Discussing money can sometimes be as thorny as addressing religion or politics. Have you ever felt a pang in your gut when the need for a money talk pops up? Many of us have been told from a young age that talking about money — whether it’s sharing the good news about a bonus or admitting to debt — is a no-no. But avoiding this topic can actually end up costing us in the long run.

A Courageous Money Conversation (CMC) is any conversation about money with a spouse, friend, parent, adult-child, boss, colleague, client, or sibling that we’re apprehensive about. It could be something like:

• Telling your spouse/business partner that you want to spend more/less money.
• Asking your boss for a raise or informing your clients about a fee increase.
• Suggesting to a friend that you eat at a less expensive restaurant.
• Raising your concern that your parents are overspending.
• Setting financial expectations with college-bound children.
• Asking a sibling to help financially support your parents.
• Asking questions about contractual obligations or significant purchases, even though you ultimately trust the other party.
• Addressing concerns about dishonest financial activities within the family business. 

(The last point was drawn from my own experience. My father's reluctance to address a financial dispute within the family business led to years of stress and severed family ties.)

How to have a productive Courageous Money Conversation

While there’s no guarantee a conversation like this will go well, the following strategies can enhance the effectiveness of your CMC and give you the confidence to get the conversation started:

• Know Your “Why”: Begin by outlining an intention that offers mutual benefits.
• Weigh It Out: What happens if you do have the talk? And if you don't?
• Consider the Timing: Try to identify an opportune moment when all parties are likely to be receptive and unencumbered.
• Pick the Right Spot: Public settings can help moderate emotional intensity.
• Kick Off on a Good Note: Start with your intention and share something you appreciate about the other person.
• Listen Deeply: Share feelings, listen actively, and foster a reciprocal exchange.
• Brainstorm Together: Offer potential solutions, and invite others to do the same.
• Be Ready to Compromise: Aim to find a middle ground, and focus on collaborative next steps, ensuring they're realistic and actionable.

Sometimes I find that just thinking through these points will reveal that the situation doesn’t warrant having a CMC. But more often than not, it's prudent to break the silence and move past our cultural and familial conditioning toward affirmative action. And while CMCs come with inherent risks, I've discovered that the risks associated with not speaking up tend to be far more significant, leading to feelings of resentment, or even worse, contempt.

Drawing from personal experience, I can attest to the profound impact of having a courageous money conversation. A CMC with a close relative brought to light past family financial indiscretions, mending decades of strained relations. If I can navigate such a deeply personal CMC, so can you! Let's disrupt unhelpful patterns, and break our silence around money. It can all start with a simple chat.

If you're ready to make your money conversations a little easier and a lot less scary, Your Inner Compass, my 5-week self-paced course, guides you from money fear and avoidance to financial calm, clarity, and confidence.
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