled when we see what others have achieved, earned, or accumulated. Someone's vacation photos might make our own life feel lacking or dull, or a colleague's promotion suddenly can make our accomplishments seem smaller.

Success offers no immunity against the measuring mind.

The ancient Pali language from Buddhism has a specific term for this universal human tendency: mana —the conditioned response to measure ourselves against others which, according to ancient teachings, amplifies our suffering.

Here's what makes mana so insidious with money: it transforms wealth from a tool for freedom into an endless game of comparison where "enough" is always just out of reach.

Image by Giphy

Understanding Mana and Its Financial Impact

Mana isn't just casual comparison—it's a persistent mental pattern that creates two distinct forms of suffering:

"I'm superior" (pride that breeds isolation and overconfidence)
"I'm inferior" (inadequacy that drives compulsive behaviors like over exercising, over working and over accumulating)

In my 30+ years of working with people around money and mindfulness, I've observed that mana is perhaps the single greatest obstacle to financial peace .

When we're caught in mana, we're never truly wealthy—no matter our bank balance—because our sense of "enough" is always dictated by someone else's achievements.

How Mana Affects Your Brain

Recent research in behavioral psychology confirms what contemplatives have long understood: comparison-based thinking activates our brain's stress response system, triggering fight-or-flight reactions that impair decision-making and creative problem-solving. For example, this study among university students found that those who engaged in more frequent daily comparisons reported significantly higher levels of perceived stress.

When we operate from mana, we're literally thinking from a place of perceived threat. This is why comparison often leads to reckless financial risks where we’re trying to "catch up," or scarcity thinking where we’re hoarding out of fear.

The antidote isn't positive thinking—it's awareness. By developing the capacity to notice mana as it arises, we can reclaim the space between stimulus and response where our wisest choices live.

Interrupting Mana: A Simple Daily Reset

This month, I invite you to experiment with a simple but powerful practice:

Each morning, before checking any social media, news, or financial accounts, spend 60 seconds taking inventory of two things:

One aspect of your current financial life you genuinely appreciate, such as a positive shift over the past 10 or 15 years. (We tend to forget how much we’ve grown.)
One financial choice you made from wisdom rather than comparison

This isn't about gratitude platitudes—it's about training your nervous system to recognize enough rather than scarcity as your baseline.

When mana arises during the day (and it will), return to this sense of your own enough-ness. Then notice how different financial decisions feel when made from a mindset of sufficiency rather than comparison.

Focus on a New Number for Prosperity

Tue, 05 Aug 2025 17:18:06 GMT

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Market Perspective

If you're focused on your total nest egg like many people are, there's a different number that’s more worthy of your attention . It’s a number that I believe is more meaningful and aligned with your day-to-day life.

I’m referring to the amount of income you can withdraw each year from your assets to support your monthly spending, travel, etc. when you retire, need extra money, or take a hiatus from work. It’s highly unlikely that you will ever withdraw your entire nest egg in one year - the annual withdrawal number is a more practical number that directly impacts your daily experience.

That number is approximately 4-5% of your total nest egg number. There are assumptions that underlie the amount of this percentage, but if you look at the math and the history of the markets, the evidence supports this approximate withdrawal percentage. This 4.5% rate, supported by market history, gives you a sustainable lifetime annual withdrawal rate for a diversified portfolio with the majority of your money in equities and real estate ( though your financial advisor or CPA can help determine what’s right for your specific situation. )

Here’s how this looks in practice:

A $10,000 nest egg offers $450 of annual withdrawals
$100,000 → $4,500
$500,000 → $22,500
$1 million → $45,000
$10 million → $450,000

With this new percentage, consider this reframe when talking about your money: "I have $4,500 or $45,000 of potential annual income" (instead of saying that you have $100,000 or $1 million in assets.)

The Psychology Behind the Numbers

Psychologically we like the idea of thinking about total numbers; $50,000 or $1 million total in our 401k plan, for example, is the number that often imprints onto our consciousness. But our brains are wired to fear loss. A $50,000 portfolio drop feels catastrophic, especially if it pushes your portfolio below a nice sounding number. But $2,250 less annual income (4.5% of the $50,000 drop) feels more manageable, right? Same math. A completely different feeling.

By focusing on what's most practical and meaningful , you're more motivated to either accept that withdrawal amount as enough, increase that number, or adjust your spending during retirement. You're also less likely to be so rattled by market gyrations - a key determinant of mental health and financial success.

For one week, ponder how this number impacts how you spend and save, as well as how you feel about your money.

The Enough Pledge

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Tue, 22 Jul 2025 13:50:06 GMT

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A daily manifestation

Most of us have been conditioned to believe we need more—time, money, possessions, social connections, achievements, and so on—to feel complete. Extroverts don't have enough party invitations, introverts don't have enough quiet time, and most of us seek continual progress with work, parenting, fitness, or personal growth. We’re all on this treadmill of more , so today I'm inviting you to try something radically different. Why? Because clinging to "more" creates unnecessary stress on our minds and bodies and, ironically, it often limits what's possible for our lives. No wonder in Buddhism the end of grasping is seen as a direct path to happiness and awakening.

Image via Giphy

Beginning tomorrow morning, spend one week offering yourself a simple statement: 'I have enough time for today,' or 'I have enough creativity, resources, skills, or friends for today.' Let your own words arise naturally. Say it out loud and/or write it down.

If you catch yourself thinking "I don't have enough ____," ask yourself: "What's a simple action I can take to soften the belief that something is lacking?" This simple question transforms limitation into possibility.

Instead of saying "I'm overwhelmed," reframe with "I have a lot of balls in the air and I'm cultivating spaciousness in my life." (And, then validate this by allowing more buffers between meetings in your calendar.)

Recognize that you do enough. Let go of trying to squeeze in one more thing.

This practice can be whittled down into what I call The Enough Pledge :

I Have Enough

I Do Enough

I Am Enough

Taking this pledge doesn't mean abandoning your aspirations. You can still plan to travel the world, buy a second home, or change lives through your work. But you're no longer dependent on these outcomes in order to feel content today .

When you stop clinging to specific results, something magical happens. You get creative. Your goals feel more within reach because you're operating from a place of sufficiency, not scarcity.

Because you realize you've already arrived .

While everyone around us is going for more, it can feel unAmerican or counter cultural to live a life of enough. We need daily reminders because we're essentially undoing decades of "not enough" conditioning.

The Enough pledge is your daily commitment/intention to create a boundless life.

The Wisdom of Not Reacting

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Tue, 08 Jul 2025 14:50:53 GMT

Market Perspective

Every day, we're bombarded by influencers and financial personalities telling us exactly what to do with our money right now. "Sell everything!" "Buy this sector!" "Prepare for disaster!" “Take Social Security early!” Unfortunately, what drives impressions, views, or likes for a financial media figure might be completely wrong for your specific situation. And I am convinced, after 40 years as a financial advisor, that no one has a reliable crystal ball, despite their exuberance.

Instead of this reactivity, what about creating an investment structure that has a very high probability of faring well over your time horizon for each of your objectives?

History Has Valuable Lessons to Teach Us

Let's look at what history shows us about staying invested during turbulent times:

US Markets After 2008: The US stock market took approximately 6 years to recover. Six years might seem like a long time, but those who sold early missed out on huge gains. Most of us would benefit from shifting to a much longer time perspective with our finances.
COVID-19 Market Crash: Between February 12 and March 23, 2020, the Dow lost a staggering 37% of its value. Despite this initial panic, the market began to rebound in April 2020 and recovered fully within 8 months—even as pandemic concerns and economic uncertainty persisted. Unfortunately, many financial journalists told their readers to sell during the downturn, only to miss the huge recovery that followed.

One pattern emerges clearly: those who sold when markets began to crash usually missed the subsequent recoveries. The data consistently shows that investors who are patient and avoid emotional decisions typically fare best.

Your Path Forward

Rather than reacting to the current economic uncertainty with fear-based decisions, consider:

Ensuring that your portfolio aligns with your current circumstances and time horizon.
Making adjustments based on an objective financial plan - not headlines. Have a general sense of four numbers: Your after-tax income, your spending, your total investment assets, and your total liabilities.
Meeting with an objective professional, so you make an informed decision. (FYI: I have my own financial advisor, so I don’t react to my own emotional impulses.)

Perception is not reality

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Tue, 24 Jun 2025 02:17:41 GMT

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"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see."

–Henry David Thoreau

Have you ever assumed something that you later discovered wasn't true? Maybe you thought someone was losing confidence in your work or no longer liked you, or you thought the sky was falling (or about to fall) with your finances. (See if you can recall something right now.)

Recently, I was having lunch with 3 work colleagues and I noticed that when everyone else spoke, one colleague (let’s call her Allison) listened fully. But when I spoke, Allison was thumb typing on her phone. Instantly, my insides were burning with emotion: my forehead creased with anger, and my belly tightened with fear. My mind was churning: "she doesn't like me"... "she doesn't care about what I have to say"... "maybe I don't have anything worthwhile to say"… "maybe she’s trying to tell me to talk less"... and so on.

I made the decision to just push away the feelings but I didn’t sleep well that night. Then I remembered a fundamental truth from Buddhist psychology - our perceptions are biased by our beliefs, and don’t offer the complete picture. That recognition motivated me to give her a call. When I told her what I had perceived, she laughed. "I was typing into my phone because I loved what you were saying!" she said.

These perception patterns can show up at work, at home, and especially with money. Perhaps you see your portfolio or bank account decrease and assume you’re heading for financial ruin. Or a delayed response to your email or text sends you into panic mode.

This is, unfortunately, the nature of our minds: to misperceive, especially in the negative direction. Ultimately our minds are trying to protect us from harm, however, in doing so they often jump to something very bleak and untrue.

But here's the opportunity. If you can identify examples like this in your own life, and look at them objectively, you begin to soften your allegiance to your thoughts and judgments. Pausing to investigate perceptions that trigger blame or shame cultivates ease in your mind and body. This ease naturally leads to less impulsive decisions (i.e. you’re less likely to shut out a colleague and hurt your career because of an unexamined perception).

Here are 3 ways to pause and investigate:

Reflect on your misperceptions – choose an example from work, with a friend, and one with money. Spend a few minutes each day this week recalling these moments. When we remember our past blind spots, we get better at catching them going forward. Plus, you'll probably laugh, like I have, at how off-base you’ve been on many occasions.
Focus on your feelings . Instead of replaying the "story" of what happened, recall what you felt in your body. This takes practice, but it's transformative. Rather than analyzing who said what at the staff meeting, tune into the physical sensations and emotions you experienced during it.
Ask: "What would I tell a friend?" If a friend had this same misperception, what would you say to them? This question instantly brings out your objectivity and wisdom.

We can train our minds to recognize our misperceptions, just like we can train our bodies at the gym.

I created The Reset Retreat twelve years ago because I wanted a less reactive mind, and I have since helped thousands of others do the same. If you're tired of being hijacked by your worries or anxieties - if you want to learn ways to reset your nervous system, and respond to challenges with wisdom instead of reactivity, come experience this transformative work with me.

What Happens When We Let Go

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Thu, 08 May 2025 16:36:24 GMT

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A timeless 2600-year-old lesson

The Buddha, who lived 2600 years ago, was dedicated to creating a healthier mind, a mind not subject to greed, aversion, and delusion; a mind that is at ease regardless of conditions; a mind that is wise.

He engaged in various meditation practices for approximately six years but the ultimate practice that led to his enlightenment was a 16-step meditation called Anapanasati, or Mindfulness of Breathing .

The last step of the Anapanasati meditation is Letting Go .

Other spiritual traditions also draw on the idea of Letting Go : Christians let go during Lent, Jews during Rosh Hashonah, Sufis practice the abandonment of self-will, and Indigenous Americans emphasize releasing attachments, to name just a few.

We let go at last month’s Reset Retreat by surrendering one of our most prized and often addictive possessions—our phones—for 26 hours. Our minds became spacious, relaxed, and receptive; exactly the kind of mind needed to address a work or financial opportunity or challenge. This illustrates a beautiful paradox: when we briefly let go of something we usually cling to, we receive something much more valuable, maybe even priceless, in return - a healthier mind.

Grasping, on the other hand, is rooted in fear. It’s a corrosive force that undermines both our financial health and personal wellbeing. Letting go serves as the natural antidote. When we soften our grip on possessions, outcomes, and expectations, we expand and brighten our mind. This often leads to less reactivity, whether it’s with our spending, our relationships, or our work.

Try These Letting-Go Practices:

Take a Digital Sabbath: Set aside 8-24 hours this weekend free from all tech devices. Invite your partner, family, or friends to join you, creating a shared experience of presence.

Unplug from the Markets: Let go of checking financial markets for one week. Notice how this impacts your emotional well-being and decision-making.

Take a Break From Spending: Embrace 24 hours without purchasing anything. Observe how this interrupts a habitual pattern.

Let Go of Fantasies and Worries: For one full day, commit to interrupting any fantasy or worry. You could also try a technique from Simone Biles—write down these worries/fantasies in a dedicated journal and symbolically leave them there!

Let go because it opens the door to genuine happiness—not the fleeting kind that comes with acquisition, but the enduring contentment that rises from within.

Let go because your financial life flourishes through calm discernment rather than anxious attachment.

Let go because this simple practice has guided seekers toward clarity for thousands of years—it was profound enough to catalyze the Buddha's enlightenment, and it remains powerful enough to transform your life.

In the gentle release of what you cling to most, you may discover the version of yourself that you’ve been seeking.

Who's Holding You Accountable?

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Wed, 02 Apr 2025 21:48:23 GMT

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For almost a full year, instead of meditating and focusing on my clients during my most productive early morning hours, I was reading the news. Thinking about this makes me shiver. I wanted to stay informed, but I was inadvertently producing anxiety that consumed my creativity.

I knew I was hurting myself by prioritizing the news because of the difference between my mindset on news-first days versus meditation-first days. Yet I found it incredibly difficult to break the habit. So I went to a group of friends and told them about my addiction. About how I received a fleeting energetic reward from the drama of the news, but an even bigger reward by meditating and focusing on my most important client work first . I committed to them that I would postpone news consumption until 11am.

That was several months ago. I think I stayed on the higher reward path because I couldn’t bear the idea of letting my friends down. Just asking 5 friends to hold me accountable made the difference; it felt like magic, and that’s how I feel about accountability.

Here’s how to transform intention into reality:

Think about a positive intention that has a 70-80% probability of happening and a near 100% chance of adding value to your life. Find that sweet spot between challenge and achievability—for example, if you’re new to exercise, walking for ten minutes daily is more realistic than promising yourself a two-hour run.
Formulate a clear statement about the intention. (My example: Postpone news until 11am.)
Acknowledge both what's holding you back (eg. the fleeting satisfaction from habitual behavior), and the greater reward when you follow through.
Find a friend or group of friends and tell them what you intend to do. Ask them to provide supportive accountability by asking you about your intention, every 1-3 months.

Remember that setbacks are natural - they happen to all of us. If you eat a bag of potato chips one night, you can still celebrate that you had X days of not eating chips (those chip-free days would not have happened without your commitment and accountability system).

Take advantage of the magical property of accountability. Once you declare something to others who hold you accountable, it is much more likely to happen.

I invite you to share your intention with me. Sometimes, taking that first step of putting your intention into words can be the most powerful catalyst of all.

Finding Your Center in an Upside Down World

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Thu, 13 Mar 2025 22:16:57 GMT

At the end of the war in Vietnam, many Vietnamese fled, fearing reprisals from the new communist government. To quote Thich Nhat Hanh: “When the crowded Vietnamese refugee boats met with storms or pirates, if everyone panicked all would be lost. But if even one person on the boat remained calm and centered, it was enough. It showed the way for everyone to survive.”

In times of collective anxiety, your steadiness can be a powerful force. That centered presence—whether on a refugee boat or in your community today—can create a viable path forward when everything seems chaotic.

So what if you use the turbulence in today’s world as the catalyst for you to shift from feeling overwhelmed, numb, scared, or just tired to feeling more engaged, protected, and centered? What’s an action you could take?

Maybe you restore your emergency fund, verify that your passport is valid, make sure your investments are super diversified beyond U.S. markets or dollar-denominated assets, go on retreat , start a fun exercise program, meditate (without an agenda) for 2 minutes per day, start a dinner club that activates your engagement, or do something that increases your resilience so you’re less likely to take a rash action, like sell all your investments.

On that last point, while our emotions might tempt us, the evidence suggests that selling everything has offered people an extremely low probability of success. The reason is that all the information is out there; everyone knows about the instability of our economy and government, and the prices of the real estate and stock markets already reflect that. For someone to benefit from selling all of their investments, that person would have to know something about the future that no one else knows. At the very least, discuss your ideas/fears with an objective advisor or accountant.

Hold yourself accountable for keeping your mind as clear and centered as possible in the coming months. This mental clarity is your best insurance policy during uncertain times. When markets fluctuate and headlines grow alarming, your ability to remain steady—like that one calm person on the refugee boat—becomes your greatest asset.

Christiana Figueres, a key player in the passing of the Paris Climate Agreement, said “If you don’t like the leadership, then become the leader you want.”

Remember that turbulence, while uncomfortable, offers us the opportunity to build a resilient mind. Choose one small action and commit yourself fully to it for one week. If you notice you’re less reactive and more resilient, commit to it for a month. This is the moment to create a mind that is wise and equanimous even if it feels like your house is on fire.

Cultivating a steady presence is your life raft in turbulent times.

Success Without Stress

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Mon, 10 Feb 2025 14:33:37 GMT

In the beginning years of my business, I would set a specific intention to increase my revenues by 20%. Through grit and luck, I would often achieve a numerical measure of success. But what I didn’t achieve was an increase in my well-being. The numbers increased, but my well-being actually diminished.

Somehow, I was programmed to strive for financial success regardless of the cost to my health. While most of us know that success coupled with unhealthy stress is not sustainable, I was working as if I was exempt from stress. When I arrived in my 40s, both my body and my doctor told me that I had to begin focusing on well-being and ease.

Image via Giphy

I wish someone had suggested to me that I might, in fact, be undermining both my health AND my finances as I disregarded my mental health. When we’re constantly in striving mode, at worst, we burn out and have a shortened career, and at best, we become less creative and more robotic. Both potentially lead to less lifetime income.

(I witnessed this firsthand while working with a group of anesthesiologists. When I suggested they focus on lifetime income rather than annual income, it was a game changer in terms of the quality and quantity of hospital assignments they’d fulfill.)

So, how do we create success in 2025 without the usual stress? I haven’t been an expert at this, for sure :-) But I have had enough suffering to be motivated to discover a new path forward.

First, let’s look at our beliefs about what leads to success:

1. Recall a past success at work. What actually led to that success? Was it over-striving or was it great self-care, a creative idea, or something else? Most success in the arenas of science, business, and sports comes from an “Aha” moment, being in the present moment, taking a risk to connect with someone who can help you, etc. It doesn’t usually come from working incessantly without looking up at the vast sky.

2. With this understanding, form a specific, measurable, achievable, realistic intention for your career or business this year.

3. Next, identify your inputs. Your inputs are the daily or weekly actions, within your control, that you or others in your field know lead to the intention you set.

4. Finally, shift your focus from outcomes to these inputs. Trust that by consistently executing the right inputs – ones you've thoughtfully chosen as the ingredients for success – positive outcomes will naturally follow. This approach reduces anxiety because you’re staying focused on what’s in your control. Less anxiety is a booster for peak performance.

Then, to help increase your probability of having more Aha moments (where you see a much better way of adding value to your organization or your clients), try this practice that I teach at my quarterly Reset Retreats :

a. To begin, experience the challenge of generating great ideas when you're stressed: While counting backwards from 5785 by 16, ask: what’s a great idea for increasing my impact at work? ��

b. Then, sit down with a cup of tea, look at the vast sky with a soft gaze, and gently ask the same question: what’s the best thing I could do to increase my impact at work or with my clients?

This exercise gives you a visceral understanding of how a relaxed mind can unlock your fullest potential. Many of us have internalized the belief that success demands constant strain and struggle. By unclenching your mind and body, you create space for innovation and insight to flow naturally. This isn't necessarily about working less – it's about working from a place of ease and flow, allowing your best ideas to emerge organically rather than trying to force them through sheer will.

Here’s a line from Tajitsu, a Japanese nun from the 1800’s:

….And she opened the clenched fist in her mind
and let go, and fell, into the midst of everything.

This is the foundation of my vision for 2025: prioritizing well-being not just as a path to personal peace in the midst of turbulent times, but as a catalyst for professional breakthroughs. Looking back at my career's defining moments, the biggest opportunities weren't born from exhaustion and struggle – they emerged when I was present enough to recognize them and relaxed enough to seize them. By releasing our tight grip on specific outcomes, we create space for inspiration.

Even if this approach doesn't immediately translate to financial gains (though I believe it will), consider this: wouldn't a year of achieving your goals while feeling genuinely at ease be revolutionary in itself?

Do You Spend by Default or by Design?

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Mon, 13 Jan 2025 13:45:40 GMT

How car-free living changed my mindset

A new year presents a fresh canvas for reimagining your financial life. You might think, "It’s not that simple" - and you’re right that certain commitments to things like home and health insurance are relatively fixed. But we tend to be loyal to our spending habits even when they’re no longer serving us well. I believe 2025 holds the possibility for spending by design , instead of spending by rote.

Last month, I sold my car after 8 years of owning it. While I was feeling the compulsion to do what was habitual (i.e. buy a new car to replace my old one) I had a realization: given ride sharing services (RSS), do I really need to buy a car right away ? For my own benefit and for you, my reader, I decided to experience the difference between owning versus using RSS. To do a fair comparison, I promised myself not to let frugality dictate my RSS usage.

It wasn’t easy because whenever I ordered a RSS (two to four times daily), I received an additional billing notification. It’s a death by a thousand cuts versus just making one automatic monthly car payment. It felt like I was being careless with money - purchasing 50 rides per month instead of making one car payment. I thought I must be spending a lot more money.

But when I did the math, the numbers revealed a different story. There are many things to compare, but what surprised me, and many I’ve shared this with, is that the relative cost of RSS, the rough equivalent of a budget-chauffeur, is less than one might imagine. If you travel about 10,000 miles per year, the cost of ownership versus RSS is about the same. The more miles you tend to travel per year, the lower the relative cost of ownership versus RSS. ( This ownership calculation includes the cost of the monthly car payment, gas, maintenance, registration fees, insurance, parking, car washes, etc. )

If you drive more than 10,000 miles/year, often haul a lot of stuff, have pets or young children, or live in a less urban area with fewer RSS drivers, the advantage of ownership is clear. But RSS offers distinct advantages: freedom from parking concerns, the ability to fully focus on a phone call, no vehicle maintenance responsibilities, and the flexibility to walk to work and ride home. And RSS has its drawbacks: there are the drivers that keep pumping the brakes or drive unsafely, you have to plan ahead more, and you lose that sense of privacy (unless your city offers RSS with self-driving cars).

Many of us love to pay for something and be done with it. Whether it’s a vacation, a car, a house, a home renovation, or a new pair of shoes, we usually prefer to pay for the item outright (assuming we have sufficient funds) and not have to endure the agony of daily payments, as is the case for RSS. For example when someone pays off their mortgage, there tends to be a sense of relief from making mortgage payments. Sometimes, that extends to "the house/car doesn’t cost me anything, now that I’ve paid off the loan. Renting a home or car is throwing money down the drain." However, these statements are based on emotion , not numbers, as there are many hidden ongoing costs to owning a home or car.

Image via Giphy

What can we learn? Our financial decision-making is often based on our emotions, rather than evidence. When all is said and done, no one who can afford to own a car should shy away from RSS when their car is in the shop, they lose their license, or they are between cars. And, for some of us, RSS might cost less and offer more freedom.

While using RSS instead of owning a car has been mostly positive, I still intend to buy a car. Fortunately, I don’t have to rush the buying process; I don’t have to settle and can even wait another year for the next generation of electric vehicles.

I’m making my car decision based on what truly serves me, free from my old belief (a myth) that using RSS is too costly. What will be YOUR way of making spending decisions that are no longer based on your habitual ways and allegiant money beliefs this year?

This is what makes life exciting. It’s not about the car. It’s about seeing that you have agency over your spending ; over your life. You no longer need to be a victim of habit. From a Buddhist perspective, that’s a path to transformation, to a happier life.

May you paint your spending canvas according to your deepest intentions and may letting go of unhelpful habits bring you much joy this year.

Shifting from Wanting to Appreciating

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Tue, 17 Dec 2024 14:31:00 GMT

The human mind excels at noticing what it lacks. As we approach the New Year, many of us are focused on expressing our wishes and intentions. Here’s a counterintuitive suggestion to help actualize your intentions: Spend these remaining weeks of 2024 focusing on appreciation.

In my experience, cultivating appreciation opens pathways to prosperity, while a mindset of wanting or desperation leads to stagnation or suffering. Check out your own experience: notice how you feel when you’re craving a friend’s house versus when you’re appreciating their beautiful home. Or observe the difference between wanting a difficult colleague to change versus appreciating something about them, even as you acknowledge their shortcomings. What sensations/emotions arise in your body when you frame situations in these different ways?

When I ponder what I want, my body responds - my shoulders tense, my vision narrows, and my chin lurches forward. Recently, after selling my car, I caught myself wanting a fancy newer model. Peace of mind came when I began appreciating the 7 years my former car steadily served me and the convenience of ride-sharing services like LYFT and Uber. (Next month, I’ll share the financial results of living without a car!)

Could focusing on appreciation, rather than wanting, really create a clearer path to prosperity? While this might sound idealistic, research supports the benefits of gratitude. When we stop wanting things to be different, we’re inviting the mind to appreciate what we have, to believe that we have enough, that we are enough.

Here’s your challenge:

Recognize the money, time, and friends already present in your life. Every time the mind dwells on what’s missing, gently redirect it toward gratitude, perhaps for a certain person, a beloved pet, or your home.
Reflect on how much time during the past year you’ve spent wanting versus appreciating. If you’re honest, has the time spent wanting been as productive as the time spent appreciating?

Will you join me in making 2025 a year where appreciation takes center stage? You've mastered wanting; let’s master appreciating!

Here are the potential benefits:

- Gratitude energizes us to take beneficial actions.

- The practice of gratitude rewires the brain so it’s easier to notice what’s positive versus what’s negative.

- Appreciation activates the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting calm and optimal brain function - when we’re at ease in this state, we tend to see more opportunities than obstacles.

Making the shift from wanting to appreciating isn't about denying our desires or suppressing our goals. Rather, it's about building our capacity for contentment while we work toward what matters to us. Start small – perhaps with a daily moment of conscious gratitude for your morning coffee or a good night of sleep. Let this practice ripple outward into bigger appreciations.

Positive Transitions (they're delicate)

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Sun, 24 Nov 2024 19:29:08 GMT

^ Listen to this article

Transitions—negative, neutral, and positive—are ever present in our work life, our thoughts, and our political landscape. While our mind’s survival bias leads us to focus more on negative changes (often at the cost of our ability to thrive), Buddhist wisdom offers another perspective: understanding impermanence unlocks some of the most beneficial mind states, like joy, equanimity, selflessness, and love. In my work with thousands of clients and students, I’ve found that getting comfortable with change is also key to a healthy relationship with our finances.

Picture yourself savoring a perfect cappuccino. How often does your mind drift to wanting the experience to last longer, or to feeling disappointed when it ends? These thoughts dilute our ability to fully enjoy the present moment. And this mirrors how we approach many of life's transitions, including those involving work and money.

Several decades ago, I was enjoying the early success of the financial services company I created. Positive transitions like this one feel great - I actually felt invincible and quickly opened a new branch office—an impulsive decision that cost money and time (when we realized that we didn’t do enough due diligence).

These experiences taught me that positive transitions are delicate. When the markets are high, we cling to the level of our investments, forgetting the market history of volatility and impermanence. When the markets do eventually fall, we might feel shame, regret, even betrayal.

The financial media often urges us to take action based on daily events. Proceed with caution. No one has a reliable crystal ball and things often change more quickly and differently than the media can predict. My decades of work as an advisor have taught me that successful investors don't let temporary transitions or events drive their career, financial, and/or investment decisions .

Transitions are real-life examples of impermanence. When I was in London visiting one of my favorite teachers - Ajahn Amaro, a scholarly Buddhist monk for over 40 years - he said to me: “ If you can allow yourself to completely understand impermanence, you’ll experience great equanimity and happiness regardless of what life serves you. ”

How YOU can benefit from this Buddhist understanding:

Reflect back several years on a change with work, finances, or politics. Did your sense of well-being shift substantially and permanently because of that negative or positive event? Research shows that we revert back to our default level of well-being and that good or bad events don’t permanently alter our longer term happiness. This awareness helps us cultivate happiness that’s independent of conditions or outcomes. Yes, this is aspirational, but it can be very healthy for your soul and your wallet. Why? Because, we make better spending and other decisions when we’re not so swayed by our transient emotions.
When you suffer a business or economic setback, recognize that you still might have more money today than you had 10-20 years ago.
Practice letting yourself feel and savor the joy of a positive transition, even for a few moments, without dwelling on how long it might last or the fear of losing it, whether it be a cup of coffee or a productive day at work. It will slowly increase your mind’s ability to soak in the good.
Ask yourself: What can I learn from prior positive and negative transitions? Did I have a bias (like overconfidence during positive transitions, and/or catastrophic thinking during negative ones)? This is our opportunity: to bring awareness to these patterns and gain insights, and then to use these insights to develop a more balanced perspective.

And, cultivating the skill of enjoying the positive, without extrapolating or fabricating stories about the future, will begin to impact every area of your life. You’ll likely make wiser financial and work decisions. Just remember that positive transitions are delicate. For example, if you’re optimistic about recent political changes, balance your exuberance by reflecting on the ephemeral nature of political leadership.

When I hired someone a few years ago, like all hires, I couldn’t predict how long she’d stay. She in fact left after one year, but it was one of the best working years of my life. I think she taught me how to enjoy what I have without clinging or believing that something will stay this way forever.

It may sound grim at first glance, but the recognition of impermanence with money, with people, with everything, can help us create a mind that’s wiser, less reactive, and has greater perspective. Yes, joy, equanimity, confidence, and selflessness flow from that faucet. If you want abundance, start living your life as if impermanence is here to stay.

How to Befriend Negative Transitions

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Tue, 08 Oct 2024 13:49:31 GMT

How to Befriend Negative Transitions

The previous article explored how we ignore a significant portion of our lives (about 5-10%) in neutral ( seemingly boring ) transitions, like walking from the living room to the kitchen, or driving from home to work. When we bring mindful attention to these neutral transitions, it can feel like adding life to our years. The uninteresting becomes interesting and, over time, this helps us become less averse to negative transitions and less dependent on positive transitions.

In this article, let’s explore those transitions we perceive as negative: a shift in a relationship at home or at work, a financial/business/political downturn, an unwelcome health or career change. While we often overlook neutral experiences, we tend to actively "push away" experiences that we perceive as negative. It’s this pushing away that exacerbates the pain of a financial or relationship setback.

For example, when the financial markets decline many investors have such an aversion to any kind of discomfort that they feel compelled to sell their investments at the worst possible time - after the markets have fallen. (Yes, I have done this once myself.) Alternatively, when we are aware of our aversive response, we can kindly acknowledge the discomfort, and use the potency of that pause to respond with wisdom instead of haste.

At the August in-person Equanimity Retreat, we did an ice exercise to gain a sense of how we push away pain. We each had a felt experience of how pain intensifies when we resist it, like adding salt to the wound. For example, when I judge myself for a bad hire, the judging is adding to the painful consequences of that bad hire. The ice exercise taught us an alternate way to be with a challenge; to befriend it. That befriending gives us the ability to gain perspective, and access our wisdom, instead of our reactivity.

Danny Warshay, Executive Director of the Entrepreneurial Center at Brown University, and author of See, Solve, Scale found that entrepreneurs often originate the most successful ideas after a setback. Professor Dean Shepherd at Notre Dame found something similar - when we hit bottom, our constraints and limiting beliefs tend to soften, creating ripe conditions for finding a viable path forward. This supports the platitude that “necessity is the mother of invention.” When we have nothing to lose, we tend to become more creative.

Five years ago, I met a young woman who had recently moved to the Bay Area from the Philippines. She wanted to be a singer, but felt stuck working at fast food restaurants to support herself. She couldn’t see a viable path forward, but she remained focused on her intention to be a professional singer. Instead of doing something impulsive, she asked a librarian for help, and through her research, learned that opera singers have a better chance of making a living in Germany than in the United States. She found a job as an Au Pair in Germany, and is now paving the way for a successful singing career.

Here’s a 5 minute practice for turning negative transitions into fertile ground for our future:

Set a 3-minute timer and write about a challenging transition in your work or personal life using your first name instead of the pronoun “I”. (This creates a healthy distance to give you perspective).
For the next minute, sense how this transition feels in the body. Do this a few times a day. The goal is to get comfortable being uncomfortable.
Then spend 1 more minute and ask yourself: What can I learn from this? How is this happening for me instead of to me?

The Power of Transitions

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Wed, 11 Sep 2024 12:43:28 GMT

The Power of Transitions

Buddhism teaches us a simple but profound truth: everything changes. Transitions are all about change. They can be as ordinary as leaving the house to buy groceries or as significant as a new work or financial situation, aging/illness, or experiencing a shift in a relationship. These changes can feel positive, negative, or neutral.

For most of my life, I have overlooked the potential of these transitions. But since they’re happening all the time, it’s worth exploring how to make the most of them. Let’s start by looking at neutral transitions, perhaps the most undervalued of them all.

Neutral Transitions = Hidden Opportunities

We spend approximately 4-10 years of an 80-year life (about 90 to 150 minutes per day) on things like going from the bedroom to the kitchen, or from home to work/the grocery store. Many of us spend this time either lost in thought or ignoring and discounting the value of these neutral transitions (a significant number of our injuries also occur during these “mindless” periods - like running and bumping your shin on a flipped shopping cart, a painful lesson I learned recently!).

How do we start making the most of these significant chunks of time? Here are simple ways to reclaim these overlooked hours:

Pay attention to every neutral transition. When you do this, you might find that “neutrality” shifts to “engagement.” Every moment holds potential for insight. That’s a pretty exciting proposition when you think about it!
When you finish reading this newsletter, instead of transitioning mindlessly, standup and feel the sensation of each foot pressing into the ground.
When you transition to work, focus on each small action you take to arrive. As you begin noticing more details about your transition to work, you’re improving your brain’s capacity to focus - it’s like doing a bicep curl for your brain.

Using Neutral Moments to Enrich Your Everyday Experiences

Staying focused deepens your connection to the world and can transform routine activities into something meaningful. We don’t need to win the lottery or go to Nepal to experience something extraordinary. What if you start seeing neutral transitions as valued parts of your life? Let's explore some practical ways to enrich even the most mundane everyday experiences:

Next time you buy something, think about what it took to produce that item and reflect on how you earned the money to buy it.
On your next trip to work or to visit a friend, try to notice one new thing. This could include the route you take or the feeling you have when you first encounter this place or person.
Pay attention to the “neutral” people in your life. These could include the clerk at the store, a co-worker on a different team, a neighbor, or a rideshare driver. It’s not about spending more time with these people, it’s about cultivating awareness of their contributions to your life.

While I still get distracted during neutral transitions, being curious about them has brought me unexpected joy. It has led to more thoughtful spending and giving, and it has deepened my appreciation for the people I encounter daily, which often results in more memorable exchanges.

We may not be able to add years to our lives, but we can certainly add life to our years. Let’s be pioneers and enrich our lives by exploring neutral territory.

In my next two newsletters, we’ll take a look at positive and negative transitions, how to recognize and understand their “feeling tone,” and how to channel the energy in these experiences so we can live with more ease and prosperity.

How Purpose Ignites Success

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Fri, 09 Aug 2024 17:05:29 GMT

Ever said “I can’t or won’t do ___” and then something turned it around? I can’t write a book, I won’t join a health club, I won’t live on the water, I can’t go on a silent retreat, I won’t buy a van, I can’t save money, I can’t help a colleague at work, or I won’t get on an 11-hour flight to London . I had to eat crow on all of these.

I’ve had an intention to return to London for 30 years but the flight duration always deterred me. Why go to London when I could land in NYC in half the time? Still, I wanted to go to London; I kept saying so for decades. The turnaround happened when my son graduated college and announced he was going to grad school… in London. I booked my flight within hours. When I look back on that decision, I realize the lengthy flight never even crossed my mind. Why? Well, I think it’s because I found a purpose that was bigger than any prior reason for visiting one of my favorite cities.

When I consider all the times I did an about-face, there’s one thing in common: a strengthened sense of Purpose . Purpose drives our intentions, whether it’s committing to a meditation retreat so I can become a kinder person to myself and others, or saving money to support my family.

Aligning Purpose

Consider your intentions in various aspects of your life:

Work
Personal finances
Relationships with family & friends
Health and well-being

For each area, try to find a purpose that makes your intentions easier to fulfill. If you can’t find a substantial purpose in a particular area, it might not be the right time to pursue that goal. This can free up your energy for other intentions where you do have a sufficient purpose.

Example: Financial Goals

If you’ve been trying to save money or increase your income, what purpose would make that easier to accomplish? Perhaps it’s living with less financial stress or buying a stable home. With a strong purpose, anything is doable; without one, the intention is often more challenging to actualize.

The Impact of Purpose

A strong purpose can transform seemingly daunting tasks into manageable ones. For instance, working 40-60 hours per week without a clear purpose can be detrimental to your well-being. However, with a strong sense of purpose, it becomes not only doable but potentially fulfilling.

Finding Purpose in Everyday Activities

Find your purpose for everything you do, no matter how mundane it may seem:

Doing the dishes (e.g., for the peace of mind that comes from a clean kitchen)
Meditating
Writing a work email

Purpose not only gives us energy, it changes the results of our actions. Writing an email to help a colleague achieve greatness produces very different results compared to writing it because it’s your job.

The wind is at our backs when we have purpose. I’m flying to London to visit a few meditation teachers, see theater, work remotely, and, most importantly - connect with my son. I’m no longer thinking about the upcoming 11-hour flight.

I encourage you to reflect on how purpose currently drives various aspects of your life. Have you identified where you currently sense purpose and where you could use more? I’d love to hear how purpose has influenced your own journey.

Finding Serenity in a Noisy World

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Wed, 03 Jul 2024 19:42:00 GMT

I recently returned from a silent meditation retreat in the wilderness. It was so remote that we had to walk 9 miles just to reach the retreat center. Why spend 8 days in silence, without technology? The experience is about gaining awareness of what arises in the mind, with less of the internal and external “noise” that often directs our lives and clouds our perceptions.

The purpose of any meditation retreat is to lessen our reactivity to our thoughts so we no longer helplessly ping-pong from feeling great to feeling scared, self-critical, numb, sad, or worried. Rather than trying to avoid life's inevitable storms (financial or otherwise), it's about finding peace amidst them.

There’s a term from Buddhism that perfectly captures this idea: Equanimity .

When we're experiencing Equanimity we're at peace with our work and personal lives as they are. Often our mental chatter leads us to unhelpful comparisons, envy, self-judgment, and impulsive reactions. Equanimity serves as the antidote to these tendencies.

On the second morning of the silent retreat, I was sitting on the ground, away from the other retreat participants, and sensing a profound contentment, a oneness with the natural world. This is a serenity that felt new to me. Yet, within minutes, my mind began imagining a mountain lion attacking me from behind. 15 minutes later, I had mentally crafted three different self-preservation scenarios. My heart was racing at over 100 beats per minute, and I was feeling the opposite of equanimity.

The cost of a reactive mind is significant:

We react, even silently, to what people are saying instead of truly listening, which hinders communication, connection, and success;
We stir-up unnecessary chaos in the mind and that stifles our creativity, tranquility, and vigor;
It causes us to do things we regret, from ill-timed investment decisions, to unnecessary purchases, to saying something we didn’t intend to say.; and
It encourages us to live in a state of hyper-vigilance (like when we’re white knuckling the steering wheel or imagining extremely unlikely scenarios for our finances/lives).

Eventually, I realized that I was the sole architect of my own suffering. And I remembered what Mark Twain said, “I have spent most of my life worrying about things that never happened.” This was the wake-up call I needed; I went from feeling paranoid about a mountain lion to feeling a resolve to do the meditation practices that cultivate the quality of equanimity.

If any of these or other reactive tendencies are familiar to you, here’s a simple practice to help you cultivate equanimity:

Write down 1 worry you had a year ago that never materialized.
Next, close your eyes and bring to mind 1 current worry.
Now, imagine thousands of others, around the world, also doing this exercise. Everyone has worries. You’re not alone.
Focus on the headline of your worry (without getting involved with the “story”). Say to yourself, “I hear the worry about [headline]. Thank you for alerting me. I'll get back to you." Say "I'll get back to you" with a gentle smile.
Take three deep, slow breaths and open your eyes.
Then engage in a nourishing activity: walk outside, read, call a friend, etc.

Remember, as we befriend a worry, the intensity of the worry often diminishes, as does our overall reactivity - even if that worry never fully disappears.

The Unexpected Power Of Patience

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Thu, 06 Jun 2024 19:40:09 GMT

Ever felt like your life has a constant chorus of "What's next?" I know I have. I have to plan my next trip. I can’t wait for the weekend. I remember my first meditation teacher saying that the most common movie line is a version of “get me out of here.”

To me, patience feels like an unripe banana—unpleasant and hard to swallow. But as Rousseau said,

“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.”

Perhaps I could wait for that banana to ripen.

Curiosity as a tool for presence

Instead of bypassing impatience, let’s get curious about it. What sensations do you sense in your body when feeling impatience? How does it affect your breathing or heart rate? Spend 60 seconds witnessing these sensations without judgment. This simple practice can help us shift from a "what's next?" mindset to a “what’s here” mindset, which studies show is a precursor to happiness.

Recall the last time you were fully present, one where you let go of time. You may have been fully engaged in a conversation with friends or colleagues, or mesmerized by nature, like I was recently when I came across a nest of Great Horned Owls. That immersive state probably felt wonderful. That’s what anchoring to the present instead of the “what’s next?” mindset can do for us.

Patience and financial success

And patience isn't just good for our mental health; it can also lead to more financial success. Studies show that patient investors gain more over time . For example, a $200,000 investment in the S&P 500 over 20 years could grow to $1,270,000 with patience, compared to $1,120,000 if reacting to market fluctuations. The same goes for earning money at work—patience is a quality that often correlates with higher income .

Journaling Prompt: Anchoring to the Present

Set a timer for 3 minutes and write your answers to the following questions without editing yourself:

What if you perceived impatience as a call for attention and love?
How would that change your relationship with it?

3 Surprising Ways Self-Compassion Can Lead to Financial Success

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Fri, 10 May 2024 19:36:44 GMT

Do you judge yourself for how much you earn or have accumulated so far? What about for a past purchase or investment, or for when your business or career has a setback? I used to think that I wasn’t judging myself until I transcribed the running commentary in my mind:

Why did you invest in your friend’s startup?
I can’t believe you didn’t save more money…

You should have bought that house…

It’s shameful how many of your purchases never got utilized…

You should have given to more effective charities…

As I allowed these thoughts to become habitual, I began normalizing them and overlooking their negative impact. It wasn’t until I was able to recognize this narrative that I truly understood the toll it was taking - undermining my confidence and increasing my stress.

Years later, I heard a meditation teacher describe compassion as a weapon - a positive force capable of neutralizing negativity. This resonated deeply. My cycle of negative thinking had become so insidious that I needed a strong countermeasure. Then I remembered the wisdom of dog training and eventually developed a mantra:

Treat your mind like your puppy.

What if you treated your thoughts with the same kindness and respect that you would show a puppy during training? When a puppy falters, you likely respond with encouragement. I recommend adopting a similar approach with yourself - especially regarding your finances.

Just as we train our bodies at the gym, we can practice self-compassion to train our minds and undo decades of unhelpful mental habits. We can gently interrupt harsh judgments and offer ourselves acceptance and kindness instead.

After working with thousands of clients for nearly four decades, I’ve observed that our habitual thoughts and behaviors often stem from when we were as young as five years old. At that tender age, we are like puppies - malleable and highly impressionable. Unfortunately, many of us continue to base our financial decisions on the emotional blueprints established back then.

Why practice self-compassion? Consider these potential benefits:

You’ll feel more at ease when making decisions about money.
You’ll gain greater resilience and patience while reducing reactivity.
You might even find yourself with more money.

Let’s explore each of these benefits in detail.

Every time you judge yourself, you're reinforcing neural pathways that cultivate a more critical and less creative mind. Self-compassion, on the other hand, has been shown to calm our nervous systems and reduce stress (and shame). Personally, when I’m feeling less stressed around money, I am less impulsive and I make wiser decisions.

It’s not usually a good idea to interrupt others, but you have full permission to interrupt your self-critical thoughts. Through my practice of interrupting negative thought patterns, I have developed more resilience and patience. My mind has become less reactive because I know how to quell those reactive thoughts by noticing and acknowledging them before they escalate into harsher self-judgments.

Now, you may wonder how compassion relates to money. As I’ve learned to soften my inherited belief that “money is more important than anything,” I have become less allegiant to that belief and more open to seeing money from other perspectives. I’ve stopped being so drawn to risky investments, and have eased up on my workaholic tendencies which would surely have led to burnout. As a result, I’m making more money over my lifetime, even if I’m making less in a single year, and I’m buying less on impulse. We make more objective financial decisions when we’re feeling positive about our money situation in the same way that we tend to make wiser food choices when we’re feeling better about our bodies.

There’s a freedom that comes from reducing rumination. The thought that money was more important than anything used to dominate my day, hindering my creativity and my brain’s potential. But after only a few months of offering compassion to the recurring thought, it began to surface less frequently and with less intensity. Imagine what’s possible for you if your persistent thoughts about money begin to lose their grip. You’d gain mental clarity and a more expansive view of life. Think of a moment when you felt that sense of spaciousness - where were you and what was happening? How might you recreate that felt experience?

When applied with intention, self-compassion is a powerful tool for transforming your relationship with money, and yourself.

Wishing you an abundance of self-compassion.

Cultivating a Spacious Mind

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Mon, 08 Apr 2024 14:27:08 GMT

Last month, many of you joined me in the “Follow Every Generous Impulse” pledge. Max wrote:

Very few newsletters in my life have moved me to physical motions, so that alone was impressive. I appreciate the call to expand generosity further with the way I listen, the way I undo fear-based mental thoughts and habits, and even experimenting with walking in a generous posture.

How have you experimented with this practice?

