"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see." 

–Henry David Thoreau

Have you ever assumed something that you later discovered wasn't true? Maybe you thought someone was losing confidence in your work or no longer liked you, or you thought the sky was falling (or about to fall) with your finances. (See if you can recall something right now.)

Recently, I was having lunch with 3 work colleagues and I noticed that when everyone else spoke, one colleague (let’s call her Allison) listened fully. But when I spoke, Allison was thumb typing on her phone. Instantly, my insides were burning with emotion: my forehead creased with anger, and my belly tightened with fear. My mind was churning: "she doesn't like me"... "she doesn't care about what I have to say"... "maybe I don't have anything worthwhile to say"… "maybe she’s trying to tell me to talk less"... and so on.

I made the decision to just push away the feelings but I didn’t sleep well that night. Then I remembered a fundamental truth from Buddhist psychology - our perceptions are biased by our beliefs, and don’t offer the complete picture. That recognition motivated me to give her a call. When I told her what I had perceived, she laughed. "I was typing into my phone because I loved what you were saying!" she said.

These perception patterns can show up at work, at home, and especially with money. Perhaps you see your portfolio or bank account decrease and assume you’re heading for financial ruin. Or a delayed response to your email or text sends you into panic mode. 

This is, unfortunately, the nature of our minds: to misperceive, especially in the negative direction. Ultimately our minds are trying to protect us from harm, however, in doing so they often jump to something very bleak and untrue.

But here's the opportunity. If you can identify examples like this in your own life, and look at them objectively, you begin to soften your allegiance to your thoughts and judgments. Pausing to investigate perceptions that trigger blame or shame cultivates ease in your mind and body. This ease naturally leads to less impulsive decisions (i.e. you’re less likely to shut out a colleague and hurt your career because of an unexamined perception).

Here are 3 ways to pause and investigate: 

1. Reflect on your misperceptions – choose an example from work, with a friend, and one with money. Spend a few minutes each day this week recalling these moments. When we remember our past blind spots, we get better at catching them going forward. Plus, you'll probably laugh, like I have, at how off-base you’ve been on many occasions.
2. Focus on your feelings. Instead of replaying the "story" of what happened, recall what you felt in your body. This takes practice, but it's transformative. Rather than analyzing who said what at the staff meeting, tune into the physical sensations and emotions you experienced during it.
3. Ask: "What would I tell a friend?" If a friend had this same misperception, what would you say to them? This question instantly brings out your objectivity and wisdom.

We can train our minds to recognize our misperceptions, just like we can train our bodies at the gym.

I created The Reset Retreat twelve years ago because I wanted a less reactive mind, and I have since helped thousands of others do the same. If you're tired of being hijacked by your worries or anxieties - if you want to learn ways to reset your nervous system, and respond to challenges with wisdom instead of reactivity, come experience this transformative work with me.