I was driving to a Feldenkrais appointment (a kind of bodywork that uses the breath and movement to train the nervous system to let go of worry and relax) when Google Maps flipped my arrival time from a few minutes early to a few minutes late.

Suddenly, my shoulders tensed and got closer to my ears, my hands gripped the steering wheel more firmly, and my torso pitched forward. My mind went into “Monday morning quarterback” mode, analyzing why I hadn't left earlier; and then wondering if I should call ahead, while wishing the lights would change to green faster. The irony wasn't lost on me: I was increasing the tension in my mind and body while on the way to an appointment whose entire purpose was decreasing that tension.

After I walked in, I heard the practitioner say something about the session’s goal; I don’t remember what he said because I was focused on the recirculating thoughts of why I was late. And as he worked to bring me into a relaxed state, I continued to feel revved up. My body had arrived but my mind was still somewhere on the freeway. It took 10-15 minutes for me to fully settle.

Racing Thoughts, Missed Moments

I see this play out in client meetings too. When someone arrives rushed, the conversation takes longer to find its footing. They're often slower to ask the questions that actually matter, and quicker to drift toward easier topics or small talk. The real work of the meeting has to wait for the mind to sync up with the body.

Most of us know this feeling of sitting down with someone and noticing that one of us is still somewhere else, mentally finishing a prior conversation or already rehearsing the next one. Something important usually goes unasked, unheard, unnoticed.

But when you actually arrive and the tension drops away, the mind goes quiet and the conversation finds its depth. The other person feels it when you're truly with them; there's a sense of safety that opens up, and when people feel safe, they share more. Research on team effectiveness in the workplace finds that this kind of safety is one of the strongest predictors of team success.

One Thing to Try This Week

Add a buffer before your most important appointments or conversations. Schedule meetings for 50-minutes instead of an hour so you have ten minutes between them. Arrive at the office 10 minutes before your first call. Or simply sit in your car for two minutes before you walk in.

In those minutes, feel your breath. Notice your feet on the floor. Ask yourself: What qualities do I want to bring into this upcoming conversation? Curiosity, compassion, calm?

You don't need to be a meditator to do this. You just need to notice the difference between showing up fully and showing up in your body while your mind is still catching up. That difference, once felt, offers its own teaching.