I recently spent a few days at a vacation rental with a group of friends. One day, someone asked for a lunch clean-up volunteer. My first impulse was to say “yes,” but then I immediately noticed the thought: “I don’t have time and I already did my share of clean-up at breakfast.”

Then I thought about the pledge, and realized that it is really about listening to your inclination to be generous, rather than being generous out of an obligation or a desire to impress others.

My recommendation is to listen to your bodily felt intuition, rather than your mental chatter, for the direction of your generosity. Often, I’m critical of myself, but on that day, I appreciated myself for not reacting to those fearful, stingy thoughts. I also got a bonus: for the rest of that day, I believe that my following that generous impulse at lunch helped produce a spacious mind.

So, what does a spacious mind have to do with making money and living your best life?

First, let’s recognize that you might have more experience with an unspacious mind, when you’re in an unproductive habit pattern or addiction. When I’m in this headspace, my mind feels tense, fearful, and crowded. For example, when I’m worried about losing money in the markets (one of my patterns), my mind is less able to recognize the opportunity in front of me. This happened just the other day, when I was looking at the news and stock market on my phone instead of using my phone to call a potential client. I was narrowing my aperture instead of widening it.

Image via JefCaine.com

Here’s a 5-step mini practice to help you cultivate a spacious mind. This is one that you can try at home or work:

Set your timer for 4 minutes.
Go to a window with a view or go outside and widen your gaze. Look out, with as wide an aperture as possible. Let your left eye gaze left and your right eye gaze right. ( 1 minute )
Let go of following any trains of thought and allow your inhales and exhales to become slower. ( 1 minute )
Allow your exhales to be longer than your inhales. ( 2 minutes )
When the timer rings, take advantage of this more spacious mind and apply it right now to your most important project or financial issue.

Brown University Medical School Professor Jud Brewer says that this exercise invites the body into its parasympathetic nervous system (a calm state). Often, because of our evolutionary wiring for survival, we’re narrowing our vision to see the potential predator. When we widen our gaze, we’re tricking the brain into thinking there’s no immediate danger. Without a real threat, our mind expands, and becomes spacious, because it instinctively knows that our life is not on the line. This is a movement from surviving to thriving.

What if you made more of your financial decisions from a spacious mind instead of a threatened mind? Try it out right now and see if you have a new perspective on your current financial challenge.

How Much is Enough

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Fri, 15 Mar 2024 13:17:04 GMT

When it comes to money, how much is enough? I spoke with George Grombacher on the Aligned Money Show about how to feel good about where you are financially, while also working to improve unhelpful buying behaviors. You can listen to our conversation below.

How Much is Enough

A Mindset of Generosity

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Fri, 08 Mar 2024 15:12:48 GMT

A well known meditation teacher, Joseph Goldstein, once said to me, "I listen to every generous impulse and act accordingly." He went on to explain that money is just one of many ways to be generous.

Generosity includes your time, skills, non-financial resources, attention, and even your attitude. It's about embracing a mindset that thrives on the feeling of being generous without expecting anything in return.

A fundamental principle in Buddhism is the idea of not clinging or non-attachment. Whenever we are generous, we are essentially loosening our attachment to something, whether it’s a fixed idea, a material possession, or even a desire to change a problematic person or thing. For example, this could manifest as letting go of incessant self-judgment, the reflexive look at our phones because we’re bored, or the grasping for yet another chocolate chip cookie.

This isn't just a lofty idea—it's a profound practice. The more we learn to soften our grasp on something, the more we enrich and widen our experience of life. Not clinging is really about letting go of our fixed expectations of ourselves, others, and situations, and an acceptance of things as they are.

via GIPHY

Pause for a moment and sense the difference between a clenched fist and an open hand. There’s a big difference, right? It’s like the difference between clinging steadfastly to an idea (clenched fist) versus recognizing that another perspective might be beneficial (open fist). It’s the difference between expecting a colleague/friend to change (clenched fist) versus affirming who they are. You can also try exhibiting, in stealth mode, the qualities you would like to see this person cultivate (open fist).

Research shows that we gain more happiness from giving than from receiving. People who give to others, whether through time, effort, or resources, report greater happiness and life satisfaction. And this happiness from giving is not limited to financial generosity - it also extends to volunteering and other forms of prosocial behavior, with benefits observed across diverse cultures. It turns out that the age-old adage "it's better to give than to receive" has strong scientific backing, revealing generosity as a fundamental aspect of human nature that nurtures our well-being.

With all of this evidence, let’s explore how to cultivate a mindset of generosity. Here are 5 ways to nurture your generous spirit:

Look for opportunities at home and/or at work to offer time, money, skills, attention to others. When we give, we secretly tell our brains that we already have enough. This shifts us from a mindset of scarcity to one of sufficiency.
Practice letting go of a recirculating thought or doing a frivolous internet search at least once a day. When you fixate on an idea, it’s similar to grasping, whereas letting go generates a more expansive feeling, similar to the feeling of generosity.
Practice letting go of buying something online by waiting 3 days to see if you still desire to have it. You may find that your priorities have changed in that short space of time. Many of my clients have reported that their expenditures have decreased as a result of doing this.
Imagine what a physical posture and gait of generosity would look like and start walking as if you’re the most generous person alive today. I bet you’ll find it really hard to do this without smiling.
Listen generously in your next conversation; let go of planning your response and interrupting with words, gestures, or private thoughts. Let your body and mind fully receive what the other person is saying. (This is a deep listening skill that we practice at the Mindful Advisor Retreat .)

Joseph went on to say that "Generosity is the path to abundance" describing abundance as a wellspring of vitality and happiness. And, I would add that when we’re operating from this mindset, we tend to make wiser business, financial, and personal decisions. The groundbreaking work of Daniel Kahneman sheds light on this phenomenon, illustrating how fear—an antithesis to generosity—often leads us down the path of less wise financial choices.

I have become inspired by Joseph’s pledge - I listen to every generous impulse and act accordingly - and I’m going to take it on this year. There’s power in doing it together. Are you willing to take this pledge with me?

Tajitsu, an 18th century Japanese nun said "I unclenched the fist in my mind and fell into the midst of everything." Sounds pretty good to me!

How to Find the Right Business Partner

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Fri, 01 Mar 2024 07:29:53 GMT

Have you ever thought about launching a business and wondered, "Do I really want to do this alone?" Finding the right business partner can be transformative—but it's not a decision to take lightly.

I recently sat down with Chris Albrecht at OpenWater for an online session about finding your ideal business partner, and we dug into the practical considerations that often get overlooked.

We explored three key areas:

Partnering with friends : While it might seem natural to team up with someone you already trust, we discussed why it's essential to assess potential challenges upfront and navigate them with clear eyes.
The power of complementary strengths : Before inviting someone to join your venture, it's critically important to find a partner whose strengths and weaknesses balance yours—not mirror them.
The value of difficult conversations : Open, honest dialogue at the beginning (even when it's uncomfortable) prevents misunderstandings later and creates a strong foundation for your partnership.

Our conversation offers actionable insights to help you make informed decisions and set your partnership up for success. ( Please note: This content is for informational purposes only and does not constitute financial advice. )

Whether you're actively searching for a partner or just exploring the idea of starting a business, this discussion will help you think through what matters most.

Simplify to Amplify

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Fri, 16 Feb 2024 11:57:48 GMT

Do you have financial and/or work goals for 2024? Wouldn’t it be great if you achieved all of them? I am usually filled with excitement as I enter the new year; it’s like I’m a pioneer entering an unexplored place, where anything is possible. Then, I remember Leonard Cohen’s words "Well people, I've been here before; I know this room and I've walked this floor."

Our minds often trick us into believing "this year will be different!" But when the initial excitement wears off, we may find ourselves ruminating about our unfulfilled goals. So, what if you and I pledge to do something different for 2024? What if we adhere to the adage that "less is more" by choosing a single goal? Yes, just one . And what if you trust that focusing on this one goal will benefit other areas of your life?

This idea speaks to me because It’s a shift from the same old, same old. Of course, I want all of my 2024 dreams to happen this year, but I have this intuition that distilling down to one goal will move my life forward. First, it requires me to really focus my attention, and second, I know from my meditation practice, that concentrating the mind brings energy.

So here’s my single intention for this new year: To help myself and others cultivate a relationship with money and work that promotes a well-being that’s independent of economic or other circumstances.

I’m letting go of my exercise, health, vacation, and other business goals for the sake of this one, and I’m trusting that this singular focus will indirectly help me realize those other goals too.

As the world becomes more distracted, let’s double down on directing our attention. Are you with me?

Here’s a 4-step framework for unwavering focus:

Define Your Singular Goal: Whether it’s buying a new home, boosting your income by 20%, completing a teacher training, or finally patenting that brilliant idea, pick the one goal that lights you up;
Visualize Success: Heighten your focus by beginning with the end goal in mind;
Plan Your Steps: Identify the daily and weekly actions that are within your grasp and that can inch you closer to your goal;
Seek support: Whether it’s finding an accountability partner or seeking professional guidance, most of us do better by involving others in our goals. (Btw, I’m offering a 20% discount on the Your Inner Compass program for financial goals - see details here .)

We are standing at the threshold of a new year that’s ripe with possibility. Let’s channel our energy toward one thing that will bring lasting benefit to ourselves and those around us.

And let’s make this happen, together.

Someone Who Has "Enough"

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Wed, 31 Jan 2024 00:32:29 GMT

What if you shift from wanting “more” to wanting “enough?” Our culture conditions us to say we don’t have enough of anything and that we should always want more.

Anne Watts, the daughter of well-known author Alan Watts, is someone who lives her life with the spacious feeling of enough. Anne is a coach and master facilitator, with whom I co-led Financial Intimacy for Couples workshops. Despite having a simple life and relatively few material possessions, she experiences fullness, rather than scarcity.

Anne realized that the more money and possessions people have, the more they need to support their enhanced lifestyle. And according to Laurie Santos, the Yale University professor who created The Happiness Lab, research shows that once our basic needs are met, changing our circumstances has only a temporary effect on our happiness. As a result, Anne developed a preference for sufficiency. She and her husband traded a large home for a small home with little storage space – this kept her from being able to accumulate more stuff. As she let go of things in this transition to the new home, she felt lighter.

Anne has discovered that her wealth is so much larger than her material possessions. Having time for profound conversations and savoring the outdoors are additional sources of wealth.

Click below for an excerpt of Spencer's recent interview with Anne!

How to Experience "Enough" Through Simplicity

Under Promise, Over Deliver

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Thu, 25 Jan 2024 14:00:01 GMT

UPOD: Under-Promise, Over-Deliver. It’s a key idea in the business world, as well as with your finances, to set expectations and then outperform your promise. If you tell your customers or clients that something is going to take a week to complete, but then deliver it in a few days, you will rise in their estimation. The key with UPOD is that expectations drive success.

When we have fixed beliefs or unrealistic expectations of how our money should be growing, we are prone to impulsive and unwise decision-making.

Our expectation with our finances should be that there will be market corrections or financial setbacks almost every year. Why? Because there are. Knowing this can reduce anxiety and keep us from selling our investments at the wrong time or abandoning our business because of a bad quarter.

When we recognize the long history of the markets delivering excellent returns, despite many negative years, we can relax and see any downturn as normal economic behavior.

If we learn to expect periodic downturns in our portfolios every year (the under-promise idea), we’ll be less likely to lose faith and sell our investments at the wrong time. If we also learn to expect the market to rebound (as it always does), then we experience the "over-deliver" idea.

Managing our expectations is something we have control over, and I see this practice as a key ingredient to financial success and ease.

Are You Asking Your Clients the Right Questions?

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Wed, 03 Jan 2024 14:27:18 GMT

What makes some attorneys, financial advisors, coaches, and CPA’s stand out with their clients?

C uriosity
C atalytic questions
C onfidence

35 years ago, when I began my career as a financial advisor and became the Founding CEO of Abacus, confidence seemed to dwell in others, but not in me. For some of us, confidence is in our DNA, but for others, including myself, it is something that needs to be cultivated. I see confidence as the by-product of two essential skills:

1) fostering a sense of curiosity and

2) learning to ask impactful, catalytic questions .

If you want to increase your confidence , focus on mastering the first two C’s!

Curiosity, a skill we actively practice at the The Reset Retreat , is about shedding our presumptions and bringing a childlike sense of wonder to our client interactions. It’s about leaving your biases at the door and genuinely exploring a client’s enthusiasm for, say, purchasing a boat (even if you have misgivings about this).

A simple way to develop curiosity is to ask catalytic questions; questions that help the responder wake up or see something from a new perspective. These are questions that help your client imagine a bigger possibility. It’s key that you ask these questions with unbiased interest, rather than thinking you know the answer, and that you listen both with your logical mind and your emotional heart. Common sense or logic shouldn’t necessarily drive every financial decision. Some of my best financial decisions have had very little to do with logic, like my decision to begin speaking professionally, or my decision to purchase a 70-mile-range-electric car way before the technology was perfected.

Here are a few examples of catalytic questions that you might keep in your back pocket. ( While it’s useful to have some of these at the ready, it’s often more effective to tailor your questions to what your client is saying in the moment .)
Notice that none of these are yes/no questions.

How did you come to believe that?
What is this chapter of your life about?
What would you do if you weren’t afraid?
What are you learning from your current challenges?
What do you like/not like about your current situation and how does that influence your future decisions?
What wisdom about work and life do you wish you had received when you were younger?
How could you share your gifts and superpowers more widely?
What does your intuition tell you about this?

Perhaps, the most important thing that allows you to ask memorable questions, is your presence - your ability to really pay attention to what your client is saying. These are the very skills we focus on in the The Reset Retreat . It’s a retreat from the mundane, a vacation from rumination, and the relentless pace of busyness.

Are you in ?

Breaking The Silence: Money Conversations That Matter

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Wed, 27 Dec 2023 13:00:01 GMT

Discussing money can sometimes be as thorny as addressing religion or politics. Have you ever felt a pang in your gut when the need for a money talk pops up? Many of us have been told from a young age that talking about money — whether it’s sharing the good news about a bonus or admitting to debt — is a no-no. But avoiding this topic can actually end up costing us in the long run.

A Courageous Money Conversation (CMC) is any conversation about money with a spouse, friend, parent, adult-child, boss, colleague, client, or sibling that we’re apprehensive about. It could be something like:

Telling your spouse/business partner that you want to spend more/less money.
Asking your boss for a raise or informing your clients about a fee increase.
Suggesting to a friend that you eat at a less expensive restaurant.
Raising your concern that your parents are overspending.
Setting financial expectations with college-bound children.
Asking a sibling to help financially support your parents.
Asking questions about contractual obligations or significant purchases, even though you ultimately trust the other party.
Addressing concerns about dishonest financial activities within the family business.

(The last point was drawn from my own experience. My father's reluctance to address a financial dispute within the family business led to years of stress and severed family ties.)

How to have a productive Courageous Money Conversation

While there’s no guarantee a conversation like this will go well, the following strategies can enhance the effectiveness of your CMC and give you the confidence to get the conversation started:

Know Your “Why” : Begin by outlining an intention that offers mutual benefits.
Weigh It Out : What happens if you do have the talk? And if you don't?
Consider the Timing : Try to identify an opportune moment when all parties are likely to be receptive and unencumbered.
Pick the Right Spot : Public settings can help moderate emotional intensity.
Kick Off on a Good Note : Start with your intention and share something you appreciate about the other person.
Listen Deeply : Share feelings, listen actively, and foster a reciprocal exchange.
Brainstorm Together : Offer potential solutions, and invite others to do the same.
Be Ready to Compromise : Aim to find a middle ground, and focus on collaborative next steps, ensuring they're realistic and actionable.

Sometimes I find that just thinking through these points will reveal that the situation doesn’t warrant having a CMC. But more often than not, it's prudent to break the silence and move past our cultural and familial conditioning toward affirmative action. And while CMCs come with inherent risks, I've discovered that the risks associated with not speaking up tend to be far more significant, leading to feelings of resentment, or even worse, contempt.

Drawing from personal experience, I can attest to the profound impact of having a courageous money conversation. A CMC with a close relative brought to light past family financial indiscretions, mending decades of strained relations. If I can navigate such a deeply personal CMC, so can you! Let's disrupt unhelpful patterns, and break our silence around money. It can all start with a simple chat.

If you're ready to make your money conversations a little easier and a lot less scary, Your Inner Compass , my 5-week self-paced course, guides you from money fear and avoidance to financial calm, clarity, and confidence.
Explore the course here →

Embracing Authenticity Beyond Our Professional Roles

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Wed, 20 Dec 2023 11:28:27 GMT

Our November 2023 Reset Retreat was centered around a transformative theme: Letting Go of Identity and Tapping into Authenticity Beyond our Professional Role . I want to give you a taste of what happened at the retreat and how its insights can benefit you, even if you weren’t there.

Explore The Reset Retreat -->

After 5,10, 20, 30+ years in a professional role, it’s common to view ourselves narrowly through the lens of our job titles, as an attorney, a financial advisor, a coach, or an accountant. Without realizing it, we may have allowed others and ourselves to cement these narrow identities, thereby shrinking the aperture of our fullness. At our retreat, we engaged in several exercises designed to break these molds.

A Deep Dive Into Identity

First we broke into pairs, for 8 seemingly long minutes, where one person repeatedly asked the other: What’s an identity you see in yourself? The other person briefly answered, then the question was asked again, up to 25 times over the course of the 8 minutes. This exercise made us keenly aware of two things:

1) how we hide some of our most beneficial identities, from our clients, and ourselves; and

2) how softening our allegiance to our identities led to a sublime, resilient confidence that felt independent of our professional roles.

At the end of the exercise, we enjoyed a few minutes of silence, allowing ourselves to feel the expansiveness of our true selves, untethered from our professional, cultural, and familial identities. We all imagined bringing this spacious feeling, at the end of the exercise, to our client meetings. The value of confidence is priceless.

Imagine this: what if, underneath the hats you wear, there is a person who’s more creative, multi-dimensional, and capable than you realize?

Try this exercise yourself : Find a partner and take turns asking each other about your identities for 8 minutes. For it to work well, keep the energy super high, and keep asking the question even if one of you has no answer for a round. I hope you discover that you’re so much greater than the sum of your roles. It’s also revealing to repeat the exercise with people from different circles of your life and notice whether your responses change.

Learning Through Listening

We then formed teams of four in which each person had the undivided attention of three others who committed to not offering advice. Instead, the role of the three listeners was to ask catalytic questions to help the speaker realize and bring their hidden identities to light. Here are some examples of what came up:

One person no longer wanted her staff to see her as the automatic go-to problem-solver. As the three listeners on her team affirmed what she said and asked curious questions, she had the sudden realization that she herself has created this identity and she has a lot to gain from dissolving it.
Another person recognized that living, even for brief periods of time, in other countries has generated a lot of joy and success in her life. Now that her kids are older, she has the resolve to bring back these cross-cultural immersive experiences.
Someone else shared how his identity as an extrovert led him to neglect his yearning for alone time.
Another realized that her identity and skills as a host in her personal life could be channeled into her business.
Someone else realized that their mind is invigorated from stepping out of routine, and more fully embracing a playful / spontaneous identity – in this case by doing a sunset group bike ride (with glowing pumpkins on their helmets!).

Sometimes a great entrepreneurial idea can even come from identity. One person at the retreat realized that their “I'm not good w/money” identity led them to start a service that makes personal finance as easy as maintaining your car.

The common threads that made these sounding boards successful were:

curious questions
validation of the person’s responses, and
a deep recognition that the speaker knows their situation best

As professionals, we may overlook or undervalue the inherent wisdom of our clients and we all realized that, in softening our own rigid perceptions of identity, we are more likely to see our clients and staff more expansively.

The Power of Informal Interactions

Our retreat was more than structured exercises. We hiked the outrageously beautiful Marin Headlands trails overlooking the Pacific Ocean, shared meals together, and practiced truly listening to and seeing each other — beyond our professional identities. Many of those informal conversations surfaced valuable insights into the inner resources we'd each been overlooking.

The theme for our next Reset Retreat is Grow Your Client Base and Deepen Relationships — because at the heart of our professional journey is the impact we have on the people we serve. We'll explore how to attract and engage the clients who will truly flourish with you, and how to cultivate the kind of trust that invites clients to share their deepest fears and aspirations. Through simple but powerful emotional intelligence and mindfulness practices, we'll discover how to make both happen more naturally. Join us at the next retreat →

Transforming Holiday Tensions Into Opportunities for Growth

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Fri, 08 Dec 2023 23:12:59 GMT

For many of us, spending time with family is not always a holiday (in the British sense of the word). If you’re feeling a bit anxious about spending more time than usual with your family, rest assured that you’re probably not alone in feeling this way.

Theodore Roosevelt said “ Comparison is the thief of joy ,” and there’s nothing like a holiday meal to bring out the comparing mind. In the domains of money and work in particular, it’s common to find ourselves comparing our financial and professional achievements with those of family members.

But one of the things that I love about both the logical and psychological dimensions of money is that our challenges in this area can actually become a catalyst for personal and professional growth.

Here are 5 ways to channel your inner alchemist and turn your family challenges into golden opportunities for growth:

Embrace Others' Success: When you catch yourself comparing your income/house, for example, to your sibling’s, turn into the skid (!) and say this silently to yourself: I wish my brother even more success than he has. Say this with sincerity and be patient with the results. This is a counter-intuitive strategy that has dissolved my comparing mind in many situations.
Cultivate Compassion: When you feel judgment from another family member, perhaps for lifestyle choices like renting rather than owning a home, or spending more than usual on a vacation, aim to cultivate compassion for this person and for yourself. Then, remind yourself of the benefits you’ve enjoyed by not buying a home. For example, maybe renting has given you the ability to take jobs that are less stressful or perhaps you really enjoy the freedom from the time/money burdens of home ownership.
Practice Beginner’s Mind: If you become aware that you’re judging another, imagine seeing this person as if you’re meeting them for the first time (kind of a wild idea, I admit, if it’s your parents, siblings, or kids). One more remedy: interrupt yourself in the midst of a judging train of thought, and name one inner quality you appreciate about this person. When we sense the goodness or wholeness of another person, this often segues to feeling more connected to them.
Redirect Judgment: When we feel uncomfortable at a gathering, we sometimes default to judging another as a way to lessen or suppress our own challenging feelings. Notice this tendency in yourself. This recognition, in itself, is an expression of emotional intelligence, and often recognizing when we judge someone will soften the judgment.
Accept Gift-Giving Emotions: Then there’s the anxiety over gift-giving. Did I give too much or too little compared to others? In this case, recognize that so many of us experience shame, frustration, fear, and anxiety when the topic of money arises. We initially encountered money as young children when it seemed confusing, emotional, and even taboo, yet significant. So how could it not trigger shame for us as adults? This is an opportunity to directly sense the difficult feeling and not try to get rid of it. That’s right, experiencing the physical sensations of the feeling of shame or fear, for example, without commenting on the feeling, eventually lessens its intensity and opens the door to insight.

If a money decision by someone (like buying a second home or a flashy new car) inspires you, wait a few weeks and see if the glow of the idea is still shining. This cultivates the inner quality of resilience and also saves you from spending money on things that don’t completely align with your wants or needs.

May these coming weeks bring a sense of ease, and a sense of enough.

If the holidays stir up some complicated feelings around money, know that those feelings can be your greatest teacher. Your Inner Compass , my 5-week self-paced course, gives you the tools to work through those feelings and find your way to a more peaceful relationship with money. Take a look →

Make Better Decisions & Reduce Stress with "Beginner's Mind"

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Mon, 16 Oct 2023 20:37:01 GMT

When I was in my 20s, a fire broke out on the 9th floor of the Philadelphia office building where I was working on the 2nd floor as a financial advisor. I was already stressed at work, but the fire ignited my stress. As I waited for the Philadelphia fire department to extinguish the fire, I went into paralysis mode; I panicked and wondered about saving my laptop. In my desperation, I asked the fire marshal to let me into an unsafe building to retrieve my precious device. My mind was overcrowded with emotion and I couldn’t access any rational thought, a clear symptom of stress. Yes, I got my laptop. Not only was it unrepairable from the water damage, but I also risked my life for a thing!?

We all understand stress, but what does it really mean? It’s being in a fight, flight, or paralysis mode, a significant portion of your day. The demands of our work exceed our inner resources and we can no longer maintain our equanimity. This describes my own life. It took a dramatic event for me to see the urgency for change. I developed a training program for myself and professionals to make easier and wiser decisions, as well as cultivating a mindset that is less shaken by the volatility of work and life. When our minds are so swamped by demands, we risk creating a mind that’s overcrowded, without much room for new ideas or perspectives.

I have been working with attorneys, as an independent financial advisor, for over 30 years and I’m impressed by the volume of knowledge they have to maintain, the juggling of changing cases and deadlines, the competitive environment, and the necessary communication skills, to be successful. Not surprisingly, being an attorney is the most stressful occupation in the U.S. according to the Washington Post .

What’s the Antidote to Stress? Beginner’s Mind.

An overcrowded mind, like a full cup of tea, has less space for new ideas. The opposite of a cluttered mind, an empty cup, is the Japanese idea of shoshin, which translates to Beginner’s Mind. When I first heard the idea, I didn’t get it, but as I’ve cultivated and shared the Beginner’s Mind idea, it has become a game changer. As we move from a crowded mind to a spacious Beginner’s Mind, we move from stress and a narrow aperture to curiosity and a wide aperture.

Beginner’s Mind is about greeting this moment with a mind of openness and wonder. The practice of shoshin can act as a counter to the hubris and closed-mindedness often associated with thinking of oneself as an expert. My sense is that Beginner’s Mind creates the fertile soil for client insights to emerge. For example, one client decided to move from the Bay area to the Midwest to accelerate financial independence; another asked their kids if they wanted to inherit the family summer home; and another told her parents that she didn’t want any inheritance. I also learned that a client’s stress about a financial or legal matter is sometimes related to a family issue, such as the stress of not living up to the parent’s standards.

Beginner’s Mind is a powerful tool for making any decision, including whether to choose a higher paying law path that might not be the right fit, or how to balance expenses including student debt. Consider the following to start cultivating Beginner’s Mind for yourself.

Intentionally hear your client without past associations and the clutter of your own ideas. Begin to let go of rehearsing your response while another is speaking. It’s listening as if you’re hearing the client for the first time – and it’s bringing curiosity instead of presumptions. You can, however, repeat back what you’ve heard (without exactly parroting it) to make sure you’ve understood them (independent of your filters). For example, if the client says “I’m concerned about …” you might say “I’m curious: tell me more. What might alleviate this concern?”

When we listen with curiosity, we often connect more deeply and even discover something new. This kind of breakthrough lowers our stress; we’re no longer replaying our attorney role; we’re meeting life with freshness. To really get this point, imagine arriving at work and a colleague asks you about a case without any expectation of your answer. Can you sense the spaciousness that might result?

5 Steps for Beginner’s Mind

Declutter the Mind: Before a client interaction, take a 5 min brisk walk or do a mindfulness exercise with the intention of creating a little spaciousness in your mind. Intention is the operative word in that sentence.

Listen with Curiosity: Before beginning a client meeting, remind yourself to listen with curiosity and to let go of any bias. I also remember that the client knows themselves better than I do. As advisors, I have found that we offer clients tremendous value by making them aware of their options – i.e. “Here’s my experience of the pros and cons of doing a 1031 real estate exchange,” and then the client makes their decision. Finally, I remind myself that as a subject matter expert, I can come across as a know-it-all and clients don’t value that as much as we think. This prevents me from pontificating — for 20 minutes, oblivious to what’s important to them.

Collaborate on the agenda: Tell the client, “I have an outline for our meeting today, but tell me if there’s a topic or priority for the agenda.” You’re signaling to the client that you’re receptive to their ideas, even if it wasn’t on the agenda. I also want to honor what they think is most important.

Train: Just as you do many reps at the gym, be willing to do many reps of noticing the moment you catch yourself rehearsing your response or finishing your client’s sentences as they’re speaking. Beginner’s Mind is an open, uncluttered mind, the opposite of a mind busy rehearsing. Just kindly recognizing, and interrupting the pattern, starts to diminish future rehearsing.

Ask questions: Ask questions that help the client get to their own answers. When the client does ask a question, offer a brief answer and ask if they want more. Remind yourself during the meeting to listen with a sense of wonder. There’s a well-respected meditation teacher from India, Nisargadatta, who said “knowing more is a path to ignorance and not knowing is a path to wisdom.” As we mature in our professions, we realize that there is so much nuance in how a client talks about retirement, for example. The more we can listen with an uncluttered mind and hear that nuance, the more likely the client will trust us to share beyond what they might normally share.

Mind Skills for Making Wise Decisions

According to Eva Krockow, professor of psychology at the University of Leicester, your brain is making more than 35,000 decisions per day, or over 12 million per year – that sounds stressful! That mind-boggling statistic was the catalyst for me to investigate how we, as advisors, can make less stressful and wiser decisions and how we can guide our clients to do the same. Yes – this is a trainable skill! – and we have at least 35,000 opportunities everyday to get better and help our clients, so let’s get started!

Cultivate Objectivity. Wise decision making depends, in part, on our ability to keep our emotions and fixed beliefs in check. One simple way to access greater objectivity is to ask yourself (or your client): how would you advise a colleague or friend with the same challenge? The more often you do this, the more you train your brain to access objectivity and the less you strengthen your biases. My clients and I love this exercise. I have come to see that clients really value advisors who empower them to make their own life decisions. When clients feel our increased objectivity over time, they naturally want to follow our modeling and be more objective themselves. Another way to increase objectivity is to recognize your pervading money beliefs and/or biases. For example, I have a belief that people should leave enough (but not too much) to their heirs. When I recognize my bias, I can compensate for it. One way I do that is by listening with a Beginner’s Mind to really hear their compelling reasons. I also ask myself: what if I listen to this client as an advisor who believes clients should leave all their money to their heirs?
Give Yourself Time. I have often made poor decisions because I created an artificial deadline. Now, I find out when a decision is actually due, so that I don’t assume a date. I also allow 24 hours before responding to an upsetting email, because I’ve learned that replying impulsively, in the heat of the moment, usually isn’t necessary or wise. Many times, the situation gets resolved before I even need to reply. With more time, our emotions are more likely to settle and less likely to result in an impulsive decision that we’ll regret.
Cultivate an Enough Mindset. This is a subtle but profound idea. When we’re feeling a sense of scarcity in terms of our success, our brains function less optimally. The first step in cultivating a mindset of Enoughness is to recognize our bias towards seeing that which is missing (the negative), rather than seeing what we already have. The more we train our brain to see that we’re enough as we are, the more likely we are to see the opportunities for growth. A simple practice of noticing one thing that you appreciate about yourself and a client, can help you move to this mindset of enough. Our minds naturally let go of tension, we stop over-striving, and ironically, we experience more sustainable success.
Gain Intelligence. When thinking through a decision, seek out feedback from people with diverse points of view. One of the mistakes I’ve made, for example, is not seeking enough feedback from my operations team before offering a new service. That’s also why our experience about what worked and didn’t for past clients is so valuable. I also encourage my clients to have a zoom call with all of their advisors before making big decisions.
Review . Recall your biggest decisions over the past 5 -10 years. Look back and recognize what went well and what didn’t, making sure to include successful decisions too! What are you learning about yourself?

The best part about training your decision-making skills is that it can be really fun. Many legal professionals attending my Mindful Advisor programs have found this to be one of the best things they have done for their mental health, practice, and client relations. The qualities of Beginner’s Mind and an Enough mindset won’t just make you a better decision maker, they’ll help you distinguish your practice and offer clients your most valuable asset — your presence.

Unlocking Financial Wellness With Joyce Marter

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Tue, 22 Aug 2023 14:28:03 GMT

Achieving financial wellness does not only benefit your wealth building journey. At its highest points, it also leads to a healthier mind and body. Spencer Sherman sits down with psychologist and author Joyce Marter who discusses how our relationship with money directly impacts our perspectives, lifestyle, and emotions. She explains how wealth is very much connected with a person’s self-esteem, highlighting the necessary work to avoid having a deflated view of oneself. Joyce also talks about the right way to deal with stress related to your money and how to turn them into positive financial drivers.

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Listen to the podcast here

Unlocking Financial Wellness With Joyce Marter

I'm here with Joyce Marter . Joyce is a world-renowned psychologist, author, and international speaker. I hate to use the word guru, but she is someone who has been working with money and the psychology of money for as long as anyone and has had so many great insights into this field. What I want to say is that I love the fact that I'm in this field and that it's getting so much attention. People are understanding that this field of money is not so much about how much we know about money. It's something to do with that. Knowledge is somewhat important, but it has so much more to do with our relationship with money. Our thoughts, emotions, and beliefs from childhood about money often seem, to me, to cause our successes and failures with our finances and cause our stress or ease with our finances. Joyce, I want to welcome you here. How are you?

I'm doing well, Spencer. Thank you so much for having me and for the kind introduction.

I know I sound crazy when I get so passionate about this field, but it has to do with my background that money was a big topic in my family. It caused a lot of pain and suffering. What I've become aware of is that this emotional work and emotional intelligence work that I've done on money has helped me undo so much of that suffering to have a whole different way of being with money than my family. I've gotten excited about sharing that with others. I know that's part of you as well from some of the things you shared with me.

I wonder if you could begin by giving us a sense of why you're passionate about this field. I might have shared with you that my whole family had a major breakup over a money issue between my father and his sister. We lost many family members for decades because they could not speak about money. To me, a field that has such darkness also pulls so much lightness.

It's such an unexpected other thing that excites me. I don't know about you, but this territory is so unexplored. We're pioneers. To boost things around money, you're not supposed to be talking about it. Here we are and we're talking about the topic you're not supposed to talk about. I love the fact that you're here. Feel free to start us out with a little background about yourself. Not many psychologists are even interested in touching money, let alone making it the forefront of what they do. Let's start with that to keep clueing you in. Go ahead.

I've been a licensed psychotherapist for many years. I am super passionate about de-stigmatizing mental health issues and promoting awareness and access to care. Like many therapists, I came into the field because of my own issues. I struggled with anxiety and self-esteem issues. When I got into graduate school, very smartly, at Northwestern, it was recommended that we all get into our own personal therapy and I found it transformational. I'm also an entrepreneur. I founded, built, and sold Urban Balance, which is a national outpatient mental health company. I started the business with $500 and $50,000 of student loan debt.

I don't know if you know this, but we therapists specialize in our own issues. I suffered from tremendous financial anxiety. I ended up in cashflow hell. The bigger that my business got, the more money was outstanding from insurance payers. It was manageable when the business was smaller, but as it grew, it was hundreds of thousands of dollars that was outstanding. I dealt with insomnia and panic attacks. I didn't know how I was going to pay my rent and my staff on time.

In your mind, you were even becoming more successful, but the anxiety was going through the roof.

What's fascinating is if there's anything I've learned as a therapist, it's that we all unconsciously repeat what's familiar until we become aware and choose something better. I recreated my family of origin experience. My father was born during the Great Depression and understandably had a scarcity mindset around money even though he worked super hard, got his Harvard MBA, and was an executive in the automotive industry.

When I was an adolescent, my father was laid off during the automotive recession for many years and dealt with clinical depression and tremendous money anxiety. It was confusing for me as a kid because we lived in a nice home and lived a nice lifestyle, yet there was the shame and secrecy that inside our house, there was fear that the money was going to run out.

It is some of what you had with your business also.

Exactly. It is the same thing. Like any good therapist, I practiced what I preached and got myself back into therapy. My therapist said, “What does money mean to you? What do you think when I say the word money?” I said, “I think of stress.” She said, “No wonder you make it go away.”

Take that in, everybody. Let's accept that for a moment. That awareness is powerful. We don't want to admit certain things, but the fact that you were able to admit that probably led to it getting freed up for you. What great feedback you got from this other therapist that if it's causing stress, no wonder you're making it go away.

In my own practice, I've had this enormous blessing of learning from thousands of clients that I've treated over many years of clinical practice and reaping their wisdom. I started to notice that as my clients made progress in therapy, they started to earn more money. Their client was coming in reporting raises, promotions, and starting their own businesses and side hustles. I thought, “Why is this happening? We are not even talking about money at this point in my career.” It was because as we work in therapy, each of us is working on our self-esteem and our self-work. As we feel more confident, we put ourselves out in the world differently. We expand our comfort zone, advocate for ourselves, negotiate, and take risks we might not have made previously.

I love that. Self-esteem is very connected from what I hear you saying to money. Maybe that's going to lead to my next question, and maybe that's part of the answer that I'm sure a lot of people here are interested in. You've worked with hundreds and thousands of clients, students, and people who are attending your speaking engagements and workshops over the years.

I'm wondering what you've noticed about the people who hear what you're saying or come to your sessions or whatever and nothing changes in their lives, and then there are the people that come to your sessions and attend your talks and something significant happens in their lives. I'm wondering if you can speak to some of the differences. What leads someone to take your guidance and become a lot more successful, less stressed, more at ease with money, etc.?

I would say a few things, which are embracing your worth and accessing support.

Let's start with that first one, embracing your worth. Tell us about that.

I believe that worth is on a spiritual or soul level. If you believe in mind, body, and spirit, our soul is our essence. We're all innately worthy and deserving. Our ego is our mind. We all have egos as part of the human condition. We can be on a continuum from feeling superior to others to feeling inferior. Healthy self-esteem is in the middle. It's where we recognize our gifts and our strengths, but also our areas of deficit and needed growth and development. The big difference is when people embrace their worth and they take responsibility and the reins. I have had a lot of clients spend a lot of time in my sessions talking about other people. That could be their partner, boss, or parents. I've done it myself. My mother starred in my first round of therapy.

That was very revealing because you didn't say that you starred. You said your mother starred. It's like, whose therapy session is it?

It wasn't until I had a great therapist, Arlene Englander, who said, “What about you? What are you contributing?” She had me look at myself and my own behaviors that were causing me suffering, unhappiness, or financial stress and limitation.

This part about worthiness, I want to make sure we all grok this. It is hearing this balanced view of ourselves that we are not deflated but we're also not inflated. We see our goodness, but we also recognize some of our limitations or some of the areas of challenge or growth for us. To those of us who are reading, what would you say to the people who have a deflated self-view of themselves? What's needed for those people?

From passive or passive-aggressive communication to assertive communication, that demonstrates respect for yourself and others. When you set healthy boundaries with others, that demonstrate respect for yourself, including financial boundaries, whether that's with your employer, your family members, your kids, or your partner.

Can you give us a boundary that a lot of us may not be good at? You can suggest to us a boundary. Maybe you're going out to lunch. Who's going to pay the check? Maybe someone asks you to help them with something and you say, “I only have this much time,” rather than unlimited. Maybe you can give us a little to do around boundaries because that's so important.

I'm a recovering people pleaser, so I've had to learn to say no and set healthy boundaries. It's important to get clear about what your needs are, to value yourself, to practice self-care and self-love, and to make sure that you're not overextending yourself or allowing your boundaries to be compromised. When you get clearer on that line, then it's your job to take care of yourself by communicating that in a way that is kind, diplomatic, and respectful of yourself and others. You can use iMessage to say, “I'm on a budget. I'm wondering if we could split the check.”

For a lot of us, including me, that's not easy to speak to that issue even though it seems so simple. You want to have a nice time at lunch. You don't want to bring up something yucky or messy like money. Is there a way to do it where I could say, “I'm uncomfortable. I'm nervous about saying this, but I am on a budget now. Could we split the check at the end?” Do you have any suggestions on how to make that easier or more fun?

There are two things. One of them is to recognize that it's shame and fear. You're embarrassed that you're dealing with some money struggles or that you can't afford what your friend can afford. When we share whatever we're feeling vulnerable about, it shines the light on that. Usually, it invites other people to do the same. Oftentimes, we compare our insides to other people's outsides. We imagine they're not having financial concerns or struggles, but we don't know that.

It is also being proactive. For example, a friend and I realized we always go out for these nice dinners. We're both trying to work not only on our financial health but our physical health, so we decided instead to go for walks together. It saves us hundreds of dollars. We burn calories and have a ton of fun, and we're in nature.

You burn calories instead of cash. I love what you said about how when you're at that meal, it's an act of vulnerability. When we feel shame around sharing that, “I'm on a budget now. I want to know if we could split the check at the end,” or something like that, it's a way to create a connection with someone. That's what I've seen. It always feels so scary, but once I do it, it almost always feels amazing. We have a high probability of success when we're vulnerable in speaking about ourselves using an I statement. It is like, “I'm having some issues with my finances right now. Can we split this check today?” It lets everyone exhale.

It doesn't even have to be framed in a negative way like, “I'm having issues.” It could be, “I am working on my financial health and wellness.” I would like us to be cognizant of that when we select the restaurant, the plans, or whatever it may be.

It could be, “I'm working on my financial health,” or, “My spouse and I are saving up for a house. I need to be conscious of how our spending. Can we split the check today?” or, “Can we go to a less expensive restaurant?” It’s not after you've gotten into the restaurant but as you're deciding. It takes some boldness. Many people have told me that they end up going out with a friend of theirs to a 4 or 5-star restaurant because they don't know how to speak to it. What you are suggesting is to frame it in a neutral or positive way.

Also, it is to practice self-compassion. Having financial challenges is part of the human condition. We're all works in progress. None of us is perfect and our challenges are part of our learning opportunities, our growth, and our healing. I know I dealt with a lot of financial shame. It wasn't until I was in that cashflow hell situation. That broke me open. I lost my business partner who was one of my best friends. She said,
“I can't deal with the stress anymore. I'm leaving the company and our relationship,” which was very painful.

That caused a big change in me to open myself up to ask for help and support. Instead of pretending like everything was okay, I told my staff, “I'm so sorry, but I screwed up. I need help,” and help came out of the woodwork. I talked to friends and family. It was my neighbor that recommended a business valuation. That's what changed my whole trajectory. Together with my leadership team, I was able to transform the business and successfully sell it for more money than I would've ever imagined making in a lifetime.

It was a precursor. That was you having the courage to say, “I need help.”

It was a big part of it. Fear and shame prevented me from seeking the business and financial consultation that I needed because I was afraid somebody was going to tell me that my business model didn't work, that my dream wouldn't come true, or I was embarrassed that I had so much. It was anxiety-provoking to talk about that with somebody.

For all of us reading, what's a tail sign when fear or shame is keeping us from taking a wise financial action?

You and I both practice mindfulness and meditation. It is going inward and checking in with your body. If you're not breathing, you're feeling muscle tension in your body, or you're feeling tension, worry, stress, anxiety, and gripping, those are all indicators that you're in a fear state rather than in a flow state. Money has flow like breath and love. It ebbs and flows. It goes in and out. When we embrace our gifts and align them with a need in the world to the greatest extent possible, we are in this flow state that welcomes an abundant life.

That's beautiful. Much of it is acknowledging what's happening in the body and being true to what's arising. That led you to be able to ask for help, and then all this magical stuff happened from there. The business sold for so much more than you had imagined.

I started meditation and yoga around that time.

You mentioned that to me. That was a big part of your journey.

When we meditate and do mindfulness practices, we connect with our essence, our inner light, and our inner fire. We can detach from the ego. We can expand our lives spiritually, emotionally, relationally, and financially.

Yes. Thank you.

Here is a book, a script, or a guide, if you will, for having a whole new way of being in your life in general but especially being with money. Is there anything else you want to say about what this book could do for you?

My hope is that it's transformative. I've heard amazing feedback from readers who've worked the program. Some couples have worked it together, which is amazing because, for many of us, money and relationships are complicated because we each have our money stories. My hope is that it's healing for people. I'm It was book award season and the book won nine awards. I hope that will reach more people.

Congratulations.

Thank you so much.

That's fantastic. I also want to read out a comment. Catherine Sullivan who is a neuroscientist suggests changing the term mental health to brain health with recognition that the brain develops from 18 and under, which is brain development to 19 to 50 of optimum brain health to 50-plus until brain death. You’re saying, Catherine, that the brain keeps developing. The less stress, the longer the state of optimal brain health. Do you have any response there to that?

I love the idea of calling it brain health because there's less stigma around that. There's a huge component to mental health that is biochemical, genetic, and neurological. Also, the connection between stress and brain health or mental health is very real. We were in a stress epidemic even before the pandemic and the pandemic added fuel to the fire. Catherine's point is about developmentally appreciating where we're at. I know in my own life, I've been conscious of reducing my stressors and simplifying my life. I recognize that I want to live a long healthy life. Stress is a component of that, so I want to reduce my stress.

We're not going to get stressed down to zero. There's some stress that's healthy for us. If you're in a frictionless environment with nothing to do all day, that doesn't lead to a happy and fulfilling life. If you have a hammock and great food, we need more than just a hammock. Maybe you can say something about how you distinguish the good from the bad stress, especially in terms of one's finances.

If you're having a fight, flight, or freeze response or flee or fawn, which is the other one, that's an unhealthy and unadaptable response to stress. It is recognizing that and then getting back to mindfulness practices so that you can become more aware of what is causing you stress. Is it internal? Is it the way that you think about things?

Cognitive behavioral therapy can be extremely helpful with that. Is it past trauma that needs to be healed and resolved? Is it current relationships that need to be re-examined or a toxic workplace or job? What do you need to do to empower yourself to emancipate yourself from those situations that are causing you stress and unhappiness?

How do you know if it's good stress or healthy stress?

Good stress is motivating and energizing. It keeps us on task. Bad stress can cause us to freeze and feel paralyzed, feel fear, and feel anger. It negatively impacts our mental health in terms of depression and anxiety, eating disorders, or substance use disorders.

I know there's this quote of yours that I love. I hear this from so many people who tried a lot of things to change their financial situation. They are like, “It seems to change a little bit and then it reverts back to the way it was. I'm having trouble making sustainable change.” You have this quote, “Until we keep recreating the familiar and until we become aware, we choose something better. We choose something different.”

I wondered if you could speak to that, and then we'll do a little closing out here because we're getting close to time here. I know that change is so possible and also a little elusive for many of us. You're pointing out that there's something attractive to the familiar. We keep recreating the familiar and become aware. We choose something different or better. Maybe you can say something about that. How do you end up doing that? How do you put that into practice?

We can all end up on a gerbil wheel of work and household responsibilities. That's not a conscious way of living. It is choosing to step off of the gerbil wheel and thoughtfully examine your life and what you want for yourself. In therapy, they call it the miracle question. If you had a magic wand, what would you like your life to look like?

My favorite thing as a therapist is mirroring back everything amazing about my clients and empowering them to think bigger and aim higher. It is creating that vision that's scary or beyond what you ever believed was available to you. When you create that vision, there's discomfort and growth. There's putting yourself out there. There's failure. Failure is a huge part of success. It's a willingness to fail, to have setbacks, and to be bumped around, if you will, in the process of learning, growing, and evolving. It also requires support and accountability because, without support and accountability, we often revert back to our old behaviors.

