Our November 2023 Mindful Advisor retreat was centered around a transformative theme: Letting Go of Identity and Tapping into Authenticity Beyond our Professional Role. I want to give you a taste of what happened at the retreat and how its insights can benefit you, even if you weren’t there.

(Click here to learn about the next Mindful Advisor program in February 2024!)

After 5,10, 20, 30+ years in a professional role, it’s common to view ourselves narrowly through the lens of our job titles, as an attorney, a financial advisor, a coach, or an accountant. Without realizing it, we may have allowed others and ourselves to cement these narrow identities, thereby shrinking the aperture of our fullness. At our retreat, we engaged in several exercises designed to break these molds.

A Deep Dive Into Identity

First we broke into pairs, for 8 seemingly long minutes, where one person repeatedly asked the other: What’s an identity you see in yourself? The other person briefly answered, then the question was asked again, up to 25 times over the course of the 8 minutes. This exercise made us keenly aware of two things:

1) how we hide some of our most beneficial identities, from our clients, and ourselves; and

2) how softening our allegiance to our identities led to a sublime, resilient confidence that felt independent of our professional roles.

At the end of the exercise, we enjoyed a few minutes of silence, allowing ourselves to feel the expansiveness of our true selves, untethered from our professional, cultural, and familial identities. We all imagined bringing this spacious feeling, at the end of the exercise, to our client meetings. The value of confidence is priceless.

Imagine this: what if, underneath the hats you wear, there is a person who’s more creative, multi-dimensional, and capable than you realize? 

Try this exercise yourself: Find a partner and take turns asking each other about your identities for 8 minutes. For it to work well, keep the energy super high, and keep asking the question even if one of you has no answer for a round. I hope you discover that you’re so much greater than the sum of your roles. It’s also revealing to repeat the exercise with people from different circles of your life and notice whether your responses change.

Learning Through Listening

We then formed teams of four in which each person had the undivided attention of three others who committed to not offering advice. Instead, the role of the three listeners was to ask catalytic questions to help the speaker realize and bring their hidden identities to light. Here are some examples of what came up: 

• One person no longer wanted her staff to see her as the automatic go-to problem-solver. As the three listeners on her team affirmed what she said and asked curious questions, she had the sudden realization that she herself has created this identity and she has a lot to gain from dissolving it.
• Another person recognized that living, even for brief periods of time, in other countries has generated a lot of joy and success in her life. Now that her kids are older, she has the resolve to bring back these cross-cultural immersive experiences.
• Someone else shared how his identity as an extrovert led him to neglect his yearning for alone time.
• Another realized that her identity and skills as a host in her personal life could be channeled into her business.
• Someone else realized that their mind is invigorated from stepping out of routine, and more fully embracing a playful / spontaneous identity – in this case by doing a sunset group bike ride (with glowing pumpkins on their helmets!).

Sometimes a great entrepreneurial idea can even come from identity. One person at the retreat realized that their “I'm not good w/money” identity led them to start a service that makes personal finance as easy as maintaining your car.

The common threads that made these sounding boards successful were:

1. curious questions
2. validation of the person’s responses, and 
3. a deep recognition that the speaker knows their situation best 

As professionals, we may overlook or undervalue the inherent wisdom of our clients and we all realized that, in softening our own rigid perceptions of identity, we are more likely to see our clients and staff more expansively.

The Power of Informal Interactions

Our retreat consisted of more than structured exercises. We also had social time while hiking the outrageously beautiful Marin Headlands trails overlooking the Pacific Ocean, and during  meals. We practiced listening to and seeing each other beyond our identities. Many of these informal conversations produced valuable insights into the inner resources that we’ve each overlooked.  

The theme for the next Mindful Advisor Retreat will be: Grow Your Client Base and Deepen Relationships. At the heart of our professional journey is the impact we have on our clients. Two key parts of that are attracting and engaging with only the clients that will flourish with you, and also cultivating an atmosphere that invites your clients to share their deepest fears and aspirations. During the retreat, scheduled for February 21-22, 2024 we will focus on attracting and retaining the right clients. We’ll also discover how simple emotional intelligence and mindfulness practices can help us do this.

I look forward to seeing you there. If you can’t make the February program, email spencer@abacuswealth.com and I’ll send you an invite for May.