Have you ever felt good after spending time being envious of someone else? I haven’t. Envy makes us feel worse, especially when we’re envious of another person’s material success.

Envy focuses our attention on our perceived shortcomings or weaknesses and leads us to reach for new standards or goals that are often unfair or unrealistic. This frequently produces feelings of inadequacy, which can spiral out of control and result in a negative cycle of self-criticism, low self-esteem, and unproductive behaviors.

When we’re feeling the effects of these negative cycles, we often get frustrated and impatient, which can lead us to make rash decisions like making a risky investment or spending beyond our means. Nearly every area of our lives can be affected when we’re constantly in a state of envy - our health, our relationship, and especially our bank accounts.

It's important that we create a supportive and empathetic environment around issues as emotionally complex as money envy, so that we feel empowered to improve our financial situation without fear of judgment or shame.

We can start by taking a compassionate attitude towards ourselves, and practicing these three proactive steps to help calm money envy:

1. Become Aware of the Comparing Mind

Envy is a product of the comparing mind, and when we develop awareness of our comparing minds, we can gain a clearer sense of our own patterns of thought and better understand the feelings they generate within us.

Recognizing when we’re slipping into an envious state can help us take the proactive steps needed to manage our thoughts and emotions more effectively.

For example, if we learn that a colleague gets something we wanted such as a promotion or a new car, then becoming aware of our comparing minds can help us gain a clearer sense of when we’ve been swept away by insecurity or dissatisfaction, or are trying to ignore the emotion/rationalize the emotion away. This can lead to us find productive ways to manage the undercurrents of our thoughts (ex. meditation, journaling, talking to a friend, or undergoing financial training with Fearless Finance University!).

Becoming aware of our comparing minds makes it easier to see what’s actually happening within us and detach from the emotional grip we find ourselves in when it comes to money envy.

2. Experience the bodily sensations felt during comparisons

Envy creates a distorted perception of reality that hinders our personal growth. Unfortunately, we rarely realize this in the moment and instead believe that our comparisons are based on reality.

We can reconnect with reality by giving ourselves the time and space to experience the bodily sensations we feel when we’re in a state of envy or are comparing ourselves to others. This helps us shift our thoughts away from the story we’re telling ourselves about how we’re affected by the material success of someone else, and ground ourselves in our own real, physical experience that’s taking place in the moment.

For example, whenever I feel envious, there’s a tightening in my forehead. As I allow myself to experience the feeling, I shift focus from my comparing mind and the story it’s telling me, to the actual, bodily sensation it produces. This helps me disengage from the story and realize it’s nothing more than a story.

3. Practice Generosity

It may sound counter-intuitive, but generosity is a powerful way to create distance between you and the negative effects of envy, especially when financial matters are involved.

How does it work? It’s simple - next time you're feeling envious of someone else’s material success, try wishing them even more success, in all ways possible. At first, it’ll feel strange, but then it'll feel better.

I started doing this after I learned about a colleague doing incredibly well. It took some time for it to work, but after about 6 weeks, I started to feel the negative feelings diminish, my comparing mind calm, and the negative effects of envy decrease.

I encourage you to try it! Wish well to whomever you’re comparing yourself. Try saying, “I wish you even more success. May your happiness continue and increase.”

Awareness of the comparing mind, bodily felt sensations, and generosity are three ways to calm money envy. Doing so places our focus on the present moment, rather than dwelling in the past or worrying about the future.

When we focus on the present, we may realize that our past experiences, including our successes and failures, aren’t relevant to our current situation. And instead of comparing ourselves to anyone else - even past or future versions of ourselves - we can begin to focus on our current goals and aspirations, especially those that place us in better financial situations.

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Updates below from the Fearless Finance team at Spencer-Sherman.com

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