I love what you said that accountability is so key. It is having an accountability buddy or an ally because sometimes, an accountability buddy sounds heavy. It is having someone in it with, either a professional, a friend, or a colleague. You said something about setbacks. That's so good because I was brought up with this idea that if I'm doing it right, there are not going to be any setbacks in life.

It doesn't make any sense at all.

It doesn't make any sense because everybody has setbacks. The most successful people in life have had many setbacks. It is to see those as part of the journey and something to be learned from, not something that should tell us necessarily to quit.

In fact, in my book, there are some studies that the temptation to quit is the strongest right before great success. It is about perseverance and resilience and moving through that. Those challenges are opportunities for learning and growth. Progress is not linear. We all have setbacks. It is how we learn from those and how the willingness to get back on the horse and try again helps us succeed and persevere.

That is so good. That is so well said. I love all this. You are amazing. I want to keep talking to you and have you back. It's so good. You're so full of so many good insights and experiences. It's all in her book. It's in her other offerings. Check out her website, which is Joyce-Marter.com . Is there anything else you'd like to share about yourself or your offerings?

I'm very excited that you and I are going to be doing The Inner Dimensions of Mastering Money course together through Sounds True this fall 2023. I know that's going to be marketed shortly. I hope folks will join us both there.

That is an amazing program. It's so layered. Sounds True and Tami Simon has produced such a rich, nuanced, and very in-depth money program that operates on so many different levels. There's hardcore financial education in the program. There's hardcore psychological guidance. There's a lot of spiritual. Someone started doing more of the spiritual side, looking at ancestral patterns. Whatever your money issue is, you've got four people leading the program, including me and Joyce. We're all coming at it from a different angle because you never know what's going to resonate with each person on each issue. It was brilliantly put together. You'll find in the Sounds True website The Inner Dimensions of Mastering Money .

I am very excited about that. It is an honor to be working with you and others. It will be great.

Thank you, Albert, for your beautiful comments. Catherine, thank you so much for bringing your neuroscience wisdom here. Thank you, Arvin, Omar, and Zorba. Thank you, everyone. This is going to be an incredible recording that you'll want to share with your friends and colleagues at work. You could find out more about me at Spencer-Sherman.com . It has been such an honor and a pleasure to chat with you and learn from you. Thank you so much for the gifts that you're giving this world and to all of us. Thank you so much for your work.

Likewise. Thank you.

Take care, everybody. I'll see you soon. Be well. May you all flourish with your life and finances. May we all flourish and many beings benefit from all this work that we're doing with ourselves around money. Thanks again.

Thank you.

Important Links

About Joyce Marter

Money, Mindfulness, And Music: Disbunking Money Beliefs, Breaking Through Financial Blocks, And Transforming Your Relationship With Money With Justin Michael Williams

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Thu, 11 May 2023 19:00:00 GMT

True financial success comes not from external circumstances but from transforming your relationship with money from within. Join Spencer Sherman and Justin Michael Williams in this enlightening episode as they discuss money beliefs, strategies, and relationships. Justin shares his journey from growing up in a challenging environment to becoming a Grammy-nominated musician, meditation teacher, and financial success coach. Spencer also adds insights on how his beliefs around the concept of money were shaped. Together, they explore the power of transforming your relationship with money and provide practical strategies for developing a healthy mindset towards wealth. They talk about recognizing and overcoming limiting beliefs about money, using meditation and mindfulness to cope with financial stress and anxiety, and the advantages of motivated action towards financial objectives. Tune in now and train your brain for a healthier relationship with money!

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Listen to the podcast here

Money, Mindfulness, And Music: Disbunking Money Beliefs, Breaking Through Financial Blocks, And Transforming Your Relationship With Money With Justin Michael Williams

I am thrilled. I'm on my feet, a little bit on my tiptoes. I’m excited to be welcoming Justin Michael Williams to the stage. Michael, welcome.

I'm grateful and thankful to be here for an important conversation. This is exciting to me.

Justin grew up with gunshot holes outside of his bedroom window. He has gone from that to sharing the stage with celebrities like Deepak Chopra and Marianne Williamson. He has been teaching around the world. He is also a Grammy-nominated musician and a meditation teacher. He is all about changing our life, and our relationship with money comes from within. I am delighted to have you here, Justin. How are you feeling? What is rising for you?

I'm feeling good. I'm excited about this conversation. I ate some great food. That is all I usually need in my life to pep up my step. I feel excited to be here to explore deeply this conversation about the transformation that happens within, especially about money, which people often think of as creating things that are outside of ourselves. It is a powerful conversation to have.

It is as taboo as sex, religion, and politics. It is a topic you can't talk about. Sometimes it might even be more taboo than those other three topics. If you are ready to dive into this landmine of a topic, let's do it, Justin. Starting out, would you share a little bit about the money beliefs you inherited? That is going to be important here for people to read in terms of the arc of your story, which is going to be so illuminating for all of us. It’s to read a little bit about those money beliefs that you took on when you were 5, 6, 7, or 8 years of age. What are some of the things that came to you at that young age?

This is such an important place to start because we all have our money stories based upon how money was treated, shown, or respected or not in our families growing up. It was interesting because I always say, “I grew up poor, but I didn't know it. I had no idea.” That sounds wild, but I did not know that we grew up poor until I was in college.

People often look at me with shocked and confused faces. The reason I say that is I grew up in a community that is a lower-income community in general. It is a town about twenty minutes east of Oakland called Pittsburgh, California. In our community, we were the people who were not that poor. There were many people who had less than us.

What is interesting about this is when I got to college, I remember sitting at orientation with some of my friends. I think I'm middle class. If you would have asked me when I was seventeen, I would have said, “I was middle class.” I'm listening to my friends talk that I was meeting at college. They are talking about the vacation homes that they went to at the lake and the boat that their dad had. They were fishing on the sailboat with their parents, this and that. I was like, “This is what the middle class is.” I didn't even know. I had never even witnessed anybody having that money.

It was during that moment with my friends that I realized I was poor. The other thing that is important to mention about this for everybody’s reading is the context of how I didn't know. Now, in hindsight, I think about the story, and it is obvious to me. I grew up, my parents divorced, and I lived with my mom. She made about $35,000 a year as a single mom with three kids living in California. You can put that math together.

Somehow, I had everything I ever wanted. I never went hungry, not even close to anything like that. I got a new car when I was sixteen. I cared about Michael Jordan's shoes, which I don't care about as much anymore, but I had new shoes and clothes. We went school shopping at the mall for a new wardrobe every fall. I went on wherever I wanted to go. I never got told no for anything. We had all the video game consoles. We had everything that I wanted.

It wasn't until later in life that I discovered that my mom had put herself in massive debt and demolished her credit. She never let us know about any of that. She would overdraw her bank account. We never knew that. She would be choosing to pay this bill and let the other one be past due so that we could get shoes. We never knew that.

I want to comment on a couple of things you share because they are important for all of us to learn this label that we tend to give ourselves around money. This is my interpretation of one of your stories to some degree, is that in some ways, and I'm hearing that from you, it might have been a blessing in disguise that you didn't know you were poor. You didn't have that label and limiting belief. A lot of us walk around with this idea, “I am different. I am poor. I am less educated,” or whatever ways we make ourselves less than other people.

I'm in a men's group. I can say that to myself because I don't weigh as much as the other White man in my men's group. They are over six feet. They are 200 pounds. I can separate myself. This way, that money can be a separator and a definer. You didn't have that so much. That is a beautiful thing in some ways that somehow your mother has the secrets of all of her past bills that she didn't pay, but she also gave you this less narrow view of yourself.

I see it as a gift, but every gift can have a shadow. That is what I have had to work with in my adult life. I'm 35 now in 2023. I left my hometown. I went to college at UCLA and built this life. I built my own company and business. I have employees now. It is interesting because the gift that my mom gave me was this idea like, “There will always be enough. You can experience your life. Go and have the experiences and the things that you want because those are the things that you can't undo. Money shouldn't stop you from doing that.” That is great. You will always find there is always more money to be found. Those are the lessons that I took.

The other lesson I took that is a little more challenging is it is always going to work out, which sounds like a good thing until you spend too much, and you got to figure out, “How am I going to work this out?” It has led my life to some overspending and some also not paying attention, like not watching my bank account.

This is a good thing for all of us to read. It was like, “I will buy that car, outfit, or house. Somehow it will all work out.” There are two sides to that. You are well saying that there is this optimism and confidence in that. There is also the shadow of not being realistic or not confronting reality. What can I do? Not saying, “There are guardrails in life, and I'm not paying attention to them at all?”

That is important because a lot of us have this sense. I always did that once I get to a certain level of income or wealth, I won't have any worries about money anymore. I will be able to spend money on anything. In my profession, I have met a lot of extremely wealthy people, people with tens of millions of dollars. I find even amongst those people who earn that money, there is not that sense necessarily of this ability to buy anything. It sounds like you too. Even as you have become more successful, that idea that it will work out has not necessarily always been true.

I have had some SOS moments where I have had to make a couple of phone calls and ask for favors because even in that case, it has worked out, but sometimes with some repercussions, which is not always the best thing. I can attest to the fact that this story has benefited me, and it has also come with some big challenges that led to a lack of consciousness around money because, as a kid, I never had to think about it. There was never any conversation about it at all in the house.

That is normal. I want to normalize that because we think we are different and unique. We find out that in many families, money is an unspoken topic. You probably felt the tension in your family or maybe the confusion and mismatch between how your family was spending and how much they had. You might have felt that on some visceral emotional level as a child without understanding it. We get much, and often it is a confused message because there is nobody explaining stuff to us when we're a child.

I want to hammer home this point because we chatted a little bit. You said, “In order to gain any success in life and deep happiness, it is going to come from within. It is not going to come from the external and getting more money.” Your story reveals that. If you are sitting here and reading this, you are thinking, “My problems, a lot of them, will get solved with more money,” that may not be true.

There is a lot of evidence for the opposite. The good news is that you can address your issues. That is where the opportunity is. It is addressing these issues internally, not waiting for some financial windfall to address them later because that financial windfall is unlikely to provide the transformation you might be fantasizing about.

Can I ask you a question? I'm thinking for myself. I know that still now, I have a lack of awareness and this, “It is always going to work out.” It causes me not to look sometimes. An example I will give you that happened is I had a couple of huge speaking gigs. This is going to be a bougie example, but it is a real example for my life.

I want real ones because everyone will relate to the real ones.

I had my 35th birthday in February 2023. Last October 2022, I invited about 20 of my friends to come to Bali for my 35th birthday. They were going to pay for their flights, but I was taking care of everything else. I had made that as an educated decision because I had these speaking gigs lined up. I knew what this cashflow was going to be. Right at the beginning of 2023, two of the speaking gigs were massively canceled. I still had enough time with my contracts to pull some of the agenda I had planned in Bali back to not spend as much.

Instead, I said, “I don't want to pull back. This is my birthday. It is all going to work out.” It all worked out. I had to put some stuff on a credit card. To make this a little relatable, it is the stuff that we know we want, we say we want, we plan for, and something changes or goes unconscious. I have many micro examples of this in my life. I can tell myself, “Justin, every Monday, you are going to check your accounts.” I do it for several weeks, and I stop. What inner work do I need to do to shift my mindset to become someone who looks more carefully at these things?

Are you open to doing a little bit of mindfulness exercise?

Yes.

I'm going to invite you, Justin, to disclose your eyes for a moment that phrase of, “It is all going to work out. Spend what you want.” If you can recall a specific moment from your childhood, maybe from when you were 5, 6, 7, or 8 years of age when you got that message, “It is all going to work out. Don't worry about money.” That cavalier attitude towards money. If you can share with us where you are, who you are with, and how you are receiving that belief about money, I love to hear it.

I remember being a little kid in the passenger seat of my mom's car and her driving up to the ATM at Bank of America and realizing that she had overdrawn her account. At that moment, I remember her being whimsical about it. She was nonchalant about it. She was like, “I overdrew my account. We are going to go. Everything is fine.” That is the first time I remember this feeling of like, “It is not that big of a deal.”

Was there any sense of confusion or any other feelings that the young Justin felt at that moment?

As I'm feeling into the moment now, I do remember feeling concerned. I was concerned that there was something wrong and almost wondered if she was lying that there was nothing wrong, but having no context or a way to know anything else but going along with her whimsicalness.

This is great because it sounds like you have this radar inside and this intuition. Your body has this wisdom. It somehow knew that there was something concerning and something worrying here. You were getting some signal that things were not quite right. We will connect this may be to the present moment in a moment, but I want to play on that a little bit and stay with that story there. I want you to offer your eyes close for a moment. How old were you in this story?

Nine.

Picture him, what you remember him looking like, and see him. I want you to imagine your 35-year-old self right now offering compassion to this young 6-year-old Justin in whatever way. You're offering compassion for this boy who didn't know anything about money. He wasn't educated about it. Things were happening, and his body was reacting to things that were happening. What would you like to say to young Justin?

You can trust your intuition, and it is going to be okay. You don't have to worry about this. This is not yours.

You have been offering this compassion to younger Justin. You are saying to him, “You are noticing that. It is going to be okay.” What was the other thing you said to him?

“This is not yours.”

I want to feel that for another moment, this compassion for young Justin. It is not his. Trust your intuition. This is not yours. Feel this kindness and love for him that he took on these messages given. He was this blank canvas around money. I want to shift for a moment here to your mother. I want you to offer compassion to your mother. I want you to try that on offering compassion, for she had her own conditioning with money.

Offer this deep compassion for her and recognize that underneath all of her money actions, she wanted wholesomeness, security, success, and wellness for you. Her intentions were noble, but she was acting out of her own history and beliefs with money to this feeling of compassion and share what is arising for you as you share this compassion and understanding of your mother's predicament.

What comes if I offer her some compassionate words is mainly, “You will be loved by your kids even if you don't buy them everything. I know that you are doing the best you can and you are trying hard.”

Keep feeling your love for her, your understanding of how this wasn't at all personal. This had everything to do with her own conditioning and the beliefs that she took on. I'm going to ask you another question, but if anything else is arising for you, please interrupt me. If there is anything you want to say about what it is like to offer young Justin and your mother compassion, speak it out. I'm going to throw one more question at you.

When I counseled people about money, one of the things I discovered is that two siblings, similar in age, will have different money beliefs and takeaways from the same money stories. For example, 2 sisters close in age, 1 sister said, “Terrence, you survived the holocaust.” One sister said, “You should spend your money as soon as you get it because you never know what will happen.” The other sister's belief about money, you should save your money because you never know what will happen. It is a completely different interpretation of the same situation.

One of the things that I have discovered about money is that it is made up. We think we get these concrete ideas from our family around money, but we add a lot of our own spin to things. On the one hand, that could be a little bit like, “I have my own spin. I created this money belief.” It is freeing to know if you create it, you can undo it. I want to give you permission to tell us what might be. Let's imagine for a moment that you could ask for any money belief. What's the money belief you wish your mom had shared with you?

I'm responsible with my money.

It is cool to be responsible with money. How does that feel as you said, “I'm responsible with money?” What is the experience in the body?

It feels grounded.

It doesn't feel heavy to me the way you are saying it. It feels grounding.

It feels grounding, and it also feels like it makes things possible. Being responsible makes it more possible than being more frivolous and not paying attention.

Do you want to say more about why that might be?

As you are responsible, there may be some longer-term and bigger-picture things that you are able to do that you may not be able to do in the short term. It also doesn't have to take away. Being responsible doesn't mean that you can't have fun and enjoy. It means it is also adding another benefit, which is some of the longer-term pictures.

When we have a sense of responsibility, which includes being able to engage with the numbers and see things clearly, which is certainly an aspect of meditation for both of us and for all of you reading, our meditation teachers, we get to also as we see things prioritize what is important. The person who is less able to see things clearly, we might spend a lot more on Monday than we want to and not have as much for Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday, for example. That ability to be responsible and plan out the day, the week, the month, the year, and the decade can be empowering to bring forth your true desires, not necessarily your desires at the moment.

I want you to imagine for a moment you are taking on this belief that you are reframing things and taking on this idea, “I am responsible with money.” That is cool to be responsible. Any other language or words that feel right to you. Let your whole body sink into and envelop that belief for a moment. I want you to imagine from that place how that might impact. Let's say there is a decision to make about money, whether to buy a new car, a new shirt, or whatever else is coming up for you in your life that you might be spending money on. How might it impact that spending decision from this new place of, “I am responsible with money?”

It might make me make a slightly more conservative decision about big things that I'm thinking about. The timing is interesting because I'm in the process of looking at buying a condo in a way. I have a place that I'm excited about, but that is a little bit beyond what I was expecting financially. The option to jump into that or not, or to go with something a little bit more conservative. It makes me think, “If I go the more conservative route and I go on that idea of being responsible makes more things possible, it might lead me to take a more conservative route or take a real deep second look at the first option that I'm considering.”

Who knows what the final decision will be? If it is based on the numbers and the evidence about what is true for you and what is going to bring you most alive, I don't have a quick answer. You should either necessarily about whether you are going to take the less expensive or more expensive condo. It is sitting with this if you have a little time where you don't have to make an impulsive decision. That is always better.

If you can sit with this and be with it, what are the pluses of spending a little more? How will that impact my finances? Instead of saying, “It will all work out. It won't work out.” Look at the numbers. What is the difference? How does that feel because users have done all this work around looking at this new belief of, “It is good to be responsible, and I am responsible with money?”

It feels grounded and clear. I feel a sense of possibility when I think about it that way.

This compassion practice and I will share it with you, Justin, and everyone, is a practice that I do every day. It took about a month until I saw some benefits. I trusted this practice because it is based on 2,600-year-old Buddhist practices. I was getting nowhere with this practice. I was determined because I had a belief about money that was infecting my life in a bad way. My belief was money was more important than everything, which led me to do some unhealthy things in my life. I risked my life in all kinds of crazy ways.

I kept doing this compassion practice. What came out of it for me was loosening. We are not going to get rid of this belief that you took on that it will all work out. I don't think we need to because there is value and gold in that belief. We are going to loosen it a bit. It is something that you don't need to take a lot of time out of your days. You can do five minutes a day. You can do it when you are waiting in line somewhere, offering young Justin compassion. We are not getting rid of his beliefs. We are offering compassion for his beliefs. We are almost going the other way. It is okay if you think it is all going to work out. That makes sense that you would believe that, given what you were surrounded by.

I want to invite you and everyone to keep at this compassion practice because I have discovered, and many people have, that this is where you can start to feel into and start moving from, as I have experienced, start acting from making money decisions from this new Justin that is aware that money will work out and I am responsible with money. That combination is a powerful combination.

I know you wrote this song around I Am Enough. It feels connected to this idea of being responsible. It will all work out, and this internal enoughness that you are putting out into the world. When we make a decision from that place, I'm curious, as you are feeling now, what would it be like for you to make this condo decision from this place of responsibility, and it will all work out enoughness?

What it looks like is handling the decision differently to start sitting down and looking at the numbers. Here is what it looks like with decision A and what that is month to month. Here is decision B and what that is. Thinking through what that creates for me versus deciding based on which one I want allows me to make a much more responsible, educated, and clear choice, which I like. Either way, I'm going to be fine.

I got goosebumps when you said that about looking at the numbers because I thought about your mom. She wasn't often looking at the numbers and didn't have that ability. For most of us, that is a tricky place to go to look at the numbers because it is scary. It is easier to look away from the numbers. I got goosebumps and chills. It was exciting for me to hear that. That is how weird I am, Justin.

Looking at the numbers is like being present and in touch with reality. You don't necessarily need to do all the work yourself. You can hire an accountant, someone, or a friend who got some common sense to be your ally and do it together with someone and say, “I need to know what the numbers are here because even if I end up choosing the more expensive condo, I want to go in with this truth of what is happening. I want to be prepared for it.”

“I know I'm still going to have the great birthday celebration, but I may have to tweak a few of the 40th and 50th birthday celebrations if I do the more expensive one, depending on what happens with my earnings.” You come up with a plan for yourself where you can win. There are many paths to winning. You don't feel that stress of like, “I only win if this happens.”

This was helpful for me in a big way and at the moment. It is a decision I wasn't expecting to come up in this conversation, but that was real for me right now. The call that I had before this was about this.

This work has helped me transform a money belief. It also transformed my relationship with my father. I would be curious to hear what comes up with you and your mother over time with your relationship with her as you do this compassion for her.

That was a beautiful thing to help me see and understand why she was doing things the way she was doing them. I found that to be powerful. I’m less upset about any stories or teachings I did, didn't get, what could have or should have happened. It made it clear why things were the way they were. As soon as I took that stance, it was easy to see why it was the way it was. I felt a lot of love.

I want you to get out. How do people get in touch with you? How do people find out about your great work, workshops, and other speaking engagements? Where should people go?

One of the things that excited me about talking with you here, and I was grateful we got to do it in this way, in such a vulnerable and deep way, is the intersection of our work is about how we transform within to see the change we want to see outside in our lives. Your work is doing this deeply around money. My work is doing this and helping us use the tools of mindfulness to transform, achieve, and accomplish what it is that we want in our lives.

Mindfulness is not to relax or reduce your anxiety, but some of the anxiety we feel in our life comes from the fact that inside, we know we should be doing and being one way. Outside, we are being and doing something else. That tension and dissonance are what create a lot of anxiety that people have. I have lived this myself. When people dive into these practices, it can be powerful.

My work is around the intersection of mindfulness and transformation and how we can take these inner practices and put them out into our lives and in the world. What is cool is we all have to continue doing them at every stage. It is not like we are ever done like, “I'm transformed now. I got it all figured out.” It is to keep playing a bigger, deeper, and more meaningful game.

Check out Justin Michael Williams. I want to thank everybody for reading. Thank you, Emily and Krista, who said, “Saving money is caring for your future self.” I love that because I feel like what you are doing, Justin, by becoming more responsible with money or more engaged with the numbers around money, is you are caring for both your present self and future self. Thank you, Kelly. She says, “Hello to you, Justin. Kelly Blazer.”

I know Kelly. That’s great. Hi, Kelly.

Thank you so much, Justin. I appreciate you and hope to see you in LA.

See you later.

Important Links

5 Simple Ways to Reduce Student Debt

Wed, 03 May 2023 14:09:49 GMT

Student debt struggles are a widespread problem. According to the Federal Reserve, the average student loan balance is over $37,000. This amount of debt can be overwhelming, especially for recent graduates who are just starting their careers.

These five simple steps can help you pay down student debt faster:

Make sure your budget is accurate: Having a clear and accurate picture of your finances will allow you to make adjustments and find ways to reduce your expenses.
Turn extra recurring expenses into additional student loan payments: Perhaps there’s a television channel you haven’t watched in ages or an audiobook subscription that you could cancel. Even if the extra payment is only $5/month, it will still add up over time, and every extra dollar you pay goes directly towards your principal, reducing the amount of interest you owe.
Consider refinancing : If you can get a lower interest rate, refinancing your student loans can be a smart move. This will lower your monthly payments, and allow you to pay off your debt more quickly.
Look into loan forgiveness programs: There are a number of loan forgiveness programs available for those who work in certain fields, such as education, healthcare, and public service. If you qualify for one of these programs, it could significantly reduce your student debt.
Start a side hustle: Consider starting a side hustle to bring in extra income. This could be anything from freelance work to selling items online. Every little bit helps when it comes to paying off student debt, and a side hustle can help you to reach your financial goals more quickly. (Check out my 1-hour course on Creating a Side Hustle if this idea appeals to you! )

Practicing self-care is also key. Make sure to carve our time from your nine to five job so you can pursue the work you really love with your side hustle or spend time doing other things outside of work that bring you purpose and joy. Doing so will increase your inner and outer wealth and can lead to new opportunities, new skills, and may even help prevent you from burning out.

Paying off student debt is difficult. The sums are extensive, the interest rates high, the repayment periods lengthy. But with financial discipline and dedication, it’s possible.

Last, consider talking to a financial advisor or a career counselor to explore your options. They may be able to help you come up with a plan to pay off your debt more quickly or find a job that aligns better with your interests and passions. Remember that it's never too early or too late to pursue a career that brings you fulfillment and happiness.

Finland’s Secret to Happiness: Enoughness

Wed, 03 May 2023 14:09:22 GMT

What promotes contentment, gratitude, and balance… and is absolutely free?

It’s the mindset of ‘enoughness’—something available to anyone, anywhere in the world.

It’s also the reason that Finland has been named the world’s happiest country for six years in a row by the United Nations’ Sustainable Development Solutions Network in its World Happiness Repor t. Over the past two decades, this report—which gauges the health of national economies not simply by gross output but by the contentment and well-being of its citizens—has continued to gain traction among global economists.

Which leads to the question: why does Finland, a country known principally for Arctic temperatures and unique cuisine , seem to hold the secret to happiness?

It comes down to a single word: enough.

In Finland, ‘enoughness’ is ingrained in the culture, and considered part of the reason for their success as a nation. This approach is evident in their social policies, education system, and even in their relationship with nature. Finnish people believe that having "enough" is better than having excess, as it brings peace and happiness.

At its heart, the Finnish secret of "enoughness" emphasizes the idea of contentment with what one has, rather than constantly striving for more.

Being content with what we have leads to greater satisfaction and happiness, not to mention reduced stress, better relationships, and greater financial stability.

Enoughness and Financial Strain

Constantly striving for more can have negative effects on a person's mental, physical, and emotional well-being, all which can easily lead to…

Financial strain: Striving for more can lead to overspending and debt, which can cause financial stress and hardship.
Stress and burnout: Constantly pushing oneself to achieve more can lead to chronic stress, which can cause physical and mental exhaustion, anxiety, and depression.
Lack of appreciation for what one already has: If one is always striving for more, they may not take the time to appreciate what they already have.
Damaged relationships: Striving for more can lead us to be overly focused on material goals, which can lead us to neglect relationships with friends and family.
A never-ending cycle: There will always be something else to strive for, which can keep us in a perpetual cycle of dissatisfaction.

Financial strain intensifies other negative effects. This creates additional problems such as overspending because when someone is constantly striving for more, they may spend more to keep up with others. This can easily lead to increased debt, and an attraction to high-risk investments or ill-advised business ventures. In that respect, reaching for more can sometimes make us poorer.

Of course, striving for more can have positive aspects. It can encourage people to create, invent, discover, and change. But, while it’s important to have goals and aspirations and reach for them, excess striving without taking the time to appreciate and enjoy what one already has, can lead to stress and burnout. When this happens, material wealth can become a burden – a stressful life is not necessarily a rich one.

By encouraging people to find contentment with what they have, the Finnish concept of "enoughness" can result in a more balanced and fulfilling life.

Inner Enoughness

In Finland, embracing the concept of enough extends beyond the material world and into the realm of inner wealth.

For example, for Finns, "enoughness" is closely tied to their concept of " sisu ", which is a type of mental toughness that enables individuals to persevere through difficult situations. This resilience enables them to face challenges and come out stronger on the other side. Enoughness is part of the foundation for happiness, even if that happiness comes through overcoming a challenge of some sort.

Knowing we are, do, and have enough is the fastest way to start living a wealthier life.

Enoughness in Nature

If you’re having trouble tapping into a sense of enough, you can always start with the world around you.

In Finland, "enoughness" also extends to the people’s relationship with nature. They believe in using only what is necessary and leaving the rest for future generations. Today, Finland is known for its vast forests and clean lakes, and the Finnish people maintain a deep respect for the environment, which preserves riches for future generations.

What might happen if we start to value simplicity instead of excess? On both the personal and the global level? What might happen if we stop unnecessary striving, wasteful spending, and comparing ourselves to others?

The Finnish secret of “enoughness" is an incredible way to focus on what truly matters in life and find happiness and abundance in the present moment.

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To learn more about how enoughness can improve your finances, check out Fearless Finance University .

It’s a revolutionary approach to building wealth that combines practical money actions with techniques to help you manage your money emotions.

Both you and your wallet will be glad you gave it a try!

Mindful Schools: Transforming Classrooms, Teachers, And School Systems With Seewan Eng

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Thu, 27 Apr 2023 19:00:00 GMT

Financial success is not just about what we know, but also about how we feel. I've long been an advocate of cultivating emotional intelligence through mindfulness because I believe these practices can unlock the key to financial resilience and empower us to achieve success beyond our wildest dreams. In this episode I share an insightful conversation with Seewan Eng, the Executive Director of Mindful Schools , an education nonprofit I'm honored to serve as a board member. Seewan tells me how her team is creating more positive learning environments and transforming classrooms and teachers through mindfulness. She emphasizes that our beliefs have a significant impact on our emotional and financial well-being, regardless of how much knowledge or experience we have. Seewan also delves into the current education system and shares her thoughts on what’s going right and what’s in desperate need of change. She shares her dream for the world, and offers practical advice and valuable insights on how we can tap into the potential of every individual. Tune in and learn how mindfulness practices can benefit students, teachers, and every individual, including you.

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Listen to the podcast here

Mindful Schools: Transforming Classrooms, Teachers, And School Systems With Seewan Eng

My work is about training our minds for success, especially financial success. What I have discovered is that our emotions and beliefs have more to do with our well-being, with our finances, regardless of how much financial knowledge or experience we have, and that it's about cultivating emotional intelligence. Here with me is Seewan Eng . She's the Executive Director of Mindful Schools. I am so excited to have you here, Seewan, to learn about how the training of Mindful Schools is affecting classrooms and teachers, and their environments. Welcome to the show, Seewan.

Thank you, Spencer. I’m so excited to be here.

My first question, as my work is about training our minds for success, I’m wondering how Mindful Schools trains the minds of teachers, students, and school systems for success. How is Mindful Schools creating environments where teachers and our children are more likely to thrive?

I think there are two parts to this that I want to go deeper into. We often say that mindfulness is a simple yet revolutionary practice, I hear this in other sectors as it relates to education, specifically how mindfulness empowers individuals. The connection to how mindfulness can intentionally empower communities is where my passion lies.

For many of us who practice mindfulness, we can immediately name the impact of this experience at a very personal and visceral level. I can literally feel how mindfulness transforms my own human experience. It might help me see the world differently. It helps me relate to myself and others in any given moment with more kindness and curiosity. You talked about understanding your emotions and understanding your perspective. Mindfulness is often described as a superpower, giving us the ability to notice, to pause, and intentionally choose a different response and not react.

When we think about mindfulness in schools, especially in communities most impacted by toxic stress and trauma, not only are the needs amplified, but the potential for transformation is even stronger. We know this current system is unwell. We are hearing how educators are overwhelmed and overworked. They are demoralized and burned out. We know that students are experiencing stress, anxiety, depression, and alarming rates at home and at school. The pandemic has highlighted the universal need for mental health in human connection in schools.

At the same time, we are seeing how the negative impacts of COVID, the concentrated vicarious and collective trauma from related deaths and illnesses in families, prolonged staffing shortages in schools, and then the food, job, and housing insecurity in certain communities. All of this highlights a huge need to address a huge problem.

The ripple effect that a single mindful teacher can have on her students in this environment in a single day across multiple interactions is enormous, as you can imagine. We can support educators to meet what comes through that classroom door with more presence. They can be supported to put on their own oxygen mask first and then they can provide the daily doses of healing that our schools need right now. We often say an educator's regulated nervous system is the intervention.

At the same time, what I think is the mind-blowing part, the part that gets me excited when we think about mindfulness in schools, is that it's a foundational tool for building awareness and collective power as a community. Mindfulness is the prerequisite to seeing things as they are and instead of getting overwhelmed by what we see, instead of looking away, we can take action to interrupt dysfunctional social dynamics that are causing harm.

We only see the impact of an individual having a mindfulness practice. We misplaced a ton of the responsibility on individuals without addressing the fact that so much of the suffering in our world is caused by social dynamics and conscious and unconscious actions that we are taking part in a system. We are inside a system that's currently designed to concentrate power and privilege inequitably. When we don't see that, then we start to tell stories.

If educators’ nervous systems are the first intervention in delivering these daily doses of medicine, we think of healthy classroom environments and school cultures like the chance to have everyday exercise and nourishment and sunshine and rest to nurture healthy bodies. We are seeing the community learn together, not practicing mindfulness by themselves but learning to practice together to grow awareness together. They can relate and navigate conflict and differences in ways that allow for healing and connection rather than the default in the world right now, which seems to be diminishing people or boxing ourselves into polarized either/or positions.

In a mindful school, the adults in the building can hold each other accountable to make different choices with time and resources, and attention. We can rewrite the stories we tell that limit who belongs and who deserves, who's smart, and who is agency. This is what I’m talking about when I’m talking about the amazing ripple effect of mindfulness practice and community.

It might help to hear a couple of examples. Some real-life examples from the schools we partner with mindfulness, a person in a course reflected a teacher who realizes going through our course and experiencing our invitational practice that realizes pop quizzes aren't a trauma-sensitive practice. It's not about giving a pop quiz, stressing the kids out, and telling them to take a breath. It's about stopping practices that aren't trauma-sensitive. It's a principal who's creatively utilizing the money allocated for detention monitors and using that to bring on a mindfulness coordinator instead.

We have a school where a school counselor's noticing her default pattern of busying herself with work when a student doesn't initially respond to her outreach. Instead, she reflects on a moment where she's taking a breath, focuses her full attention on the student, and speaks from the heart. At that moment, it makes it possible for the student to finally open up. It's mindfulness. It's simple. It's so powerful and it's in these kinds of environments that we are seeking to create.

I love that you mentioned that being mindful of ourselves individually and then being mindful of our systems as well and the trauma as the result of individual circumstances, but also the systemic circumstances that bring on trauma. There are so many barriers to people thriving in our school systems. I think there's an analogy here to the financial world that there are systemic things in place that keep so many groups of people from thriving.

In the middle of that, too, is the interpersonal interactions. Systems can be overwhelming to think about, but it's all that work. It's personal work. That's why we call it inside-out work. It's also interpersonal work then it's about collectively making changes for the system.

I love that you are saying that we are bringing mindfulness not just to ourselves but to being mindful of everything that's going on. It's not just looking at the big system. It's also looking at ourselves individually. I love that it's both. I’m wondering if you have said it but could you reiterate how can something so simple as mindfulness, how is it that this simple practice that’s been around for thousands of years be so powerful and so applicable to our complex school systems, teachers, and students? Maybe the answer is in what I asked is that it is so complex that it’s been around for such a long time. How did it, all of a sudden, become this tool that is being utilized so powerfully in our schools?

I think it builds on what I have talked about. When you talked about complexity, it made me think of something that the pandemic ripped the scab off and forced us to reckon what the complexity. I think what mindfulness does is it gives us a chance to reframe how we see the world and what we consider success to be and well-being. Well-being becomes the center of that.

It gives people real-life experience and a chance to practice two things. 1) How do we know things? 2) How do we hold space for multiple truths so that we are in the right relationship, like you said, whether it's with finances or with our own capabilities and the stories we tell about ourselves, the stories we tell about others?

One thing I have noticed in the pandemic is that we finally had room and space for some of us to be able to say things are not okay and things have not been okay for many people before the pandemic. I think there's something about maybe it was being online or moving from the classroom and back to home that you couldn't stuff emotions down.

I know this as a teacher myself that I tended to power through things. I didn't even know you don't have a body, you can't pee, you can't eat like you are running. It forced us out of this. What I think schools do a very good job of is putting things into like, “We have to put things in boxes. We have to track and we have to sort and we have to move things around.” There are containers.

I think mindfulness in the current environment and what we are feeling has been around in schools for a little while, but now the spotlight on, “What is this feeling in my body? I can't ignore this and push this down anymore.” What I’m seeing in some schools that have, we have been doing social learning. It’s a concept in programs in schools.

This relates even to like facilitating conflict resolution and resolution in the workplace. We often jump to cognitive and executive functioning strategies before we are fully aware of what's going on in our bodies. It doesn't get to work as a strategy and we go through the motions and we wonder why we can't get past an initial hurt or the conflict remains unresolved or we are impasse.

I think what mindfulness does, it's a simple tool that lets us be aware and understands that emotions are not a language that we have been trained to understand because of the way our society is. If you don't know how you are feeling and without being grounded in understanding what emotions and states feel like in their bodies, then it's hard to jump to the cognitive steps you are supposed to do.

What does it feel like to be open, curious, and inviting? What does it feel like to be defensive or ashamed and not use them as words and check boxes but to know this in your own body? The quickening in my stomach or the faster beating of my heart or how my throat or the hair's rising on the back of my neck. Schools train you to bypass this information and keep going and our minds go straight then to being reactionary or protective or that fight or flight mode.

That's why it's easy to default towards scarcity or not enough mindsets as much as they impact the financial or they are huge in education. We have to undo this. When we think we know something in our brains and we have heard it many times that we shouldn't be thinking this way, it's different from recognizing the information in your body. I don’t know if that answered the question, but it's a complex world and it's an easy entry point.

What I hear you saying is that our schools have focused on making our kids intelligent but not necessarily emotionally intelligent. If you don't focus on emotional intelligence, then you have so many of us that are feeling trauma, feeling not able to learn because we are stressed, we are traumatized, and there's such a thing as money trauma also in our lives that I’m becoming more aware of.

How do you go forward? How do you understand the math problem that the teacher's putting up on the board when you are feeling this stress come on either from home life or because you have these ideas in your mind that math is something you can't do? That awareness feels like it's the precursor to any intervention or success that a child might have.

That's a great example. How does shame feel in a body or that I’m not good enough? To recognize that first and then also as a teacher to recognize that these might be things that are happening and take a step back and not to interpret a facial expression or not a willingness to engage as something else. It’s being attuned to meeting the moment and seeing your students and then teaching students and all of us to remember that we all have bodies and these bodies know things and they are telling us things and we should listen and then we should instead of stuffing them down and then trying to focus on the story.

We see this in the adult world too. When people are trying to get ideas across to an audience and that audience is not with you, you need to recognize what's happening in the room. Maybe it's not the way you are communicating. Maybe you need to address the emotions that are in the room first before you go. That's so important. I have learned in my practice that when I’m with clients, that client, as you mentioned, the emotion of shame is such a common emotion around finances. If I don't address that, they might not hear anything that I have to say. No matter how pretty my slides are, they might not get any of it if they are feeling this trauma of shame at that moment.

I love what you are doing and I know you have trained over 50,000 teachers in this country. That's amazing that Mindful Schools have done all this. Maybe you can give us a sense of what's possible because you have done such effective work. You have made such a difference in so many school systems with so many teachers and students. What's possible? What's your dream? What if this nonprofit of mindful schools is able to raise more and more resources? What would you do if you had a lot more resources? What's the potential of what an organization like mindful schools could do for the world?

I can feel the quickening in my heart with that question because I feel a lot of purpose and a lot of hope and I also want to be accountable. I know that we are in an interesting world and an interesting moment. We are trying to meet it and I think we are going to have to do some things differently. We are already doing some of them. Whatever I’m going to share in this answer, I’m partly putting this out in the world so that we manifest it because I’m that idea of what if we had unlimited resources or even more resources.

You can answer the question as if with your current resources with more resources. I’d love to hear it all.

Thanks for that permission to dream. My dream is for all children to learn in mindful schools, that center on healing, hope, growth, and liberation. My dream is for our work also to be connected to this intergenerational movement for communities rooted in equity, justice, and love. It's not about our little nonprofit. This is a much bigger piece of the movement and how we see the world.

For that reason, it's not about the numbers of individuals we train or the number of mindfulness lessons we get out into the world, although those have an impact too. It's about connecting our efforts to culture change and making it possible for schools to center wellness. We were talking about systems change and nurturing communities of learners who thrive and inspire future generations of learners and leaders and teachers and get where this is going with education.

To make this dream real, mindful schools, as you said, have already been making a huge impact and we are also thinking about how to double down on that. By 2019 we had already reached over 50,000 educator milestone of educators mostly through the online courses that we pioneered in 2013. Since then, we have been asking ourselves some tough questions per those insights around systems change and the relationship between that and individual classrooms and school change.

We are proud of our reach and we are thinking about how we reach not only individual teachers moving through our courses but how we can start to see the schools as the unit of change and how our team's expertise with coaching and guiding teams can be leveraged to build the capacity of leadership and a strong bench at the school. I’m going to say this for the first time here out loud, so hopefully, if my team hears this, they won't be freaking out. Our current plan is to put us on track to start to measure and count to how we can engage and support over a thousand schools each year by 2025.

Beyond counting individuals, and obviously, each school has many educators in it, but to think about transforming the schools. We know this can happen only if we do more than the online courses, which are amazing and great, might have gotten us this far. We plan to add workshops, professional development, virtual retreats to deepen personal practice and keep that going, and tailored coaching and consultation.

That's the baseline. That's what we are on track to do if everything goes according to plan. If we were to rip that open and if we had tons more money, I think it's not like multiplying what we do, and then by the factor of how much money that comes in that we could like add that many more schools. I think we would double down on being part of a movement working for systems change and thinking about how we partner with related systems that touch schools.

Imagine supporting teacher education systems. We have a strong, healthy pipeline of mindful college students preparing to be mindful teachers. I know our board chair has a bold vision to partner with historically black colleges and universities. I have a personal passion from my startup charter school days to create schools. How amazing if our faculty got to run a lab school where they could return to teaching and teaching teachers? This is pairing up with teacher ed.

There are so many adjacent systems we can partner with to make sure that we are centering wellness. I’m thinking of school programs, early childhood programs, parent universities, or full-service community schools where we are integrating mindfulness and mental health support for all family members. That's why I have a little fluttering in my heart. That's a big vision of not more schools, more teachers. It's like how do we wrap our arms around students and families and center wellness? I think schools are the hub of this and it's adjacent to so many other systems.

I’m feeling very excited and very enrolled in what you are saying. It sounds amazing. Why not bring this to so many aspects of education including, as you said, preparing college students to become educators? How do we do that in a much more effective way where they are going to learn some of these tools before they even enter the school systems? I think it’s wonderful. I love this. There's the power of what you have created through something very simple. Something amazing has happened, it sounds like. Is there maybe one other example you can give us of a school that has transformed as a result of bringing mindfulness to it?

There are so many different intersections. Part of the beauty of the model is that this is going to look different at every school for how the community defines wellness. It's not something we can mandate. That's the other thing. Working in schools for a long time since, people have been down the road of like, “We are rolling out this program. Everyone's doing this training.” This doesn't work for mindfulness. You wouldn't get your first foot in the door doing this.

It's hard to come up with one school because every school's so different. We have been working in a district that is thinking about how we seed individual teams and then this looks different at every school. In one school, it could be the team of school counselors and in another team, it's a grade level, or in another, we are thinking about the person who's responsible for instructional coaching and how we make sure that teachers are teaching mindfully.

In my head, I can see all these schools and all the different players and as I said, it's an inside-out change starting from where you have power and already this curiosity and movement. As I said, mindfulness, it's not like coming outside in. In every school that I have been to and I have been in lots of classrooms, and observed lots of teachers teaching, there are always elements of mindfulness at a school and in a classroom and we need to shine a spotlight on that and build on that. It's inherently in us and I think that's another message that we have to counteract.

You are helping us all become aware of what's already true and what's already so in our bodies, helping us become aware of our own emotional states and how that impacts our ability to be effective teachers, students, or administrators.

It's listening to each school to hear their story of wellness and mindfulness and you don't even have to use the word mindfulness as the entry point. An important thing to think about is people try to imagine what this looks like at their own school. I think the questions that you ask, you don't even have to start with the word mindfulness.

I love bringing the ideas of nonprofits and philanthropic ideas to the public because I’m always sensing that so many of us are looking for places to employ our charitable dollars. If we often default to religion and our alma maters, our colleges, I always wonder what's beyond that. I’m wondering if maybe you can give us a sense of what's possible if someone was to want to make a charitable gift, an investment in mindful schools, let's say. What might it cost to train a teacher? Maybe you can give us a sense of what one could accomplish by making a gift.

Thanks for opening that door. I’m going to start with a little preamble of what I think is important when I think about investing in the world and our society. Working at the intersection of education and personal transformation and systems change has been an amazing personal professional career for me. It feels powerful to me and it makes me get up in the morning because you can feel tangible impacts now while you also are seeing how you are planting seeds and preparing the soil for a brighter future for our world.

Learning and healing are fundamentally part of the human experience. We know that the world puts up too many roadblocks and stacks the odds against too many young people and then to create a thriving world, we all like sense is possible. We need people to invest in the systems, whether it's their labor or their resources, to help make these big shifts in how we live and how we be together. I say this because I want to remind that the state of the world is such that people are in a perpetual state of survival. Too many people are. It's a broken system where they are not living to their fullest potential and we lose out on these gifts at great cost to all of us.

I think that so much around my work as well that we are missing so much potential in our people in this world and our human beings because of systemic sures in place and the lack of emotional awareness training. There's so much that we are not capturing. We are leaving a lot of people out of the equation and we are minimizing their potential, as you are saying.

It would be great to envision a world where we can funnel the resources more effectively and the PTA doesn't have to hold a big sale to pull together the tuition for one teacher to do this training and that we can think a little bit more boldly. I do. I throw that question out before anyone thinks about how they think about where they invest in terms of societal infrastructure.

What does it say about our current system or education system when we don't educate everyone to their highest potential? What does it say about our society and our values of the country? I think we don't want to look away or think it's someone else's job to do this. I think we can gather the resources. Part of the resources could be champions and storytelling and people making connections. It's not even yourself giving resources but telling the story of things that are working. The system's not going to change itself on its own. We need the broad support of people working in the community.

There's such potential with the work you are doing because, as I see in the current labor market, it's so hard to hire people and to hire skilled people nowadays is so hard. We need you, Seewan. We need mindful schools. We need adults and thriving adults come from thriving children.

I didn't answer your question about what an investment yields, so I think I should do that. We are a small education nonprofit with a national reach. We had small local grassroots beginnings and we figured out how to have this outside impact building capacity of teachers and growing mindfulness from the inside out. Not just mindful schools. I’m going to advertise other nonprofits working to do their work. Anything that amplifies and supports their ability to do work is going to yield some giant outsides impact.

What it means for Mindful Schools, it's been important for me to make sure they are a model that offers various entry points that allow for change to begin. A single teacher could do our training but also offer, and this has been our focus on deeper pathways for more robust and long-term investment in school teams for the bigger effect.

On one hand, for about $1,000 per teacher, we can provide the foundational training in mindfulness and support them to be able to teach our mindfulness curriculum and then get personal guidance and touchpoints along the way. That's like the basic calculator. That's easy to get started if you only have 1, 2, or 3 teachers who want to get started to be trailblazers and know that a bigger investment is coming with school leadership.

