Money shame…it happens to all of us.

Some feel it after overspending, and others sense it from feeling like they don’t earn enough, or because they don’t feel like they’re where they feel they should be in life. However, this money shame is often rooted in one fixed belief - that we don’t, and might never, have enough.

Because it’s painful to talk about our money shame, we tend to fall back on learned patterns of behavior.

To make matters worse, our culture tells us we are not ok as we are; we have to keep spending in order to get to the summit, but we never arrive. Advertisers reward us for our attention with discounts. We get bonuses for listening to more audiobooks. Buying groceries in bulk is a lot cheaper than buying them at reasonable quantities of consumption.

The allure of spending is a trap that has us believing that we’ll finally feel enough if we buy one more precious thing. 

Often when we feel shame, we blame ourselves or others and that creates even more reactive behavior with our finances.

The worst part is that there seem to be very few options out there that break the cycle, especially once we repeatedly judge and blame ourselves.

Here are the 4 steps to take the sting out of difficult money feelings: As you implement these into habits, shame will begin to decrease, and you’ll be able to move your finances forward.

1. Instead of thinking about how much your action or inaction cost you, notice the sensations in your body. This takes some practice, but it focuses your attention away from the "story."
2. Recognize that your money feelings are universal. We often default to assuming that our money challenges are uniquely ours because money is so taboo that we don't talk about it. We tend to believe that our money shame is worse than what other people experience. Once you recognize that your shame is universal, that others in the world are going through something very similar right now, the pain will begin to dissipate.
   
3. Think of the kindest person in your life and pretend to be that person for a few minutes. What would this super-kind person be saying to you? Say these things to yourself. This sounds corny, but there's science supporting that it works.
   
4. Find a trusted friend or money ally and start sharing the truth of your shame or challenging money feeling. Difficult feelings linger when we keep them to ourselves and we live in a culture where it's often not acceptable (or safe) to discuss anything money-related. But when you share with someone you trust, you will likely notice that the backpack of money shame becomes lighter.

Our inherited money beliefs became ingrained in our neural pathways, which is why it’s so difficult to realize that they’re driving a lot of our unproductive behaviors. However, if we can uncover and befriend these beliefs, we gain the perspective to act differently. 

For example, a pernicious money belief is “there’s something wrong with me because I still have credit debt or I still don’t have retirement savings." As we examine our fixed money beliefs, we begin to recognize that we are judging ourselves instead of judging our behavior. Shame comes from judging ourselves and it’s shame that is one of the biggest barriers to our financial success. 

          Realize you are, and always will be, enough as you are

If there’s one thing that starts to free us from the cycle of shame, it would be to realize that you are, and always will be, enough as you are.

Why?

When we begin a regular practice of cultivating an Enough mindset, we begin to recognize our abundance of internal resources: our intelligence, creativity, sense of humor, ability to see new perspectives, etc. Shame dissipates when we gain this clarity. These inner resources are the bridge to us building material wealth as well.

With less money shame, we tend to focus much less on comparing ourselves to others and this further supports the decrease in shame and increase in our financial wellness. We start choosing, based on our own values, what to buy, how to earn, how to save, etc. 

Of course, realizing we’re enough is easier said than done. Our culture, unfortunately, reminds us all too often that more is better. 

This is one of the reasons why all of us can benefit from training our mind to cultivate the qualities that will lead to financial freedom and success.