I recently returned from a silent meditation retreat in the wilderness. It was so remote that we had to walk 9 miles just to reach the retreat center. Why spend 8 days in silence, without technology? The experience is about gaining awareness of what arises in the mind, with less of the internal and external “noise” that often directs our lives and clouds our perceptions.

The purpose of any meditation retreat is to lessen our reactivity to our thoughts so we no longer helplessly ping-pong from feeling great to feeling scared, self-critical, numb, sad, or worried. Rather than trying to avoid life's inevitable storms (financial or otherwise), it's about finding peace amidst them.

There’s a term from Buddhism that perfectly captures this idea: Equanimity.

When we're experiencing Equanimity we're at peace with our work and personal lives as they are. Often our mental chatter leads us to unhelpful comparisons, envy, self-judgment, and impulsive reactions. Equanimity serves as the antidote to these tendencies.

On the second morning of the silent retreat, I was sitting on the ground, away from the other retreat participants, and sensing a profound contentment, a oneness with the natural world. This is a serenity that felt new to me. Yet, within minutes, my mind began imagining a mountain lion attacking me from behind. 15 minutes later, I had mentally crafted three different self-preservation scenarios. My heart was racing at over 100 beats per minute, and I was feeling the opposite of equanimity.

The cost of a reactive mind is significant:

• We react, even silently, to what people are saying instead of truly listening, which hinders communication, connection, and success;
• We stir-up unnecessary chaos in the mind and that stifles our creativity, tranquility, and vigor;
• It causes us to do things we regret, from ill-timed investment decisions, to unnecessary purchases, to saying something we didn’t intend to say.; and
• It encourages us to live in a state of hyper-vigilance (like when we’re white knuckling the steering wheel or imagining extremely unlikely scenarios for our finances/lives).

Eventually, I realized that I was the sole architect of my own suffering. And I remembered what Mark Twain said, “I have spent most of my life worrying about things that never happened.” This was the wake-up call I needed; I went from feeling paranoid about a mountain lion to feeling a resolve to do the meditation practices that cultivate the quality of equanimity.

If any of these or other reactive tendencies are familiar to you, here’s a simple practice to help you cultivate equanimity:

• Write down 1 worry you had a year ago that never materialized.
• Next, close your eyes and bring to mind 1 current worry.
• Now, imagine thousands of others, around the world, also doing this exercise. Everyone has worries. You’re not alone.
• Focus on the headline of your worry (without getting involved with the “story”). Say to yourself, “I hear the worry about [headline]. Thank you for alerting me. I'll get back to you." Say "I'll get back to you" with a gentle smile.
• Take three deep, slow breaths and open your eyes.
• Then engage in a nourishing activity: walk outside, read, call a friend, etc.

Remember, as we befriend a worry, the intensity of the worry often diminishes, as does our overall reactivity - even if that worry never fully disappears.