For schools that are ready to offer a more robust collective learning experience, we do offer packages that include professional development and options for more guide-tailored guidance and coaching, and consultation. These range from $10,000 to $35,000 a year for a school. As you can imagine, these investments can pay out huge dividends for the capacity building to come inside that building for many years.

One of my things about money is not being vague and being willing to talk about a taboo topic. I love that you threw out some real numbers there. That's wonderful. I was wondering if we could bring it back to the personal. When I think back to my schooling, we can all do this if you are reading, I invite everyone to bring to mind a teacher who made a difference with you.

Maybe somebody who got across to you that you were okay when you didn't think you were okay and you didn't think you fit in. Some teacher, either with what she said or with her gaze at you was able to transmit to you that you were included, that you were welcome when you were in elementary school. I’m thinking back to my teacher and she definitely did that for me.

I did not feel like I fit in. I was smaller than everyone else. I was younger-looking than everybody else. Such a thing as possible in second grade. She made me feel okay. I’m wondering if is there a sense that you have. It was a pivotal moment for me, I sense, and I think for so many of us. There was a teacher or maybe several teachers who put us on a better course. I think that's so important. I’m wondering if you have been able to identify what is the common denominator of these memorable teachers. Is there a way we can, through Mindful Schools, maybe produce more of these teachers who are able to put us on a much more healthy path in our lives?

I’m flashing back to my own second grade. Mrs. Thompson, my second-grade teacher, is that person for me, too in the line of a long list of teachers who have been there to make sure I felt seen and supported at critical moments in my life. Mindful Schools, we use a framework called the domains of mindful teaching that gets into the nuts and bolts and rigorous competencies of what we mean by a mindful teacher, what it looks like, and what it feels like.

I think I’m going to pull back. I ask this question a lot and I hear a lot of people's stories. The common throughline of these sliding door moments where a teacher saw someone at a critical moment and something could have gone sideways or is the moment where everything opened up and the world got bigger. It comes down to three things. This is why mindfulness is a simple but powerful way to get at these things.

One is awareness and presence. There's so much going on. There's so much activity and busy work and decisions in a classroom to make. The self-awareness and ability to regulate and be present with a student in these critical moments where either where you can not see it or not address it or not get frozen and not want to deal with things, those moments matter. How you are addressing that, that takes a certain amount of awareness and presence and not just knee-jerk reactions.

I feel like that's what happened with my teacher. She was able to sense something in me. She was able to sense that I was not totally with the rest of the kids or catching on completely. She did an intervention with me, which I think that was the thing that worked. She started praising every paper I handed in. Somehow that got me to feel like I could do the work that I could fit in. I started doing that much better work as a result of all that. That's how I remember it. It was a real turning point for me.

That fed into my next point. I think a teacher knows students and thinks that's the primary thing that they are supposed to know about. Sometimes we do this content thing like what you were saying about finances and if you know all these things that makes you smart. It's not. It's knowing students and their focus is seeing students, their brilliance, and their strength.

I don't think she was faking whatever praise. She was finding the things that you were good at. She's taking responsibility to unlock that genius and to amplify that. This, in combination with awareness and presence, does take the intentional design of how you teach your classroom, and the interactions to be able to make sure that learning is about connecting with the student, not just the content.

I love that learning is about connecting with the student. I felt that in my body when you said that. That is one of the most powerful things we can give our kids. It’s that connection with the teacher. Seewan, this is amazing. I have known you for several years now and sometimes I think you downplay how magical and incredible this work that you are doing is, and maybe that's part of being the executive director. You can't be bragging too much about it, but I think it's transformational work. I feel so grateful that you are doing this work that is helping all of us, that's transforming our kids, our schools, and our teachers, producing better future leaders for our world. Thank you so much, Seewan, for all that you do.

Thank you for this opportunity. I appreciated this chance to talk about our work and to share it more publicly. Thank you for that.

We have been with Seewan Eng. She's the Executive Director of Mindful Schools. It's MindfulSchools.org if you want to reach out to her. Thank you so much, Seewan, for being here.

Thank you.

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Overcoming Setbacks With A Childlike Mind With Leon Ford

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Thu, 20 Apr 2023 19:00:02 GMT

When faced with traumatic situations, it can be difficult to pick ourselves back up and continue. Leon Ford is all too familiar with this, narrating how a horrendous event that happened when he was only 19 years old almost took not just his life but that childlike mind. What was supposed to be a simple drive to his grandmother’s house ended with him being shot five times by an officer. Now, he is an activist, author, mindfulness teacher, and speaker who inspires resilience and serves his community. In this episode, he joins Spencer Sherman to share how he bounced back from that dark time in his life and offers lessons on overcoming tough situations. Leon dives deep into the childlike mind, why we lose it as adults, and the benefits to keeping it alive within us. Whether you’re experiencing financial or non-financial setbacks in life, this conversation will help you see through the challenges your way. Tap into that inner child and allow it to guide you towards finding opportunities.

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Listen to the podcast here

Overcoming Setbacks With A Childlike Mind With Leon Ford

This show is all about training your mind for success, especially financial success. That's what we're about. I've been a financial advisor for over 30 years. What I've discovered is that the secret is in resolving the emotions and fixed beliefs that are keeping us from being more successful in our lives. We have a very special guest, Leon Ford . Leon Ford is an activist, author, mindfulness teacher, and speaker. Leon, welcome to the show.

Thank you. It's a pleasure to be connected, to call you my friend, and to be on this show with you.

It felt like a miracle when we met. We met with my son, Jeremy. You were so friendly to him. It was great for me to see the two of you interact together. I said I want to learn more about you, so I'm excited to do this. I'm interested in how you got your mind on track and how you trained your mind towards success and wellness after such a horrendous traumatic situation in your life that happened when you were 19 in 2012. If you want to give us a little bit of a sense of the before, a tiny bit of what happened, and then the aftermath about how you recovered from that. It's so helpful because all of us suffer setbacks and you suffered the biggest setback one could possibly suffer. We're all on the edge of our seats wanting to hear.

I will start by saying that my life and my mind were already on track. As a kid, I grew up in a loving household. I have a beautiful family. They're very supportive. I've always been told how amazing I was and how my smile was lighting up a room. I had nicknames like “Professor” because I would always talk to adults and they thought I was an old man. They said I had an old soul.

I had many different lovely experiences, like traveling to visit my grandfather and going to Disney World. I'm doing a lot of those things. My mind was free to be creative, innovative, and adventurous. That lasted even through my teenage years when I worked on music. I would record videos. I taught myself how to engineer music, make beats, do photography, and all these different things.

You were headed towards some good things in your life. Your life was thriving. It's what I'm hearing in a lot of ways, even before this traumatic event.

I had traumatic events before getting shot. When I was 10 years old, my best friend who was 13 was shot and killed. When I was 13 years old, my 10-year-old sister was hit by a truck and she was killed. My family was devastated, but I was still ambitious and trying to navigate through my teenage years. That leads up to when I was nineteen, trying to figure out life.

I had enrolled in school to get my CDLs to drive trucks because one of my older brothers drove trucks. I was thinking about becoming a carpenter because one of my brothers was a carpenter. I was also boxing, doing music, and a whole bunch of other things. My life could have gone in any direction. One day, driving from my house to my grandmother's house, I was pulled over by a few Pittsburgh police officers.

I provided my driver's license, registration, and car insurance, but they said that I was lying and they said that I was Lamont Ford and not Leon Ford. Even though they had my identification, they insisted that I was another person. Ultimately, I end up being shot five times by one of those officers who thought I had a gun. I did not have a weapon or anything, and I end up paralyzed. That caused me a lot of anger, frustration, and confusion. I almost lost that childlike mind that I had that my family nurtured that was so important to me.

Before we get to that childlike mind, just that you survive that incident is a miracle in itself. It speaks to your resilience that somehow you were able to survive getting shot five times. It's incredible, Leon. Everything you shared about your family and your upbringing must have enabled you to survive that incident.

That's part of where my joy comes from because unfortunately, there are a lot of people who have been murdered during these police shootings. I survived, and I don't take that lightly. Even though I use a wheelchair, I'm extremely grateful to be able to live my life the way I do.

Let's get to this childlike mind because that's a juicy place for us to explore together. When we chatted another time, you were able to clearly articulate the wonders of having a childlike mind. Whether you're 5, 50, 30, or 80 years old, that childlike mind is what creates new business opportunities. It's able to see things in positive ways. There are so many benefits to a childlike mind that I know of and I want to hear from you. Tell us what you mean when you say that you were afraid of losing this childlike mind, how you kept it, and how that has helped you not just recover, but begin to thrive after that event.

First, let me describe what I mean about a childlike mind. A childlike mind is adventurous. You could tell a child no a thousand times. If they really want to do something, they're going to be persistent, they're going to try their best, and they're also going to be fully present. Children are very present in whatever they're doing. If they're playing with Legos, they're giving it 1,000%. If they're playing with toy trucks or Barbie dolls, they're giving it 1,000%.

They're also being creative. They're envisioning this truck being a real truck. They're envisioning this doll talking and it's their friend. They're visionaries. They could build whatever they want. They're happy, they do it with a level of joy, commitment, and love. As adults, life conditions us to lose that joy and love, to be so serious, and to hold onto our ideas.

Children want to collaborate. They want to play with other children, and they're sharing toys and ideas. As adults, we're like, “I don't want anybody to steal my ideas.” There's a level of fear in adulthood. Some of it is justified by different experiences. Being shot was almost an experience that took that away from me. Why? It's because I began to have a distrust for White people. I began to have a distrust for police officers. I began to look at the world and think of the world as a bad place that wanted to harm me. I stopped being creative because my creativity was overtaken by anger, frustration, and confusion.

It was a long process, but one thing that helped me was my son. I was shot on November 11th, 2012, and my son was born on January 1st, 2013. He was born in the same hospital I was recovering. As you can imagine, I had to get rolled down to the 4th floor from the 7th floor, so I took the elevator. I was able to be in a room and experience my son being born.

As I was going through my rehabilitation over those few years, I would watch my son, his evolution, and his creativity grow. He was so inquisitive. He wanted to play with these toys. I was reminded of when I was a child. I would do the same thing. I wanted to get back to that childlike mind and experience the world.

This is so beautiful that he brought out in you. He triggered in the best of ways. He brought forth and activated in you this childlike mind that you always had which was robbed and taken from you with this incident. It sounds like he helped you get back to this place where you could get back to that adventurous, persistent, fully present, creative, joyous, loving, collaborative, and no-fear place.

Those are incredible ingredients for a thriving successful life. Each of those words is so dense. The word persistent means that you keep going. You don't let them get in your way. You keep going for it. Being fully present means that you're with people and you're listening to people. These are such powerful terms that you're using.

The joy, love, and collaboration that you spoke about, that we as children do so naturally, becomes more stilted when we're grownups. You hit the nail on the head when you said that we take on all this fear. It sounds like your son helped you let go of the fear and get right back. Maybe you had no choice. You had to meet him. You had to go right back to that person that you were that you had to leave.

Also, I began to read different books and listen to different types of podcasts that fed my mind. One of my favorite quotes comes from James Allen. He wrote the book, As a Man Thinketh . It reads, “A man's mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth. If no useful seeds are put into it, then an abundance of useless weed seeds will fall therein, and will continue to produce their kind.”

If you let your mind go without keeping positive people around you, without practicing mindfulness, and without being optimistic and hopeful, then it will run wild. You'll let that fear cultivate itself within your mind and spirit, and then you'll live a life of fear, which is not a good quality of life. It's important to pour love into your mind and spirit. It's important to remember, “Who was I as a child? What would my ten-year-old self want to do in life right now?”

I'm sure a lot of people tuning in to this show are experiencing some setbacks in their life. Often, it could be a financial setback with their job, business, investments, or something that is not going well. They can't buy a house. There are all kinds of challenges people are having financially and in all other ways. What might be some of the things that you would suggest to this person?

I would suggest they acknowledge their emotions fully. Whatever you're feeling, feel it fully. When you suppress what you're feeling, it's going to show up. It's going to seep out of you, and you're not going to be able to control it. As much as you think you're controlling it, it might show up in your relationship with your children, your spouse, or at your job.

Any easy way to do that? Some people say, “I can't feel. I don't know how to feel it. What does that mean to feel it fully?” Any little tricks you recommend on how to do that?

You can inquire to yourself, “How am I feeling? Am I angry? Am I frustrated? Am I hurt? Do I feel neglected? Do I feel abandoned?” Figure out and inquire about, “How am I feeling?” Check your pulse, and then feel it. Give yourself permission to feel what you're feeling, and then, you can move forward. It's like a child. My son fell and hurt his knee. He cried so hard for about three minutes. Once he let it all out, he began playing again and he forgot even about the knee. It was cool. We got to let it out completely, and then move forward.

You started saying about asking the younger version of you when you were ten years old or something, what that person would say or do. Can you say more about that?

When we are children, we have these ideas for how we want to live our lives and we have some things that we love to do. Some people may be in the financial world. They may love to draw. However, because of their workload, they may not have been able to draw for fifteen years. When was the last time you drew? When was the last time you danced?

When was the last time you went hiking? When was the last time you dove in a pool and swam? When was the last time you listened to your favorite song? These are some things that you can do, so you can get back to balance that work-life balance. Also, to remind yourself of that inner child that was a dreamer and that was very innovative in problem-solving. You were so good at problem-solving because you didn't take things so seriously.

You can even directly ask the child. Maybe the child will even whisper to you some wisdom.

You would be amazed at what we could learn from children, especially as we reconnect with our inner child.

Tell us anything else that you would share with someone who's having a setback in their life, financial or non-financial. You say, “Feel it fully. Get into your younger child. Maybe talk to that younger child. Get some advice from that younger child.” What else would you recommend?

I would go back to what I shared during our previous conversation, the wisdom my grandfather gave me. I was depressed. I was down and angry. I was in a lot of pain physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually. I was questioning God every day. My grandfather called me, and he says, “Leon, you're experiencing the worst moment of your life. This is the lowest you would get. However, I want to let you know that you cannot fall off of the floor.” It stuck with me because if you get on the floor, you can't fall off the floor. He told me, “You got to get up and you have to get yourself up off the floor. How high you want to climb is up to you.”

For anyone who's tuning in who feels like they're hit a low point, you can't get any lower than being on the floor.

Also, back to the childlike mind piece, there's a quote by Paulo Coelho. He's one of my favorite authors. He wrote The Alchemist . He says, “A child can teach an adult three things. 1) To be happy for no reason. 2) To always be busy with something. 3) To know how to demand with all his or her might which he or she desires.”

A lot of us have a hard time asking for what we want in life. I love that last one.

You have to demand it, not just ask for it. You have to demand it because it's yours. You have to make that commitment to yourself as you're on the floor or wherever you are. If you fall on the floor, you have to demand that, “I'm going to get up. I'm not going to give up. I'm going to live the life that I deserve.”

Any advice you'd have for someone who's going for a job interview, very scared they're not going to get the job? What would you say about that?

Just show up. Bring yourself. Show up fully because you can't go into these spaces with fear. You’ve got to let the fear go, all the negative thoughts, and the things that you're carrying. Let it go and show up fully. That's my advice. I have a pledge that I share whenever I speak. I'll share it with you here. It goes, “We must give up to go up. We must give up to grow up. We must give up on the way up and give up, even more, to stay up. I cannot teach what I do not know. I cannot lead where I will not go. I am because we are. We are because I am. I am my brother's keeper. I am my sister's keeper. I am destined for greatness because I attract what I am.”

That is profound. Leon, can you share a little bit about what that means to you and what that quote had done for you?

That is my pulse. Giving up to go up. I have to give up all the negativity, anger, and frustration because life is going to happen. We talk about the four noble truths. Life is suffering, and then there's the path to suffering. Well-being is the end of suffering, and then there's a path to the end of suffering. I'm on an eightfold path, living my life the right way.

I'm trying to have positive thoughts. I'm trying to be my brother's keeper and my sister's keeper. I'm trying to lead people in a positive way. I cannot lead where I will not go. I cannot teach what I do not know. I'm teaching the wisdom that I've learned and that I've acquired through life. Whether I've acquired this wisdom directly from my lived experience, or indirectly from experiences of friends, relatives, and inspirational people that I've come across through readings or teachings. That's what that pledge means to me, and I say it every day.

How do you define success for yourself?

I had a moment when I realized I was successful. I talk to my parents and my grandparents every day. I was on the call with my grandfather, and he was so proud of me. I talked to my grandma. She was proud. I talked to my parents. They were proud. I talked to my son, and my son said, “Dad, I have a project in school where I have to choose a leader, and I have to be that leader for the whole day, and I chose you. I'm going to talk about writing books, being positive, spreading love, being a speaker, training police officers, and traveling.”

It was at that moment that I realized that I was successful. I describe success as making a difference and inspiring people around me to do their best through the ripple effects of that love and collaboration. Me meeting you in Menla , us having a connection, and now doing this show with you is a success. It's in alignment with my values. I have what I call the four Ps. Everything that I do to measure success has to be in alignment with the four Ps.

The first P is, “Is it Positive?” Everything that I do has to be positive. The second P is, “Is it Purposeful?” This is in alignment with my spiritual purpose. The third P, “Is it Productive? What am I producing?” Right now, we're producing an interview. The fourth P is Profit, “What am I gaining in exchange for my time?” I use those four Ps to govern me and to measure success.

I assume that the word profit is in a larger sense than money.

It's much larger than money. It is, “What am I gaining in exchange for my time?” I didn't make money when I went to Menla, but I met Spencer, and now we're doing an interview. I gained a friend, and my friend is sharing his platform with me. I have no idea who's going to read this or what other friends I'm going to acquire from being connected to you. That's a profit.

When I think about who's going to read it, I have compassion for those who don't read it. I hope those are very few people who don't listen to you speaking. This is so beautiful. I'm with Leon Ford. He's an incredible activist, meditation teacher, and speaker. He's an example of someone who's living this thriving successful life after one of the most horrific incredible setbacks anyone could have.

In the final minutes here, you can share what you do. When you come upon a day where you're just, and maybe you go back to the four Ps or that pledge. I'm wondering, what's your go-to when you're feeling like, “Do I have to do this?” When you're off-court or when you wake up one morning and you're not in that vibrant positive place, what do you do?

The first thing that I'd do is give myself grace. I tell myself that it is okay not to be having a good day. People often label me as, “You're always positive. You're always smiling.” For those out there who do have those types of personalities, sometimes we feel like we're not allowed to have an off day. The first thing I do is say, “It's okay. I'm giving myself permission to have an off day.”

The second thing I do is check my pulse. How am I feeling and why am I feeling that way? Sometimes I'm able to identify it. Sometimes not. If I'm able to identify it, I'll confront the issue and figure out a resolution. If I'm not able to identify why I am off that day, I'll think about something that's going to make me feel good. I'll turn on some music that inspires me. I'll watch a motivational video. I'll watch a good movie. I may pick up a good book. I may go and go roll around at the reservoir. I may go sit in nature. I love classic cars and I collect them, so sometimes I'll go to my car garage and start up one of my classics and just listen to the engine, or drive one of my classics if it's not 10 below 0 in Pittsburgh.

I'll feed my inner child. Sometimes I'll play with my son, take him to the park, and run around because children are inspirational with how they handle life and how they dream. I dream and connect with a network of positive people that I can call to share and release to. I also go to therapy. I used to go once a week. Now, it's about once every other week. It's a part of my self-care routine.

I'm so glad you mentioned all of this, including the therapy piece, Leon, because like you said, there's a shame, especially for a person who appears happy a lot. There's this expectation that you have to be on all the time, and that's not true for any of us. It's so good for all of us to learn this about you. Despite all of your success and joy that's clearly radiating from you whenever I've been talking with you and certainly when I've been with you, there's this radiance of joy that you two have to do your own inner work. It's not automatic. You have your setbacks and you do all these practices including therapy to keep yourself on your path. There's a fifth P for you, Leon. The last question I'm going to ask you is, what's your vision for what's possible for you and for human beings?

My vision for what is possible is a collaboration that's rooted in love and respect. Why I say collaboration rooted in love and respect is because I don't think we necessarily have to agree on everything. We're moving to a society where if you have a different thought or opinion, you get canceled out. I like to honor people's thoughts and opinions, but there has to be a sense of an honor system where we respect each other. We have compassion for one another. We have understanding, and we can collaborate despite our differences.

There are so many differences in the world within each of us. There are parts of me that sometimes feel in conflict with each other. Certainly, on this larger scale, there are conflicts within every family, every country, and in the United States. There is much room for improvement around collaboration with respect. I feel the transformational potential of collaboration with respect would move us in a very forwarding positive direction. Leon Ford, you're amazing. It's been so wonderful, uplifting, and transformative to be with you. How do people reach you if they want to connect with you?

My email is Leon@LeonFordSpeaks . You can also reach me on Instagram or Twitter, @LeonFordSpeaks .

Thank you so much, Leon. We're all about training our minds and hearts for success. Thank you so much for joining us, everybody.

Important Links

Planning for Retirement Over 50

Thu, 13 Apr 2023 19:50:48 GMT

No matter your age, if there’s one money-related piece of wisdom everyone needs to hear, it’s this: It’s never too late to care for your financial future .

Even if you’re over 50 and it seems like you don’t have that many years to build your savings, you can still start planning for retirement with these 7 simple steps:

Take advantage of work opportunities to save for retirement

If you’re working with a company that offers retirement options such as a 401k, one of the best ways you can start saving for retirement is to take advantage of these programs. Many employers offer a 401k match, which means they will match the funds (or a percentage of the funds) you set aside.

The amount set aside will be taken out of your paycheck, which will reduce your immediate tax burden by lowering your adjusted gross income (though it should be noted, you will have to pay tax when you take money out of your 401k).

In general, this helps you meet the golden rule of retirement: the more money you can set aside each month for your future, the better. This is because the more money you have in your investment account, the more compound interest can work its magic and grow into more monthly income that you can draw on.

The ideal way to save into your 401k is to set up automatic payments . When you commit to saving money automatically, you’re more likely to make the rest of your expenses fit into your remaining income and the funds you’ve set aside can get to work, earning interest for you.

It’s also worth investigating whether or not you put money into a retirement account at one of your former companies and forgot about it. 401k plans are still active and earn interest even if you no longer work for a company. If this is the case, you can roll that money over into a new retirement plan.

As of May 2021, there were 24 million forgotten 401k accounts holding more than $1 trillion in assets, with almost 3 million more left behind each year. Don’t let that happen to you!

Make retirement plans in 10-year increments

Of course, it’s always desirable to be living as well as possible at all stages of our lives, but as we get older, it’s important to consider how financial needs might change.

For instance, it’s important to include the cost of things like assisted living for later retirement, while taking time to reevaluate whether we really want the extra financial burden of a luxury item like a boat.

When making retirement plans, consider your financial needs in ten-year increments—your 70s, 80s, 90s—and make adjustments for how your expected financial needs are likely to change from one decade to the next.

What you may find is that you need less money than you realized, or that you’ll be able to maintain your standard of living by realizing you don’t have to pay for as many luxuries as you thought.

Consider moving somewhere with a lower cost of living (including overseas)

One simple way to either maintain or increase your standard of living with less money is to move somewhere with a lower cost of living.

This can mean moving to a different neighborhood, city, or state. Many retirees even find that moving overseas allows them to enjoy life as much as ever, even on less monthly income.

This can be a highly emotional decision, but it’s an option that can allow you to flourish later in life, and one that even gives you a chance to make a new home.

Redefine what “Planning for retirement” means to you

There’s no reason why reaching a certain age means you suddenly have to stop working.

Many people actually find the prospect of retirement daunting. They fear they’ll lose purpose, meaning, and their sense of being a valued member of the community without their work.

If you’re in this situation, then there’s great news - you get to redefine retirement!

You get to see retirement as the time in your life when you will be able to switch from your current career to something you’ve always dreamed about doing that other people value enough to pay for.

Perhaps you’ve always wanted to make pottery. You could earn extra retirement income by setting up a shop on Amazon , eBay , or Etsy . You could turn your love for dogs into extra retirement income by setting up a small dog-sitting business.

By setting up a stream of income during your retirement, you can stretch your savings even further. That said, it should be noted that the more savings you have, the more freedom you will have to pursue your passion for the love of it. So it’s still highly recommended to save for retirement and not depend on a single source of income late in life to take care of your financial needs.

Invest in your health

As we age, health becomes one of our greatest concerns, especially in America where getting sick usually comes with a pretty hefty price tag. As we get older, one of the best things we can do for ourselves (and our wallets!) is to look after our health.

This doesn’t mean that you should buy an expensive gym membership (the vast majority of which people don’t actually use… if you’re one of them, you’ve just found extra money to put toward your retirement savings!).

It means carving out time for walks, participating in physical activity you enjoy, and looking after your mental health.

Doing so can benefit both your body and your wallet.

For instance, you might budget for nutritious, home cooked meals and put the money you’d normally spend on less healthy take-out toward your retirement savings. Or you can spend a few minutes exercising each morning to get your heart rate up, which tends to reduce the amount of caffeine people consume in the early hours of their day.

Investing in your health is one of the best things anyone, at any age, and at any income level, can do for themselves… especially those who are making retirement plans. The future cost savings for things like surgery or monthly diabetes medication can be enormous, not to mention improved quality of life.

Remember to take things one step at a time

If saving for retirement later in life causes anxiety—making you feel as if you need to take drastic measures to put money aside—there are many good reasons why you shouldn't panic.

Anxiety is completely normal, but take a deep breath and try to find a place of balance—aligning the time you have with the standard of living you want.

The basic plan for someone in their younger adult years is still recommended for those 50 and above:

Open an investment account
Make monthly contributions toward a globally diversified index fund
Don’t touch the funds, even during economic downturns (see my blog on Top 10 investing myths for more detail)
Wait a minimum of 10 years for the index fund to grow

Even if you start saving later in life, you’ll still benefit from saving for retirement one step at a time. Be nice to yourself, don’t panic, and remember that you have it within you to secure your financial future!

Train your brain to manage your financial psychology

You can unleash your hidden financial wisdom and secure your financial future by training your brain to manage your financial psychology.

Our financial psychology includes our inherited beliefs, the emotions that we feel surrounding money, and the subconscious ways we interact with money that impact our conscious experiences.

When we bring these factors to our awareness and understand how they have influenced our past financial behaviors, we can see a path forward where we can optimize and build the habits we need to grow and sustain long-term wealth.

Delving into our inner financial world can be daunting for many people,especially for those who’ve spent their whole lives being told it’s not polite to discuss money.

That’s why I created Fearless Finance University , where you'll find courses that blend money mindset work with practical wealth-building strategies to help you make confident, aligned financial decisions.

Meditation Practices For Financial Success: How To Be Abundantly Enough With Sharon Salzberg

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Thu, 13 Apr 2023 19:00:02 GMT

Financial education is more than just knowing what to do with your money. Beyond the 401(k)s, taxes, and investments, it is about digging deep into your financial behavior. What are the limited beliefs and fears that keep you from achieving financial success? In this episode, Spencer Sherman brings over the perfect guest who can help you rethink your relationship with finances. Sharon Salzberg is a renowned meditation teacher and Co-founder of Insight Meditation Society . She brings her expertise on meditation to teach us about the concept of being enough, seeing it not from a place of lack but as a feast. In a world that constantly needs more, relearning what enough is can be transformative. Join Sharon as she talks more about gaining a sense of resilience in a world of impermanence. Learn how to create mindful financial decisions and find financial stability while dealing with constant change.

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Listen to the podcast here

Meditation Pr actices For Financial Success: How To Be Abundantly Enough With Sharon Salzberg

This show is all about training our minds for financial success. What I've discovered is that money is like an iceberg. There's the tip of the iceberg: our 401(k) plans, mortgages, taxes, investments, budgeting, and all of that stuff are interesting and necessary, but then there's this submerged or hidden part of the iceberg. That's where our fear and fixed beliefs lie. That's what also often drives our financial behavior. That's why I have with us Sharon Salzberg , a renowned meditation teacher, the person who brought so much of vipassana meditation to the West, and the Cofounder of the Insight Meditation Society . I want to welcome you, Sharon.

Thank you so much. I know this is probably not the usual place where you begin, but I'm very curious. How do you define success?

I define success as having a sense of ease with one's finances, having a sense of purpose with one's finances, and expressing one's values with your finances, not expressing our neighbors' values or the culture's values. That's how I define success. It's having a sense of enough.

That's great because it's a very provocative title.

A journalist asked John Rockefeller, the world's first billionaire. He was richer than Jeff Bezos. He asked him, "How much is enough?" His answer was, "A little bit more." John Rockefeller was not successful. Part of financial success is coming to that sense of enoughness, to ease one's financial situation, making your money situation work for you, and not being in that constant fight or flight mode of needing more.

Maybe we should start there with enough. You have done so much. I fumbled a little bit on the introduction because I was a little bit overwhelmed with all that you've done in your life. It's unbelievable. It's many lifetimes for most of us. You've done it all in not even a lifetime yet. You've written many New York Times bestselling books. You've been this groundbreaking meditation teacher. You've made it accessible to millions of people who have no interest necessarily in Buddhism or serious meditation. They're now gaining the benefits of mindfulness and meditation. I'm wondering, what about you? Do you feel this sense of enough in your life after having achieved so much?

That's also very interesting. First of all, I'm not young. How much I've done has been over a stretch of time.

Most people do what you've done in maybe 30 lifetimes, and you've done it in 1.

Thank you. I have a friend named Shelly Tygielski. She started a mutual aid society called Pandemic of Love . At the beginning of the pandemic, she woke up one morning disturbed about what was happening in the world. She created two Google Docs. One said, "I need help." That might be for rent, utilities, or something like that. The other doc said, "I can offer help." She began pairing people. It's a non-organization. It doesn't take money for itself to distribute. It just pairs people.

It's a worldwide organization. They have distributed something like $60 million. She has a phrase that I like a lot and which I often quote, "Enough is a feast." Many of us have experienced some time in our life when we have not had enough, or maybe currently we feel we don't have enough, but the contrast is not, "This is a relief." It's also a feast. We can stop and appreciate that.

I often say that enough sounds like this boring or limiting idea, but the way I hold it from a Buddhist perspective, it's a very liberating idea. It's close to the idea of equanimity or this idea of being okay with the way things are, and letting go of things needing to be different, especially when we talk about money and needing to have more. There's also this real sense that many of us in this world need more. They need basic food, shelter, clothing, medical care, and all that.

There are so many of us that have all those basic needs but are still wanting more. This idea that enough can be transformative because it puts us into a much more relaxed state in our lives. What I found is that when I'm in that more relaxed state, when I'm coming from that place of enough, I'm making better decisions, particularly in the financial realm.

Maybe an underlying thread would be being able to discern the difference between suffering as we would call it in Buddhism, and you could call it stress or whatever, and what we might call extra suffering. You might be in turmoil and your life in chaos because you don't have an operating car, and you need one. There are very real consequences to not having your means of transportation for some people. It's long wait times for a bus or something like that or not being able to go visit your family.

There's real distress over that, but then there's the extra suffering, which is, "I've only got one car. I need four more. I need to replace it every year. What about my neighbor? Look at what they've got." There are so many ways in which we have cultural conditioning, family conditioning, and personal conditioning. That weighs us down, and we don't need that. Life can be hard enough with real challenges. On top of that, we don't need to add all this other stuff.

What you said about four cars made me think about Jim Carrey, the famous actor because he decided to retire. He was asked, "How can you possibly retire? You're such a good actor. There's so much more you can do." His response was he parroted a lot of what I say when I do my enough meditations. He says, "I have enough. I do enough. I am enough. I think I can retire."

It almost seems like there's an automatic want in our minds for more. He finally got to this place, albeit he has certainly accumulated a lot of money and success, but it's true for many of us that there's this sense of always wanting more and never being enough. I once heard a teacher from the East say that it's particularly an American thing, this idea of not feeling enough. I don't know if you can say anything about that.

It would be interesting to hear from some of your European or South American audiences and people who are not necessarily from the US to hear if that's true. It could be true. It's certainly a very individualistic culture. The kinds of feelings of belonging to other cultures may engender with your family and even extended family or friendships. The network may not be as satisfying here because it's all about us.

That leads people if we don't have a strong foundation of family or friends because that's part of our wealth in some ways. The way I sense it, we're more likely to grasp for more and do impulsive things with our finances because we're trying to fill our cups that are not very full. I see time and time again, and I've been an advisor for 30 years, money itself doesn't do it for most of us.

I'm curious about the decision-making process you encourage. It's not impulsive. It's not letting your emotions run you.

It's not letting your emotions run you, not coming from a place of scarcity, and sensing the enoughness of what you have that might not be money. It might be resources, skills, time, friends, family, and other things that are filling up your sense of enough. Maybe look at the evidence. Talk to people. Maybe you have a friend that can be a sounding board for you.

Make that decision with the full awareness that we each bring some biases to any financial decision. We acquire these beliefs in early childhood. Recognize that. I have had this belief from childhood that money is the most important thing in the world. That's a belief that I got from my dad. I've seen the way it's colored my decisions. The awareness of some of this can be helpful.

I have two questions. You were talking about this suffering that we add on. There's this thing in Buddhism called the second arrow. I don't know if you wanted to say something about that in regard to there's the loss of a job or a setback with our business or the financial markets and what's happening, but then there's the second arrow. Maybe you can share a little bit about that.

That is something that is more in our hands than the disposition of the world market or something. First of all, it's important to recognize that the suffering of loss is genuine. Maybe you had hopes, dreams, and plans, and now it's shaky. In my case, there's myself as an individual. There's also myself as cofounder of an institution that is still existing and that has survived. It has been closed for a year and a half. I would like to think that it will have an ongoing existence well past me and my other cofounders. It needs all the financial stability it can get.

There ar e decisions to be made on behalf of a larger entity, a family, or an institution. When that doesn't go well, it's painful. That doesn't have to imply selfishness or a bad attitude but the extra suffering, which is the second arrow, is the image of someone being shot by an arrow and using another arrow to dig it out, thereby creating much more harm than what had been created by the first arrow.

Is that second arrow like self-judgment?

It could be self-judgment. It could be a shame. It could be being angry at yourself for loss of control. We never had control.

That's a beautiful thing you said. That's so helpful. That's not your expertise but so many of us in the financial markets have control. We should be able to predict the markets. As soon as Russia invaded Ukraine, I should have known to get out of the market. Somehow, we should know these things. We should be in control. That's what you're talking about the second arrow.

It could be many things, but it's certainly a prime example of it. It could be certainly a shame and a loss of control, which we never had. It could be a lack of impetus, "Why didn't I get out six months ago?" It could be impatience. It's a loss of perspective. It could be the globalization of the flaw instead of, "This is a tough employment market. It's no wonder that I and people with my particular set of skills are having a hard time. This is demanding a lot of patience and a lot of resoluteness." Instead of that, it's like, "I'm a loser. I'm bad. I'm the worst programmer that ever lived. I shouldn't even call myself a programmer." It's going down that road of wholesale condemnation of who we are instead of being realistic, "This is a bad job market."

It can make a world of difference. If you have two people, and one is shaming themselves and the other person is seeing the truth of what's happening but not doing all the shaming and the self-judgment, that person has got some real estate in their mind for something more productive than just shaming themselves.

I wanted to ask you about this. Here we are in this bit of a downturn in many ways. Mortgage rates have gone up a lot. It's a lot harder for people to buy homes as if it was easy before. Now, it got even more challenging. The markets are turned down. There's the prospect that jobs won't be as easy to find even though that hasn't seemed like it manifested yet.

I'm wondering, even though human beings experience all these cycles of ups and downs in our lives, somehow it seems like our minds still believe that it shouldn't be this way. Every time things go south, many of our minds are saying, "Why is this happening? Why didn't I do something about it? This sucks." I'm wondering, what does it take for us to get that this is the natural way of things? What keeps us from fully accepting the idea that impermanence is here to stay?

It's very hard to accept. It's interesting. You, as a counselor, have a certain role in reminding people not just once when they set up their account, I would imagine. It's more like whatever period it is, you're asking people, "Are your goals the same? What about the age you are now? Which one did you want to work?" With specificity, remind people that things are changing instead of this account when you were 45. You're not there anymore.

I was ve ry much brought up in a culture where even death was not talked about. It was like, "If you take care of yourself, things don't have to change." That's somehow the idea I received when I was a child. They didn't say that directly to me, but I didn't get the sense that life is changing. We're aging. The economy goes up and down. Forever, it goes up and down. Yet, when I talk to people, they act with shock when things go down, but isn't this the way of things?

It is the way of things. It's individual, but waiting for things through, being patient, and allowing cycles to unfold.

Patience is a huge virtue when it comes to finances and almost every aspect of life. I love the quote from Jean Rousseau, "Patience is bitter but its fruit is sweet." Especially with the investment markets, it's very easy to see that if one was patient in 2020, the markets rebounded quickly as they did in 2009. Every time there have been setbacks, things have rebounded. Patience usually helps us. It helps us with illnesses and many things to not take unwise action.

I've sprained an ankle. Impatience drives me to keep playing sports and doing things that might keep that ankle from healing more quickly. It's the same with investing or finances. We sometimes take an impulsive action instead of being patient and letting things rebound. I'm wondering. What would you recommend in terms of mindfulness practices that might help us gain a sense of resilience or recognize impermanence?

There are many, and sometimes they build on one another. The question is starting, putting something into practice, and then seeing where it goes. Commonly, we're starting and returning periodically, but starting with an exercise where we choose an object of awareness, which very commonly is something like the feeling or the sensations of the in-and-out breath or the natural normal breath. It's a way of centering. It's a way of not annihilating our thoughts and emotions but getting a little bit of space so we feel more grounded and present. That usually involves choosing that object and placing your attention gently on that object as though to feel one breath and then the next.

When your attention wanders because it will, your mind will jump to the past, the future, judgment, and speculation, or you will fall asleep. There comes the magic moment when you realize, "It has been quite some time since I last felt a breath or whatever it was." That's the moment where we actively practice resilience, letting go of whatever has distracted us, and simply returning our attention to that chosen object. Let's say it's the feeling of the breath. We let go and come back. That's the muscle memory that we're training.

I love that. You're also letting go of any judgments that come up when you get distracted. You're both building up this muscle of resilience. You're learning how to be kinder toward the judgment so that the judgment starts to dissipate because we're not eating them as much. You're also cultivating resilience. Patience is another thing that's in there. This is so powerful. It's slowing us down.

The other thing I'm getting from what you shared is that meditation slows us down. I often say that with money, we speed up because we're in a fight or flight mode with it so often. We learned about money in childhood. We were confused. We didn't know much. We picked up on our parents' fears about money. We hear some things and make up things. We internalize all this emotion around money and these very fixed beliefs around it. This ability to be patient and slow things down is a way of gaining awareness of what's happening with our finances before we leap to something just because we feel this need to fix something that's not quite right or looking to make up for a past loss that we had.

I see that often as people want to almost turn it into gambling with the way they invest money. It’s slowing things down. When you go to the store, you're able to slow down and say, "Do I need this item that's near the register?" They're near the registers so that we do impulse buys. Can we slow ourselves down enough to make a wise decision or a wiser decision? It's so connected. It's the antidote to a lot of our impulsivity and speediness with money from what I'm hearing you say. Are these mindfulness practices?

I do want to add on top of that foundational practice of choosing an object and resting your attention on it, we also practice very much what you described earlier. Experiencing some difficult emotions like anxiety but without so much adding that second arrow, and that’s a whole level of practice. It's a whole training in and of itself.

That's great because what I also talk about is that being successful with one's finances takes this ability to be with some of those difficult feelings. That's what you're saying. If we can cultivate a practice that allows us to get curious about the difficult feelings that are arising, we're less likely to act out and more likely to seek the sounding board of the council of a good friend or a professional financial advisor and get some insight into our situation instead of, "I can't stand this fear I'm feeling inside. I'm going to go on Amazon and do something about the fear instead of being with it. I'm feeling all this fear. I'm going to take any job that comes my way."

Maybe that's the right thing in some cases, but often what I hear is people doing things in response to that fear. Taking a new job, doing something with their investments, or buying something, it’s not coming from a place of wisdom. It's coming from a place of being scared. That's powerful. These practices and what you teach are so simple, yet they bring us so many internal benefits. What I'm saying is also external benefits in terms of our finances.

It is interesting. It's putting it into practice.

I want to ask you about our values. It's anything that you can offer us. How do we discover our values in terms of what we spend money on, for example, or how we live, and let go of all the noise around us and all the conditioning that we have on how we should be spending our money? How do we get to what's going to serve us?

We pay attention. We have a gift of awareness. Most of us have been taught so many myths and distortions about things. It's through the force of our awareness that we get to see for ourselves. Many people are taught, for example, that something like a practice of generosity is foolish. You end up with not as much. People don't appreciate you. They come and go on their way, but when we look at what it feels like internally in the process of giving and then what it feels like with the 50 fears that ensue, I have this impulse to give somebody a book or a strong desire to give somebody a book.

I start thinking, "It's near the top of my pile. It has been there for four years, and I haven't read it but maybe I'll read it next month." We can see the hesitation, the withdrawal, and the fear. We get to notice what that feels like too. For whatever reason, we do go ahead with the act of generosity. We get to pay attention to what it feels like when we do that and what it feels like afterward. Do we ever regret the object that we didn't even quite remember we had because it was in storage?

It's because of the power of our attention and the ability to form an intention, "This month, I'm going to see what it's like. I'm going to experiment. Every time I have the chance to give something, I will. It may not always be material. Maybe it's smiling at somebody or thanking them. I'm going to practice generosity for this month or this week," or whatever you choose. We take attention and intention together. Everything we do, everything we say, and everything we hold back from doing and saying becomes our medium. It's all about our choice and being creative.

I love this around generosity. Generosity is the antidote to fear and the sense of scarcity with our finances. People often say, "How can I be generous if I don't have anything? I can't pay my bills." You can be generous with very small amounts of money. The brain doesn't necessarily know how much you're giving away. It knows you're being generous. You can do it with a smile, with your resources, or with your time. You can be generous. That has a great impact on our minds and our ability to feel differently about ourselves when it comes to our finances.

Generosity as a practice is interesting. In your example, we often are holding onto things like that book that we keep saying we're going to read next year and never get to it. It's almost like we have these easy opportunities to be generous. It's anything you've done that's enabled you to get over that last hump of fear, "I can't give this book away. I'm going to read it this year," but I've been saying that to myself for the last few years.

Personal resolve may come in, "I want to experiment with being different this month, this year, or whatever it is." You do that as an adventure. Sometimes a community comes in. It's like that particular example. Having a strong impulse to give something and then giving it despite fears that may arise in between is something that the community up here in Barre has experimented with as a group because then you get to share, "I gave that away, and I was so freaked out." You can be honest about your experience. There's no failing.

Has that ever happened to you where you gave away something, and then you were freaked out that you gave it away?

Never.

I don't think it's happened to me either. That is interesting. At least, I don't remember it. Once I give it away, it's gone. I don't end up missing it, but there is that moment right before I'm giving it away, "What if I need this?" I gave somebody a sleeping bag. I have five sleeping bags but it was like, "Maybe I'm going to invite a bunch of friends, and none of them will have sleeping bags." It was so liberating to give that sleeping bag away to somebody.

That's where the community can play a role because we can encourage one another.

This idea of generosity sounds so Pollyanna in a way but it's deep. I know that in Eastern culture, generosity is even a bigger part of their culture than it is here. I've heard in Burma and other places that generosity is emphasized more. Is that your sense?

Every culture is so complicated. It's hard to say. It is true that in the world that I touched upon in a country like Burma where I was staying in retreat centers or monasteries, the whole core of it was generosity because in many, if not most of those places, you're not charged anything. You're not even charged for room and board because the people come and feed you. They offer food. Let's say it's your birthday. In Burma, you don't expect to celebrate by getting gifts. You expect to celebrate by giving gifts. That's how you celebrate. Maybe the family goes off to the monastery and offers enough food for as many people as they can afford to feed.

There was a study done here in the West about giving college students $20. Some were told to use the $20 on themselves. Some were told to use it on somebody else. When they measured happiness, they found the ones who bought something for somebody else had a bigger increase in their happiness. It's hard to believe this stuff but now, there are studies around it. We have the ability to try these things out in small ways and see if it works for us.

The last question I wanted to ask you about is this. Money is so necessary. It's important, yet maybe it has become too important in our culture. With that is this identification, "My net worth equals my self-worth." There's so much fear around it because it represents so much to us. Is there anything you could say to help shake us loose from this over-identification with money?

Sometimes we do that assessment too, "What's the story I would tell about my life?" This brings us back to the question of values, "What do I care about more than anything?" An interesting addition to that is, "What's the story others tell about me?" A lot of that is conjecture, but we often see things that didn't fulfill their potential or they didn't make as much money as they should have. They're going to regret it when they're dying. I've heard this as well. They didn't take that extra job.

I said to this person who presented that to me, "I don't think that's what we tend to regret when we're dying. I don't think that's what people go through." There are so many stories that we absorb, "You have to function in this or that way. You have to live up to your potential in this precise manner. You need to be able to retire at the age of 65, 70, or something like that."

I was visiting Nepal. I saw a few of my Tibetan meditation teachers. They asked me about one of my colleagues who's older than I am and was thinking about retiring. I said to the first teacher, "They're thinking about retiring." They said, "They can't retire." They would use the phrase, "People who are committed to the well-being of others don't retire." Cleverly enough, he says, "He can give up administrative tasks for the retreat center or being on the board of directors but he can't stop teaching." I saw another Tibetan teacher, a lama. They asked me how this person was. I said, "They're thinking of retiring." They said, "They can't retire. People like that don't retire."

If you love what you do, why retire from it? What is retirement about? I sometimes define retirement as retiring from the things you don't love doing or don't feel are enabling you to give your greatest gifts. You're tired of those things that aren't serving you but otherwise, I feel like most of us want to be put to use. That's what often keeps us. I've had so many clients of means who have completely retired and then gone back to find meaningful work.

That would be my suggestion. Instead of planning your retirement, plan for finding meaningful work in your 30s and 40s. Find that work that you can do for a long time. You might do it in some different forms. You may still work for 40 hours a week in your 60s or 70s. We need the wisdom of people in their 60s, 70s, and 80s continuing to be in the workforce. We all benefit from them.

I have so benefited from this chat with you, Sharon. I appreciate you and all your wisdom and your abundance. You might not be the wealthiest person when it comes to money in the world, but you are one of the wealthiest people when it comes to this abundance of insight, wisdom, and compassion that you bring to the world and all the good work that you do for social change. There's so much abundance that you bring forward for many beings. It feels so good to be among such a "wealthy" person. Nobody has ever called you that before but I think of you as very wealthy.

Thank you so much. I think of myself as very lucky.

You know what I'm saying when I say wealthy. There's this great line, "Some people are so poor, all they have is money." It's having so much more than just food, clothing, and shelter in your life. Thank you so much for all that you bring forward. Thank you, Sharon Salzberg. Sharon Salzberg can be found at SharonSalzberg.com . Sign up for her newsletter or her events. I'm looking forward to more, and wishing you well always, Sharon.

Thank you so much.

Important Links

All You Need To Know About Your Credit Score With Credit Expert John Ulzheimer

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Thu, 06 Apr 2023 19:00:03 GMT

Credit is not interesting until you need it. But when the time comes when you really need it, it becomes the most important thing in your life! That is why it never hurts to take proactive steps to keep your credit score as pristine as possible. And, no, you don’t need to pay someone $139/month to help you improve your credit score. All you have to do is adopt a few healthy credit and financial habits and check your credit reports regularly using free resources. World-leading credit expert John Ulzheimer points us to the direction of these tips and resources. He joins Spencer Sherman on the show for this very reason. Tune in and learn how you can keep your credit score in the best condition in case you need it.

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Listen to the podcast here

All You Need To Know About Your Credit Score With Credit Expert John Ulzheimer

We are tra ining our brains for financial success. After many years of being a financial advisor, what I’ve discovered is that it’s our emotions, fear, and fixed beliefs about money that often override our common sense. All these shows are about helping us retrain the brain, and setting up healthier neural pathways so that we’re responding, not reacting to money in our lives. One of the overlooked areas around money is credit. It was even overlooked by me, I have to admit. A poor credit score can make home or car buying more expensive or even impossible. Too much debt can overwhelm our finances. Do you even know your credit score and how it affects you? How do you improve your credit score and how do you decrease those loan payments?

Maybe you’re feeling overwhelmed or embarrassed because you put too much money on a credit card at times or your credit score isn’t what you want it to be. You’re simply in the dark about how to check. In this episode, we’re going to take a deep dive into everything you need to know about credit. How to check the credit score? Simple steps to get the most out of your credit card debt and how to improve things. That will affect every aspect of your finances, including being less stressed around your finances, which was what we’re so focused on in this show. Lowering stress puts us into a much healthier mind state where we’re able to make much better, wiser financial decisions. I am so excited and you don’t want to miss this conversation.

We have with us one of the world’s leading credit experts. John Ulzheimer is here with us. John is the only recognized credit expert who comes from the credit industry. We are going to get the inside scoop. Open up your eyes and put everything else aside. I know that when it comes to money, it’s a very triggering topic and it’s even hard for us to pay attention. I want to invite you to let go of the emails and the surfing online and bring your attention here because this is something that can make a huge difference in your life. Even if it’s a topic that maybe is not the most titillating when you first start hearing the word credit score. Who wants to talk about credit scores? Here we are. John, I want to welcome you to the show.

Thank you so much for having me, Spencer. I appreciate it.

Credit scores, as I said, affect our wallets and our stress levels. I think that there’s so much to credit scores. I have to be honest with you. I have not dived into this topic much. I’ve always thought of credit scores as being not so interesting topic. I’m wondering how did you get into the credit industry? How did that become your life?

Credit i s not interesting until you need it and then all of a sudden, it’s interesting. Especially if you can’t get it or if it’s expensive, then suddenly, it’s the most important thing in your life. I didn’t go to school. There is no college degree in credit. The way I got into it is I grew up in Atlanta and Equifax which is 1 of the 3 credit bureaus in the US and 1 of the 2 credit bureaus in Canada. Equifax was and still is headquartered in Atlanta. When I graduated from college in ‘91, that predated the internet as we know it now, which meant no job posting websites, none of that kind of stuff. I basically blanketed the Atlanta area with resumés the old-fashioned way using the US mail system.

The job market in Atlanta was horrible at that time. Believe it or not, I was fortunate enough to get an interview with some company I had never heard of called Equifax. I’d driven by the building a million times. I had no idea what they did. I did a little bit of research prior to my interview there and boning up on what a credit report is because that’s primarily what they did at that time. I went in for my interview. This is going to age me. I past a typing test, which was a requirement and that was me getting on the way to a career in credit. November of 2022 will be my 31st year in the industry.

I love that sometimes we wind up in things and I always share with my kids that you don’t know what’s going to happen. Life has a way of presenting us with opportunities that we have to keep our eyes and ears open, which is what we’re trying to do here. For some of us, we’ve ignored our credit card scores. Maybe it’s kept us from buying things that we wanted to buy and we didn’t bother doing much about it or we felt like we couldn’t do something about it.

I’ll admit for me, John, and many of my clients that I’ve worked with over the years that I haven’t made a lot of huge purchases in my life beyond what I could afford without needing much loans. Credit hasn’t been a big thing in my personal life. I’m wondering if we could start with what is a good credit score. We hear that term all the time from so many people. I spoke to a friend who has an MBA and asked him what he thought was a good credit score. He did not know, so tell us.

A good credit score and the range of credit scores is called scaling. It’s the scaling of a credit score. A commonly used credit scoring system in the US is 300 on the low end to 850 on the high end. A good credit score is any credit score that’s going to get you approved with the lender’s best terms. That’s a good credit score. The best-published interest rates on auto loans are for people who have scores of 720 and above. The best-published interest rate for people on mortgage loans is going to be 760 and above.

Credit cards don’t publish their minimum requirements like mortgage lenders and auto lenders tend to do. They tend to be a little bit more open with that information. There’s a credit card for everybody everywhere along that continuum of scores. For example, Amex. If you want an Amex card, you better have good credit. If someone with a low FICO score does not need to apply for an Amex because they’re not going to get approved.

On the flip side, Credit One Bank is a subprime card issuer and you would not expect someone with a FICO score of 820 to need to apply for a subprime credit card. There are all different credit cards that fall in between those two polar opposites. It’s 720 for auto, 760 for mortgage, and pretty much anything for credit cards.

Does that mean if you have an 800 score and somebody else has a 760 score, there’s not a big difference?

You have all these people that chase the 850 and obsess about the perfect credit score when it’s a waste of time and entirely unnecessary. The minute they hit that 760 and above range, you’re viewed as being equally void of credit risk. When I say get past 750, I don’t suggest people shoot for 750 because your scores migrate up and down organically. You’re going to go above it and you’re going to go below it. I always tell people to try to earn the highest credit score possible. If you happen to earn something in excess of 760, then you can start worrying about something else in your life because you can check the box of credit scores.

Maybe you can give us a sense. Does anybody have a perfect credit score of 850? What are the ingredients or the steps that lead to that? This was a question I was going to ask you later, but I can ask it now. If one is starting out in life in their twenties, what’s the path that would take you to 850? Does anybody have that score?

Believe it or not, a lot of people have 850s. This is maybe me becoming the interviewer. What do you think the average FICO score is? I’ve posed this question before and the answers are interesting to me because it gives an anecdotal perception of what people think about credit scores. The average, if you want to answer, I’d love to hear it.

I’m not going to look it up online, but I’m going to guess that it’s around 600.

That’s a fair guess. The average credit score in the US right now is 716. There’s no right or wrong answer. That’s a fair answer. 600 would be 116 points below the national average. What that indicates is that most people in this country have good credit. If you look at the percentage of consumers who have scores and say, the 760 and above range, it’s unbelievably high, well over 1/3. Your scores move, meaning that they’re not chiseled in stone. They’re almost a little bit like the mercury in an old-fashioned thermometer. One day, you look at it and it’s 75 degrees. The next day you look at it and it’s 86 degrees. You look at it the next day and it’s 84 degrees, but your credit scores are not likely to remain the same. They will be different over different points in time as the information on your credit reports changes.

If you’re looking for the anatomy of a good credit score, especially something like 850, that is perfection. It means you have to do everything perfectly. You can’t do some things right and do other things wrong. You have to nail it. That is why I always tell people, “Don’t obsess over 850 because A) You’re going to drive yourself crazy and B) You don’t need it.” The anatomy of a score that’s going to fall into that 800-plus range is going to be a credit report that is completely void of negative information, which means no late payments, no collections, you’ve never filed for bankruptcy, nothing on your credit report to indicate default, repo or foreclosure. Anything that you can assume means that you didn’t manage an obligation properly, that is going to prevent you from having these stellar credit scores.

Number two is credit card debt. You can have hundreds of thousands of dollars of installment debt and still have elite-level credit scores. You can’t say about credit card debt. Credit card debt defaults at a higher rate than installment debt. Therefore, it’s a riskier type of debt and it’s going to be more problematic for a credit score. You want to have as little credit card debt as possible, which is smart from a financial perspective, not just a credit perspective.

Are you paying it off each month? Is that what you’re saying?

If you can.

Are you saying that it doesn’t matter what your credit card statement says each month as long as you pay it off, does that lead you to the perfect score?

Not necessarily. Just because you pay it off in full of your month, it doesn’t mean it’s going to show up as being paid off on a credit report. The credit card issuers only update your credit reports once a month and it’s based on your most recent statement. If you get a statement and that statement has a balance, then the balance is going to be what’s reported to the credit bureaus. You may pay that balance in full every single month and therefore, you don’t carry debt and revolve, but your credit report you’re never going to show a zero balance because you always have it.

Even if you’ve never paid any credit card interest, you could still be showing a balance that is going to hurt your credit card score.

There’s no doubt about that. That’s absolutely right.

Are you saying that it’s better to have no credit card at all?

No. I didn’t say that. Remember, you don’t need a perfect score to function effectively in the US credit system. You can use credit cards as much as you want. It’s not a good idea to carry the debt because credit card interest rates are likely going to be the most expensive interest rates you ever have unless you use payday loans or some other second-tier form of credit. When it comes time to borrow money to buy a house or a car, that’s when you need to get a little bit more strategic with your credit cards and your credit card debt.

You may need to put them on the shelf for one month, therefore, your statement is zero or pay them in full before the statement closing date. Even though you’ve used your credit card, the balance on your statement is zero because you’ve already paid it in advance of the statement being generated. There are some sneaky ways. I call that the credit score hack.

Pay it off in advance of the statement date and then don’t put more on the credit card.

That’s right. Remember, when the statement is cut, that’s the balance that’s sent to the credit bureaus. If you get a statement and the statement indicates that you owe $1,000, that is what’s going to show up on your credit report. If you pay that $1,000 a week before you get your statement, the balance on your credit report is going to be zero.

I want to reiterate what you’re saying. You fell into my next question here. It’s perfect. If you’re gearing up to do something like borrowing money for a house, a business, or a car, you want to start taking some steps and you’re giving us some of those steps which is to pay off the balance in advance of the statement date. Don’t put more credit card debt on there until you apply for the loan.

When you apply for a loan, it depends on the type of loan. With a credit card, you’re going to be approved almost instantaneously when you make your application because it’s all automated. For an auto loan, it may require shopping or a credit report around before you get approval. Obviously, with a mortgage loan, it’s a much longer process. You may be able to get pre-qualified immediately, but you’re going to have to go through the normal underwriting procedures before you get approved. It’s a good idea, especially if you are trying to get the best interest rate on something expensive. The difference in 100 basis points on a mortgage loan is very different than 100 basis points on a credit card or an auto loan.

You want to work to maximize the score and stay out of debt. When you finish closing and you get your keys at the closing table on a mortgage, then you can go do what you want. Up until then, you might want to stay out of debt for that period of time during underwriting. A lot of people don’t know this. The mortgage lenders will pull your credit reports at the beginning of the process. They’ll also pull your credit reports at the end of the process to make sure that you haven’t taken on any new debt while the underwriting was occurring. The mortgage lenders may hold that against you. Your mortgage broker will probably explain this to you when you apply and warn you, “Please stay out of debt during the next 4 to 6 weeks,” because they may change the deal terms.

Keep going on this track of what else can we do to brighten our credit scores. What I’m hearing so far is about no late payments paying off the credit card each month, especially in anticipation of a loan, paying it off by the statement date and not putting more money on the credit card. Is there a rule about how many credit cards you should have or not, like department store cards, regular credit cards, or Amex cards? What can we do there or anything else to improve our credit scores?

The style of the card is not material. It’s how you’re managing it that’s important. It doesn’t matter if you have an Amex, Cap One card, or a Chase. None of that matters. You’re not penalized or rewarded because you have those accounts. The first two things we talked about, payment history and debt, are things that people can largely control. You can choose not to get into debt. If you choose to stay out of excessive debt, then it’s not hard to make your payments on time.

There are other things that are out of your control. One of the components of credit scoring systems has to do with the age-related metrics of your credit report. Not the age of the consumer, but it’s the age of the credit report. Things like the age of your oldest account and the average age of your accounts. This is where somebody who’s very young, let’s say in their 20s or maybe even in their 30s, is not going to be able to earn the maximum number of points in those categories because they’re simply not old enough. That’s why someone in their 20s is not going to have 850s. That is impossible.

Most likely, if you’re in your 20s and you want to buy a house, you’ve got a factor in that it might cost you more than if you wait until you’re 30.

Remember, you only need 760 in order to get that.

You can get 760 even if you’re 24.

Yeah, easily, but you’re not going to get 850.

We don’t need 850.

Don’t worry about it when you’re in your early twenties.

There’s no real big advantage to getting 850 over 760.

There’s no small advantage. There’s no advantage at all.

This is one area of our lives where we don’t have to be perfectionists.

Other than bragging, there’s nothing better about an 850 than an 830 than an 820. I understand it. You’re ensuring yourself against maybe one month you incur a ton of credit card debt because you’re buying holiday presents or you’re going on vacation so you got a ton of debt one month and your credit score takes a hit because of it. However, because your credit score was 840 last month, the hit is immaterial. You’re almost ensuring off against problematic changes to your scores by earning those elite-level scores and not barely getting to the 760 points.

This is good because we’re in an environment where there’s a lot of home buying going on and that’s certainly one of the biggest things we borrow money for. Maybe you can also talk about borrowing money for a business loan or something. In terms of a mortgage, which is far more common, it sounds like I should be checking my credit score 6 months, 1 year, or 2 years. How much before I’m buying my house? Maybe it’s ASAP, check that credit score to see if I’m at that 760 level.

If any of your readers haven’t checked their credit scores or credit reports in the last 2 to 3 months, once they get done reading this, they need to go check their credit reports.

How do you do that? How do you check your credit?

The information is way too important to turn your back on it for any period of time. There are a variety of ways to check your credit reports. The Fair Credit Reporting Act gives everybody in this country the ability to check their credit reports for free. The website that the credit reporting agencies were required to set up in order to deliver these free disclosures of credit reports has been around for years now. It’s not a new website. It’s AnnualCreditReport.com . Make sure you spell that cause if you don’t spell it, you’re going to end up on some squatter website that’s going to try to sell you stuff.

That website is formally referred to as the central source and you’ll see branding from all the credit bureaus on that website. You’ll be able to go and request copies of your credit reports and then download them and check them out. The credit reporting industry, while they’re only required to give you 1 every 12 months, ever since COVID hit, they’ve unlocked that website and you can check your credit reports once a week, which no one does.

You won’t hurt your credit score when you check it.

I don’t know who in the world starts that, but I’ll tell you what, car dealerships and credit card issues love to suggest that can happen and lean on it in their marketing. No one from the industry ever suggested that checking your own credit report has any influence at all on your credit card. It’s almost like creating a problem and then solving the problem. That drives me crazy that companies do that. No, it’s not going to play the game and hurt your credit score if you check your credit report.

Let’s sa y you’re at that average US score, which I think you said was around 715 or something, and you find that out. You’re thinking about buying this house and your credit score is at 715. What do you suggest that person does in the year before they’re going to buy this house to get up to the 760 from the 715?

They may or may not be able to achieve that is my point. There are some things that are actionable and there are some things that are not actionable. If you play your credit scores and you’re in the low 700s, I wouldn’t apply for a mortgage yet because if you do, you may get approved, but you’re not going to get the best interest rate. In six months or a year, you may want to refinance. That’s expensive. I would wait. The path to higher scores is different for everybody. There is no universal advice on how any one person can improve their scores and then expect that advice to be applicable to the over 200 million people who have credit reports in this country.

It’s not necessarily true that if you stop putting anything on your credit cards, that’s going to improve your credit score.

If you’re in $50,000 of credit card debt and you stop using your credit cards, your credit scores aren’t going to go up. You’re still in $50,000.

Let’s say you paid that $50,000 debt off. Is it better if you stop using your credit cards and use your debit cards or use cash?

If you’re able to write a big fat check and get yourself out of a massive amount of credit card debt, then it’s highly likely your credit scores are going to go up unless your credit reports are loaded with negative information. I know this isn’t the topic. I would never suggest somebody convert off of credit and start using debit and certainly not cash. Where I live, there are merchants who won’t even take cash any longer. I still like credit as the primary option. I like proper management of credit, not abusive use of credit cards. One of the actionable ways to improve a credit score is to pay down or pay off your credit card debt, but that’s only going to help your credit scores as much as the debt was hurting your scores.

If you pull your credit reports and you pull your scores and you see an explanation of why your scores are low and they’re low because you miss payments, then paying off credit card debt is fabulous. You got to still make your payments on time on your other obligations. You have to focus on the reasons why your scores are lower and stop doing those things and then your scores are going to improve. They may or may not improve enough in six months or a year that you can apply for a mortgage loan and expect to get the best rate, but certainly, they’re going to head in the right direction.

Mortgage lending, it’s not a credit score issue. Let’s say hypothetically you have a home loan and that home loan went into foreclosure. You’re going to have to wait seven years to apply for a mortgage and that’s because of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, not because of your credit score. There are other things that are influencing your ability to get mortgage loans, but certainly, a credit score is one of the various attributes that are considered.

It sounds like if you’re at least 50 points below that 760, you might want to wait. It might take you at least 1 year, maybe 2 or 3 years to get your score back to that 760 level is what I’m hearing from you.

Unless you’re okay with paying a higher interest rate.

Obviously, that’s the other option. Let’s say you’re at 720, you’re paying everything off, and there’s no outstanding debt, anything in general that you’d recommend that person do. Let’s say they have two credit cards right now. Should they expand to 3? Should they drop down to one credit card? Anything they should be doing to up their score?

Reducing the number of credit cards will never ever increase your scores. In fact, it can have the opposite. Here’s what you shouldn’t do. You shouldn’t guess. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard from people, “I borrowed from my 401(k) and I paid off my truck but my score didn’t go up.” I’m like, “Who told you that your truck loan was causing your score to be lower?” “I assumed it was so I borrowed money from my 401(k).” You can see how sometimes people make up advice or they assume certain things are going to help when in reality, they won’t and then they make other unrelated bad financial decisions like taking loans out of their 401(k).

If you’re able to pay off a bunch of credit card debt, re-pull your credit reports and scores once your credit reports have been updated and see what your scores are. If your scores are in excess of 760, apply for your mortgage loan because you’ve done what you’ve come to do. You’ve gotten your scores in the best possible shape for a loan and now, as long as the loan-to-value ratio of the home relative to the loan is in good shape and your debt-to-income ratios are in good shape, you should be golden.

I want to acknowledge what you said that often, we’re making assumptions about our credit. We’re making assumptions like, “We should pay off this truck loan because that’s going to lead to a better credit score and I should borrow money from my 401(k) plan.” I think that was a great thing and it’s very much in line with a lot of my teachings that we hear certain things and we act on them impulsively without finding out if it’s true. You should put all your money in tech stocks because they’re going crazy. We hear these generalized ideas and we act on them. That person who had the truck loan, let’s assume he’s not financially savvy, what could he have done to find out what would’ve helped him raise his credit score?

Spencer, here’s what I always tell people. Make sure you’re getting your information from authoritative sources that aren’t trying to sell you something. I’m going to give you the example that drives me crazier than any example. Some bozo on YouTube standing in front of a Lamborghini that he doesn’t own, parked in front of a house where he doesn’t live, screaming advice on how he can help you improve your credit score for $139 a month. That kind of junk.

If that sounds like junk to you, then it probably is junk. There are tons of authoritative sources that aren’t trying to sell you things that know what they’re talking about. The three credit reporting agencies have reams of educational materials on their websites. FICO has an amazing consumer website where they have tons of educational content. These are the credit bureaus and this is the company that invented credit scoring. There doesn’t get any more authoritative than those sources.

He could have found out that his paying off the truck loan was not going to help him if he had gone onto the FICO site, for example.

That’s exactly right. He likely would’ve found out what he could have done and he could have redirected that money maybe towards his credit card debt. He would’ve reduced his credit card debt and he would’ve stopped paying 18%, the average interest rate on a credit car. It’s in the 20% for retail store cards. He would’ve saved a tremendous amount of money. Obviously, you have the downside of taking money out of a 401(k). That’s a bad deal, but at the very least, he would’ve been able to get more bang for his buck from a credit-scoring perspective. It’s great that you don’t have a truck loan anymore, but what are you paying on a truck loan? 3% or 4% if it’s a new car. It’s almost free money and there are better ways to spend your money.

Any recommendation on the number of cards? Hearing these generalizations you should have at least 1 or 2 cards. Is there any disadvantage to having ten cards? What’s your general recommendation on the number of cards?

This is another one where you should be careful where you’re getting your information. You’re never punished for having a lot of credit cards. You’re punished for having a lot of credit card debt.

It doesn ’t matter whether these are store credit cards, Mastercard, or Visa cards.

That’s right. Irrelevant. As I said, you’re not penalized because you have a GAP card. The name of the brand on the card is not material in your credit score. What’s material is the amount of debt, how you’re paying it, and how old is the card. Those are the things that matter in a credit scoring system.

The more cards you have, the more chaos you might have in paying it all off. That’s the only downside.

If you use them irresponsibly. You could say the same thing about one credit card with a $10,000 balance versus 10 credit cards with a $1,000 balance. You’re in the same amount of debt. I have thirteen credit cards. I use two of them. What that means is I have a tremendous amount of credit limit, which means I have a ton of capacity in buying power, but it also means that my balance relative to my overall credit limit is minuscule. It’s less than 5%. Even if my credit card balances spike one month, which they do during the holiday season and the summer, it doesn’t matter because the ratio of my balances to limits is always low. If you only have 1 or 2 credit cards, it’s harder to be able to say that.

The advantage you’re saying to having more cards and keeping your debt-to-capacity ratio at a very low percentage.

Having a lot of credit cards helps you do that. Straight up, if you’re irresponsible and if you use credit cards as a supplement to your income, you shouldn’t have credit cards. You should use debit cards and cash because otherwise, you’re going to be paying 18%-plus to finance your life. If you can manage credit cards properly and use them only as much as you can pay them off every single month, you become what’s called a Transactor versus someone who carries balances. That’s called a Revolver.

If you can transact rather than revolve, you’ll never pay interest, which means your interest rates become irrelevant and your scores will be solid because you’re never missing payments. To the extent, you need to pay them off earlier rather than later. You can play that whole game that we talked about earlier about paying them off before the closing date versus the due date. You are controlling your engagement with the banks versus the banks controlling the engagement with you.

I think I may have brought this up to you and we had our conversation that a friend of mine went for an auto loan, found out her credit score was very low, and inquired if there was a charge on there from a default payment from AT&T that she had never paid. She calls AT&T and they said, “No, that’s a fraudulent charge. We don’t have any record of you owing us any money.” For stuff like that, what’s your advice?

That underscores the importance of always checking your credit reports and being engaged with your credit reports. As I said, no one cares about them until you need a loan, then they’re the most important thing in your life.

You’re saying to be preemptive. Check it out. If you can spot something fraudulent right away, it’s probably easier to fix than if you let it be there for three years.

That’s exactly right because people are going to start questioning, “What did you do over the last three years while this thing has been sitting on your credit report?” Your argument becomes less authentic and convincing. What I always tell people is to check your credit reports once every two months. While that might seem excessive, number one, it’s free, so you’re not going to get charged for doing that.

Number two, they go through an entire series of changes every 30 days. It’s not like watching grass grow. You’re going to see all these things that are different than the last time you checked it. You’ll never have to worry about like your friend with the AT&T scenario. If that pops up, that’s horrible, but at least you see it immediately and you can deal with it and not have to be told about it by a car dealership in the middle of trying to buy a car.

The way to deal with it, I assume, is you call the credit agency. You call Equifax.

You can file a dispute with the credit bureaus. Contact the company that furnished the information to them. If they’re willing to tell your friend over the phone, “We have no record of this,” then they’ll certainly tell the credit bureaus the same thing. The credit bureaus will delete it, the score will readjust accordingly and your friend can go get a card and move on with their life.

We’re coming to the flows here. Maybe you can tell us if are there any recommended credit cards? If one has good credit, should one go for an Amex card, which is a different card than a normal credit card? You could explain that? Should people be going for the miles and the cashback? Do you have any thoughts on any of that or just get whatever credit card appeals to you?

No, I wouldn’t say go get any credit card. If you look at the JD Powers customer satisfaction survey results over the past two decades, two company names pop up repeatedly over and over again. American Express and Discover. What does that mean? What that means is their customers are happy with their relationship with them to the point where they keep voting for them. Amex wins one year, Discover wins the next year, and Amex wins the next year. These two are fighting it out constantly.

From that perspective, why not? If everyone else is happy with them, then why wouldn’t you be happy? I like Amex. They have great rewards. I like Discover. That’s a simple card. You’re never going to have a fee for using a Discover card. Chase Sapphire is another one that’s got good rewards. You should choose a rewards card based on how the rewards appeal to you.

I have an airline card with the airline in my city. It wouldn’t make sense if I lived in another city and had to fly another airline. Pick a card where the rewards are meaningful to you, speak to you, and are relevant to you. Things like cashback are universally relevant because we all understand the value of a dollar where points and airline miles may not be as usable for you. From that perspective, cashback may be your best option. Choose one that’s got a good rewards program because then, at the very least, you’re getting some return on the investment you make by using their credit card.

You’re making me think about when you’re on a plane now often, they’re trying to pitch credit cards. What you’re saying is that sometimes it might make sense. Often, people maybe are getting those credit cards but that’s not the airline that runs out of the city where they live very often. I think that’s good advice. This has been wonderful. Any final thoughts that you have? I’m pulling out some threads here. I’m also thinking, John, that it’d be great for you to maybe email me the exact websites that you gave.

I read into what you were saying that there are probably some fraudulent sites out there that have one letter spelled differently sites. I want to make sure we give everyone the right site information so we can include that. Any last thoughts? Another thing that I keep hearing you say is being proactive with your credit not being on top of it instead of letting the credit agencies be on top of you. Any other last words of advice?

Echoing what we talked about is that if you have three credit reports, check all three of them. Don’t check one of them because the information is not going to be the same. It’ll be redundant, but it won’t be the same That’s number one. Number two, there are tons of places where you can get free credit scores. If you are interested in seeing your credit scores, don’t buy them because there are a ton of places where you can get them at no cost.

Proper credit management from the record-keeping side of it, the credit reporting, and credit scoring side of it, all it takes is time. There’s no investment other than some of your time. You don’t have to buy anything in order to properly manage your credit reports and credit scores. The credit bureaus are not required by any law to come sneak up behind you and stick a credit report in your back pocket when you’re not looking.

You have to ask them for a copy or you’ll never ever see it. Become engaged with your credit reports and you’ll avoid things like your friend with the AT&T issue. You’ll avoid making an offer on a home that you love only to find out that your credit scores are too low and you can’t qualify for a rate that’ll make it affordable. Don’t wait until you’re locked into something before you find out that your credit isn’t good enough. Become more engaged, check it periodically, and then you’ll never have these types of issues.

I feel like we’ve opened up an arena that so many of us know so little about but that affects us in profound ways. It certainly affects our wallets and stress levels around money to know that, “I don’t have the best credit score,” because you didn’t know for the last five years that your credit score was going down.

You’re saying some wonderful things that are folding so well to my message about looking at the evidence and what you need to know about your finances and taking action. Don’t stay in your head or listen to what your friend is saying about finances. Talking with you, an expert on credit, is wonderful. I’m very grateful that we have this time together and I wish you the best of success. Thank you so much, John.

My pleasure. Thank you for having me.

Take care.

Important Links

Rebuilding Your Finances After a Divorce

Thu, 06 Apr 2023 14:12:47 GMT

If you’ve recently gone through a divorce (or are in the process of going through one now), there’s a good chance that, in addition to all of the emotional stressors, financial matters are pretty high on your list of concerns too.

While it may seem like the preferred solution is putting those difficult emotions aside (at least for now) and trying to think about financial hurdles as little as possible, there’s another approach to rebuilding your finances after a divorce that you might want to consider.

Even though a divorce is one of the most stressful times in life, it may actually be one of the best times to work with your financial psychology to prime your brain for financial success.

Our financial psychology is impacted by the following fundamental components:

Money emotions (anxiety, avoidance, exuberance, etc.)
Money beliefs (things you were taught about money growing up)
Money numbers (income, debt, savings, budget, investments, etc.)
Money actions (how you pursue your money goals)

Each plays an important role when it comes to regulating our money behaviors, and they work together to create your financial mindset.

Here are seven steps to guide you as you optimize your financial psychology while dealing with divorce.

Hire a financial advisor to help you through the process. Having an independent third party helps you know your numbers so that you can make informed (and more objective) decisions. For example, how you deal with your house is typically one of the biggest financial and emotional decisions in a divorce. Should you keep it or sell it? You need to balance the long-term cost of keeping your home with the emotional costs of selling it. I recommend getting a home appraisal, knowing the tax impact of selling, and knowing the true cost of home ownership by adding up every property tax, repair, appliance, and bill for the past 3-5 years. Also, if the mortgage is adjustable, your mortgage payments might increase and refinancing might not be an option, particularly given current high interest rates. You should weigh these facts against the emotional impact of selling your home. I have seen many people insist on keeping a home, only to later regret the financial burden of sole ownership. But decisions like these are deeply personal and one size does not fit all. A good advisor will show you the financial consequences of both selling and keeping your home. You can then weigh that information alongside the emotional piece to determine the best approach for you.
Write down your top 2-3 money beliefs that you learned growing up. Recognize that your inherited money beliefs and emotions greatly influence the total mental and financial burden of divorce. Understanding your inherited money beliefs, and how they might be serving or hurting you, can be invaluable at this time.
Write down the 2-3 money beliefs that you wish you had inherited growing up. Start asking yourself: what’s a small practical step I can take with my finances to make each of these beliefs my own?
Know your inner value. Gather 4 or 5 friends and encourage them to share openly with you what they think your skills, resources, talents, inner and outer wealth, and career possibilities are. Embracing our inner value and reminding ourselves of our ability to earn income is one of the most useful, but under-utilized survival skills to cope with divorce.
Remember you are enough. So much of our self-worth gets wrapped up in our relationship, and when it ends, our self-esteem rarely comes through unscathed. This often makes us feel ‘less than’ in so many areas of our lives, including our ability to earn income. Divorce can really impact your feelings of self-worth. You may feel like a failure—that you are not “enough.” I recommend my “ Enough ” meditation as a way to anchor your worthiness during this tender time.
Take easy small actions towards finding a job, side hustle, or new business that incorporate what you do well, what you enjoy, and what brings others value. Easy small actions build success faster than big actions. What matters is that you shift your perspective and start believing that you’re capable of providing for your financial future.
Commit to your purpose . There’s financial freedom in this. You can start to do the things that bring a sense of purpose to your life. And this includes how you manage your finances. Decide what to spend money on and how much to save. Pursue a career connected to your life’s purpose to create a financial future that serves you well.

Divorce is often challenging, but it can be a catalyst to take charge of your finances and reframe limiting money beliefs as you reset your life. From a financial perspective, divorce can be the doorway to earning more money, and feeling empowered about your finances for the first time in your life. When we’re married, we sometimes assume the other spouse is handling a money issue or if they can spend that much on clothing, then we can too. Being single brings the opportunity to know all the numbers and be the CEO of your life. You make all the decisions about earning, spending, saving, giving, borrowing, and investing (although I would recommend that you do so with the assistance of an objective financial advisor). You get to be the author of your financial future, aligning your money behaviors with your own values, beliefs, and risk tolerance. You might ask your advisor: what financial decisions over these coming years are likely to improve my probability of financial success? This is the beginning of true financial freedom.

Retrain Your Financial Habits

It’s been said that anything is easy to do, once you know how.

Believing in your value, uncovering money beliefs, and committing to your purpose all prime your brain for financial success. However, priming is only half the story when it comes to finances. Training yourself for long-term financial success requires a different set of knowledge.

Without financial training, it’s difficult to know a). Which actions lead to financial prosperity; and b). Which habits set you up for financial success long-term.

That’s why I’ve created Fearless Finance University .

There, you’ll find my complete Fearless Finance course which teaches you how to master your money emotions, along with Wealth Activations to help you develop better financial habits, and access to weekly sessions designed to help you move toward financial ease and freedom.

Social Justice Investing With Rachel Robasciotti

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Wed, 05 Apr 2023 13:22:10 GMT

What is a good investment? Who should benefit from it? In this episode, Spencer Sherman welcomes Rachel Robasciotti , the founder of Adasina Social Capital , to dive into investing long-term for future generations through social justice investing. There is a pressing need to address the social inequities and overcome systemic challenges. In the financial market, Rachel sees the key in pulling together our collective resources to produce widgets and resources to resolve large systemic inequities. Together, we can invest in building a sustainable and successful world to live in for the future. Join in the conversation and learn how.

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Listen to the podcast here

Social Justice Investing With Rachel Robasciotti

I am here with Rachel Robasciotti . Welcome, Rachel.

Thank you so much for having me. I'm happy to be here and to speak with you about social justice investing.

I'm so excited to speak with you about this topic. What I have found over my decades of being a financial advisor is that we have these beliefs that often keep us individually and collectively from having more freedom and success in the financial world. You have had such great successes in many realms like starting your own mutual fund, your own advisory firm, and all the work you have done on a national and global level.

I'm so excited to be here with you, and I’m grateful for all that you have done to help all of us rise up and have that much more freedom and intelligence around our finances. Thank you for all you have done so far in the world. Let's dive in. I'm wondering when you first became aware that there were financial inequities in our financial system? When did you first start having these thoughts that there's something that we could do to make things so much better?

In order to answer that question, I need to tell you a little bit about my life. I live in San Francisco now, but I was raised in a poor and still largely segregated community in a town called Oroville, California. Oroville is in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada. If you are thinking based on 1980, I want to let you know that my particular town has a history of extraordinary measures to resist social progress. They are that town that declared itself a constitutional republic away from COVID mandates in November 2021. I grew up there.

If people know about Oroville at all, they know about the Oroville Dam. It was built in the 1930s. It's the tallest in the United States. The Black population that arrived there moved up during the Great Migration to take these high-risk jobs building the dam. They were allowed to live on the south side of town. The Black families on the south side were primarily led by women, and that was a direct result of over-policing that we are becoming increasingly aware of in Black communities.

Most of the Black men in my family were incarcerated or killed by police officers, which is not an overstatement. I have had three different family members killed by police officers with no repercussions for those officers. That's not an uncommon story. It may be an uncommon story within the financial services, but it's not an uncommon story in the Black community.

That alone would have a tremendous impact on one's life.

I had this overwhelming sense that something wasn't right. A lot of the issues that we experienced, there was a lot of unemployment, jobs were hard to come by, they were particularly hard for women to come by, and we were chronically poor. I was homeless multiple times. We suffered from all of the issues that come with chronic resource deprivation, which are preventable diseases and premature death.

These ideas of racial, gender, economic, and climate justice were certainly deeply embedded in my growing up, and they are still here in the present because most of my family still lives there. I have to tell you that climate justice didn't come to my consciousness to round those areas out until the Oroville Dam almost collapsed in 2017. That was after extreme weather through the 2010s that put stress on critical portions of the dam.

Wouldn't you know it, it was the south side of Oroville when we looked at the flood inundation maps that were most likely to collapse in the event of a flood. The Black community was redlined into living there. It was a community mostly of women, chronically poor, and was the most at risk of climate change. We saw what the residents in the Ninth Ward saw during Hurricane Katrina, which is this profound inequity.

There are so many ways in which money was tied up in it in impoverishing that community and extracting its labor. It became very clear to me. I already had a lot of clarity about the intersection of racial, gender, and economic justice, but the climate piece became crystal clear to me in 2017. I already was a financial planner. I wanted more solutions for our clients, and I couldn't find them. My clients and I wanted a solution for, “How can we take our collective resources like investment dollars to address the inequities I grew up with?” Thankfully, I graduated from high school at fifteen. I started a financial firm at 25.

Did you graduate from high school two years early?

Yes. I was very aware and very motivated at a young age. Tragedy will do that. That's how we became Adasina Social Capital . We were making solutions in public markets to advance racial, gender, economic, and climate justice. I have a long story, but it's not been part of my consciousness. It's just gotten a finer point.

When one sees all these blatant limitations put in by others, the systems where certain people are very much disadvantaged relative to other people, how does one overcome the beliefs that one might have from that? It sounds like you somehow got empowered and finished high school early and said, “I'm going to address this.” I can imagine that so many people feel hopeless after seeing those systemic challenges.

Thankfully, I grew up in a tight-knit community. One of the silver linings of tragedy is that those who are facing it together have to band together and have any semblance of joy in life. I had a deep sense that we can do anything collectively. We may have trouble as individuals overcoming huge systemic pressures, but we can do anything if we come together collectively.

I realized that these big systemic challenges of our time required big collective resources. As I learned more and understood the world more, I understood that most of our resources as a society are inside of financial markets. If we want to address these huge systemic problems, we have to pull together our collective resources. We have been pulling those collective resources together to produce widgets and services. There are ways that we can pull our collective resources together as we are investing in companies in order to start to resolve some of these large systems that extract from many often for the benefit of a few in society.

Rachel, it's so great to have you here to voice the challenges that many people have faced and are facing, and how you saw the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s like that light was saying, “This is where the money is.” The money is in the financial system, and we need a lot of money to fix these barriers to a more just, equitable, sustainable, and successful world. Why not go towards the system, which in some ways is very logical, but in other ways, I would imagine that many people feel, “I can't touch the financial system.” How did you overcome that? That's a thought that I think I would have. How do you go after the whole financial system?

The work has always been about what we can do together. As an individual, I don't think so highly of myself that I believe that I as one individual can take this on. However, what I did know was that there are many other people who feel similarly to me and that people are looking for answers. What I also knew is that those who are in power, which means those that are directing the investment dollars aren't necessarily those who are closest to the problem.

If you need new and nuanced answers to fixing a problem, it makes the most sense to go to those who are closest to the problem and often sadly, farthest away from power. When we started looking for solutions, we didn't assume that we as a company or I as an individual knew that the basis of what we do at Adasina is partnering with the most impacted communities. It means the communities that have the most under systems that perpetuate racial, gender, economic, and climate injustice. We ask them, “What do you need? What does it look like to make an impact on this system rather than assuming that we knew?”

Give us an example of some of the answers you received when you asked those questions to one of these disenfranchised communities.

Shortly after George Floyd was murdered, we had already been partnering with the Movement for Black Lives around issues of racial justice, and what investors could do to help overturn this system of racial injustice that had perpetuated itself in our country and throughout our investments as well. They had told us to focus on mass incarceration. The system disproportionately imprisons Black and Brown people, and there are these systems for creating a profit where that's concerned. They had asked us to focus there.

It was interesting. Once George Floyd's murder became internationally known, there were many people in the investment world who started to turn their attention to doing something about racial injustice and not asking the communities that are most impacted. They started looking at diversity, equity, and inclusion policies at companies. It is absolutely important to be looking at those issues at a company but I have to tell you that if you talk to the Movement for Black Lives, they say those are fantastically important issues, and it's a little bit like counseling someone who's having a heart attack on their diet.

Does their diet need to be addressed? Absolutely. Do Black people need more jobs and be treated more equitably at work? Absolutely. Is that what put the knee on George Floyd's neck? No, not necessarily. A system of mass incarceration that used the police to funnel folks into that system, that's what put the knee on George Floyd's neck. We were very successful in turning the narrative back toward mass incarceration nationally and not letting investors go with what they thought was best, but focusing deeply on what the Black community said would be most helpful. We have made tremendous strides in that area.

What I'm hearing, Rachel, is that you have continued to put your attention on where the most impact can potentially be.

Yes, and who decides what is impactful because there are many things that we can do to have an impact and with a limited set of resources, investors need to be focused on what the communities who are most impacted are telling us would make the biggest difference. That's not something that we have historically done in finance. We purport to have all the answers. It takes an incredible amount of humility to find what's most impactful.

If someone is reading this, and let's say they are focused on economic success, their own success, or the country's success, I believe that what you are saying folds into that person's desires. Maybe you could say something about how that might sound counterintuitive to some people, but that the success of these disenfranchised people is a segue to success on a national and global level.

Yes, that's an important point to look at. We do this work not only because we are from these communities that have been marginalized. Myself and our staff people are from these communities and want a different outcome than we have had so far. We also do it because ultimately, I believe what we all want, as investors, is to have a true return on our money, which means that personally, we want to make more money over time but our true return isn't just our personal financial return. It's also your social return.

I can make this point very easily if I'm doing well financially, but my sister is not, that has a direct impact on my well-being, and it will end up also having a direct impact on my finances because I will want to use some of my money to change her situation. It's a fiction that personal financial return can be separated from social return.

That answers my question that when we are focused on ourselves individually, we get less return than when we focus on the collective because we are so interconnected.

I do see this beginning to change, but so far, we seem to have this orientation toward the parts of our nation and our world that are most hurting. In finance, we seem to have this orientation that's like, “Let's not think about them. Let's focus on making more money.” The trouble is that's a little bit like ignoring a wound that you have on your arm. If you simply ignore it, it won't go away. It affects the health and sustainability of the whole system.

We have seen this in how much these huge social ills are disrupting our day-to-day lives and at times, even the financial markets. They are inextricable personal and social returns. What I'm doing is simply shining a light on how deeply interconnected they are because no one would want to invest in a world that ports the destruction of the planet and harm to other individuals. However, we have become accustomed to separating that off as though it does not matter, and yet we can't get away from it.

Our investment decision is about making more of something. Do we want to make more harm and extraction in our world? What does that do to us as individuals? Even if I am not the one who's at the most disturbing end of it, what does it do to us as moral human beings to have invested in a world with more harm? We are going in a different direction with it.

Many clients will say to me, “With the market going down, how do I know this isn't going to snowball and it's not going to keep getting worse and worse?” What I hear you saying is that it could get worse and worse if we don't do something about the sustainability of the planet, our social dynamics with each other, and our ability to get along with each other.

These are key issues that support the financial success of the stock market. These are all interrelated. What I hear you saying and when people are worried about the future of the stock market, maybe we should all start to focus on the foundations of the stock market, which I hear you saying are things like sustainability and racial justice.

Yeah, social stability. When you extract from and harm a particular segment of your society, you create social instability. It can even go as far as social unrest, and that is something that's not good for our long-term investments.

In some ways, what you are talking about is financial security. I'd love to hear, if you had your way with this financial system with the world, what are 1 or 2 things you would love to be able to achieve in the next year or two? What's your vision for the world for what this financial system might be able to provide for all of us if we could turn some things around, turn around our beliefs, and put in place some of the ideas that you have been playing with in your mind?

I can talk about my long-term vision and then also, the shorter-term things I would want to achieve. My long-term vision and purpose are to transform what it means to be a publicly-traded company. I want you to know what it's meant so far. What it's meant so far is that companies that were smaller and needed to raise money from investors in order to grow wanted to raise money from many people from the public.

To do so, we put in certain rules and responsibilities. If you are going to raise money from the public, then you are responsible to the people whom you raise money from. Somewhere along the way, the companies got very large but stopped being responsive to and accountable to the public to whom they owed their growth, to begin with. What I want to do is no less than transform the meaning of a public company.

I want it to be impossible to be a public company and not do work that is for the public good and not do work that is for the benefit of the public. When you are extracting from people and when you are extracting from the planet, these are not things that are adding to social good. These are the things that are taken away from it. I want to transform what public companies are from something that's parasitic on society to public companies that re-inhabit the core meaning. We raised money from the public. We are accountable to the public. We are creating things that are public and social goods.

If the average person is reading this a year from now and everything you have said comes to be, how would they know that? What would they notice that's different about the way public companies are operating or the way the financial system is operating?

I can tell you some of what we are working on now. Being a public company would mean that you must pay the legal minimum wage under all circumstances. Now, public companies do get away with paying a sub-minimum wage. They are violating the law often and the Justice Department has given up on pursuing these issues. It's primarily about tipped workers who supposedly are getting the full minimum wage that's made up for with tips, but they don't.

Being a public company would mean you always have to follow the law and pay a full minimum wage. That's an issue that impacts people of color and women as workers. It leads to extensive poverty in our country of over eight million workers that are in the service industry and are impacted by this. As a public company, you shouldn't be able to profit from mass incarceration that happens on systemically racist terms and as a direct descendant of slavery, the way that we incarcerate people in this country.

That's something that we continue to work on, is dismantling the system of profiting from mass incarceration. Looking at climate, we continue with the fossil fuel divestment that our entire financial system at this point is moving toward. The place where we haven't finished the job yet is around extractive agriculture. It's a piece that is part and parcel of the entire petrochemical industry. It has profoundly negative impacts on both the people who are employed or exploited by extractive agriculture and also the planet.

Most people don’t know this, but the most conservative estimates say that up to 30%, if you get more aggressive, some of the estimates say 50% of all carbon emissions come from the extractive agricultural practices of public companies. We'd open up investors' eyes on that issue and make some serious progress toward divesting, toward taking a step back and saying, “We don't want to make more of extractive agriculture. There are other ways to do sustainable and local feeding of the planet.”

What you are saying is that a good percentage of the carbon emissions are not coming necessarily directly from oil production. It is coming from the way we do agriculture.

It's not that it's not coming from oil. It's that oil, gas, and fossil fuels are so heavily relied upon and used in the industrial agricultural system. They are intertwined. We use petrochemicals in our fertilizers and our pesticides. We are also using vast amounts of fossil fuels in the transportation and management of extractive agricultural practices.

It seems like these issues, while they are large, like the one about mass incarceration and extractive agriculture, are issues where there's a lot of consensus and agreement. Especially on mass incarceration, across the political spectrum, there's a lot of support for all the savings that we can accrue from dismantling a system that has cost us on so many levels.

Yes, there is. It's interesting because so often, I get that question. It's like, “The different social justice organizations that represent these communities, how do you get them to come to an agreement? Don't they all want to work on different things?” What's interesting is that if you truly focus on working with the organizations that have leadership directly from the communities that are most impacted, folks are saying the same thing across the board.

It might have slightly different flavors regionally. For example, in the Gulf Coast area, they are very worried about the impact of climate change on the oil and gas industry on their fisheries. However, if you go farther up the Mississippi River, they are very worried about the impacts on communities of the overuse of pesticides and fertilizers and what it's doing to the rivers and streams and the soil.

They are all worried about extractive agriculture. They have a slightly different take on it but when you get down to the core issues where investors and our collective resources can be brought to bear, you do find a pretty easy alignment on these issues. They aren't fundamentally disagreeing with one another, they just have different applications regionally.

Rachel, would you say that there is almost an over-focus on the very short-term and the way that we ignore the implications of anything beyond the next couple of weeks or something in terms of the effects of how we are handling things agriculturally? Also, the prison system that we do immediate fixes that often don't even benefit us in the short-term but they certainly hurt us in the long-term.

I'm wondering, how do we start to shift our mindset a little bit longer term focused? How do we shift our mind so we are not thinking in terms of, “I have got to farm my land in this way to produce a good output this week, but I got to also think about the next five years?” How do we make that shift in our minds?

In a certain way, as human beings, we are motivated by what works, and what works in the short-term can feel a lot more compelling than the long-term. We also have to remember that when we are investing, we are engaged in a long-term proposition. Most people who become investors become aware that the investors that make money and that have the lowest risk of losing their investment are the ones who are long-term investors. This doesn't require lots of fancy algorithms. If you think about it, if you are a long-term investor, the only thing that you are interested in is sustainable long-term returns.

Just so we are all clear, for everyone reading, I assume you are saying 5, 10, 15, or 20 years is what you would say is the longer term?

A lot of us are investing for our retirement. It’s definitely beyond five years. We are looking at the 10, 15, and 20 years as well. If what you want is long-term sustainable financial returns, you are only going to get that one way. That is with companies that are committed to having sustainable practices long-term. It starts to become very obvious if your business model is profiting off of a systemically racist system of mass incarceration and things that are ultimately unfair.

There's a universal sense of fairness that we have across left and right, blue and red, across cultures and countries in the world. We have a fundamental sense of fairness and things that are unethical tend to become illegal. How long can you get away with exploiting one particular community? If you start to look at exploitation as an unsustainable practice, you start to have a clear sense of like, “Exploiting people on the planet doesn't work out long-term.”

The long-term best practices have to be curved, partially because we want a fair and just society, but also eventually, you have social unrest related to those as we have seen many times. It comes out to this fundamental question, “What are long-term sustainable companies?” They are the ones who are working in the public interest and producing social goods, as I was talking about.

What's amazing and what's giving me goosebumps about what you are saying is that some of us invest with this idea that it's all about making money. You are connecting the dots and saying that making money is also a healthy planet that we are investing in for the long-term. As these two ideas come together, long-term investing is connected to a sustainable planet, a just planet, and they go hand-in-hand. It's like, “We can have our cake and eat it too.” The things that are going to be good for the planet are going to be good for our long-term portfolios, is what I hear you saying.

We do not have planet B to move to. It comes down to this question, “What's the future you are investing in?” Is the future that you are investing in a planet that you, your descendants, and future generations can live on and can live on in peace? Is that the future you are investing in? If so, you must invest sustainably now.

I love this because it brings me to one of my last questions, which is, many people say, “The system's so unfair. I don't want to be part of the system.” What I hear you saying, and please confirm that there are ways to invest where you are moving the planet in the right direction. Also, these two worlds, the financial world, the environmental world, the social justice world, and the prison world are all connected. They are all related to each other. We can't separate these out is what I'm hearing.

We can't separate them out. I will end by making a very old point, which is the world that we are living in right now with mass shootings, with COVID killing a million people in the United States, with extreme weather events that are threatening already disadvantaged communities. The world that we are living in right now is the direct result of a false narrative about finance. That false narrative was that you can invest and only have an impact on your personal financial return. You can invest and have it just be about money. It's not true.

The world we are living in is the direct result of the investments that we made many years ago. I am speaking from our future. I'm speaking back to the present and saying, “If we want a different future than the one that we have right now, we are going to have to invest differently.” That different way of investing is social justice investing. It’s one that looks deeply at the sustainable practices that support racial, gender, economic, and climate justice. Not only because we want a sustainable world, but because they are inextricable from looking at our financial futures. Our financial futures don't happen in a vacuum. They happen in a world with other people.

We are so interconnected from the most ordinary thing of smiling at someone as you are walking on the street to the way we do our agriculture or the way we do our system. The way we handle everything in this world and this country is connected to this investment system that we are invested in. When we buy a mutual fund, we are part of this system. If we want long-term growth in our mutual funds and our portfolios, it's natural for us to want these inequities to be resolved. They go hand-in-hand. This might sound a little crude, but one can almost say that if you were a selfish person, you would be in favor of everything Rachel is saying.

It’s true. As I said, there's no financial future where you have made lots of money and it did not have some impact one way or another on other people, the planet, and on you as well. All investment has an impact. What do you want the impact to be? I prefer to drive and have clear visions heading into the future. Driving toward the future with blinders on saying that all we care about is our financial return will get us more of the future that looks like the present. I don't think any of us want that at this point. We are looking for a new future, so we are going to have to choose new ways of being.

Everything you are saying folds into that we have more power than we think to shape this world so that there is long-term sustainability of the planet, of our investment portfolios, and that the stock market is a reflection of our daily actions.

Thank you so much for having me.

Thank you so much. This has been amazing. Rachel Robasciotti, thank you again. I wish you well. May all your actions, your brilliance, and your courage keep going. May you continue to help this planet flourish. Thank you for all that you are doing and will continue to do.

Thank you for having me. If any of your readers want to stay connected to what we are doing, it's very easy to join the Adasina Community. You need to text the word, JUSTICE, to 55444. You will get signed up for our newsletter which will keep you connected to issues where social justice and investing connect. Again, 55444 is the number and you text the word, JUSTICE, so we can stay in touch and continue the conversation.

Bye for now. I'm wishing you well.

Bye-Bye.

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3 Ways to Calm Money Envy

Fri, 10 Mar 2023 18:53:25 GMT

Have you ever felt good after spending time being envious of someone else? I haven’t. Envy makes us feel worse, especially when we’re envious of another person’s material success.

Envy focuses our attention on our perceived shortcomings or weaknesses and leads us to reach for new standards or goals that are often unfair or unrealistic. This frequently produces feelings of inadequacy, which can spiral out of control and result in a negative cycle of self-criticism, low self-esteem, and unproductive behaviors.

When we’re feeling the effects of these negative cycles, we often get frustrated and impatient, which can lead us to make rash decisions like making a risky investment or spending beyond our means. Nearly every area of our lives can be affected when we’re constantly in a state of envy - our health, our relationship, and especially our bank accounts.

It's important that we create a supportive and empathetic environment around issues as emotionally complex as money envy, so that we feel empowered to improve our financial situation without fear of judgment or shame.

We can start by taking a compassionate attitude towards ourselves, and practicing these three proactive steps to help calm money envy:

1. Become Aware of the Comparing Mind

Envy is a product of the comparing mind, and when we develop awareness of our comparing minds, we can gain a clearer sense of our own patterns of thought and better understand the feelings they generate within us.

Recognizing when we’re slipping into an envious state can help us take the proactive steps needed to manage our thoughts and emotions more effectively.

For example, if we learn that a colleague gets something we wanted such as a promotion or a new car, then becoming aware of our comparing minds can help us gain a clearer sense of when we’ve been swept away by insecurity or dissatisfaction, or are trying to ignore the emotion/rationalize the emotion away. This can lead to us find productive ways to manage the undercurrents of our thoughts (ex. meditation, journaling, talking to a friend, or undergoing financial training with Fearless Finance University! ).

Becoming aware of our comparing minds makes it easier to see what’s actually happening within us and detach from the emotional grip we find ourselves in when it comes to money envy.

2. Experience the bodily sensations felt during comparisons

Envy creates a distorted perception of reality that hinders our personal growth. Unfortunately, we rarely realize this in the moment and instead believe that our comparisons are based on reality.

We can reconnect with reality by giving ourselves the time and space to experience the bodily sensations we feel when we’re in a state of envy or are comparing ourselves to others. This helps us shift our thoughts away from the story we’re telling ourselves about how we’re affected by the material success of someone else, and ground ourselves in our own real, physical experience that’s taking place in the moment.

For example, whenever I feel envious, there’s a tightening in my forehead. As I allow myself to experience the feeling, I shift focus from my comparing mind and the story it’s telling me, to the actual, bodily sensation it produces. This helps me disengage from the story and realize it’s nothing more than a story.

3. Practice Generosity

It may sound counter-intuitive, but generosity is a powerful way to create distance between you and the negative effects of envy, especially when financial matters are involved.

How does it work? It’s simple - next time you're feeling envious of someone else’s material success, try wishing them even more success, in all ways possible. At first, it’ll feel strange, but then it'll feel better.

I started doing this after I learned about a colleague doing incredibly well. It took some time for it to work, but after about 6 weeks, I started to feel the negative feelings diminish, my comparing mind calm, and the negative effects of envy decrease.

I encourage you to try it! Wish well to whomever you’re comparing yourself. Try saying, “I wish you even more success. May your happiness continue and increase.”

Awareness of the comparing mind, bodily felt sensations, and generosity are three ways to calm money envy. Doing so places our focus on the present moment, rather than dwelling in the past or worrying about the future.

When we focus on the present, we may realize that our past experiences, including our successes and failures, aren’t relevant to our current situation. And instead of comparing ourselves to anyone else - even past or future versions of ourselves - we can begin to focus on our current goals and aspirations, especially those that place us in better financial situations.

—

Updates below from the Fearless Finance team at Spencer-Sherman.com

Want to know more about how to overcome money habits or beliefs that aren’t making you successful? How to have less anxiety, more ease, and more options in your financial life?

Gain access to Fearless Finance University , a one-of-a-kind course that teaches you how to master your money emotions. New content is released every month. Sign up now and get access to Spencer Sherman’s entire wealth management library for only $9.95/month (limited-time offer). Cancel anytime.

Bonus Q&A: If you are subscribed to Fearless Finance University, there is a free Q&A on Zoom every Friday!

Also, join Spencer every Tuesday at 4:30 p.m. PT and Friday at 2 p.m. PT on Clubhouse!

How To Unlock Your Financial Potential

Wed, 22 Feb 2023 18:09:06 GMT

For years, I’ve said that money is the one area of our lives that can be easy and relatively simple. So why do we find ourselves overcomplicating it again and again and again?

I’ve just returned from a week-long silent meditation retreat. Why silent and why meditate? Because if I don’t get silent periodically, I start believing my thoughts and that gets me in trouble with my finances.

Meditation helps me gain awareness of my fixed and limiting money beliefs as well as my fear . It’s a tool for dissolving anxiety even if the economy doesn't improve, I can’t find a job, or my portfolio doesn’t rebound. Mindfulness directs our attention to what’s arising at this moment, not to my fearful thoughts about what might happen in 3 months, or my belief that I have to work weekends to be successful.

Silence and meditation can also help us recognize our own recirculating thoughts and limiting beliefs about money .

You might hear yourself saying things like, “I don’t know if I can trust the system," "I don't have the expertise to invest," "I don't want to get burned again," "I'm not good with money," "I have to earn a lot to make up for the past," "If I had more money, I'd be happier," or "I just don’t want my investments or income to go down.”

I’ve seen how each of these beliefs can lead many intelligent people to overcomplicate money, especially with investing, and earn less money than they could have gained had they followed some simple guidelines.

Mindfulness helps us become aware of these beliefs. Common sense will help with the rest.

Get silent for moments every day . Intentional silence allows us to hear our wise thoughts beyond the cultural and familial noise that colors our experience with money and lets us free up th e common sense needed to make wise financial decisions.

F INANCIAL TIPS

Following evidenced based guidelines for spending and investing will keep your finances simple, less stressful, and far more productive:

Become aware of one of your dominant money beliefs and write down 3 ways that belief might not be true.
Become aware of your money anxiety and cultivate a compassionate response instead of trying to get rid of the anxiety by either spending or hoarding.
Find work you love that you could do well into your 70’s or find a side hustle that you love.
Find out how to increase your income at work or your self-employed income. Chat with 5 colleagues or clients and get their perspectives on how to do this.
Consider investing in thousands of companies around the globe (rather than cherry picking companies). Today is statistically the best time to start investing. Keep your expenses and taxes to a minimum, and if the market is in a slump, let go of waiting for it to go down further–take advantage of investments being on sale.
Spend less than you earn after taxes, use debit cards and avoid using credit cards that you can’t pay off each month.

4 Easy Ways to Overcome Money Shame

Mon, 13 Feb 2023 21:09:09 GMT

Money shame…it happens to all of us.

Some feel it after overspending, and others sense it from feeling like they don’t earn enough, or because they don’t feel like the y’re where they feel they should be in life. However, this money shame is often rooted in one fixed belief - that we don’t, and might never, have enough.

Because it’s painful to talk about our money shame, we tend to fall back on learned patterns of behavior.

To make matters worse, our culture tells us we are not ok as we are; we have to keep spending in order to get to the summit, but we never arrive. Advertisers reward us for our attention with discounts. We get bonuses for listening to more audiobooks. Buying groceries in bulk is a lot cheaper than buying them at reasonable quantities of consumption.

The allure of spending is a trap that has us believing that we’ll finally feel enough if we buy one more precious thing.

Often when we feel shame, we blame ourselves or others and that creates even more reactive behavior with our finances.

The worst part is that there seem to be very few options out there that break the cycle, especially once we repeatedly judge and blame ourselves.

Here are the 4 steps to take the sting out of difficult money feelings: As you implement these into habits, shame will begin to decrease, and you’ll be able to move your finances forward.

Instead of thinking about how much your action or inaction cost you, sense the sensations in your body underneath what your mind is thinking. This takes some practice, but I promise you that you can become aware of the sensations of stress in your body, without focusing on the story.
Recognize that your money feelings are universal. illions of other humans have likely had similar feelings. We often default to assuming that we're alone becausemoney is so taboo and believe that our moneyshame is worse than what other people experience. Once you recognize that your shame is universal, the pain will begin to dissipate.
Think of the kindest person in your life and pretend to be that person for a few minutes. What would this super-kind person be saying to you? Say these things to yourself. This sounds corny, but there's science supporting that it works.
Difficult feelings linger when we keep them to ourselves - and, we live in a culture where it's often not acceptable (or safe) to discuss anything money related. Find a trusted friend or money ally and start sharing the truth of your shame or challenging money feeling. As you do, you will likely notice that the backpack of money shame becomes lighter.

That brings me to my new Monthly Financial Training program which offers weekly opportunities to discuss and transform our relationship to money in a safe and supported environment with others. Why do we do this? We want to lighten the stickiness of these feelings and free our minds. That freedom often leads to prosperity in its many forms.

Our inherited money beliefs became ingrained in our neural pathways, which is why it’s so difficult to realize that they’re driving a lot of our unproductive behaviors. However, if we can uncover and befriend these beliefs, we gain the perspective to act differently.

For example, a pernicious money belief is “there’s something wrong with me because I still have credit debt or I still don’t have retirement savings. As we examine our fixed money beliefs, we begin to recognize that we are judging ourselves instead of judging our behavior. Shame comes from judging ourselves and it’s shame that is one of the biggest barriers to our financial success.

Realize you are, and always will be, enough as you are

If there’s one thing that starts to free us from the cycle of shame , it would be to realize that you are, and always will be, enough as you are.

Why?

When we begin a regular practice of cultivating an Enough mindset, we begin to recognize our abundance of internal resources: our intelligence, creativity, sense of humor, ability to see new perspectives, etc. Shame dissipates when we gain this clarity. These inner resources are the bridge to us building material wealth as well.

With less money shame, we tend to focus much less on comparing ourselves to others and this further supports the decrease in shame and increase in our financial wellness. We start choosing, based on our own values, what to buy, how to earn, how to save, etc.

Of course, realizing we’re enough is easier said than done. Our culture, unfortunately, reminds us all too often that more is better or we’re not ok as we are.

This is one of the reasons why all of usbenefit from training our mind to cultivate the qualities that will lead to financial freedom and success.

Fortunately, Fearless Finance University financial training program is available and accessible for people at all income levels. The program contains my entire library of financial practices and tools (that apply to spending, earning, saving, investing, etc.) that have helped many people experience financial freedom. These same practices have also helped me create a very successful financial advisory firm.

It’s only $9.95/month and you cancel anytime.

3 Buddhist Ideals For Material Success

Mon, 13 Feb 2023 14:00:09 GMT

One of the most powerful types of wealth we can possess is inner or spiritual wealth. Having an inner philosophy enriches our lives and is a resource we can draw on to enhance our other forms of wealth, including material wealth.

Over the years, I’ve found that all spiritual traditions, including Buddhism, apply well to the domain of money. Maybe it’s because the Buddha said that grasping is the cause of suffering and, therefore, letting go of that grasping is the path to wellness.

I’d like to share a few teachings from the Buddha, that have influenced me over the years, especially when I was creating a wealth management company that went on to manage over $3 billion in assets. I hope you find them as beneficial as I have.

Here are three Buddhist ideals, and how they can lead to success:

1. Friendship

“In Aryans' Discipline, to build a friendship is to build wealth, To maintain a friendship is to maintain wealth and to end a friendship is to end wealth.”

-Buddha

People are often surprised to hear me talk about my experiences at Wharton Business School. They’ll ask me what the most important lesson I learned while completing my MBA is, and I believe they’re expecting to hear something along the lines of ‘how to beat the competition’ But, the most important thing I learned in business school was how to cooperate with others .

Of course, when the Buddha said, “to maintain a friendship is to maintain wealth,” he was talking more about the friendship itself being a kind of wealth instead of a way to create business opportunities. However, throughout the years, I’ve noticed that there’s a direct correlation between someone’s self-worth/net-worth and the strength of their social network.

Specifically, it’s the quality of someone’s network and the quality of their relationships that can have a profound impact on the business opportunities that open up to them, not to mention the quality of professional support and encouragement needed for success.

This may seem obvious, but it’s something we often overlook in the course of everyday life.

It may also seem unfair, as some people may have access to more affluent professional networks based on the luck of their upbringing. However, if you’re worried that your life circumstances put you at a disadvantage in terms of your professional network, don’t despair.

Recognize the unique value you and your friends each bring to the table and let each friend know what that value is, and ask them to do the same for you. The big payoff comes from focusing on ways to support your friends with their personal and professional lives, and knowing that generosity is the path to abundance.

2. Joy

“Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.”

-Buddha

“…c ontentment is the greatest wealth.” This is an incredibly powerful statement, especially in a day and age where contentment is hard to find.

We’re trained to believe that we should want more and that enough is a bad idea, tantamount to stagnation.

Yet, contentment is, according to the Buddha, the greatest wealth; and in my experience, contentment is also a resource that can be drawn on to create professional success.

The question is what’s the underlying connection between contentment and success? How do they work together to enrich us?

I believe the answer is one of the most powerful lessons anyone can learn in life - contentment puts us in a mindset of sufficiency, and a sufficient mindset helps us stay relaxed so that we can access our wisdom and creativity and focus on sharing our gifts.

Those who pursue a life based on sharing their gifts in a way that provides value for other people are the ones who tend to have the most professional and financial success in life.

So, when we can find that intersection between our gifts and what provides value for other people, our professional opportunities begin to increase.

If you’re struggling to identify your gifts, then you’re either in the wrong profession or you need to ask your colleagues and friends. It’s never too late to change your vocation or to get feedback from your allies.

3. Equanimity

“It is not life and wealth and power that enslave men, but the cleaving to life and wealth and power.”

-Buddha

I love the word equanimity. It has its own rhythm, and it sounds as balanced as its definition. Just saying the word equanimity to yourself in a difficult situation can make you become more equanimous in the moment.

But equanimity’s benefits don’t end there.

Equanimity is a tool that leads to all kinds of success in life and has the power to extend to our bank accounts.

How so?

It’s all about the negative states that equanimity helps ease.

Consider that it’s impossible to be equanimous and in a state of grasping at the same time, or as the Buddha says, “ …cleaving to life and wealth and power .”

Equanimity means being completely ok with yourself and your situation, and having the resilience to stay composed in difficult situations. Grasping for things to be different than they are, therefore, is the opposite of equanimity. Just recall how imbalanced you became the last time you were grasping for something to happen at work, with a relationship, or with your favorite sports team. Equanimity enhances our ability to make wise, less reactive financial decisions.

For example, if we’re interviewing for a new job, and we are in a grasping mindset, we might come off as needy and focused only on how the new job might benefit us. However, being equanimous helps us focus on the value we can provide to the potential employer. Any potential employer is more likely to hire someone who helps them create value rather than someone just craving the position.

This quote from the Buddha turns our thinking on its head. Our culture teaches us ideas like ‘money is the root of all evil’, and ‘absolute power corrupts absolutely’, but when we consider that it’s the grasping for these things that enslaves us, we realize that, wealth and power aren’t inherently good or bad - they’re simply resources that we can all draw on to improve quality of life for ourselves and those around us.

Unlike equanimity and grasping, spirituality and material wealth aren’t mutually exclusive. Our lives can be filled with both inner and outer wealth, and it’s by having sufficiency in both that we find ourselves at our richest.

What Can An Indian Folktale Teach Us About Compounding Money?

Tue, 07 Feb 2023 23:43:36 GMT

There’s a beautiful Indian folktale that teaches us about the power of compounding money.

A greedy raja convinced everyone in his province of rice farmers to give him th eir rice. He told them he would safely store it for them so that if a famine came, they wouldn’t go hungry. But when a famine did arrive, the raja kept the rice for himself to make sure he didn’t go hungry while his people starved. He even ordered a feast–as it seemed to him a raja should–and asked a servant to collect rice from the storehouses.

But when they were being carried back to the palace, one of the baskets was leaking, and a young girl collected it in her skirt. She gave it back to the raja and, as a reward, asked for only one grain of rice. The raja wanted to give her a bigger reward, so she asked that the grain of rice be doubled every day for thirty days. For the first few weeks, the girl didn’t receive much rice, but by the end of the thirty days, the storehouses were cleared out, and she returned the rice to the people.

Had the girl asked for a penny, then by the end of the thirty days, she would have had $5,368,709.12.

Even at realistic rates of return, the magic of compounding is still impressive.

And there’s a handy mathematical trick to let you know how long it will take for your money to double–the Rule of 72.

Let’s say you’re saving for college or to start a business or a down payment on a home and you have $50,000 and you’re wondering how long it will take that $50,000 to double to $100,000.

The Rule of 72 that states that any two numbers multiplied together that produce 72 will let you know how long you have to wait.

For example, if you can earn a 6% return, your money will double in 12 years (6x12=72); or if you can earn a 9% return, your money will double in 8 years (9x8=72).

This is a he lpful yardstick to keep in mind; if the grand total of your retirement and non-retirement funds have not been doubling every 7-14 years, it’s a signal to investigate what’s dragging down your growth.

If you're ready to take one step closer to financial freedom, I invite you to join my university Fearless Finance. There are so many resources available that I am going to show you.

What Taxi Drivers In India Taught Me

Tue, 07 Feb 2023 15:02:23 GMT

I recently took a trip to India and want to share with you what I learned.

"How much is a ride back to Mcleodganj, where the Dalia Lama lives?,” I ask the taxi driver. He says 150 Rupees. “Ok, let’s go,” I say. Now, 150 rupees is about $2 for a 10 minute taxi ride. When we arrive, I offer the driver 200 rupees, and he says “No, sir, I said 100 rupees. I say, “No, you said 150 rupees.” Then I say “Whatever the amount, I want to leave you 200 rupees including a tip.” He says, “No, sir, I only want 100 rupees. I am speechless. My brain can’t understand it. It’s against all my conditioning of going for more . I’m uncomfortable because if I were in his shoes, I would have most likely accepted the tip, as all American taxi and Uber drivers typically do.

I asked the desk clerk at my hotel in Dharamshala about this, and he said it’s about not grasping. Greed is considered to be the number one cause of suffering for Buddhists. The taxi drivers feel that their lives will fare better if they accept "Enough" and don’t ask for more.

I speak often about the idea of Enough; the mindset of Enough. I believe that cultivating Enough has the potential to decrease our stress, increase our happiness, increase our value at work, improve our financial decision making, and ultimately make us more money . But, this taxi driver (and a second taxi driver who also refused any gratuity, defied my western understanding of money.

What would it be like for each of us, for you, to take on this Enough mindset at work, with your friends and families, and at home?

I’m imagining right now, our country, our world, letting go of grasping for more. This is my vision; 8 billion of us with an Enough mindset; This is a pathway to being more relaxed, less impulsive, and more joyful .

H ow do you start?

Open up to the idea that you have, do and are Enough in this moment.
Start finishing your work day and/or emailing in the evening, fiveminutes earlier than usual.
Commit to not buying something until a week after you first had the idea to buy it.
Start a weekly gratitude practice where you vividly recall three experiences or things from the past week that you’re grateful for, and write them down.

Join me on this path of Enough!

A Buddhist Approach to Finding Joy in Your Money Life

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Mon, 30 Jan 2023 20:59:21 GMT

Money is ________. You might say money is difficult, challenging, shameful, evil, confusing, necessary, or important. But, what about Finding Joy in Your Money Life ? This blog succinctly shares powerful Buddhist teachings on the roots of our unhappiness , and how to create new habits that lead to a healthier, even a more joyous connection to money. You can do this! If you want a new way of relating to one of the most challenging aspects of life, read on!

MYTH

I should time my investments around world events.

REALITY

I’ve seen so many people lose money by pulling their investments when a certain politician was elected and getting back in when a different politician was elected. The forces of the markets are too numerous to consider, no matter how significant the world event may seem. Keep your money invested, enjoy your life, look at your portfolio only once a quarter, and stay invested all the time instead of timing the markets.

—-

You don’t have to be a money pro to be a money genius! Anyone can master the secrets to money success, and I can show you how.

Through Fearless Finance University , you’ll learn how to increase your income and savings, reduce spending, and master investing . It’s available for only $9.95/month. Cancel anytime.

Click here to change your financial life today!

Why the Markets Go Down

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Mon, 05 Dec 2022 14:23:26 GMT

Stock markets have been and always will be volatile. In a single day, the market can fluctuate hundreds of points one way, and back the opposite way before the bell rings at the end of the business day. The average daily swing for the last 40 years has been +/- 1.4%.

It’s the nature of markets to go up and down, yet journalists always present the question, ‘Why did the markets go down?’ as something that shouldn’t be happening. In fact, the U.S. stock market has had intra-year declines of at least 10% about every other year. And, despite these intra-year declines, the U.S. stock market (S&P 500 index) has averaged over 9% per year of growth over the last 50 years .

They always try to give a reason - inflation, recession, the markets overheating - but rarely are these answers accurate.

So many academic studies have shown that trying to predict when the market will go up or down is a fruitless exercise.

The historical data tells us that ever since the market first opened, it’s been in constant flux, with an upward trend over time.

Yet, no matter how much we’re told that gains and losses are a part of life, there’s still a part of us that wishes to control everything.

What Frequently Checking Your Portfolio Increases

While any attempt to predict and try to protect ourselves from market downturns is futile, I see so many people checking their portfolios repeatedly on any given day. It’s as if checking our portfolios more often will protect us or make the market go up.

A check-in with your stock portfolio nowadays is as simple as pressing a few buttons on your phone or laptop, and while you may think that checking it more often is a good habit, in reality, it isn’t.

Daniel Kahneman , a Nobel Prize winning economist and psychologist has found that the more you check the stock market or your portfolio, the less money you’ll make.

The reason is that the more often you look at your portfolio, the greater your chances of seeing it when it’s down, which increases the odds that you’ll make an emotionally charged, impulsive decision such as selling off stocks way too soon. The inevitable result is financial loss, not to mention increased stress.

How Often to Check Your Portfolio

History shows that in the long run, the overall stock market has been consistently trending upward. . This means that people who remain patient through market downturns and refrain from frequently looking at their portfolios actually earn more money. It is recommended to check your portfolio one every year, or once every quarter.

Here are some tactics to prevent emotionally charged decisions and financial loss:

Forget trying to predict the market by realizing that doing so is causing unnecessary stress and damage to your financial growth
Know that the market will naturally go up and down and that you don’t have to react to it
Take a break from checking your portfolio until your advisor says it’s time for a review
Practice patience and only look at your portfolio once every four months

How we respond to downturns in life and in the market is the only thing we can control .

So, the next time you find yourself logging in to your computer or phone to look at your portfolio, stop! Instead, take a few deep breaths knowing that refraining is the best choice to not only earn more money but also foster a healthier state of mind and an improved sense of well being.

Generosity’s Benefits are No Myth (But there is a myth to illustrate how generosity benefits us)

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Thu, 01 Dec 2022 14:10:36 GMT

Over the years, I’ve come to understand the incredible financial benefits of generosity. Generosity improves our health, increases joy, lowers stress levels, and can also increase financial benefits. So much so that practicing generosity is something I advise people to do regularly, even when they tell me they have very little to offer.

However, I’m frequently asked, ‘Spencer, how can you tell people to be generous when they don’t have much to give?’

There’s a valid point embedded in this question - those who don't have much money will have limitations on how much they can share with others.

My response, though, is simple - it’s the act of generosity that creates the conditions for growing wealth, and it doesn’t have to be a monetary offering. You can be generous with your time, resources, and quality of attention.

The Greeks became aware of this centuries ago, and illustrated the principle through a myth called Zeus’s Test.

The Power of Generosity

Once upon a time, two strangers wandered into a village, asking the local inhabitants for shelter.

While nearly every door they knocked on turned them away, an elderly couple called Baucis and Philemon welcomed them into their home.

Even though Baucis and Philemon's house was small and they didn’t have much food, they scrambled together what little they had.

Their dining table was wobbly, but they made sure it was supported with a small wooden block, and they rubbed the surface with mint so that it smelled fresh for their guests.

Baucis and Philemon cooked vegetables and cut meat from a shank so they could feed their guests for the night, and offered what was left of their sweet wine.

Soon, the old couple turned what little they had into a great feast.

However, privately, Baucis and Philemon worried they wouldn’t have enough left over for themselves.

But as they watched their guests dine, Baucis and Philemon noticed something strange - the wine from the clay jar they drank from never ran out.

The elderly couple realized these were no ordinary strangers. They were gods in disguise.

Not knowing which gods they were, Baucis and Philemon grew fearful that their offerings were insufficient, so they started to chase after the goose that guarded their home for extra food.

But when they were too tired to catch the goose, Baucis and Philemon expected the gods to punish them.

However, the Gods revealed themselves to be two of the most powerful figures in Greek mythology - Zeus and his son, Hermes - and they praised Baucis and Philemon for being generous and hospitable to strangers, which in ancient Greece was known as Xenia .

Importance of Xenia in Ancient Greece

For the Greeks, Xenia was a way of life . Hospitality towards foreigners and guests was a moral obligation, a way of demonstrating virtue. The Greeks incorporated Xenia into their customs and manners, and it became a standard practice throughout the culture.

They believed that having a generous spirit was good for everyone, that it facilitated positive relationships (especially with those from other cultures), and encouraged more generous acts in kind.

Financial Benefits of Generous Acts

That said, the Greek Gods believed in punishing those who did not practice Xenia, so Zeus and Hermes sent a massive flood into the village that damaged all the homes except for Baucis and Philemon’s, which they turned into a beautiful temple, where Baucis and Philemon lived happily for the rest of their days.

The myth teaches when too many people act from a place of selfishness and fear, the entire community will often experience suffering, but also that those who do practice generosity can still individually reap the rewards.

The Generous Spirit

One thing I find so interesting about Zeus’s Test is that, despite being able to prepare a feast for their guests, Baucis and Philemon still felt a constant sense of inadequacy.

They worried they didn’t have enough and that they hadn’t done enough, but ultimately, this fear was unfounded because Zeus and Hermes weren’t interested in the size of Baucis and Philemon’s feast; They were only interested in their spirit of generosity.

Like Baucis and Philemon, we all feel a sense of inadequacy when it comes to what we have. However, it’s how we put what we have to use for others that have the potential to reap the greatest rewards.

Generosity is one of the best ways to create a healthy economy, and one of the few wealth-building tools with the power to benefit everyone.

This is why I encourage everyone to be generous with whatever resources they have. It doesn’t just have to be money. It can be time, attention, wisdom, creativity, etc. One of my favorite meditation teachers says that whenever he has a generous impulse or thought, he takes action. This has served him for years. What if you do an experiment and take this on, starting today? Listen to yourself for thoughts of generosity and take action.

The Opposite of Schadenfreude Is Freudenfreude. Here’s How to Cultivate It

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Mon, 28 Nov 2022 23:43:17 GMT

"I read this fantastic NY Times article today about the benefits of taking joy in others' successes and couldn't wait to share it with you . What the article is saying also applies to financial success. When someone gets a new job or a promotion, wishing that person even more success can activate your own joy and success. This comes from a Buddhist practice of the Brahmaviharas or the 4 higher emotions. The 3rd one is Mudita or Sympathetic Joy, which is our ability to feel joy when another feels joy. The Sympathetic Joy practice quells our envy and thoughts of comparison, and that is a great thing because often our comparisons to others are very detrimental to our financial success and wellness. It robs us of our own vitality, it can hurt our relationship with this person, and it can lead us to an impulsive purchase just so we feel we are keeping up with the person we envy."

How ‘Enough’ Leads to Wealth

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Tue, 01 Nov 2022 20:09:32 GMT

When I was struggling during the first few years of my career in finance, the last thing I would have wanted to hear was anyone telling me that what I needed most was to be grateful for everything I already have.

But after 30 years in the industry, and having co-founded a company that manages over $3 billion in assets, I can say with absolute certainty that it doesn’t matter how much or how little you have, the path to wealth and enjoying it, is a lot easier ‘when we first embrace the concept of ‘Enough.’

We’re Taught a Harmful Wealth Mindset

From a very early age, subconsciously in most cases, we’re taught to associate the concepts of ‘More’ and ‘Enough’ with money.

Even in instances when we try to associate ‘More’ with something other than money (such as time and happiness) there’s still the underlying suspicion that money will be needed somewhere along the way.

The same is true for our cultural concept of ‘Enough’ - it’s virtually impossible for us to imagine feeling a sense of sufficiency without simultaneously imagining having a bank account that will, at the very least, cover our basic needs for life.

But what if this thinking is just flat out wrong?

What if ‘More’ and ‘Enough’ have absolutely nothing to do with money? What if they’re simply reflections of our mindset?

And what if creating a mindset of ‘Enough’ (instead of having enough money) is actually the key to lifelong wealth?

How ‘More’ Stops Us from Building Wealth

One thing I’ve seen throughout my decades as a financial advisor is how much fear and anxiety hurt financial success.

Though fear has many causes , when it’s viewed in financial terms, fear is always rooted in a mindset of insufficiency.

You may be wondering why I say that insufficiency is a mindset. That’s because for most people, especially in the United States, our sense of insufficiency isn’t necessarily based on a lack of resources, but simply having less than someone else with whom we’ve decided to compare ourselves.

Of course, there are exceptions such as homelessness and food poverty that millions of Americans suffer everyday, but unless you fall into one of these categories, I hate to break it to you, but your sense of insufficiency has far more to do with your childhood and cultural conditioning than your actual circumstances. It’s based on comparison, ‘keeping up with the Joneses’, perceived social competition, and therefore, it’s a mindset.

Yet, and this is true for even those who have a conscious realization of this, we internalize insufficiency as our own personal inadequacy.

The more we try to fill this imaginary void, the more we lock ourselves into a lifelong struggle for ‘More, More, More.’

How ‘Enough’ Leads to ‘More’

Neuroscientists have discovered that our brains create neural pathways based on our current thoughts, which directly influences how we think, feel, and behave.

We’ve all experienced this in one form or another: the more we think about someone we love, the stronger our feelings grow for them; the more we think about something we’re afraid of, the more likely we are to avoid that thing; and the more we feel we need to strive for ‘More’, the stronger our sense of insufficiency will grow.

Constant feelings of insufficiency create the belief that we are lacking, that we don’t have enough, and therefore, we aren’t ‘Enough’. Everyone is susceptible to this idea, whether their available bank balance reads $1 or $1 billion.

We are living in a culture of fear and anxiety.

It’s a creation of our own making.

And if we want to escape it, we must first develop our sense of internal sufficiency , starting in this moment, regardless of how much money we have.

We must realize that our self-worth is far greater than our net-worth could ever be.

And we can do that by cultivating a mindset of ‘Enough’.

Realizing that we are already ‘Enough’ is the first step in developing the neural pathways that lead to a sense of sufficiency and lessen the fear that inhibits us from building wealth.

How to Develop an ‘Enough’ Mindset

Of course, developing a mindset of ‘Enough’ is easier said than done.

It’s not something that happens all at once or after a day or so.

It was more than thirty years ago when I first realized I needed to develop an ‘Enough’ mindset to reach the level of ease and financial success I aspired to, and I’m still refining these habits every single day.

Think of it like fitness - it’s something you need to first build up, then maintain by practicing healthy habits and integrating lifestyle changes.

While there are many different ways to develop an ‘Enough’ mindset (and no one is more right or wrong than the other), I’ve found these five practices to be of huge benefit:

Commit to awareness

If there’s something we don’t like about ourselves, and it’s within our power to change it, we have two options - 1). Bury our heads in the sand and pretend the problem doesn’t exist or 2). Befriend the thing we don’t like. The more compassion we have for our weakest link, the more likely we’ll become aware of what needs to transform.

Choose option #2. It’s the only one of the two that will lead to happiness. Plus, option #1 is, more often than not, catastrophic when applied to financial matters.

To make those changes, we need to know what we need to change, and this starts with making a commitment to awareness, with clarity, without judgment.

2. Make a gratitude list

Gratitude is a perspective check. When we sit down and realize how grateful we feel for everything we have, we can start to recognize that our superficial comparisons are actually not as big a deal as we may have thought.

Gratitude also trains the brain to create the pathways needed to develop a sense of sufficiency. This reduces our sense of financial fear and makes room for an ‘Enough’ mindset to blossom.

3. Meditate

Meditation can be practiced by anyone, anywhere in the world, at any time for zero cost. It helps us realize that breathing in and out is all we need. This automatically creates a sense of sufficiency, and helps us develop a mindset of ‘Enough.’

The Dalai Lama once said, " If every 8 year old in the world is taught meditation, we will eliminate violence from the world within one generation ," and I sincerely believe that the reason for this is because meditation helps us cultivate the sense that we’re all ‘Enough’ just as we are.

Meditation also brings a sense of presence and compassion towards oneself and others, as well as an ability to weather the storms of life. These three things support our financial success. A greater presence leads to us making more money, compassion leads to healthier interactions with others, and weathering storms helps us with the ups and downs of the markets.

4. Create routines

As I mentioned earlier, sustaining a mindset of ‘Enough’ requires habitual practice like in physical fitness, and these habits become consistent when we are supported by routine.

The best routine is the one that works for you. It doesn’t matter what it is - you can meditate and feel the substantiality of your breath, journal about an ‘Enough’ mindset, tell a friend what you feel grateful for, etc. The point is that it’s something you do everyday, and that it will help you cultivate a mindset of ‘Enough.’

Routines also create new neural pathways, which make them easier and easier to do each successive day. You’ll also find that, most of the time, we get a boost of energy after a routine has been performed, not before, which helps us sustain a mindset of ‘Enough’.

5. Review financial decisions beforehand

It’s easy for us to kick ourselves for making bad financial decisions after the fact. But what if we take a few moments to think about the consequences of our purchasing decisions beforehand?

I recommend waiting three days to a week and then contemplating whether you really need that fancy new kitchen appliance from Amazon. What if you put the money into a diversified global index mutual fund instead?

Should you really sell your stocks just because the market is experiencing a downturn? Doesn’t that conflict with your long-term investing plan to stay invested, especially during the dips?

Every financial decision, no matter how big or small, can benefit from considering the consequences before the action is undertaken.

When we do consider a financial decision before acting impulsively, we often realize that we don’t have to make decisions from a place of comparison or fear, and that we’re already a lot better off than we realized.

This will reinforce the idea that we are already ‘Enough.’

How To Know You’re ‘Enough’?

You may not believe it, but the answer is incredibly simple: you’re always enough, all the time.

But by incorporating all (or even any) of the five practices into your life, you’ll start to believe it, realize it in your bones, and then act from a place of ‘Enough’ - almost always a much wiser place within us.

By making the conscious decision to stop living in fear and accept that you’re ‘Enough’, you might realize that you have everything you need to pursue the life you’ve always wanted for yourself, including the wealth of your dreams.

Stay connected and gain access to new resources!

By signing up for my newsletter, you’re joining a growing community of people who’ve found their way to “Enough.” Click here to make sure you don’t miss out. The road to financial freedom is easier when you share the journey!

Small is Big

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Mon, 31 Oct 2022 13:09:03 GMT

New Article for Ozy

Snippet from Ozy:

"Financial advisor Spencer Sherman urges his clients to boost their savings game by making a plan to save a small amount of money at regular intervals or with every paycheck, and make a note on the calendar to slightly increase that amount every six months (and proportionately for any salary increase or bonus). This will lead not just to more wealth creation, but to an increased confidence and sense of financial well-being,says Sherman , who founded financial consulting firm Abacus Wealth, which today manages more than $3 billion in assets.

Rather than regarding saving, or saving more, as something you always mean to do but never quite get around to, consider it like buying gas for your car: You’d never stop buying gas and then complain that the car won’t go. Sherman says that saving should be similar, in that you plan to always do it."

Read the full article here !

Effective Client Listening Habits

Fri, 21 Oct 2022 19:33:02 GMT

New Article for Advisor Engine

"Advisors want to lean in with answers but need to step back and ask questions so clients can arrive at their own solutions,” he says. “Curiosity, compassion and mindfulness allow clients to affirm their wisdom. Let clients guide the meeting and if you’re talking with a couple, encourage them to talk with each other rather than with you.”

Snippit from Advisor Engine:

Honing listening skills are a cornerstone of the annual " Mindful Advisor Retreat ” at the Green Gulch Zen Center in Marin County, California.

Overseen by Spencer Sherman, the founding CEO of Santa Monica-based wealth management firm Abacus Wealth, the retreat is designed to help advisors “enrich communication skills, emotional intelligence, and ability to connect deeply with clients.

Echoing the Zen classic “Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind,” Spencer says advisors need to let go of assumptions and approach listening to clients “from a place of not knowing,” Spencer says. “Let go of categories and remember how unique each client is. Listen as if it’s the first time you’ve ever heard anyone say what they’re saying.”

Read the full article here !

Mind and Life Conference

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Thu, 20 Oct 2022 16:50:35 GMT

I am in Dharamshala, India at the Mind and Life Conference with his Holiness, The Dalai Lama, and I am struck by how much his words echo a recent article I wrote for Mindful Magazine .

He kept reiterating that true happiness is not based on circumstances and that's what I'm explaining in this article on success.

As I think about the words from His Holiness, I recognize that this idea of true happiness is aspirational.

It's hard to even imagine that I could be happy independent of circumstances.

Sensing that His Holiness actually abides in this place of true happiness all the time, energizes me to plant and water the seeds to make this happen.

These seeds are in this article.

While I wrote the article, watering these seeds has been a work-in-progress for me.

The first step was practicing the mindset of "Enough" on a more consistent basis.

In Dharamshala, I met the neuroscientist, Tania Singer, who explained to me that we humans become addicted to the dopamine release from going for more and that our brains often don't naturally rest in a mindset of "Enough."

Tania went on to say that we have to cultivate a calmer, more spacious mind, in order to coax the mind toward the "Enough" mindset.

This mindset of "Enough" is liberating and is the first step towards happiness independent of circumstances (i.e. material wealth, feedback from others, etc.), otherwise known as true happiness.

My Mindful Magazine article goes on to suggest that we investigate our beliefs, shift from comparing and striving toward kindness, become a mentor, widen your awareness, get to know your numbers, and cultivate a specific kind of gratitude.

I believe that you, I, and everyone can do this.

I know we can shift from fragile happiness dependent on our circumstances to a deep sense of ease, regardless of the ups and downs of our finances, our work or our lives.

I have my Fearless Finance course and other programs to help you make this happen, which you can learn more about here .

5 Easy Ways to Develop Financial Literacy

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Wed, 19 Oct 2022 12:20:51 GMT

There are so many people who believe that they’re ‘just no good with money.’ But guess what, you are good with money. What you need could just be a little development in financial literacy.

My heart always sinks a little whenever I hear someone say this.

Having spent thirty years as a financial advisor, I know all too well that no matter how much we wish it wasn’t true, money affects nearly every single meaningful part of our lives - our work (and therefore our purpose in life), our relationships, even how we see ourselves.

Because of this, money has become mired in extremes - some think it’s the ultimate good, others insist it’s evil incarnate.

But what if I told you there’s a different way of looking at money? A better way that can make sure that you control money and not the other way around.

Here it is: money is like a language that everyone can learn.

Let me explain my story of developing financial literacy.

At a very early age, so early most of us won’t be able to remember it happening (unless they were a baby genius, of course), we learn that the sound patterns we hear from the people around us are the keys to understanding the world and communicating with others around us.

We come to understand this as our native language.

In time, we begin to differentiate from our parents and teachers and develop our own style of speaking. We call it our voice. And we believe that it reflects something about who we are, on both the inside and outside.

What we don’t realize though, is that we develop our financial patterns and behaviors in almost the exact same way.

We inherit ideas about how money works from the people we grow up with and, without our awareness, these ideas shape how we perceive and interact with money.

In other words, we have an innate money language. As you’ll discover in my Money Personality Quiz .

Learning how to be good with money comes down to two things:

Developing a greater and more accurate understanding of how money works; and
Being able to use it effectively.

Here are 5 easy steps to help you develop financial literacy:

1. Self-Educate

When I say self-educate, I don’t mean to imply that you need to build a body of knowledge equivalent to MBA training.

In fact, you don’t need any kind of major training to develop your finances.

Why?

Because more often than not, the best lesson you can learn with your money is that you actually already know how to manage it effectively.

The principles are simple:

Live within your means
Don’t spend money you don’t have (even if it’s money you expect to earn)
Make sure that you save money each month instead of spending it on items you don’t need

Of course, this is easier said than done. Especially for people with huge amounts of debt.

[Side note: In instances of huge amounts of debt, it’s all too easy for people to spend money as soon as they get it because they know it’s going to be gone no matter what. However, it’s important to remember that, for any debt, you need to have a plan for getting yourself out of it, and remember that any money coming in should be put towards that plan. Debt is not inevitable, no matter what you may have been led to believe.]

However, debt or no debt, the difficult part about money is managing the emotions it’s tied to.

Educating yourself about your own money beliefs, and investigating which ones are holding you back, will be some of the most important financial lessons you’ll ever learn.

What’s one way to get started?

2. Write Your Money Story

As I mentioned earlier, we all have a money story. And like all stories, they consist of a past, present, and future.

Your money story doesn’t have to be complicated. Or win you any Booker Prizes . You don’t even have to write it down on paper.

But if you want to develop your financial literacy, it will help to:

Dig into the lessons you were taught
Fully acknowledge the situation you’re currently in
Familiarize yourself with your realistic, but achievable, aspirations for the future

In doing so, you’ll begin to see new connections and patterns that you might not have seen otherwise, which can give you insight into the current action you need to take to change your circumstances. For example, if you want to become a millionaire, but remember being taught a long time ago that money is evil, you’ll know that you can let go of the old belief and replace it with a new one that reflects where you want to be instead of where you came from: that money can be good and lead us to the life we want for ourselves..

I also encourage you to share your story with others. Doing so helps you come to terms with the past, gain acceptance in the present, and be held accountable for reaching your goals in the future.

3. Practice, Practice, Practice

There’s a popular saying (attributed to many various athletes and performers, though usually credited to Vince Lombardi), with universal applications, but especially for financial habits: Practice doesn’t make perfect. Practice makes permanent.

In other words, when we repeat something on a daily basis, it becomes part of our conditioning.

What many of us don’t realize is that we already practice money habits on a daily basis. The question is whether or not they’re good for us.

For instance, avoiding looking at your bank balance is a financial habit, but it’s not a healthy one. Long-term, it’s likely to result in losing track of spending and potentially building up debt.

On the other hand, if you check your finances every week to see where your money has gone, you’ll not only begin to see spending patterns you may have been unaware of (i.e. forgotten subscription fees, unnecessary purchases, etc.), but you’ll be able to manage your finances much better in the coming weeks.

The main goal when it comes to dealing with your finances is to find something that works for you, but that’s also going to put you on the right track to meet your goals (you may find my Spending Intentions Worksheet a valuable tool for this)

From here, it’s simply a matter of understanding that the more you practice becoming efficient with your finances, the better at managing them you will be.

But, remember that when it does come time to managing your finances, you’ll first need to…

4. Manage Your Money Emotions

Let’s face it, dealing with finances can get messy. Not just because the numbers can be difficult to keep track of (especially when you’re applying new, healthier habits to manage them), but because money is enmeshed with so many difficult emotions.

The emotional component of money is just like the emotional component of language - we all know that beyond just letters and numbers are hidden meanings that have the power to either elate us or ruin our days.

Unlike language though, the hidden meaning behind money usually comes down to the same (very damaging) idea, over and over again - that our net worth is a reflection of our self-worth. But just remember - this idea is absolute garbage. Your self-worth has nothing to do with your net worth, and the only way this monstrous thought can have any power over you is if you believe it, which you never have to do.

There are many ways to help manage emotions when it comes to finances. My favorite is meditating. I’ve found it to be incredibly effective over the years as it calms the central nervous system, which helps put me in a calm enough frame of mind to make wise decisions (you can check out some of my guided money meditations here ). Some other effective methods include journaling or seeking advice from a mentor or trusted friend.

Once your money emotions have been addressed, then the difficult part is really nothing more than sitting down and completing the tasks on your to-do list. And if you find yourself struggling to complete them, then…

5. Focus on The Goal in Front of You

You’ll never become fluent in a language if you don’t speak it. And the same is true when it comes to developing financial literacy.

This means that we can only develop financial fluency by completing our financial tasks.

There is simply no other way.

What you can do, though, is make this part of the process easier for yourself. How? It’s easy - pick just one thing to deal with at a time.

That’s right.

Just one.

From there, it’s a matter of combatting distractions and other things vying for your attention.

For this, I recommend borrowing a tip from sports psychology.

There’s a phenomenon known as 'quiet eye', which is where an athlete’s eye movements slow down and focus only on what’s in front of them. Researchers have found that ‘quiet eye’ can facilitate the ‘flow state’, where our brain activity is reduced except for the task that we’re focusing on.

Here’s how tennis superstar Serena Williams explains it: “If you are behind in a game, it’s so important to relax, and that’s what I do – when I’m behind in a game, that’s when I become most relaxed…Just focus on one point at a time… just that sole point, and then the next one, and the next one.”

This principle can easily be applied to managing your finances.

Pick one task and set aside five to fifteen minutes. Tell yourself that you’re making a commitment to finishing it and focus on nothing else except the task.

Trust me, if you just start with these five steps, you’ll be on your way to calling yourself a financial Shakespeare in no time!

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Financial freedom is closer than you think. My course, Fearless Finance , has everything you need to help you develop lifelong financial literacy. Click here for more info!

Why It’s OK to Enjoy Spending the Money You Have

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Tue, 20 Sep 2022 20:28:39 GMT

I grew up with a frugal father. We had money, but in my father’s mind, it was only there to be spent on the basics, the fundamentals, and what we needed to survive.

With this came immense feelings of guilt whenever I wanted to spend money on something enjoyable for its own sake. And that feeling (and the behaviors that went along with it) lasted well into my adult years, even after I accumulated a sufficient amount of money.

Many years ago, when we were looking for a house, she wanted to spend a little bit more than I had planned on a place with a large, beautiful garden. I couldn’t see the point. Neither of us were gardeners (at least not at the time), and it felt like it was something that was only going to cost more money in maintenance fees.

I remember sitting alone, wrestling with my thoughts. My stomach felt like it was twisted in knots. How was I going to tell her we weren’t going to buy this house she had her heart set on?

What didn’t make any sense to me though, was that by this time in my life, I could afford the house even with the extra maintenance fees. I knew it would make my wife happy. And deep down, I knew that a large garden would bring many benefits.

Yet, I was struggling because of this belief that I learned in childhood - money is only there to be spent on what’s needed, not to be enjoyed.

But do you want to know one of the most ironic things about this situation I’d found myself in?

The reason I could afford the house was because I’d made my money as the founding CEO and financial advisor at Abacus , a wealth management company with over $3 billion in assets that was founded on Buddhist principles, one of which is prioritizing joy .

Part of this means spending the money we’ve earned on things that make us happy.

So, for years, I‘d been telling my clients that when we let ourselves enjoy the wealth we’ve earned, we’re actually likely to have more money. This is because when we spend money in moderation, we decrease the fear that results from hoarding or overspending. And with less fear , we tend to make better financial decisions.

Yet, here I was, completely unable to follow my own advice.

I began to realize just how strongly our formative beliefs influence our actions, beating out our wisdom and even our desires. And I began to see how, unless we make a conscious effort to undo those beliefs and replace them with more productive ones, their hold on us will remain.

See, one of the reasons why it’s so important to let ourselves enjoy spending the money we have is because - again, ironically - money itself can only take us so far when it comes to bringing us joy.

For joy, we need to be inspired. Yet, money doesn’t inspire. It’s incapable of it, and has been for the 7,000-odd years that modern civilization has existed.

Money motivates us to get out of bed and do something during the day to earn our upkeep. But money never really inspires anyone to do anything great, not even buying your spouse their dream home.

What money does do is provide the safety we need to say yes to an opportunity when it comes along, to say yes to something that will give us the inspiration and joy that we need.

We ended up buying the house, and it was one of the best decisions we ever made. The garden has since become a great source of joy and inspiration. The feeling of being constantly connected to nature and actively helping things grow enriches the soul in a way that has to be experienced to be understood.

As I’ve learned to spend consciously and see that I’m still ok, I’ve realized that I can lessen the grip my childhood beliefs had on me.

And while I’m grateful that my father was so careful to provide me with a secure upbringing, I’m even more grateful that I have the opportunity to expand this definition of safety that I inherited, so that it includes spending and giving money in moderation on things that bring me joy.

The Four Money Philosophies

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Thu, 14 Jul 2022 16:00:12 GMT

“Be kind for everyone is suffering…from too much money anxiety.” Ok, so maybe the great Greek philosopher Plato didn’t say the second part about money anxiety, but he did say the first.

And while suffering has many causes, the vast majority of us today believe that suffering is a traveling companion of money anxiety.

Philosophy has been used even long before Plato to alleviate suffering of all kinds, and we can also use it to help alleviate money anxiety.

In my 30+ years as a financial advisor, I’ve come to realize that everyone has a money philosophy, but most of us aren’t aware of which one we possess.

While our individual belief systems are unique and complex, collectively, consistent behavioral patterns emerge, and when it comes to money, there are four main schools of thought:

The Pie Philosophy
The Karma School
The Machine System
The Mindfulness Approach

We’ll discuss these in depth, including the benefits and drawbacks of each one, but since most of us know that our behaviors and beliefs are rarely in perfect alignment, it’s important to clarify how money philosophies influence our behavior.

Subconscious Money Ideas

Most of us know that our behaviors and beliefs are rarely in perfect alignment, so what good does having a money philosophy do?

Habits govern behavior, but philosophies tell us which habits to create in the first place.

For example, those who believe that people are warm, good, and kind will be more sociable than those who believe that people are cold, cruel and self-interested. They’ll be more likely to attend networking events that create opportunities.

Those who see money as a friend are more likely to have comfort around money. They can easily discuss finances with their significant others, friends or colleagues, and experience less stress when there are market fluctuations.

The more we learn about which money philosophy we have, the more we can see how it influences our financial habits.

Which one do you have?

The Best Philosophy?

While they all have benefits and drawbacks, there’s no better philosophy for cultivating wealth than the mindfulness approach.

Of all the philosophies, mindfulness is the only one that taps into where we’ve come from, where we are now, and the potential we have inside to make a better future for ourselves.

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Discover more about the mindfulness approach to money every Tuesday at 3:30 p.m. PT during my free live course, Fearless Finance .

Organizing Our Thoughts is Half the Battle

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Thu, 07 Jul 2022 18:22:08 GMT

After 30 years in finance, I decided to make it my life’s mission to help people find better ways to grow and manage their money. To me, the concept of money is magical - it allows us to trade good with anyone, anywhere in the world, even if we don’t have anything of value that they want.

One of the things I teach is that we can increase our income by bringing out the value hidden within ourselves.

But recently, I started to wonder what happens when the opposite happens - when a monetary value is placed on something hidden within ourselves? Like our attention .

Who’s Battling for Our Attention?

How many times do you check social media while trying to read that article you promised yourself you’d get through? Can you count the number of times this week? Did you have time to complete a task, but you decided to put it off until tomorrow? How easy is it for you to be distracted by the slightest noise or flash and have difficulty returning to what you were doing before?

Attention has become such a precious resource in today's world that big tech companies now try to assign it a monetary value. So do marketers, politicians, the entertainment industry and mass media.

Let's consider the implications of that for a moment: Attention isn’t just our time, it’s our focus. Things that are in our focus are more likely to become ingrained in memory, enmeshed with emotion, and factored into our decision making.

Distraction can become a pattern, a habit, an addiction even.

And when powerful, influential companies place a monetary value on this part of our psychology, we can find ourselves in a battle for our own thoughts.

Attention’s Effect on Work

Usually, grasps for our attention happens beneath our radars, which often causes us to internalize the behavior.

This can result in self-blame or we begin to believe there’s something wrong with us when there isn’t. When, in reality, our brains just weren’t built to process the amount of information that’s been brought to us by the technological revolution on a daily basis.

And while, historically speaking, work for most people is physically easier than it has ever been (laborers are helped by machines; more people work white collar jobs than ever, etc.), we still find it difficult to complete tasks with ease because there’s so much information to filter through.

When attention is what often makes the difference between success and failure, even more than talent, connections, or self-belief, being able to focus is crucial to our survival.

Out of an eight-hour workday, it’s estimated that we only spend about three hours being productive.

That’s five whole hours out of each day we spend on non-productive tasks, breaks and battles with our own attention.

What could you do with five extra hours in your day? And how do we get them back?

Besides running off into the wilderness to escape all modern life for a few days, there are a few things we can do to regain our attention, and it all starts with organizing our thoughts.

Organize Your Thoughts, Organize Your Attention

Attention is the amount of time and energy we give to any particular thing. It directs our consciousness and occupies our thoughts.

When outside forces battle for our attention, we can turn to inside resources to protect ourselves.

Mindfulness, in particular, can help us gain the clarity needed to organize our thoughts.

For example, if we feel like failures for getting distracted by social media, mindfulness can help us make peace with the disappointment and self-frustration. Untangling the emotional knots then allows clarifying thoughts to emerge. We can then see that we’re not failures, but human and even though our attention is susceptible to manipulation, we still have the power to say yes or no to something that vies for our time.

When we organize our thoughts, we organize our attention.

Tips to Organize Thoughts

In addition to practicing mindfulness and daily meditation, here are a few ways to organize your thoughts:

Determine importance - What needs to happen right now? What can wait? Understanding how things need to be organized on the outside can help us get a better sense of how we need to organize things on the inside. Assign every task a priority, and give yourself an appropriate amount of time to complete them.
Collect evidence . Worry has the capacity to occupy all of our attention and send us off in a million different directions. What happens if…? Could that’ve meant…? Will there be a…? There’s one thing certain to stop worry in its tracks - evidence. Evidence is the death of worry. It anchors us in the world instead of our thoughts. This helps us organize information and decide on a course of action, leaving worry behind in the dust.
Get specific - Generalizations help us see the bigger picture, but they’re not helpful when we’re trying to focus our attention. Attention craves detail, so the more specific we are in what we want to direct our attention toward, the more likely it is to go there.
Externalize - Write things down no matter what it says and throw it away later. Or say them out loud when nobody is nearby, and refrain from judgment regardless of how crazy it seems. Externalization forces us out of rumination, freeing our attention up for other things.
Switch off autopilot - Pay attention to the thoughts that come to you, then confront them, and then let them go. This helps us become aware of what’s happening when we’re in autopilot mode.
Recognize abundance - Anxiety, worry, frustration, striving, envy, comparison…these all direct our attention toward fearful thoughts that make us feel like we live in scarcity.
Relax - Tension absorbs attention, and relaxing our minds and bodies is one of the best ways to free up mental space. Mindfulness is a proven method to help us relax and reduce anxiety in any situation.

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Discover more about how organizing your thoughts can improve your financial life every Tuesday at 3:30 p.m. PT during my free live course, Fearless Finance .

Journey of Personal Responsibility

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Mon, 20 Jun 2022 13:00:00 GMT

What’s one of the fastest and most effective ways the vast majority of us can gain more financial independence?

It’s simple - take on more responsibility when it comes to your finances.

You might be thinking, “But I’m already doing so much!” Absolutely you are! Rest assured, more responsibility doesn’t mean more worry or more work. It simply means taking clear and conscious responsibility for your financial decisions. This is part of what we mean when we talk about mindful money .

However, this is obviously easier said than done… so I’d like to invite you t o imagine personal responsibility as a journey, albeit a very bumpy ride where most of us will oscillate between different stages at various times.

There are many stages on the journey of personal responsibility, so this guide will help you navigate through them, and see how each connects to our finances:

Deny - the default reaction to a situation we don’t want to face and aren’t being forced to immediately deal with. Since money problems tend to mount over time, denial about finances is one of the easiest traps to fall into.

It doesn’t have to be as obvious as, ‘My finances aren’t as bad as I think they are.’ It can be subtle: ‘It’ll sort itself out’/‘There’s nothing I can do about it anyway.’ Denial can also manifest in the form of not allowing ourselves or those around us to enjoy money.

We can move away from denial by confronting reality. Mindfulness can help prepare us for this by calming our fears and boosting our confidence so we know we’ll be able to overcome any difficulties we encounter.

Blame - naturally arises from the anger felt when we realize influential figures in our lives once instilled in us money lessons that work against our best interest. Unfortunately, it’s easy for many of us to get stuck at this stage of the journey because of how unfair the situation can be, and far too many spend the majority of their lives stuck in the blame stage of personal responsibility.

We can easily feel disadvantaged if we were given damaging money lessons that others weren’t. However, it’s important to remember that this is just an unhealthy comparison and that it’s never really possible to know the full extent of someone else’s experience, what they were taught or how they learned.

Plus, it’s possible to undo any bad money lesson we were taught without the need to blame by making a commitment to learning better ones, and it’s possible that gaining the ability to teach yourself is an advantage that others don’t have.

Blame is a stage we should get out of as quickly as possible, though - it’s a useless idea that zaps the energy we could use to improve our financial lives.

Excuse - the opposite of blaming, and while excusing might feel like a nicer way to confront a problem, it’s really a way of dancing around one.

Excusing is synonymous with rationalizing or justifying. It’s when we convinced ourselves we needed to buy the expensive television when the one for less money showed pretty much the same thing. Or if we let ourselves rack up credit card debt because ‘it’s how we were taught.’

Excusing ourselves for poor habits will inadvertently reinforce them. There’s a comfort to this because even in a bad habit, there’s usually one small thing that’s working (despite everything else being ineffective), so reaching for an excuse when we make a poor financial decision can temporarily mitigate negative emotions like shame and disgust. However, excusing doesn’t actually address problems, and therefore allows them to continue.

Grieve - the feeling that comes once we realize our lessons are obsolete and that we could have been taught differently. However, it’s important to remember that loss associated with money grief isn’t real.

The feeling stems from ideas about who we would have been, how rich we could have been, if only we’d had different upbringings. This is useless, though, and does a better job of reflecting our imaginations than our realities.

The more we grieve the imaginary opportunities we lost because of the money lessons we were never taught, the more we actually lose the real opportunity to dig into our inner money wisdom and do something about our financial destiny.

Accept - what happens when we offer no resistance to the details of what's happening around us. Acceptance doesn’t have to involve feelings of any kind, though it can. And it’s important to accept everything exactly as it comes to you without trying to change it in anyway.

This is especially true for our finances because we’re dealing with numbers. We need to know exactly what they are in order to manage them effectively.

Acceptance can feel like giving up because, accepting things as they are means realizing our existing ideas were only one part of the picture, but it allows us to progress on the journey.

Anytime we want to improve our finances, or anything else in life for that matter, acceptance is how we must begin.

Choose - realizing that we have the power to make choices for ourselves that we didn’t think we could is how to progress toward the greater responsibility that leads to greater wealth.

Consciously focusing on the choices available to us is how we prevent ourselves from falling back on bad habits, how we expand our opportunities to create value, and how we build a new sense of ourselves that reflects ourselves as we want to be instead of who we’ve been told we are.

Personal responsibility is really about committing to who you personally want to be, and doing what needs to be done to get there.

Plan - plans are the simplest, but most overlooked part of managing our finances.

They’re easy to set up - state a goal, work out how to reach it, and then say everything that you need to make it happen.

You may know exact what you want for yourself financially, but it’s really difficult to bring those ideas into reality without a plan to follow. Planning for every dollar of our wealth is the only way to track it, and make sure it’s put to best use.

However…

Act - …while plans are easy to come up with, it’s a little more difficult to act upon them. Yet the old adage remains true - nothing different will ever happen unless we do things differently.

Sometimes we have trouble taking action because of fear of what will happen next. This is where mindfulness can help us think through situations and prepare ourselves mentally and emotionally for the most likely outcome.

Action isn’t the end of the journey, though, because taking action doesn't necessarily mean that we have achieved a new habit of responsibility.
Reflect - in order to make sure that our actions are aligned with our plans and choices and that can be made real, reflection is needed.

Reflection is a stage of the journey that many neglect, but it’s essential for maintaining habits of personal responsibility.

It may be helpful to think of reflection as mental refinement. The more we look at something, the better we can understand it and figure out what to do next.

Reflection has a lot in common with acceptance, but where acceptance looks backwards to the past, reflection looks at everything that’s occurred with eye on the future.

Optimize - while there’s never really an end to the journey of personal responsibility, when we reach the point where we can use our reflections to optimize our choices, plans and actions, we’ll begin to settle into a new sense of ourselves that takes greater responsibility for our financial situation.

Optimization is how we focus our energy on what we want out of life instead of the unnecessary excuses, denial, and blame. Optimization is the best kind of selfishness, the one that asks, ‘How can I become my best self so that I can create value that helps others?’

This is where we see that the journey of personal responsibility is really a journey towards the greater good, which leads to a wealth of possibilities not just for ourselves, but for everyone around us too.

When you embark on the journey of personal responsibility, remember you only have to take one step at a time to begin making change.

Personal Money Responsibility

And if you’re having trouble working out how to get started, here are a few things you can do now to take greater responsibility with you finances:

Write down how much you have in the bank versus how much you owe
Set a financial goal for yourself and compare the goal to your current financial situation
Construct a plan for your your income to reach your financial goals
Meditate on your values and search for income opportunities that align with them
Find a money ally and talk to them about where you are in your journey of personal responsibility

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Discover more about how to improve your finances through self-improvement techniques every Tuesday at 3:30 p.m. PT during my free live course, Fearless Finance .

You're Better With Money Than You Think!

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Mon, 13 Jun 2022 13:00:07 GMT

It’s easy for so many of us to believe that we’re just not good with money, especially if we’ve never been given a reason to believe otherwise. But I promise, if you have the desire to improve your financial situation and understand that 2+2=4, then independent wealth is within reach.

This is true even though there’s an aspect of money that’s elusive and beyond anyone’s power. After all, while the richest person in the world has zero power to prevent a market crash, the poorest person can still become a millionaire without possessing so much as a cent.

How? The steps are simple and already known:

Start with what we have
Decide where we want to go
Work out what needs to be done to get there, and
Take action.

But why is it that, despite possessing this knowledge, so many of us struggle to take the actions that will lead to greater wealth security.

Hidden Money Wisdom

Most Americans already know the secrets of the wealthy even if they don’t know they know.

For instance, one of the concepts millionaires rely on to maximize their wealth is compound interest.

Now, even if you don’t know what compound interest is, you’re probably already familiar with how it works because most of us know its better known dark, evil twin - snowballing credit card debt.

It works like this - the more credit card debt you take out, the more you will owe in interest each month.

Compound interest works the same way but in reverse - the more money you put into a stable investment account, the more you will earn in interest each month.

The same principle is at work, but one reflects spending and the other reflects saving, which leads us to another simple reminder about building wealth - it can only happen when we save money, not spend it.

Another example is converting our expenses into percentages. We naturally do this to determine if there are any expenses that we can’t afford.

For example, a deal on a luxury car might feel like a bargain, but if it turns out the payment is 30% of your monthly income, there really aren’t any savings.

Percentages let us see the whole picture, they help us identify unmanageable expenses, and they help us budget better.

Absolute numbers, on the other hand, make it easy to rationalize overspending, invite unhealthy comparisons that compel us to strive for things we can’t afford, and create a false and limited impression of our worth by limiting it to a number.

This is mindful money in practice, and just one example of how a small change in perspective can make a big impact in how we approach our finances.

Money and Identity

So, if we have this hidden money wisdom, why do so many of us still struggle to manage financial fear, anxiety, and in many cases, debt?

The reason so many of us struggle to take the actions that will lead to greater wealth security is because in our culture, money is strongly correlated with identity, and therefore it’s integrated into our psychology.

The process begins early.

Like most things learned in life, money lessons are instilled in us during childhood. As we grow up, we tend to forget we ever learned them, but they stick around and lurk beneath our awareness, influencing our automatic behaviors, responses, and financial decisions.

What’s the solution to get on track to financial independence?

First of all, we need to investigate our early money beliefs, accept them, and make a conscious and dedicated effort to change the habits they’ve ingrained, they will continue to limit our financial possibilities.

Secondly, we need to integrate the new habits needed to improve our financial states by adopting a greater degree of personal responsibility.

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Uncover more of your hidden money wisdom with me every Tuesday at 3:30 p.m. PT during my free live course, Fearless Finance .

What Is Mindful Money?

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Tue, 07 Jun 2022 16:46:00 GMT

It’s virtually impossible for most people to think of money and not feel an instant rush of emotion.

More often than not, these emotions tend to be negative.

Many are flooded with thoughts of the hot, quick and aggressive stereotypes of the finance world and big business. Money becomes corrupt, dirty, sinful, a necessary evil.

Others grow despondent, feeling like they’re just not good with money and never will be; as though it is a system and they’re either stuck in, or will never be a part of.

But what if it didn’t have to be like this?

What if we could learn an encouraging approach to money?

Money is culturally integrated into nearly every single part of our lives, including how many people have come to define their self-worth.

Finding a way to make money a friend is vital to our wellbeing.

There has been a movement growing within the finance community over the last thirty years to help people reduce the amount of stress money places on their lives and health.

It’s called Mindful Money, and it is simply the practice of integrating mindfulness techniques into our financial habits and thoughts.

Money Trauma

Just over thirty years ago, I became one of the first financial advisors to start applying mindfulness techniques to money. I felt compelled to after a traumatic situation early in my career left me astounded at my own money madness.

The building of a firm I was working at caught on fire, and all my client’s documents were set ablaze.

Where most people would have run away from the flames, I ran into the building to salvage what I could of my client’s financial documents, which ended up being hardly anything.

Afterwards, I couldn’t believe what I’d done.

I was lucky to have escaped injury or death.

I asked myself why I’d believed that money was so important that it was worth risking my safety.

I began to take a much closer look at the deep-rooted connection between our emotions and our finances, and I found that every single part of our psyche is capable of being influenced by money.

Money and Western Culture

The western world runs on capitalism, a philosophy built on the expectation that people behave in accordance with rational self-interest. But what I found was that most decisions about money people made were based on less on reason and more on emotion, which often led to irrational self-interest.

People took risky investments that never paid off. They bought things they couldn’t afford hoping to soothe a pain inside themselves. They hid debts from their spouse thinking it would save the relationship, only to watch everything fall apart.

Why?

Because so many of us have been trained to equate financial worth with self worth, vent hough we know this ideas is harmful to the wallet, self-esteem, and in my case, physical safety.

Despite the west’s culture of individual exceptionalism, so many of us aren’t capitalizing on the exceptional tools we already individually possess.

But we can start with one simple shift in mindset - by changing how we see money.

“There’s nothing inherently evil about money. It’s a tool with neural power that can be put to use for good or ill. The only question is how you’ll use what you have.”

-Spencer Sherman

Money is Magic

Any two people anywhere in the world can use money to make a trade. It doesn’t matter if they speak the same language, have anything in common, or even if one person doesn’t have anything that the other wants. Money makes it possible.

That’s magic in the same way that communication is a form of magic - they’re both abstract concepts with meaningful physical realities that are used when we interact with others. Money isn’t just a medium of exchange: it’s a language.

(Side note: communication and money may have even evolved together - the first written accounts were made to record merchant transactions…and also to make ancient customer complaints .)

For the same reasons that communication gets messy though, money can get complicated too.

We may struggle to obtain clarity. Doubt ourselves. Feel as though we’re never getting it right no matter what we do.

This is where mindfulness techniques can help.

How Mindful Money Works

Meditating is a fundamental component of mindfulness, and therefore Mindful Money.

If you watch someone meditate, though, it looks like they’re trying to disconnect from reality, but what’s actually happening is the exact opposite.

The very word mindfulness implies that the mind is becoming more full and meditating is training a mental muscle - the more we practice getting ourselves into a calm state with something as emotionally-charged as our finances, the more we can get the strength of clarity needed to make better decisions and act upon them.

Taking the time to meditate and become more conscious of our thoughts and actions is a way of becoming more connected to reality, no matter what it may look like on the outside.

Becoming more conscious, realizing we’re capable of confronting our financial realities, and empowering ourselves to take control of our financial destinies is the essence of Mindful Money.

When I began to apply mindfulness techniques to money, one of the first things I noticed was that I was able to make better decisions because my parasympathetic nervous system and my mind were both relaxed.

My inner wealth and outer wealth both began to grow.

I realized that our own minds are the most effective wealth management tools we will ever possess.

What Mindful Money Isn’t

Mindful Money is not manifesting money, karma, or a philosophy of ‘think and grow rich.’ These schools of thought exploit the abstract nature of money and attempt to convince people there’s a mystical force they simply need to tap into and the world will be theirs.

This think-and-grow-rich has often been used in manipulative ways. It can damage people’s self-esteem by making them feel like there’s something wrong with them if riches don’t come their way after informing the universe of their desires.

Mindful Money, on the other hand, is a practical approach that helps us manage the abstract components of money while bringing our thoughts and behaviors into consciousness so we can optimize them for our benefit.

Mindful Money is not about trying to control an outside power that’ll make us rich. It’s about empowering ourselves so that we can gain as much wealth as we need to reach our sense of enough.

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Learn more about how to apply mindfulness techniques to money every Tuesday at 3:30 p.m. PT during my free live course, Fearless Finance .

The Wealth Rainbow

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Fri, 22 Apr 2022 13:51:20 GMT

Money can be as difficult to discuss as sex, religion and politics. I think the topic is so challenging because while our bank and physical assets are what technically qualifies someone as rich, I believe that true wealth is a much greater concept that includes several other types of capital.

Folklore says that a pot of gold awaits at the end of every rainbow. What if this pot of gold is like our true wealth, and our bank or material wealth is only filling up a small portion of the pot?

I’d like to invite you to think of wealth as a combination of assets that includes material wealth, social capital, intellectual and creative reserves, time, spiritual wealth, energy, and physical and mental health. Each is important in contributing to what it means to be rich.

Of course material wealth is important. We need to know our numbers and we need to manage that wealth wisely. And, of course, we need to earn enough to live a comfortable life. But what would happen if we put a similar importance on the other types of wealth?

Let’s take a look…

Social Capital - this includes family, friends, acquaintances, network, groups, community, or anyone you can depend on for support and opportunities. And, we increase our Social capital by supporting and offering opportunities to others.

How to measure: I recommend making a list of all those you know who have resources that could support you, or those you would feel comfortable approaching for a conversation. Then write at least one thing that you value about each person on your list, and then one thing about yourself you know that person values in you. Keep this list in a safe place and review it next time you feel anxious about money. Ask yourself which person you’d feel most comfortable calling for help. In addition, offer help to someone in your network who needs it.

Intellectual and Creative Reserves - Our intellects and creative abilities are the skillsets we use to help others and make the world a better place. While many say some were simply born with more talent than others (and this is somewhat supported by data), anyone can increase their knowledge or creative capacities at any time and at any age. The key? Passion. When you pursue something with passion, your intellectual and creative talents fire up.

How to measure: For creativity, make a list of all the skillsets that you’ve learnt over the years. You’ll be amazed at how you’ve been more creative than you even realized…even if you’re already a creative person. For intellectual reserves, make a list of all the books you’ve read or topics you’re an expert on. You can also ask yourself what others would say about your talents and knowledge to gain a clearer understanding of the creative and intellectual value you have to offer others.

Time - in this context, time doesn’t refer to how old you are, but how much of your attention and focus you’re able to devote to any given thing. Attention is a valuable commodity in the world today and it’s intrinsically linked to your time. The more time and attention you can give something, the more it grows…which is why it’s so important to make sure your attention is going to the things that nourish you instead of harm or thwart you.

How to measure: A time tracking journal can help you figure out what gets most of your attention throughout the day. There are likely to be a few days where anomalies occur, so it may take several weeks to see patterns of time squandered vs. time well spent. However, they will emerge, and you’ll be able to make strategic changes as necessary based on which activities are worth your attention and time and which aren’t.

Spiritual wealth - while this means different things to different people, spiritual wealth doesn’t actually require a religious or spiritual belief. Spiritual wealth is a state of mind, the mental security you feel when you’re at peace with the world, and when you feel connected to something bigger and outside of yourself. This can be a spiritual energy or just nature itself. It’s the peace that comes from spiritual wealth; the peace that helps us build inner resilience to weather inner and outer storms. That’s what counts!

How to measure: One of the best ways to track spiritual wealth is to practice short, daily meditations and after each one, check off a box on a calendar. This way, you’re creating a habit of building resiliency that you’ll be able to draw on whenever encountering a difficult time. A memory of yourself as someone who has cultivated a resilient mindset can be applied to any challenge ahead.

Energy - drive, motivation, willpower, pursuit, love, desire…it doesn’t matter what you call it, energy is the thing that makes you get up in the morning and make something happen during the day. Energy can be increased by making improvements to your self-talk. We can shift our inner voice from judging ourselves and others to practicing gratitude and self-belief. When we adopt the mindset that “everything is possible,” we begin to let go of the burdensome autopilot mind, and free up energy that can be used in more productive ways.

How to measure: the to-do list is a great way to measure your energy level. When you get to the end of the day, if you’re satisfied with your to-do list, give yourself a pat on the back. If you’re not satisfied, tell yourself you’ll do a little more the next day and challenge yourself to grow. However, if you haven’t done everything on your to-do list, go back through the day and ask what happened to stop you from accomplishing everything you set out to do. Was it in your control? If so, what could you do to change? If it wasn’t in your control, then give yourself a break and get a good night’s rest, which is incidentally one of the best ways to fill up on energy for the next day.
Physical and mental health - I don’t know a single person on the planet who, no matter how much money they have, would trade anything for their physical and mental health. Health is the most important types of capital for everyone. It’s what all other types of capital depend on.

How to measure: While physical fitness is easy to track, mental health can be a little more difficult. A journal can help, but journals tend to work better as cathartic outlets as opposed to tracking systems. What I propose instead is to keep a calendar where you simply put a smiley face if you’re going to bed happy, a neutral face if you’re ok, or a sad face if you’re unhappy. This way, you can see trends throughout time and start to get a sense of your general state, whilst being able to discern any changes you’d like to make. (And hey, why not check out my other blog on how to treat your finances like your physical health!)

When we have conversations about wealth, we need to include all the different types of capital that we possess. By obsessing about bank wealth and money, we’re depriving ourselves of filling up our pots completely. However, by expanding our definition of wealth to include different types of capital, we can all find our path to feeling financially successful. This expanded sense of wealth gives us confidence, exactly the counterpoint to an economic system that tells us that we never have enough. It can also help us gain access to this system that many of us feel is out of reach or restricted.

Finally, while each row of the wealth rainbow might seem like its own pursuit, remember that magic can happen when different types of capital come together. Merge intellectual and creative reserves with spiritual wealth and an artist is born. Physical and mental health can combine with time and energy to build a type of new fitness program. I encourage you to get familiar with all the different types of capital you can draw on to pursue your dreams.

You’ll reach your pot of gold, and your true wealth, much sooner than you think.

—

I’ve been a financial advisor for over thirty years, co-founding the wealth management firm Abacus , and was one of the first to apply mindfulness techniques to the profession. Check out my website for more on how to build a better relationship with money.

How to Talk to Your Child About Money

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Fri, 08 Apr 2022 16:08:20 GMT

What beliefs and values are you passing onto your children about money?

Think about this: in your child’s formative years, they will pick up money habits and ideas that will stay with them for life.

While the overall culture shapes their money beliefs, you as their parent have more influence than you might imagine (even if your kids are older).

Here are five fundamental money lessons that every child needs to know:

Instill a sense of financial purpose . While it’s good to teach your kid good saving habits, nothing will help them make it a lifelong habit like teaching them the reason they need to save. Show them that you’re saving money for a vacation and let them save money for something they want, like a book, premium sneakers, or a bicycle. Depending on their age, it’s easiest to grasp savings by seeing cash getting deposited into a shoe box, for example.
Explain to them that money is emotional. By instilling your child with the knowledge that money is emotional, they will be prepared to regulate things like impulse spending later in life. Offering your child an allowance is a great way to help them learn how to plan and feel the impact of impulsive spending. And, if you say or do say something impulsively or regretfully, own it and use it as an opportunity to be vulnerable with your child. Say, for example,“I got reminded of my father when I yelled at the store clerk for the high prices.” Or, “I overreacted when the stock market decreased today; we’re actually fine.”
Steer them clear of a scarcity or fearful mindset , especially one that says people need to compete for resources. Instead, tell them that the economy thrives when people do their best work and create value for others; creativity and knowledge are limitless resources that can be applied to any field or industry.
Explain that one day, they’ll need to earn money for themselves . It’s a gift to your child to share this. It’s surprising how many parents don’t explain this to their children, maybe because we’re so focused on trying to earn a living ourselves. However, kids need to be instilled with the early belief that one day, they will be capable of earning money. It also helps to let them know how much work it takes to earn a livable income so they can take on productive habits early in life.
Practice what you preach . Your child will internalize your actions even more than your words. It’s important to show them your confidence in your ability to earn, save, invest, and give money wisely. Showing them is the best way to communicate your values. Model money behaviors that you want them to cultivate - share with them that you were tempted to buy something but realized that you didn’t need it, tell them about a purchase that you feel really good about, or the time you bought something impulsively and never used it. Share that you’re spending within your means and not only will it encourage you to live within your means if you aren’t doing so already, but you’ll also help nurture in them one of the best possible money practices they’ll have in adult life.

Charitable gifts are also a great way to teach your child about money. Tell them what you’re trying to accomplish with your gifts and ask them if there’s something they’d like to support.

You can also teach your child about financial limits by giving them a set spending amount when you go on vacation. This way, they’ll learn that if, for example, they spend their money at a tourist shop, they’ll have less money to spend at the amusement park later on. You can also bring cash to the supermarket and have your child keep track of how much is being spent and the tradeoffs between more expensive packaged products and healthier options.

What’s important is that your child has positive associations with money. Tell them about the magic of money and how anyone can trade with someone on the other side of the world in exchange for currency if they don’t a tradable good that the other person wants. They don’t have to speak the same language or know anything about each other, but the exchange is still possible and desirable for both parties because of the magic of money.

Finally, talk to your child about what it means to have ‘Enough'. Let them know that some people have less (especially outside the U.S.) and some have more, but that there are enough resources to earn enough money for food and shelter, and that it’s ok to be ok with what you have. It’s better to be a content person with few resources than an unhappy person with a lot of resources. Some adults, just like kids, always want more and are never satisfied, while others are satisfied with what others would consider little. How would you prefer your child to be when they grow up?

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Five Money Meditations Based on Thich Nhat Hanh’s Wisdom

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Thu, 31 Mar 2022 13:13:05 GMT

I met the venerable Zen Master, Thich Nhat Hanh (TNH), who died a few months ago, at his retreat center in southern France in August 2013. I was there with my family on a nine-day family meditation retreat. He was 87, with enough energy to teach everyone for eight hours a day in English, French, and Vietnamese. Despite there being twelve hundred people present, there was spaciousness and ease. Even when we were waiting in line for meals, we were practicing mindfulness and the waiting was part of the meditation.

TNH taught simplicity. He led a simple life, refused luxuries (including first class flights), and his guided meditations were simple and easy to understand. He said that our lives are challenging because we’re obsessed with regretting the past and worrying about the future.

What if we train ourselves to focus on the present moment? Could everything, even our big life decisions, become much easier?

In my experience, living in the present moment is the perfect recipe for financial success, joy, and freedom.

It’s an understatement to say that life feels complicated now. Is the pandemic really over? What will happen with Ukraine and Russia? Is there hope for peace, a sustainable planet, and will I be able to afford a home or my favorite ice cream with inflation springing forth?

I’m sure, however, that TNH would say right now is the ideal moment for practicing the simplicity of mindfulness. When life or our finances feel complicated, it’s time to get simple.

Here are two of TNH’s meditation scripts:

1) Breathing in, I’m aware I’m breathing in. Breathing out, I’m aware I’m breathing out.

2) Breathing in, I have arrived. Breathing out, I am home (in my body).

To apply this to finances, keep in mind the specific financial anxiety or worry that’s taking up the most space in your mind and repeat the first meditation today for five minutes, then repeat the second one tomorrow.

As your breath becomes shorter and more subtle as the minutes progress, you might shift to saying in on inhale and out on exhale, or arrived on inhale and home on exhale. At the end of the five-minute meditation, ask yourself: What happens to the bodily sensations and thoughts (associated with financial worry) over that time? Is there any clarity that emerges at the end? Is there a small, easy action you could take with your finances today to lessen any pain you may feel?

Here are five ideas for bringing this simplicity of mindfulness to your finances:

1. Develop awareness of your inherited money beliefs that limit you. But instead of trying to push away or ignore a belief like “I’ll never be rich,” or “I’m not good with money,” or “I’d be happier or less stressed if I had more money,” welcome and befriend that belief. Then, be quiet for a minute and ask yourself, how would you relate to money and success if you had inherited the opposite belief? It takes courage for us to see the beliefs that we are gripping, but that same courage gives us the strength to discern new beliefs, including those antithetical to our own. The more we can befriend these inherited beliefs and not try to eliminate them, the more likely we are to create a more fruitful relationship with these beliefs (and see them as part of the past that let us get to the point where we no longer have to be bound by them). Befriend and loosen up your allegiance to your inherited beliefs, recognize that you could have received the opposite beliefs (as some siblings do), and your mind and wallet will thank you.

2. Know Your Numbers…the truth will set you free. So many of us avoid looking at our personal numbers, even people with MBA’s. However, when we know the numbers, we can sit with the reality of our finances, instead of the fiction of them. Fictions have a purpose - in dreaming for the future, etc. - but there’s no place for fiction when it comes to numbers. The reality of them must always be faced head-on. Things could be worse or better than we imagined, but either way, it’s important to know. A brain that knows the truth will be less fearful and more supple and insightful if it knows what it’s dealing with. Write down these numbers on a poster size piece of paper: Your expected total monthly income from all sources, taxes, total living expenses for basic necessities, additional living expenses for “luxuries,” for the next month. Then on another poster paper, write down the total of your non-retirement assets, your retirement assets, the value of your home minus the mortgage, and any other debt. Looking at your numbers, letting go of making any decisions, invite yourself to feel increasingly at ease seeing the numbers. What do you notice as you see the numbers clearly? What does it feel like inside to know the truth of your finances? This is a doorway to financial power and freedom. Knowing is the first step to acting. So the more you know, the easier it will be to act appropriately in response.

Here’s a way to figure out the best response, ask yourself what you’d recommend to a friend who has the exact numbers you wrote down for yourself? Tricking your brain into thinking your situation is your friend’s situation will allow your brain to generate a much more objective response. Plus, we tend to be wiser and kinder when we’re offering feedback to a friend versus ourselves.

3. Sit down, close your eyes, let go of everything on your mind, and focus on this money meditation for challenging money emotions, that comes from TNH’s structure that we discussed earlier:

Breathing in, I’m aware of anxiety, worry, or any other difficult feeling.

Breathing out, I’m aware I am enough.

As your breath gets shorter and quieter, focus on the word worry on inhale and enough on exhale. If the word worry itself produces anxiety, know the discomfort is only momentary, and on the exhale it will be countered by feeling the ease of being enough.

4. Coming into this present moment. TNH emphasized the freedom available when we stop dwelling on the past and worrying about the future. When we’re paying attention to the sensations in our bodies, the colors and shapes we see, the sounds we hear, the smells we smell, there’s a moment of freedom from our money worries. This is the place where we are free from rumination, and it’s the place where we often gain our most fertile insights. The “noise” of the past and future clouds our ability to think creatively. Keep sensing this moment, keep letting go of the worry about the future, and the right actions to take will become apparent. As the saying goes, when you take care of the moments and minutes, the years will take care of themselves.

5. Bring focused attention and awareness to your daily money interactions and thoughts. Start becoming aware of how you feel when you spend, save, give, invest, and earn money. By becoming aware of your reactivity or impulsiveness, you’re training and cultivating a more equanimous mind that will be less reactive to life’s inevitable and unexpected curveballs, especially with finances. This will make you less likely to indulge in bad habits like excess online spending or judging yourself harshly for earning less than others.

While these meditations might seem a little odd, my experience has taught me that they really will lead to constructive action with your finances. When you’re not striving for more or to improve yourself, your parasympathetic nervous system can rest, and when our parasympathetic nervous systems are rested, we’re more likely to discern better financial opportunities, charge appropriately for our services, and make wiser investment decisions. In our modern culture where no one believes they have enough of anything, I say that we’re enough right now, and that we can all start living and acting from a place of enough regardless of how much or how little we have. The reason is because when we believe we’re enough, we also believe that we have something of value to offer others. When we do things that are enough for others, the whole economy, including our own, begins to thrive.

The next time you notice your mind thinking, “If I had this amount of money, or if I owned a beach home, or got that raise, I’d really be okay,” let go of clinging to that thought. In doing so, you will eliminate the suffering you feel from not having it and create the freedom in the moment necessary to get it. This is TNH’s message - the present is where our joy and freedom lie.

Staying present strengthens your equanimity. And we all need equanimity in the fragile world we’re experiencing. Simplicity results from not making something messier than it already is. Equanimity takes us out of the constant fear based reactivity - that reactivity makes life and our finances more complex and stressful than they actually are - and opens us to possibility. I wish you simplicity with your finances and breathing room in your life. I think TNH would concur.

Letting go is easier said than done, so I recommend a short practice that I call “The Money Breath”. Here’s the practice:

Bring to mind a money challenge you’re currently experiencing.
Close your eyes and become aware of any muscle tension, thoughts stirring, and other body and mind sensations.
Gently inhale through the nose for 3 counts. 1, 2, 3.
Pause and hold the breath on the count of 4.
Slowly exhale through the mouth for 5 counts. 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
Do 2 more rounds of this breath and then allow your breathing to come back to normal.
Ask yourself: How do I feel in this moment compared to when I started this Money Breath? (Also, check out the Wall Street Journal published an article highlighting my Money Breath on its front page!)

If you’d like to learn more about how to manage money anxiety with money meditations, check out my new course, Your Inner Compass .

How Can Mindfulness Help us Manage Money?

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Thu, 10 Mar 2022 17:36:12 GMT

It’s easy to think that the connection between mindfulness and financial management is reserved for a few rich eccentrics and has very little use for people with everyday financial struggles. After all, how can getting up and meditating in the morning translate to an increase in real world dollars?

But what if I told you that this is a very ancient practice… and that cultures all over the world have been tapping into the benefits of mindfulness to improve their financial prospects for a very long time?

I believe that part of my job as a financial advisor is to educate as many people as possible on the mindset that is more likely than all the rest to lead to better financial decisions, more income, and greater financial freedom and security. After 30 years in the field—and having co-founded a wealth management company that oversees over $4.4 billion in assets—I can tell you that mindfulness is one of the best ways to build the mindset necessary for financial success.

The question is: how does it work?

I’ve identified five principles of mindfulness and how they can directly influence your finances:

Awareness. Meditation doesn’t always have to be about shutting everything out. Sometimes it’s beneficial to meditate on one specific thing, increasing your awareness of its presence in the world. For instance, if you meditate on the thought that you are enough, you will train your brain to seek out opportunities that reinforce the idea that you are enough—for example, taking a moment to appreciate something beautiful in your surroundings, be it sunshine or rain. It also helps to be aware of the lessons from the past that influence your present-day financial decisions, which is something that can also be discovered during certain meditations. Knowing what’s in your emotional bank account can have a profound impact on understanding the habits and behaviors that go into building your FDIC-insured one.

Resilience to fluctuations. Sometimes we make rash investment decisions in response to market fluctuations, completely forgetting that ups and downs are completely normal. Mindfulness helps with this by reminding us that us the bigger picture is always in flux, but the present moment is always stable. The same mindset can be applied to money. When we remember that markets fluctuate, we’re more like to practice better investing habits.

Habit. Practicing good, daily habits with meditation trains your brain to practice good, daily habits with other things—especially money. While meditation has benefits even if done irregularly, it works best when practiced daily. Your finances work the same way. If you can make checking your numbers a daily habit, then you will eliminate unnecessary financial anxieties, such as not quite knowing how much is in the bank account. It will also be easier to determine how much needs to be done to get your finances where you want them.

Calm responses. Everybody, rich or poor, knows how easy it is to be anxious about money in the face of uncertainty. However, it’s the ones who respond calmly who tend to walk away with more money whenever faced with a financial crisis. Practicing mindfulness trains our ability to respond to stressful situations with calmness and clarity.

State of positivity. It’s no secret that when you’re in a state of positivity, you’re more likely to create positive things. When you focus your positivity on things like your income opportunities, your business relationships, and your self-worth being greater than your net worth, a healthier relationship with money begins to grow.

Applying the basic techniques of mindfulness to money allows us the calm and clarity needed for better financial management. What’s more is that by building a healthier money mindset, we don’t just increase our outer wealth, but we realize our true inner worth.

My new course, Your Inner Compass, will teach you how to apply mindfulness techniques to money so you can begin improving your relationship with money today. Learn more about the course (and a free preview) here .

You Are Enough: Finding Your Financial Center

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Mon, 21 Feb 2022 13:52:24 GMT

You are enough!

What if this was something you actually believed about yourself instead of an idea you just wished for?

Everybody wants to be “enough”—those with few financial resources, those in the middle, and even the wealthy. Yet, ironically, getting to the top 1% doesn't diminish the feelings of insufficiency.

The reason is because everyone wants more money, more time, more love, more vitality. Just a little bit more. But it’s the striving for more that leaves us feeling hollow, anxious about the future, and without joy.

But “enough” is available to everyone, regardless of how much money is in the bank.

Meeting Your Basic Needs… and Beyond

It should be said that if your basic survival needs are not being met, then I encourage you to gain clarity about what you need and activate your wisdom for the most likely ways to satisfy your needs (which could include asking for help from friends or family).

Once our basic needs are met, we might imagine that a $1 million or $5 million windfall, or working fewer hours, or having a longer vacation, would give us a feeling of enough. But, do you know anyone who consistently feels they have enough? I have counseled people whose net worths have soared, yet their thirst for more has never been quenched. Benjamin Franklin said “Money has never made man happy, nor will it, there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has, the more one wants.”

A 2010 study by Daniel Kahneman and a 2018 study from Purdue University found that an income range of $60,000 to $105,000 optimizes our well-being. So, yes, our happiness increases as our income climbs beyond $60,000, but it flattens or even falls once we surpass $105,000.

At this moment of the pandemic, we presumably have so much less in our lives. Maybe it’s the perfect time to retrain our brains from always wanting more (regardless of circumstances) to feeling satisfied with what we have.

“Enough” is possible for anyone at any time.

It’s not something that comes when we achieve our dreams. It can’t be earned in the 3rd quarter of 2022. The realization that we have enough happens in this moment as you're reading this. When we recognize that our brains are wired to want more, regardless of circumstances, we have the ability to cultivate contentment in this moment.

Five Steps To Achieving “Enough” in Your Money Life

Here are brain rewiring suggestions to embrace “Enough":

Try journaling for 5 minutes on the following: What if I had to live on less? We may feel so isolated at present, that we might welcome the chance to move in with friends, even if it’s motivated by the need to save money. My sense is that what you write won't be as scary as you might imagine, and that's freedom.
Pause right now for one moment of the day, and imagine that you have enough, right now. Satisfaction and joy are here, right now, with what we have and who we are in this moment.
Review instances in your life when actually achieving more money, higher status, more time, or love did little to bring you more sustained joy or ease. Perhaps it was after a salary increase or business expansion, a year after you met the love of your life, or after you purchased a “time-saving” iPhone or technology service. Before too long, you were probably wanting another promotion, more love from your partner, more free time.
Recall moments when your happiness had little to do with money, time, or love. Maybe this was a sunset hike, singing with friends, or playing with your child or nephew. What was the common denominator in these experiences? My guess is that you were in the present moment, not in the past, and definitely not in the future.
The next time someone asks, “How are you?” walk the talk. Clearly convey that you do have enough time, money, vitality, friendship, and love. The ‘enough’ revolution has begun. For example, break the pattern of saying “I’m busy and overwhelmed” and start saying “I’m feeling spacious and not so busy anymore.”

Even if you have to fake it till you make it, begin now.

The Power of Appreciating “Enough”

Our whole culture is conditioning us towards the future, encouraging us always to want more. Therefore, it takes conscious intention on our part to say “enough is enough” and let go of our attachment to the idea of any future being better than today.

Appreciate 3 or more things in your home or office. This acceptance will train your brain to enjoy this very moment. This is the path both to having enough and to a felt sense of real joy. Let go of the idea of ‘enough’ arriving when the pandemic fades away, the inheritance arrives, the promotion begins, the raise is awarded, or when you find the right house or partner. Let go of the possibility of the future bringing you a life-changing gift. It will calm your nerves in this upside-down time. And when we are deeply relaxed, our wisdom—including our wisdom around money—is accessible.

You are enough.

It’s that simple.

—

If you’re interested in developing your inner wealth, join me at Fearless Finance University!

Want to improve your relationship? Talk money!

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Sat, 12 Feb 2022 23:00:52 GMT

Anyone who’s ever been in a long-term relationship knows that money can be one of the biggest sources of tension (and not the good kind!) between you and your partner.

The New York Times reports that financial disagreements are the most likely indicator of impending divorce—more than affairs and, sadly, even domestic abuse.

Throughout my 30 years as a financial advisor, I’ve seen how money can become a source of contention between otherwise perfectly happy couples.

Who decides if we splurge on a 5 star restaurant or just go out for pizza? And, who pays the check? Should my spouse get to take a more expensive solo vacation than I took? Should I divulge that large purchase I never told them about? Can I let my friend pay for our ski vacation without inviting my partner’s jealousy? How do I trust our marriage when I want to save and my spouse wants to spend?

My clients have often told me they handle money differently from their spouse and, of course, the one doing the telling always believes their way of handling money is better.

How would your relationship change if you felt like money could be a source of the good kind of tension between you and your significant other?

Would you be happier? Would you trust each other more? Would it feel again like the early days of your relationship where everything was easy and free?

The Perfect Valentine’s Present: The Gift of Attention

Why do so many of us believe that money and relationships should be kept separate? Even in cases where discussing money with our partners could make the difference between breaking up and staying together?

Valentine’s Day is a day when many couples would like to stay as far away from the subject of money as possible (unless it’s thinking of fun ways to spend it!). But what if honest, vulnerable money discussions could actually be a way of creating greater closeness with your significant other?

This is a radical idea, but one I tell my clients all the time when they’re having money troubles with their partners - having open and vulnerable money discussions can enrich our relationships and even bring us closer together.

Here’s another radical idea - what if this Valentine’s Day, instead of spending money, we gave our significant others a different kind of gift - our undivided attention to learn how they see and feel about money?

You may think this is an impossible task, something that might inadvertently hurt your relationship instead of helping it, but I assure you that it’s possible to maintain love and harmony when money is in-play.

Five Steps to Better Money Conversations

Here are five tips to have better money conversations with your significant other…guaranteed to either keep or raise the intimacy:

Listen - Ask about each other’s money stories from childhood. Start to understand that how your spouse spends, saves, invests, or gives today has so much to do with the beliefs they inherited as a child. For example, if you’re resentful about how little your spouse spends on your birthday gift, you might discover that they inherited an irrational belief that disaster can strike at any moment. With that belief in place, your spouse might actually feel terror when spending money.
Compassion - Once you understand the underlying inherited beliefs of your partner, you’ll have more compassion for their financial actions. You might also begin to see the benefit of your partner’s tendencies. For example, if your spouse likes to spend, you’re more likely to enjoy life than if you lived alone or married someone frugal like yourself. Opposites attract, at times, for healthy reasons. Embrace it.
Role reversal - If you have a disagreement, agree to reverse roles and argue for the other person’s viewpoint. You’ll have fun and you’ll better understand your partner’s position. Here’s a secret: once you have more compassion for your partner’s spending habits, they’re likely to move towards moderation even if their overspending or underspending leans toward the extreme. When we feel seen and loved, we have less incentive to act out unhealthy behaviors.
Know your numbers - I nstead of fighting over large purchases, know how much you can safely spend and whether the item you want to buy fits into that spending range. If you can truly afford it, you might ask: Why am I still feeling anxiety and how do I calm it down?. Perhaps, there’s a fixed belief from childhood that’s keeping you stuck in worry. If the numbers reveal that you can’t afford the item, you can work together to find a way to spend less next year to make-up for the purchase this year. It might be helpful to talk with an independent advisor to get a clearer sense of your numbers.
Establish three accounts - My own, my spouse’s, and our’s. Use your own account for that solo vacation, for example, as well as for buying birthday gifts for each other. Let your spouse have the freedom to spend money in their account any way they wish. And always discuss beforehand any purchases that need to be made from the joint account so you feel connected and safe with each other. Trust breeds intimacy.

The advice for discussing money with your significant other applies to others in your social circle too.

Friendships Deserve Attention Too

Open and honest money conversations have the power to improve our relationships with nearly everyone close to us.

If you’re having lunch with a friend or colleague, bring up who’s paying for lunch/dinner before going out or at the beginning of the meal so you don’t have to stress about it while you’re eating. And, if you can’t afford to pay for both of you, say something like: I’d love to pay for your dinner, but my money is fully committed, or I’d love to have dinner with you, but my budget allows for 1 star, not 5 star restaurants.

If you get invited on a ski vacation or to dinner and feel funny accepting the gift from another, say so. Then ask yourself if your friend is offering to pay because they want to spend time with you or because they’re expecting something in return? If you feel weak for accepting their gift, remember that everything is impermanent and you never know, you could be the one treating your friend five years from today. Further, you are letting your friend be generous and generosity is a doorway to happiness. So, you’re both benefiting from this arrangement.

The Best Valentine’s gift to your sweetheart, friend, sibling, colleague? Attention!

As we learned from the movie, Social Dilemma , attention is like a rare and precious gemstone that’s becoming rarer everyday. So, instead of buying the expensive wine or gold necklace, what about doing a meditation (such as the Enough Practice ) to cleanse your mind of distractions so you can show more presence and attention than you’ve ever shared with anyone? Does anything feel as good as the full attention of a friend or lover? It’s the equivalent of the five-carat diamond in our attention deficit world.

Have fun and keep the finances healthy on Valentine’s Day!

Seven New Money Habits That Will Train Your Mind For Success

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Mon, 07 Feb 2022 14:29:59 GMT

Our beliefs shape us. This is particularly true in our financial decisions. If we believe spending money will make us feel better, we’ll spend it—and keep spending if. If we’re constantly anticipating financial disaster, then no amount of money will be enough to make us feel safe. We only challenge ourselves to attempt what we think we can achieve. We settle for less because we think it’s all we deserve.

So what can we do to replace negative ideas about money with positive ones? How do we “retrain” our brains to be prepared for success?

These 7 easy money habits will help you change your thoughts, beliefs, and actions will money:

1. Notice Your Choices

Gain awareness of your money habits. If you need to, ask your partner, spouse, friends: What do my money actions tell you about my approach to money? What changes do you think I should make that would improve my financial standing? People close to us whose opinions we trust can give us invaluable insight, as long as we listen.

2. Develop Proactive Money Practices

One of the best ways to start saving is to save up money for something fun. Instead of using a credit card to instantly purchase the Peloton or new dining table, grab an envelope and stuff it every Sunday with some amount of cash. This trains our brains to delay gratification and also helps us fully appreciate the thingamajig when it does arrive. It starts to decrease the severity of our fantasy thinking: e.g., “I can instantly change my life with an Amazon purchase.” It slows us down and that's a good thing, because we're usually speeding up when money is at issue.

What’s more, if you’re able to save money for something fun, you’ll have proven to yourself that you can save. If you need to put money away for retirement, think about the fun you’ll have later on when you get to enjoy it. The important thing is to start building the money habit.

3. What’s your money mindset?

Ask yourself a question: Do I feel like I am enough? If the answer is “no,” then you’re unintentionally letting yourself fall into a scarcity mindset.

You are enough. You don’t have to have achieved your dreams to be enough. You are enough. Right now. And it’s okay to say it until you believe it.

Why not make a commitment to believing you’re enough as a new year's resolution?

What if your financial success and ease is the result? What if living as if you have enough is the express path to feeling financial freedom?

4. Challenge Your Money Beliefs

Practicing mindfulness is one of the best ways to tune into your financial beliefs. When you’re in a calm and quiet place, allow your thoughts to settle and ask yourself: Who would I be without this _____ belief? Who would I be if I just loosened the grip on this idea? Sit patiently, let go of trying to answer the question with words, and let yourself experience the qualities of your body and mind. Make this a daily or weekly practice to ask yourself either or both of these questions. Stay aware of this belief whenever you're spending, investing or negotiating. I have witnessed profound change in people who do this.

Discovering that these beliefs are limiting your success can be a game-changer. For example, if you have the belief "Money is difficult," it will color everything from how you spend, to your ability to charge fees or ask for a raise, or even invest. A friend of mine once put almost all of his money into a private investment because he thought the only way to overcome the "money is difficult" belief was to bet the farm. My advice for all of us is never (really, never!) to invest more than 5% of your money into any private equity or real estate investment, no matter how confident you feel.

5. Face Your Present, Let Go of Your Past

If you find it difficult to accept impermanence and go along with changes, remember that wisdom often comes when we start to acknowledge what we don’t know and can’t control.

If you need to forgive yourself for past financial mistakes, create a ritual with your spouse, partner, friend to acknowledge all your past money mistakes and regrets. If it feels better, you can write them down, share them with your friend and then safely burn the papers. Often, I've found that clients with millions won't be able to enjoy their money because they are still punishing themselves for an investment they shouldn't have made 20 years ago.

6. Find a Money Ally

One of the best money habits for strengthening your financial connections is to find a money ally. This could be an independent fee-only professional financial advisor or it could be a trusted (maybe not so close) friend. I say not so close because you want to pick someone who isn't biased and can give you objective feedback when you say you want to move to another city, for example. We all benefit from a sounding board. Many of us like to keep money secrets. ‘I won't tell my spouse about this risky investment until it pays off’, or ‘I can’t tell my friends about this house or boat I'm going to buy.’ We don't want to hear their feedback even though it might help us make a better decision. I didn’t have a money ally when I was in my 20's and my broker, at the time, told me that a start-up company had a sure-fire way to clean up oil spills. Maybe an ally would have said, "Sure, go ahead, but given the risk level of any start-up, limit your investment to 5% of your holdings." Today, I'm happy to admit that even though I have 35 years experience as a financial advisor, I still have a financial advisor of my own because there’s no such thing as a sure-fire start-up or investment, and it may be obvious, but we usually need someone else to remind us that when something sounds too good to be true, it is.

7. Develop Your Powers of Generosity

It may seem counter-intuitive… but often the best way to create value in yourself is to give it away to others. The more you give, the more you train your mind to see yourself as having something to give. This is a money habit that benefits everyone.

Share your money, time, resources, creativity, kindness, or anything else of value to others. Studies show that we reap more happiness and more sustained happiness from giving than from receiving. Set up a plan for the New Year: every Sunday evening do an act of service or send a friend or an organization some money.

Once you start implementing these steps, you will notice how your thoughts and reactive patterns begin to loosen. A calm confidence will begin to emerge where anything is possible!

If you’d like more insight into your money beliefs, why not get a free preview of my online course? Your Inner Compass: Financial Wisdom on the Road to Enough helps you unleash your money wisdom and develop tools to create your own financial destiny.

Your Financial Iceberg: Discover Your Hidden Money Beliefs

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Fri, 04 Feb 2022 21:59:47 GMT

Think of your financial life as an iceberg: no matter how conscious you are of income and bills, debts and investments, the submerged part of yourself—your unconscious money beliefs —is much greater still.

In my thirty-five years as a financial advisor, I’ve seen too many people only pay attention to what’s above the waterline, which is limiting because it’s the submerged part that really drives our financial success and ease.

When we understand the depths of our financial lives, we can begin to change any financial situation we find ourselves in.

Let's take a look at the “iceberg” of your financial life:

Your Conscious Money Beliefs: What We See is Only the Beginning

The part above the waterline is the ordinary financial matters that most people think is the cause of their burdens—income, debt, taxes, investments, credit cards, mortgage, and so on.

Much of this relates to spending, which also happens to be the aspect of finances that most people think of when they think of money, including how much they would like to have to spend in the future.

However, spending isn’t just a reflection of material goods. It’s also a reflection of habits.

So while most think spending is the most important aspect of money, it’s only the tip of the iceberg. Because our financial habits are really influenced by everything below.

At the waterline are our proactive money habits , such as savings and retirement plans. While we’re generally conscious of the need to save for the future, many find it difficult. What’s more, most people also think that if they have savings, their financial lives will be taken care of… a done deal… and they won't have to think of worry about money again.

Unconscious Money Beliefs Control Our Financial Decisions

But this way of thinking is perilous as it ignores the influences of everything else below the waterline—such as your money mindset , which is the mental framework for how you think about money.

When we adopt a positive money mindset , we see ourselves as enough, no matter how little we have. In turn, this will put us in the frame of mind needed to make even more money.

However, a negative money mindset always tell us to strive for more, more, more… which, in turn, makes us feel as if we can never be enough no matter how much we have saved in the bank.

Where does your money mentality come from?

Your fixed and frequently unconscious money beliefs .

Beliefs are where we start to understand the influence others have on us and our relationship to money. They're where we can see the lessons we were taught by others when we were young.

In your family of origin, was wealth something to aspire to? Or to eschew at all costs? Did you believe that rich people were happier than you… or that you were destined at birth to be rich or poor?

Beliefs can propel you to success or limit it. And changing your beliefs can change your life.

Creating New Money Beliefs Unleashes Your Financial Wisdom

Your capacity to change something so fundamental about how you see the world will depend on an even deeper part of the iceberg of your financial life: your financial flexibility .

How easy do you find it to go with changes, accept impermanence—and, most of all, forgive yourself if you make a bad financial decision?

While nearly every aspect of money is thought of in individual terms (from the single penny to the dream of personal wealth), money simply cannot be gained without the cooperation of others.

Our connections to others and our ability to discuss money (and make money) with them is what defines the parameters of our financial success.

Being connected to others isn't just how we gain money. It's how we're able to participate in one of the most powerful financial practices around: generosity .

Generosity isn't a last resort or something we should only consider when we’ve reached our dreams. Generosity is one of the few things that has the power to mitigate feelings of anxiety and fear.

It doesn't matter how much you give—the action of giving starts tricking the brain into believing that you have enough, that you're okay, that you can relax. Why? Essentially it’s a trick your mind plays on itself (though a beneficial one). The simple act of giving alerts the brain that you must have something of value… otherwise you would have nothing to give.

Our prosperity quickly suffers if anything is amiss with the “iceberg” of our financial lives.

Unhealthy financial lessons we learned early in life may manifest as destructive autopilot behaviors. Financial inflexibility might make us prone to missing opportunities that could bring us greater wealth. Or a poor money mindset might allow us to succumb to compulsions that hurt our bottom line.

What to Do When your Boss Acts Like a Parent

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Tue, 14 Dec 2021 02:25:42 GMT

Every day, millions of people around the world go to work for a boss who, in some way, resembles a parental figure - and most often the one who taught us our most influential lessons about money, both positive and negative.

“It’s uncanny! My boss has explosive anger just like my Dad’s.”…“The lady I work for nitpicks me exactly like my mother used to.” One woman even worked for a man who wore the same cologne as her self-made millionaire grandfather and elaborated that they were both cold, greedy patriarchal figures who were also both bald and had a penchant for hand-tailored suits.

How do we get ourselves into this type of situation? And most importantly, what can we do to get ourselves out of it?

Why We Repeat the Money Beliefs of Childhood

Our childhood experiences can affect nearly every aspect of our financial decisions—even down to the traits of the person who signs our paychecks.

Psychologists theorize that one of the reasons we work for bosses who resemble a parental figure is because we’re subconsciously repeating the patterns of childhood. These individuals provided for us and there’s safety and what we know. But with that, our early influential figures also ingrained in us many other lessons that were actually damaging (i.e. a helicopter parent teaching their child that micromanaging produces more gains; a time-strapped parental figure passed on the idea that unnecessary pressure is the only way to get results, etc.).

When it comes to money, we tend to operate from the autopilot part of the brain, which is terrible at making distinctions, so we end up learning the bad lessons along with the good. Unless we develop conscious awareness of how our present-day decisions relate to our past influences, we essentially end up repeating unhealthy money behaviors under the false belief that they, along with the good behaviors, will bring us financial rewards.

Those who find themselves in this situation often pay a heavy emotional price, alongside a stagnated income. The boss with traits of a parental figure has the power to make us feel humiliated or ashamed without our fully understanding what we did to deserve it. They easily amplify the judgmental voices in our heads, condemning us for the failure of a project we haven’t even started. And we often feel responsible for this boss’s emotional wellbeing, in addition to the company’s bottom-line. Even if you’re one of the rare people who works well with a boss who resembles a parental figure, the emotional entanglement and resulting distress may make you feel like you can’t quite gain the professional respect - and salary - you know you truly deserve.

What’s interesting is that many of us in this situation are already aware of it . Even if we can’t quite articulate the details of what’s happening on a psychological level, we know the feelings are familiar from when we were helpless children.

Face Your Future Without Anxiety

So, why do so many of us continue to work for a boss who acts like a parental figure? The answer is very simple: We don’t feel like we have control over our financial future.

The persistent feeling that your boss is in control of your financial destiny is one of the worst consequences of being in this kind of toxic relationship. It tends to be more difficult to ask for a raise and even if the conversation does take place - and we get a salary increase - it’s accompanied by the nagging feeling that the new figure doesn’t match what we know we’re worth.

Ask yourself - would really continue to work for your boss if you felt no anxiety over your financial future? And in the case that you would continue to work for them, do you think your professional standing and contributions would increase if you felt more financially independent?

Alleviating fears surrounding your financial future while working for a boss who resembles a parent may seem like an impossible task, but it’s not.

It’s actually how we begin to break the pattern for good.

How do we do this? We make a conscious effort to change the bad beliefs and habits that were ingrained in us from our early money lessons. We become proactive in our relationship with money. We learn to curb impulse spending and live within our means. We become aware of our reactivity to economic and market fluctuations so we can invest calmly and wisely and not out of desperation or fear. We get into a pattern of savings and we begin to believe in our ability to make more money, no matter what situation we currently find ourselves in. All these things are how we begin to take control of our financial future, which is the only way we can prevent ourselves from repeating negative habits we learned at an early age.

Make Money Decisions That Represent Your Beliefs

As we let go of the belief that our financial security is dependent on a boss-like parent, we will either free ourselves up to see new ways to earn income or be released from the emotional insecurities that come with working for them.

Money is important, but something that’s important doesn’t have to be complex. After taxes, you alone get to decide how every single penny of your income is put to use, including how to best put to use any income left over after bills are paid. When you’re free to make money decisions that represent you, not your family or the culture, your money situation changes dramatically.

Of course, it’s unlikely that your life will change overnight, but with a few time-tested methods, you can change your financial life if you are willing to change your habits. Nobody is responsible for their poverty, but we’re all responsible for our wealth. Even people who were born into wealth still have the minimum responsibility of holding onto it, which not all do.

While it may be easier said than done, you must remember that you have it within you to act in productive ways that will create a better financial future for you.

Anybody is capable of changing their financial future.

You don’t have to spend your life hamstrung by financial fear, and you don’t have to spend your days repeating patterns from the past. Doing so is tantamount to letting someone steal your potential and your happiness.

While changing your habits, you may still have to endure a few bad ones from your boss, but devoting yourself to financial independence is the surest way to reclaim your emotional and mental wellbeing and escape all the negative aspects of the boss/parent trap for good.

How to Develop Healthier Money Habits

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Mon, 06 Dec 2021 21:43:08 GMT

We naturally tend to see our physical and financial wellness in terms of goals—”I want to lose 25 pounds!” “I want to save money for a house”. However, what if we’re better off revising this thinking and looking at both as life-long habits?

Both health and finances work the same way: they grow stronger with intention and consistent practice, and studies show how they’re intrinsically connected. Incredibly, 56% of Americans lose sleep over money and around 45% feel symptoms of depression . Ohio State University even discovered that 27% of those who are stressed about debt also had stomach ulcers or other digestive issues , proving that money stress can make some of us physically ill.

However, while it’s easy to find support to improve your physical wellbeing, taking care of your financial health can be a lonely enterprise. Money worries and pains are kept so private we often hide them, even from ourselves. They can induce depression, fear, and insecurity, which lead to avoidance behaviors and keep us trapped in unhealthy coping strategies. How do we talk about something that’s so taboo?

It’s time we became just as conscious of our financial wellness as we are of our health.

Here are three steps to develop healthier money habits:

Start With What You Have

When we want to get in shape, we know we need to start working out before we become fit. So why do so many of us believe it’s necessary to already be financially stable before we can begin to wisely address our finances?

We need to engage with our finances today, regardless of how much or little we have, and not wait for a surprise windfall. Become familiar with the approximate amount you earn and spend each month, how much you have in bank and other accounts, what you owe to each credit card and loan, what health and retirement plan options are available at work. In other words, let's get our heads out of the sand and get familiar with what’s already true about our finances.

You can only ever start with what you have. Whether there’s one dollar or a million, it’s always possible to apply a different mindset to money and improve your financial wellbeing.

For example, too many of us learned early in life that net worth is equated to self-worth. While some may think this mindset is a recipe for success, our happiness (or anxiety) becomes dependent on the ups and downs of the stock market and the economy, and it actually limits how much our self-worth can grow.

Unconsciously, we end up repeating destructive behaviors in adult life that are ingrained in our autopilot thinking. We spend money when we should save, or we invest money impulsively in a risky venture, hoping for a quick gain that may never come.

The important thing is not to put off your journey to financial independence simply because it seems too large to tackle. If you want to make big changes in your life, start with small ones.

Small Gains Add Up

Just as getting in shape requires consistent effort, your finances benefit from daily exercise.

Sessions are effective even if they’re short. Five minutes each day to work on your finances can bring meaningful change. Spending fifteen minutes to meditate on your financial beliefs can result in life-changing insights.

Over time, it’s the small gains that add up to bigger ones.

Remember though, practicing good habits is futile if you’re also practicing bad habits that negate any gains.

This is why meditation is so important. It allows us to become aware of our bad habits and make room for beneficial ones to emerge. Meditation is a workout for the mind where a new perspective can be gained and a new sense of self can be strengthened.

Find a Trusted Friend

When it comes to improving our finances, we often struggle to reach out to others for help. However, just as it’s often easier to stay motivated if you have a workout friend or group, money allies can make the difference between meeting your financial goals or falling short of them.

Having someone to converse with about our financial fears and goals helps us to recognize the internalized beliefs that are keeping us from financial freedom and ease.. Friends can also help us understand that we may be more financially knowledgeable than we realized or they can help us see how our biases are limiting our success.

Even if you have to work solo, it’s possible to get the benefit of seeing our lives through another person’s eyes. Imagine that a friend has your exact financial situation; whatever you would tell your friend to do is exactly what you should start doing.

And don’t forget to be a friend to yourself. Be mindful of negative self-talk. Give yourself permission to believe you have what it takes to improve your wellbeing.

You can learn more about how to develop healthier money habits by checking out the highlights from my webinar at MindwellU, and by clicking here for free resources.

What if Letting Go Creates Financial Success?

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Wed, 10 Nov 2021 02:40:42 GMT

I spent a summer in Maine where I started a 6am public meditation group at the beach. Consistently, very familiar thoughts would visit me: “Stay in bed,” “It’s too early,” “Just five more minutes,” and then, somehow, I would befriend and let go of grasping these early morning thoughts, get vertical, grab my meditation cushion and walk towards the rising sun. (Is there anything more glorious than the sky 30 minutes before sunrise on the Maine coast?)

One, two humans joined me to meditate on most days...then one day seven! The dogs pounced on the beach shortly after we started sitting. Izzy, a puppy, would leap into my meditation lap, testing my equanimity. Willow looked mean, but acted kindly (much like her owner, who threatened to throw rocks at Willow, but their barks were louder than their bites, and he’s the one who created community - he brought enough treats and a cooler filled with water for every dog on the beach).Then there were the half-sisters, Shelby and Berry, tug of warring with a frisbee or rope. Berry always won the playful battle, but one day, Berry got the frisbee and then offered it to Shelby. It was an amazing act of generosity - giving up what Berry most wanted.

So, that got me thinking about my work with money. I’ve been recommending practices that turn us into the skid, that are counterintuitive: Giving money when you have little or think you have little, wishing even more success to someone you envy, resisting the urge to do something when the markets are crashing, feeling the pain of a financial setback rather than acting impulsively, and finding your “Enough”, in this very moment, even when you think that’s impossible.

Well, maybe it’s time for us to build up the letting go muscle. We say to ourselves and others: just let go, just do it, stop worrying, be free. But how do we get there? I find myself, and many of us, holding on. We’re scared of the market crashing, our business or role at work changing for the worse, a health crisis that requires significant money, etc. I humbly admit that I often find myself tightening my grip on worry or the imperative to produce at work. I don’t know if that’s because of my recognition of mortality or that more people are dependent on me, or just that I want to make this world healthier.

In my three decades as a financial advisor, I’ve seen that letting go is the path to becoming more confident, relaxed, and more attuned to our inner selves. Ironically, our brains get the message that if we can let go, we must be ok, we must have enough.

It feels strange to be excited about letting go, but it’s what every spiritual tradition honors. A teacher once said to me, if you want to be a little bit free, let go a little, if you want to be completely free, let go completely.

What if each of us lets go of something we value? Here are some possibilities:

Letting go of checking your portfolio too often or watching the stock market (monitoring the market does way more harm than good!).
Letting go of buying the last “roll of toilet paper” in the store so someone else can have it.
Letting go of the fear of having a courageous money conversation.
Letting go of pursuing the thought: If I had more, I’d be more secure, or If I had ______, I’d be content.
Letting go of the fear of running out of money and doing something proactive instead, like scheduling a session with a professional advisor, or looking at your expenses and seeing how you might reduce them.
Letting go of money by sharing it with a charity or a friend.
Letting go of a possession or maybe even your most coveted possession (your frisbee). If you knew this would advance your growth as a human being and increase your financial security, would you do it?

We are training our brains just like we train our bodies at the gym. Without our kind attention, our brains, like our muscles, revert to their ordinary ways of grasping. That grasping is sourced by fear, and fear is corrosive for our finances and our wellbeing. Letting go is the antidote. Money, fortunately, is an easy tool to help us train. What if we can relax, let go, and realize that our needs will be met? When we are relaxed, we can more easily access the money wisdom ever present within ourselves. We will buy things that are truly aligned with our values, we will make less impulsive investment decisions, and we will stop overstriding and stressing at work. What’s your value at work if you’re less stressed?

I encourage you to have the courage to let go in this next moment. Let go because it’s better for your heart, let go because it’s better for your finances. This is an ongoing practice. Stay with it and soon you will notice that you didn’t do the impulsive thing you used to do with your spending, earning, giving, or investing. Letting go can be the precursor to financial success and profound contentment.

How do you tame envy (the green-eyed monster)?

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Sat, 16 Oct 2021 01:47:25 GMT

What’s the opposite of envy? The answer isn’t immediately obvious to me, but contentment might be the closest thing. My mind has been conditioned for the opposite of contentment—I’m frequently comparing and envying the differences between myself and others. Whether it is clothes, finances, homes, physiques, or mindset–the list is both never-ending and exhausting. Given that I’m often not aware of the habit, it’s hard to imagine my mind without thoughts of comparison or envy.

When I close my eyes and imagine living my life with contentment, it is liberating. My mind feels relaxed, receptive, serene, and tender. While these feelings are positive, I also feel a sense of vulnerability . Who would I be without that habitual comparing mind? It feels permissible to let go of an envious mind while on my meditation cushion, but what about when I’m off the cushion?

The “comparing mind” is universal. You might wonder: Isn’t comparison and envy just a part of being a human being? Doesn’t it give us a sense of where we stand and what’s possible?

In a sense, yes, it does. I have been inspired by others and motivated to copy their benevolent actions , but that is very distinct from using a comparing mind to feel inferior and striving to get what another has or to replicate what another does.

Here’s a litmus test

Do you ever feel envious of someone who seems successful, who seems to be in the flow with living?
Does their success make you feel angst, inferior, or fill you with self-pity and disappointment?
Do you wonder why the light can’t shine a little bit less on them and a little bit more on you?

The Cost of Envy

Now, let’s also look at the cost of envy. You could be feeling great about your life, finances or house but when you become aware of someone else’s, you might suddenly feel inadequate. You might even feel a sense of striving that might be motivated by a need to compete with someone else. Some of my worst feelings of buyer’s remorse came after envying someone else’s purchase. My worst bicycle injuries happened right after striving to ride like someone else.

Oscar Wilde has the quote that’s the antithesis of envy. It says, “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.” I love this quote and wish it had been the mantra I had to recite every day in elementary school. Throughout my life, I felt like I wanted to be someone else. Now when I catch my mind as it starts to compare, I recite the mantra: Be yourself, Spencer, everyone else is already taken.

I could turn envy upside down by wishing wellness to the person I’m envying. Like many mindfulness practices, it’s like turning into the skid—doing what seems like the most counterintuitive thing possible.

And, then someone suggested something radical: I could turn envy upside down by wishing wellness to the person I’m envying . Like many mindfulness practices, it’s like turning into the skid—doing what seems like the most counterintuitive thing possible.

At first, I thought, You gotta be kidding! I’m from NYC and the world is a zero-sum game; if I wish wellness to the person who has it all, there will be less for me. But, I finally got to a point of immense suffering with my envy of a close friend. As he was scoring repeated successes, I was feeling more and more inferior.

I started resenting him, and our friendship flattened, as I became aware of how my comparing mind limited my success and drained my energy. So, I did an experiment. Every day for 30 days, I visualized him and said the following at the end of my meditation:

May your financial success continue to expand.

May your happiness never cease.

May you flourish forever.

Meet Envy with Kindness

What happened at the end of a month? Not much. But I was undeterred. I recommitted myself to feeling the meaning behind the words, not just saying them to check off an item on my to-do list. At about the 6-week mark, I noticed that hearing about his successes no longer upset me. My comparing mind was getting quieter! I began to feel joy when I heard about his wins. This was both a stunning and welcoming revelation. The more he accomplished, the more joy I felt .

As you feel joy upon hearing another’s success (even someone you don’t know), you’re expanding the amount of joy in your life.

While envy is the seed for feeling scarcity and fear, joy is the seed for confidence, fullness and ease. As you feel joy upon hearing another’s success (even someone you don’t know), you’re expanding the amount of joy in your life. It’s a simple idea, but joy is vastly underrated—probably because we can’t imagine feeling it when we are in scarcity, fear, and envy. But joy is an incubator for more joy; like success at work and at home.

The rewards of this sympathetic joy practice are immeasurable. My friendships have deepened and so has my feeling of sufficiency. Now, I have the ability to feel joy when another has something to celebrate, not just when I experience success. It’s the most liberating thing I’ve ever done, and it’s worth it.

So, I encourage you to do what might feel awkward: try the above practice with someone with whom your mind compares or envies. Do it for 30 days, but keep going if it takes longer. Step into the possibility of living your own life without a sense of comparison or envy. Let your mindfulness practice help you— use your awareness and compassion to guide you to freedom and contentment.

Also published in Mindful Magazine : A Mindful Way to Ease Your Envy

Our Fixed Beliefs Cost Us $23 Trillion

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Tue, 05 Oct 2021 18:19:15 GMT

Our thoughts and our beliefs are the most powerful forces in our lives. They drive our behavior, especially with money. As you may know, I grew up with a belief (aka bias) that money is the most important thing in the world; my allegiance to that belief led me to disregard my own well-being in the pursuit of accumulating money. My current work is about helping us wake up to our money conditioning so that we can experience more freedom and engagement with our finances. It has been gratifying for me to see both the minds and finances of myself and many others transform just from recognizing one autopilot thought or behavior.

Recently, I was excited to read a Brookings Institution economic study confirming that biases don’t just affect us on a personal level, but on a national and even global level. In other words, our thoughts have big consequences. In this example, our racial biases have cost the US as a nation $23 trillion since 1990. That’s the annual equivalent of 3.5% of our total economic output, a very significant number. *

Because of our racial biases, many of us believe that people of color require more years of experience and educational degrees than white job candidates. The impact is that our racial biases have underutilized or left on the sidelines the talents of millions of people. The result is lower prosperity, not just for those affected, but for everyone .

Bias is costly. If we can transform our thoughts, imagine what is possible for us individually, nationally, and globally. Ask yourself, “What are my money beliefs? How are these beliefs impacting my choices (and outcomes) in life? How are my biases creating stress or not serving me financially?”

When we internalize a belief like “I’m not good with money,” or “Girls aren’t good with money,” we can see how we hold ourselves back. However, when we become aware of and challenge our biases, we can fulfill our potential and thereby benefit ourselves, our families, and society at large.

*Recent economic studies from McKinsey & Co. and Citigroup have come to similar conclusions.

Mindfulness teacher training with The Path

spencer@spencer-sherman.com (Spencer Sherman) — Fri, 03 Sep 2021 20:58:12 GMT

Dina Kaplan created an organization called Mela that creates gatherings and meditation retreats for business leaders to help them bring the benefits of mindfulness to the corporate world.

In addition to offering retreats for business leaders, she also has a mindfulness teacher training starting soon. You can register for it here: https://www.thepath.com/teacher

The Inner MBA Program

Thu, 12 Aug 2021 17:51:00 GMT

I am honored to join mindful luminaries such as Jack Kornfield, Eileen Fisher, and Tara Brach in the teaching of the Inner MBA program from Sounds True and NYU. This is a nine-month certificate course designed for conscious business professionals who want to powerfully and mindfully grow themselves and their companies. Do you want to level up in your career or find a position that is more suited to your true passions, gifts, and vision?

In the Inner MBA, I offer a special interactive module called the Inner Mastery of Money. In it, I reveal how to best bring mindfulness and emotional intelligence to money to be more successful, effective, and happy in the business world. Before we can earn, spend, invest, save, and give wisely, we need to become mindful of our emotions and fixed money beliefs. We can learn to liberate these fixed beliefs to discover freedom with money, regardless of how much or how little we have.

The Inner MBA is taught by a group of prestigious faculty and partnered with MindfulNYU, LinkedIn, Sounds True, and Wisdom 2.0. At the end of the nine-month program, participants receive a certificate of completion from New York University’s MindfulNYU. You can learn directly from the leading socially conscious professionals, including: ⁠

⁠

▪️ Rose Marcario, CEO of Patagonia (Obama-honored “Champion For Change”)⁠

▪️ Eileen Fisher, Co-CEO of Eileen Fisher, Inc (disrupting the fashion industry for good!)⁠

▪️ Karen May, Vice President of People Development at Google⁠

▪️ Scott Shute, LinkedIn (bringing compassion into the workplace)⁠

▪️ Jack Kornfield, Buddhist Meditation Teacher (pioneer of Buddhism in the West)⁠

▪️ Tara Brach, Author and World-Renowned Meditation Teacher (her mindfulness podcast has millions of downloads)⁠

I am honored to be involved and would love for you to join us.⁠

The Inner MBA program starts on September 18, so apply today at bit.ly/InnerMBA-SoundsTrue

How Can We Have Enough Time & Money?

Fri, 23 Apr 2021 15:56:27 GMT

For those of us who can afford life’s basic necessities, we have this tendency with money to say we don't have enough or we need more. It's pervasive, even for those who have millions or billions of dollars…there's this sense of not having enough.

When somebody asked the world's first billionaire, John Rockefeller, in 1916, “How much is enough?” he said, “Just a little bit more.” I think in some way he was warning us that we’re oriented towards wanting more of almost everything. That might explain our sense of scarcity with money and time.

So how can we reverse this sense of scarcity?

What I have found helpful is to start telling my friends that I'm feeling spacious. Sometimes it's true, sometimes it's not totally true, but I want to counter this cultural tendency to say, “I'm swamped” or “I’m too busy.” Saying I'm swamped used to be my M.O., almost like a badge of honor. In contrast, when I say, “I’m spacious,” it compels me to create a less cluttered calendar, and it trains my brain towards ease and sufficiency.

My friend Abri had similar challenges with time and money – she exhausted herself in the corporate world pursuing money. Then she saw money as the root of all evil and forswore it. Now, she is in a place of integration, where she can earn money while feeling a sense of spaciousness in her life.

The more she opened up to that sense of having ease and enough, the more opportunities flowed into her life.

One of the keys to “enough” is to shift our mindset from “How do I get money?” to “How do I bring my gifts to the world?” For a moment, close your eyes and feel how these two questions resonate differently in your mind and body. Which of these questions will bring you abundance and freedom?

A Meditation for Enough

Tue, 06 Apr 2021 16:02:28 GMT

We recently discussed the power of enough. I hope we can continue to embrace this liberating idea – that it is possible to be present in this moment and be content with what we have.

But wait, thinking about the future is so compelling. I'll be the first to admit, sometimes I don't even realize that I'm no longer in the present moment. We are so often worried about what might happen or what did happen.

To help ease and dissolve these anxieties and distractions, I want to present to you a meditation to embrace "Enough" in this present moment. Click the video below to join me.

For more tips & insights, join my newsletter by clicking here .

The G-P-S Method: Give, Pay, Save

Wed, 31 Mar 2021 16:22:15 GMT

My work is recognizing that financial success is an inside job. In other words, success is more about resolving our emotions and fixed beliefs than it is about acquiring more financial knowledge and expertise. Often, what I'm recommending is counter-intuitive. My recommendations for addressing challenges with debt might surprise you.

The first step in addressing debt is to recognize you are not alone . Often we think that it's just me that has this money challenge. But no, so many of us experience challenge in this area. However, in community, we can gain the confidence and support we need to tackle this challenge. Recognizing that you're not alone takes away a lot of the shame of being in debt.

The second step is to start giving as a way of reversing the energy of debt . Ask friends if they need help and offer your time and resources. You might also volunteer at a soup kitchen or a shelter. The key here is that no matter how much debt you have, you're continuing to give and even save money while you're reducing your debt.

The third step is G-P-S:

Give at least a dollar a day to your favorite charity.
Pay at least a dollar a day to one of your debts.
Save at least a dollar a day into a retirement or savings plan.

Practically speaking , it may be simpler to give (pay or save) $30 a month than to give a dollar a day. Do this for a month, and you might start to see changes in your relationship to your debt. You are actually altering the neural pathways of your brain. Over many months, this will rewire and retrain your thinking, and then anything is possible... including a whole new relationship with money.

3 Mindfulness Practices that Change How We Relate to Money

Thu, 04 Mar 2021 16:15:08 GMT

When we're facing financial challenges, our thoughts often amplify our anxiety. With almost every challenge, the thoughts about the challenge cause more stress than the challenge itself.

Here are three practices to lessen our anxiety so that we can take wise action.

1. Take on a gratitude practice

Take a moment and write down three things you already have that you're thankful for, and three things that happened yesterday or today that brought joy. Do this each day for this week. When we appreciate what we have, our negative thoughts about any financial problem become quieter.

2. Let fear enter and exit your body

Sit quietly and inhale, and imagine fear entering your body. Then as you exhale, imagine something positive flowing out to your friends and family. I often breathe in the fear of scarcity and breathe out a sense of abundance. Try this for 1-3 minutes each day this week, and you might start noticing that the fear transforms into confidence.

3. Embrace how much bigger your self-worth is than your net worth

Reflect for a minute on the difference between your net worth and self-worth. Your self-worth is way beyond your net worth; it includes your earning potential, your skills, your health, and the value of all the ways you help others and make a difference. There will never be another person with your set of gifts – so share your gifts frequently! Who you are is infinitely more valuable than what you have.

You can lower financial stress with just these three mindful practices. You don’t need to change your outer life, or earn/save more money, or even become a better version of yourself – you just need to give yourself a few minutes a day.

The Texas Weather Crisis and UPOD

Fri, 26 Feb 2021 16:05:21 GMT

The Texas utility companies and the Public Utility Commission of Texas would benefit from learning UPOD: Under-Promise, Over-Deliver . It’s a key idea in the business world to lower expectations and then outperform your promise. If you tell your customers and clients that something is going to take a week to complete, but then deliver it in a few days, you will rise in their estimation.

In regard to Texas, for future energy shortages and weather crises, I would recommend that the authorities tell people that they will likely be without power for a week, if the authorities think it’s only going to be a couple days. Then the authorities can tell people, “Oh, surprise! We are turning on the power early.” And instead of griping about thwarted expectations, customers will be delighted.

Recently in Texas, officials told the public there would be temporary outages and rolling blackouts. Instead, there were complete blackouts and shortages of power for multiple days, preventing people from making proper plans to find alternate shelter. Similarly, when I’ve been in an airport and am told there’s a three-hour delay, and that delay gets reduced to two hours, I’m happy. When they tell me it’s a one-hour delay and it increases to a two-hour delay, I’m upset. I know the reasons behind the Texas energy failure are complicated, and I'm not suggesting that I have any energy solutions. I'm only suggesting that managing expectations is an important ingredient in responding to an energy crisis or even to a financial crisis.

Expectations drive success. When people have unrealistic expectations of the stock market, it leads to impulsive and unwise decision-making. For example, our expectation should be that there will be big downturns almost every year. Why? Because there are. Knowing this can reduce anxiety and keep us from selling our investments at the bottom. Likewise, in our jobs, we can be much more successful if we inflate how much time something will take to complete.

UPOD – Under-Promise, Over-Deliver is great for all expectations. When we recognize the long history of the markets delivering excellent returns, despite many negative years, we can relax and see any downturn as a normal movement of the markets. Expect significant downturns in your portfolio every year (Under-Promise) and you will be less likely to exit the market at the wrong time. Once the market rebounds, you will benefit from Over-Deliver.